Saturday 29 July 2017

WCW Spring Stampede 2000 Review

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Hello and welcome to another edition of Seanomaniac Wrestling Reviews!, where everyone wants Samoa Joe vs Brock Lesnar 2! It is time for WCW’s Spring Stampede 2000, WCW had reset with Bischoff and Russo in charge over Kevin Sullivan. On the surface, it made sense having the man who seemingly created The Attitude Era and Bischoff who made WCW great in the late 90s. No champions, all championships are up for grabs the main feud going forward is old school vs new school. The Millionaire’s Club against The New Blood. WCW’s chance to fight back against the WWF who are dominating under The Rock and Triple H. Will this be a hit? Let’s find out!

Opening Promo

An actual good promo package focusing on Russo’s war with Ric Flair and Bischoff’s war against Hogan. New Blood and Millionaire’s Club battling it out, the first thing that pisses me off is Jeff Jarrett is battling for the world championship when we have the likes of Sting and Scott Steiner battling for The United States Championship.

(WCW Tag Team Championship Tournament Match) The Mamalukes W/ Disco Inferno vs Team Package W/ Elizabeth

I have been digging the Mamalukes as the pay per views have passed, their gimmick amuses me greatly. Anyways, we have the older spotlight seekers Luger and Flair as the babyfaces in this match which I am sure made sense to everyone watching the show. Also, Flair is in street clothes because it is meant to be a street fight. I would like to think Flair just did not give a fuck anymore, the mullet had to go too. Before the match even begins, we see Russo and his baseball bat, Russo calls the match unfair and The Harris Brothers are added to the match, it is now four on two.

The heels attack Team Package, The Mamalukes rough up Flair while The Harris Brothers dominate Luger. Luger and Flair begin chopping and clotheslining the jabronis that are sharing the ring with them. Back suplex on Stamboli, Figure Four on Stamboli. Flair stops and eats a superkick from Vito, spinning back elbow by Vito. Double big boot by The Harris Brothers, corner clothesline by Ron. Here is Don, Don stomps Flair. Flair elbows Don, Don yanks Flair off the top rope. Tag to Ron, Flair dodges. Luger tags in, referee misses the tag. Four on one beatdown on Flair, Disco sends Luger into the ringpost.

Elizabeth decks Disco, Stamboli kicks Flair. Disco is kicked out of the arena, The Harris Brothers attack The Mamalukes. Luger gets the hot-tag, clotheslines for everyone. Vito gets nailed in the stomach, Stamboli and Luger remain. Diving clothesline by Stamboli, two for Stamboli. Luger sends Stamboli into Vito, Torture Rack by Luger and Stamoli submits.

Eh, not my idea of a hot opening match. Flair was fun while in the ring but the action was pretty shit. Commentators never picked up The Mamalukes brawling with The Harris Brothers, that did not even play into the finish. And why was Flair in a shirt and jeans? Fuck this opening match hahahaha.

Winners: Team Package over The Mamalukes/The Harris Brothers via Torture Rack!

Mike Awesome & Bam Bam Bigelow

Awesome talks about beating the piss out of Ernest Miller, Bigelow interrupts for God knows why and Awesome beats the piss out of Bigelow. To be fair, Awesome had quite the hype coming from ECW, let us see how they use him for this US tournament.

ManCow vs Jimmy Hart

Mancow was a local radio DJ, Hart attacked ManCow. We have this match, Mancow comes down with a pile of pussy. ManCow calls Hart a piece of shit and a son of a bitch, cool stuff. ManCow jumps and mounts Hart, punching. Hart’s Hail, this big moustached warrior distracts ManCow. Hart low blows ManCow and chokes ManCow. Stomps by Hart, Hart splashes the referee as ManCow shields himself. Hail is in the ring, military press onto the entourage of ManCow. Hart covers, Turd is up though. Turd hands ManCow a chair. Hart is whacked across the back, cover by ManCow for the win. DUD!

Winner: ManCow over Jimmy Hart via Chair Shot!

(WCW US Tournament Match) The Wall vs Scott Steiner

Big Poppa Pump is back Motherfucker! Having made an abomination of a return at the last pay per view, Steiner is up against a well-pushed monster in The Wall. They are also both members of The New Blood, making them both heel and stablemates. This seems like a stupid idea, lock-up with Steiner pushing back The Wall. Knees by Steiner, stomps and forearms by Steiner. The Wall clubs back at Steiner, knees and punches in the corner. Choke by The Wall, low blow and belly to belly suplex by Steiner. Forearms to the back, The Wall elbows and low blows Steiner. Big boot by The Wall, leg drop for two. Throat toss by The Wall, stungun by Steiner. Steiner is whipped into the barricade, The Wall has a table.

Steiner clubs down The Wall, Steiner looks for a suplex. The Wall blocks and plans to Chokeslam Steiner. Eye rake by Steiner, a blind Wall Chokeslams the referee through the table. Steiner wins by DQ!

Wow, Steiner wins by DQ after the announcers talking about referees not doing DQs due to Russo’s rulings. It was stupid already with heels battling it out, I will not call it a total failure due to Scott Steiner being a badass but that was pure shite.

Winner: Scott Steiner over The Wall via DQ!

(WCW US Tournament Match) Mike Awesome vs Bam Bam Bigelow

The Cat was meant to face Awesome but Bigelow took out The Cat. Bigelow is out for revenge so that would make him the babyface? Bigelow jumps Awesome, Awesome boots Bigelow in the ring. Clothesline to the floor and tope suicida by Awesome. Bigelow whips Awesome into the barricade, Awesome elevates Bigelow to the floor. Awesome dives into the crowd, diving clothesline by Awesome for two. Bigelow scoop slams and elbows Awesome, Diving Headbutt by Bigelow. The Cat comes in and kicks Bigelow, Cat begins dancing. Awesome clotheslines Cat and nails an Awesome Splash for the win.

While Awesome looked super impressive with his dives, the credibility and focus on Awesome went so far fucking south I don’t believe what I just saw. Cat kicked Bigelow out of the ring and danced which led to Awesome beating a joke of a wrestler as opposed to someone with a bit of credibility in Bigelow. Imagine an Awesome Bomb on Bigelow, that would have been impressive.

Winner: Mike Awesome over The Cat via Awesome Splash!

Relax Eric Relax/Franchise & Buff

Bischoff is shitting bricks that Hogan will murder him, Russo and Kidman. Russo does not give a damn nor does Kidman, Bischoff continues to freak out. Meanwhile, Franchise and Buff talk about beating the piss out Team Package.

(WCW Tag Team Tournament Match) Buff Bagwell & Shane Douglas vs Harlem Heat 2000 W/ J. Biggs

More heels fighting heels unless I have lost my mind, Douglas and Bagwell come out like babyfaces but they are in The New Blood and my head hurts, fuck this company. Stevie Ray slams Douglas, Big T pummels Bagwell. Stevie Ray misses an elbow, Douglas tags Bagwell. Swinging neckbreaker by Bagwell, right hands by Bagwell. Big T blind tags in, spinebuster and leg drop combination. Back elbow and splash by Bagwell for two, tag to Douglas. Right hands for Harlem Heat 2000, Cash splashes Bagwell. Douglas eats a massive kick to the face, Douglas low blows both. Pittsburgh Plunge on Stevie Ray for the win.

Shitty match, shitty booking, stupid company. No heat, no action, no drama, no nothing. Big T basically watched Stevie Ray get pinned, it seemed like a whole load of shite in that ring. I just do not get the point of any of this stuff, where are all the babyface tag teams?

Winners: Douglas & Bagwell over Harlem Heat 2000 via Pittsburgh Plunge!

(WCW US Tournament Match) Sting vs Booker

Why just have heels vs heels when you can have babyface vs babyface? Side headlock and shoulder block by Booker, hiptoss by Sting. Clubbing blows by Booker, scoop slam by Sting. Clothesline and clothesline to the floor by Sting, Booker is whipped into a cameraman.  Booker flapjacks Sting onto the announce table, back elbow for two. Booker applies a reverse chinlock, Sting fights out to eat a knee to the ribs. Two for Booker, knee drop by Booker for two. Reverse chinlock by Booker, Sting fires up. Knee by Booker, Scissors Kick. Two for Booker, Spinaroonie from Booker. Sting dodges The Harlem Sidekick for a DDT, two for Sting. Booker dodges a Stinger Splash with a kick, crossbody by Sting for two. Booker slides out of a suplex, Sting slides out of Booker’s suplex. Scorpion Death Drop and it is over.

Sting is over like crazy, do not know where to go with Booker after this match. Booker is meant to be a big babyface in the company after that? Looks to me like there is nobody more over than Sting. However, that is the best match that I have seen all night and it could be the only good match I see all night.

Winner: Sting over Booker via Scorpion Death Drop!

(WCW US Tournament Match) Billy Kidman W/ Torrie Wilson vs Vampiro

These two were coming along nicely, Vampiro had the rub from Sting on the last show while Kidman had been solidly pushed since being separated from The Flock. While Kidman could be an underdog United States Championship level babyface, a top level heel was not what Kidman needed to be in his career yet this is what WCW have done with Kidman.

Vampiro chops and clubs Kidman, headbutts and forearms by Vampiro. Corner clotheslines and belly to belly suplex. Vampiro powerbombs Kidman hard, Kidman counters a powerbomb for a facebuster. Mounted punches by Kidman, Kidman scoop slams Vampiro. Slingshot leg drop for two, Vampiro rakes the eyes and attacks Kidman before Kidman sidewalk slams Vampiro. Vampiro suplexes Kidman, uranage slam for two. Kidman counters a powerbomb for a facebuster, two for Kidman. Kidman has Vampiro on the floor, Vampiro is sent knee first into the steel steps.

In the ring, Vampiro kicks the bejesus out of Kidman for two. Armbar by Vampiro, DDT by Kidman. Right hands by Kidman for two, we cut to a car in the back. Here is Hogan, Kidman low blows Vampiro. Kidman clubs on Hogan, Hogan has Kidman by the throat. Kidman is dumped to the floor, right hands by Hogan. Hogan misses throwing the steel steps at Kidman, Kidman is throat tossed onto the announce table. Hogan slams Kidman through the table, Vampiro pins Kidman for the ring.

It was alright before the shenanigans began, why did the referee not disqualify Hogan when The Wall was disqualified earlier for attacking a referee. Does not exactly help Vampiro either, such a side act in the grand scheme of things. Not like the show was great beforehand, I wish it would end.

Winner: Vampiro over Kidman via Hogan Rampage!

(WCW Hardcore Championship Match) Terry Funk vs Norman Smiley ©

Hogan is arrested by police for putting his hands on Bischoff, Terry Taylor tells Terry Funk that Norman Smiley is in catering. It turns out that Smiley is in the men’s bathroom, Funk throws Smiley around the bathroom. Smiley is sprayed with a fire extinguisher, scoop slam on a table. Smiley is covered in cans of Coke, Smiley and Funk fight in the kitchen. Trash can to the head by Smiley, Funk is whipped into a tray. Smiley shoves Funk over, table to the balls. Steel tray to the head, Funk falls head first into a bin. Headbutt by Smiley, Funk fights back with a laptop. Two for Funk, Smiley begins climbing the plumbing of the building. Funk has a chair and a table, Smiley is knocked through the table.

Smiley grabs a chair, Funk is waffled with the chair. Funk continues to take chair shots as they stroll back to the ring, massive shots to the head. Smiley does The Wiggle, Smiley rams Funk off the chair. Smiley rides Funk with the wiggle before a chair shot from Funk, Smiley is on the floor. Funk has a ladder, here comes Dustin Rhodes. Rhodes piledrivers Funk on a chair, Funk kicks a chair into Rhodes’ face. Smiley eats a ladder to the face, Funk drops the ladder onto Smiley and picks up the win.

Kind of entertaining, Smiley was one of those rare good things from WCW at this time, it could have been worse. Once again, we have interference for a feud that I was sure was over and Smiley is a babyface, why would he need or want help from Rhodes, it makes as much sense as Vampiro just taking the win over the beaten Kidman. Nether babyface look good or tough but just look at that, me trying to make sense of this nonsense, I truly have lost my mine.

Winner: Terry Funk over Norman Smiley via Ladder Smash!

(WCW US Tournament Match) Mike Awesome vs Scott Steiner

Well, here we have two heels of the New Blood going at it in the ring. Steiner takes down Awesome, applies a crossface and smashes Awesome. Clothesline and elbow drop by Steiner, Awesome is thrown to the floor. Steiner clubs Awesome on the apron, Steiner looks for a clothesline but Awesome nails a slingshot shoulder block, splash for two. Diving clothesline for two, low blow by Steiner. Belly to belly suplex, stomps by Steiner. Right hands by Steiner, chops by Big Poppa Pump. Irish whip by Steiner, Awesome counters with a springboard back elbow, leg drop by Awesome for two. The crowd go nuts for Big Sexy Kevin Nash. Steiner Recliner and Awesome submits.

Well, it was a stupid idea to begin with to have those two fighting it out. Steiner should have been going for The WCW World Heavyweight Championship, Awesome should not have been losing any matches considering he was a hot new talent with a fair bit of potential and buzz. Nash screws over Awesome but will they actually follow up on the feud? I sure hope so with Awesome taking down Big Sexy but I am probably being too optimistic again.

Winner: Scott Steiner over Mike Awesome via Steiner Recliner!

(WCW US Tournament Match) Vampiro vs Sting

Before the match, Russo fires Rhodes for not helping Smiley win the match. Sting runs to the ring, Vampiro jumps Sting. Multiple kicks, right hands by Vampiro have no effect. Right hands by Sting, choke by Sting. Sting batters Vampiro on the outside, chair shot to the back. Scoop slam by Sting, top rope splash for two. Vampiro is dumped to the floor, Sting misses a Stinger Splash against the barricade. Kick to the back of the head by Vampiro, superkick by Vampiro. Vampiro is on the top rope, Vampiro hops down. Shoulder block and leg drop for two, back suplex for two. Sting eats chops and kicks, snap suplex for two. Sting swats away a missile dropkick, Scorpion Death Drop and Death Lock for the win. DUD!

Winner: Sting over Vampiro via Scorpion Death Lock!

(WCW Cruiserweight Championship Match) Chris Candido vs Lash Leroux vs Juventud Guerrera vs Shane Helms vs Crowbar vs The Artist

The match begins with Three Count being attacked, new star Candido does not get an entrance while the returning to the ring Juventud Guerrera gets nothing as well. That’s a shame for the two biggest stars of the match, Crowbar and Leroux begin walloping one another. Leroux nails Crowbar with his finish (forgot the name), Juventud saves the match. Juventud nails Leroux with a Juvi Driver, here is The Artist. Wheelbarrow bulldog by Juventud, the match breaks down. Daffney nails Crowbar with a diving hurricanrana, Juvi kicks Daffney. Crowbar saves Daffney from a Juvi Driver, Leroux dives onto Crowbar. More of everyone diving onto one another, Shannon Moore is almost not caught off a dive.

The Artist and Candido remain in the ring, The Artist looks for a superplex. Candido shoves down The Artist, Diving Heabutt by Candido misses. Samoan Drop by The Artist, there is a chair in the ring. Tammy is in the ring, Tammy shoves The Artist head first onto the chair. Candido pins The Artist and wrestling’s couple wins the match. Paisley and Tammy get into a war of words and a catfight. DUD! Tammy looks amazing though!

Winner: Chris Candido over Everyone Else via Survival!

(WCW Tag Team Championship Match) Team Package vs Shane Douglas & Buff Bagwell

The final to decide the new tag team champions, we have old-timers Luger and Flair against Bagwell and Douglas. The appeal of this is Flair and all the shit talking Douglas did about The Nature Boy, Flair takes this so seriously that he decides to keep on his slacks and shirt. Russo appears in the corner of Douglas and Bagwell, this should be fun right?

Luger and Bagwell begin the match, Bagwell asks for a handshake. Luger kicks Bagwell and pounds away, boot from the corner by Bagwell. Clothesline and scoop slam by Bagwell, Luger no-sells and pounds on Bagwell with scoop slams and a clothesline. Eye rake by Bagwell, chops by Douglas. Kick to the guts by Douglas, Luger reverses an Irish whip and gorilla press slams Douglas. Flair tags in and pummels Douglas, Douglas begs for mercy. Eye rake by Douglas, tag to Bagwell. Bagwell punches and back drops Flair, clothesline by Bagwell. Snapmare into a reverse chinlock, tag to Douglas. Right hands by Douglas, Douglas mocks Luger. Tag to Bagwell, Flair chops back before Bagwell knocks down Flair.

Tag to Douglas, side headlock by Douglas. Both men bang heads, Douglas continues to beat down on Flair with ten punches in the corner. Flair flip with a clothesline by Douglas, Luger clotheslines Douglas from the apron. Flair tags Luger, Luger clotheslines for Bagwell & Douglas. Figure Four on Douglas by Flair, Bagwell low blows Luger. Bagwell saves Flair, Bagwell Blockbusters Douglas. Flair covers but Russo pulls out the referee. Out of nowhere, here comes Brian Adams and Bryan Clark aka Kronik. Double Chokeslam on Luger, Russo counts the pin for the win.

How many interference finishes is that now? That’s like 6 in a row! I just cannot take much more of this, I need to go back to WWE reviews fast. A lot of the swearing and kayfabe terms being thrown around is doing my head in, it just annoying by this point. Hudson is as vanilla as they come while Madden does not sit on annoying, he goes a million times over the line into turn over the channel and fire this fat fuck.

Winners: Shane Douglas & Buff Bagwell over Team Package via Double Chokeslam!

(WCW United States Championship Match) Scott Steiner vs Sting

Here we are at the finals, the only member of The Millionaire’s Club in the tournament against Big Poppa Pump who had taken out two promising heels from the mid-card. Lock-up, knee by Steiner. Kicks and punches in the corner, Sting ducks the clotheslines for dropkicks. Steiner is on the floor, plancha by Sting. Sting misses a top rope splash as Steiner blocks with his knees, military press slam by Steiner. Elbow drop by Steiner for two, Steiner looks for a belly to belly suplex from the top rope. Sting headbutts down Steiner, huge clotheslines by Sting. Stinger Splash, Steiner uses the referee for a shield. Third Stinger Splash, here comes Vampiro through the ring. Sting is dragged through the ring, Vampiro emerges with Sting a bloody mess. Steiner Recliner with Sting being passed out. Another interference finish, yawn! DUD!

Winner: Scott Steiner over Sting via Steiner Recliner!

(WCW World Heavyweight Championship Match) DDP vs Jeff Jarrett

Hold up, this match was decided by a tournament where DDP did not win a single match without interference? DDP ducked a guitar shot which led to his wife being nailed with the guitar? Hard to make the guy look good or tough after that, a babyface should jump in the way to save his wife from a guitar to the head not duck out of the way when she is in the ring. And Jeff Jarrett, no matter how hard the company push him or he pushed himself in TNA, Jarrett was never a main event star.

Side headlock and shoulder block by DDP, discuss clothesline. Inverted atomic drop, swinging DDT for two. Kimberly slaps Jarrett, DDP throws Jarrett into the crowd. Jarrett is in control with a trash can, DDP throws Jarrett back ringside. Jarrett hides behind Kimberly, Jarrett sucker punches DDP. Sunset flip by DDP for two, clothesline by DDP. DDP is crotched on the top rope, superplex by Jarrett. Jarrett has a chair, DDP is smashed in the back. The referee takes the chair, double axe handle by Jarrett. Back elbow by DDP, Spiral Bomb for two. Bischoff is here on the ramp, DDP and Jarrett tumble to the floor. Jarrett rips up a copy of DDP’s book, lots of foot chokes and taunting from Double J.

DDP fights back in the corner, DDP pulls Jarrett groin first into the ringpost. Jarrett blocks the diamond cutter by using the ropes, Jarrett has his championship. Shot to the face, Jarrett covers for two. Figure Four by Jarrett, Kimberly has the guitar. DDP reaches the ropes, Jarrett tries the figure four again. DDP has the small package for two, schoolboy for two. Jawbreaker by Jarrett, Jarrett dives into an exploder suplex for two. Sleeper by Jarrett,  Bischoff is on the apron with the referee. Kimberly is on the apron, DDP nails The Diamond Cutter. Kimberly wants to hit Jarrett, Kimberly decks DDP and Jarrett wins the championship after a Stroke!

Decent match which by this show’s standards is phenomenal. They did some crowd brawling, some fun stuff in the ring. The swerve was a load of shit, made fuck all sense but I do not care by this point. This show was awful from top to bottom and Jarrett was no Flair, No Nash, No Hogan, no Sting and certainly, no Goldberg.

Winner: Jeff Jarrett over DDP via Kimberly & The Guitar!

That was WCW’s Spring Stampede of 2000, a joint production of Russo & Bischoff which came off like an even shittier Survivor Series 1998. That was my first thought with the tonnes of matches and tournaments but then I thought, Survivor Series was at least entertaining and watchable at times. This show was flat-out boring and a burden to get through, I stopped multiple times throughout because I could not come up with anything to say about these flash matches and I thought writing DUD for every match would not count as a proper review. I should have though because it was just a pain in the behind to get through this mess, I wasted almost three hours of my life do not waste yours. Thanks for reading and remember: There’s always another night!

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