Sunday 16 July 2017

WCW SuperBrawl 2000 Review

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Hello and welcome to another edition of Seanomaniac Wrestling Reviews, the only wrestling review series on the internet that tells Renee Young when her shows are cancelled before tweeting about it! So, here we are: WCW Superbrawl 2000, our first tentative steps into the worst year in WCW’s history, their last full year in business. It is ugly, it is revolting, it is some of the worst booking known to man and we are only just beginning. Some of the big bouts on tonight’s card include Sid Vicious vs Jeff Jarrett vs Scott Hall for the WCW World Heavyweight Championship, Terry Funk vs Ric Flair and Hulk Hogan vs Lex Luger. Some of the wackier stuff includes The Kiss Demon, a Prince knock-off gimmick and a leather jacket on a pole match. Well, this could be absolutely shite but let’s find out!

Opening Promo

We have a narrator, that’s new. The big matches are hyped, Funk vs Ric Flair in a Texas Death Match. Hogan is back against Lex Luger, Luger took out Jimmy Hart which led to Hogan unleashing hell. Benoit left WCW for the WWF, The NWO are not happy with Sid Vicious, The NWO are falling apart. We begin with The Commissioner, Midajah, Major Gunns and a bunch of other women come out of Jarrett’s locker room, Creative Control will also be at ringside for the main event. Mark Madden is here for pay per view, fuck my luck.

(WCW Cruiserweight Championship Match) The Artist W/ Paisley vs Lash Leroux

There was a tournament as Oklahoma relinquished the championship, Lash Leroux is the underdog after taking a beaten at the hands of Three Count. Hard to believe Leroux is an underdog against Prince Iaukea who has not been on pay per view for at least two years (Not including World War 3 Battle Royals). Leroux smacks Paisley on the ass, The Artist begins attacking Leroux. Paisley kicks Leroux in the ribs, ten punches by The Artist. Leroux pushes off The Artist multiple times, huge flapjack from Leroux. Shoulder blocks for two, left jabs by Leroux before a huge superkick from The Artist. Irish whip is reversed by Leroux, clothesline by Leroux.

The Artist is whipped to the floor, plancha by Leroux. Dragon screw legwhip by The Artist in the ring, stomps by The Artist. Leroux is in the tree of woe, knee to the ribs by The Artist. Sunset flip by Leroux, The Artist rolls through but Leroux hammers away on The Artist. The Artist throws Leroux to the floor, Leroux is bounced off the guard rail and steel steps. Belly to belly suplex by The Artist for two, Leroux pops up for left jabs. The Artist sends Leroux into the corner, hard Irish whip. Leroux reverses a corner Irish whip, corner clothesline and ten punches. The Artist avoids a hurricanrana with Leroux falling to the mat, Diving DDT for the win.

Well, The Artist has a cool finish, Artist drove Leroux into the mat but this match was mostly heatless. Not a lot to it at all and when you see the replay, you see Paisley holding onto the hands of The Artist to help him win, they missed the key to the damn finish. Not to forget, the match went about 6 minutes with a whole 10 minutes devoted to nothing at the start of the show. It sucked but I love The Artist’s gimmick.

Winner: The Artist over Lash Leroux via Diving DDT!

Mystery Door/Nasty Knobbs

There is a mystery door, we have no idea who is behind the door. Knobbs wants to win the championship back from Bigelow, that’s basically it.

(WCW Hardcore Championship Match) Brian Knobbs vs Bam Bam Bigelow ©

These two have fought on pay per view before in a hardcore match, it was absolutely awful and they botched the finish. I hope they can do better this time, big babyface Knobbs starts the match by running away from Bigelow? I am confused already, now Finlay comes out to distract Bigelow despite helping Bigelow beat Finlay for the championship. Bigelow and Knobbs brawl into the crowd, Bigelow slams Knobbs through a table. Finlay knocks out Bigelow with a cast, Knobbs does not want help even though Finlay has already whacked Bigelow.

Knobbs has a table, weapon shots by Knobbs. Knobbs places the table in the corner. Knobbs wants a bulldog? Not sure how that would work but Bigelow shoves off Knobbs through the table. Bigelow cleans Knobbs’ clock with two trash cans, Greetings From Asbury Park. Bigelow is on the top rope, Finlay distracts Bigelow. Knobbs attacks Bigelow and pins him on the floor after a punch to the floor?

What the fuck was this match? How is Knobbs a babyface? How did they have a worse match than the first one? Why was Knobbs happy with Finlay for helping? How are they friends? I have not a fucking clue, that was like some bizarre mind-fuck. DUD!

Winner: Brian Knobbs over Bam Bam Bigelow via Punch to The Floor!

No Visitors/Flair is Flair

Nobody is allowed in Sid Vicious’ locker room or the locker room of Scott Hall. Flair talks about Luger kicking Hogan’s ass and how good Elizabeth looks.

Three-Count vs Norman Smiley

For whatever reason, Norman Smiley is battling three men. The Wall kicked the shit out of Smiley, Smiley has his ribs taped up. Smiley begins killing the singing and dancing group, Smiley back drops Moore onto Karagias & Helms. Smiley sunset flips everyone into the ring, Karagias rolls through and everyone tries pinning Smiley, two for everyone. Moore rolls-up Smiley for two, Helms almost spikes himself into the mat, that was scary. Smiley swings Helms, Smiley attacks the two dancing fools after a Big Wiggle. Double clothesline, Moore forgets his spot and Smiley clubs him down. Norman Conquest by Smiley, Three Count triple team Smiley.

Three Count dropkick the ribs of Smiley, triple stomps by Three Count. Smiley boots Moore but runs into a superkick from Helms. Karagias nails his twisting splash, frog splash by Helms and Moore applies a Boston crab which leads to Smiley tapping out immediately.

I would love to say this was good just for Smiley but what was the reason for any of this? Three pay per view matches that I would be embarrassed to see on an episode of Velocity. This is a total joke, best part was Smiley waffling Moore after messing up the spot. Smiley is laughing while walking back to the backstage area, maybe Smiley knows this is a load of shit.

Winners: Three Count over Norman Smiley via Boston Crab!

The Kiss Demon vs The Wall

Due to their appearance on Nitro, WCW were obligated to use a Kiss related wrestler named The Kiss Demon. The shame about all of this was The Kiss Demon was not what you would call a good wrestler. The Wall is the former bodyguard of Berlyn, Berlyn was dropped fairly quick and The Wall was being pushed after a successful match against Billy Kidman at Souled Out. The Wall’s music plays and there is no Wall, The Wall lures The Kiss Demon to the stage and The Wall pummels The Kiss Demon.

Nasty big boot by The Wall, military press slam by The Wall. The Kiss Demon clotheslines The Wall off an Irish whip to the corner, The Kiss Demon pummels The Wall. Dropkick by The Kiss Demon, suplex too. The Wall catches The Kiss Demon and hotshots him, The Wall scales the top turnbuckle. The Kiss Demon yanks The Wall down, The Demon is on the top rope. The Wall Chokeslams The Demon down. DUD!

Winner: The Wall over The Kiss Demon via Chokeslam!

(Leather Jacket on A Pole Match) Tank Abbott vs Big Al

Fighting for a jacket, might not even be on the worst things that WCW does that year. Would you believe this is Sullivan and Not Russo? Because I sure would not, Big Al has his belt and is asking Abbott to give him his hand. They are tied together by the right arm, they use their lefts to punch the shit out of one another. A lot of come on and bring it, it is actually very awkward. Big Al knocks down Abbott with the belt, Big Al is on the floor.

Big Al pulls Abbott towards the ringpost, Big Al decides against breaking Abbott’s balls. Big Al climbs towards the jacket, Big Al stands on Abbott’s face. Abbott wakes up, huge right. Abbott brutalizes Big Al, Big Al begins to fight back. Big Al is waffled, Abbott begins climbing towards the jacket with Big Al, Big Al falls off Abbott’s shoulders which leads to Abbott punching Big Al in the chest. Abbott grabs the jacket and brandishes a knife saying “I can fucking kill you”, camera immediately cuts away from the madness.

A colossal clusterfuck of epic proportions, I would leave this at a DUD if it was not so atrocious. It was laughable when they were punching, it was ridiculous to have Abbott knocked out for so long if you want to use him well and it’s even better when that finish is a complete botch and the cherry on top of the shite cake. Abbott tries murdering a man live on pay per view, beautiful.

Winner: Tank Abbott over Big Al via Retrieval of The Jacket!

Booker T vs Big T W/ Stevie Ray (Battle for The Letter of T/Harlem Heat)

Stevie Ray turned on Booker for the second time after Starrcade, Stevie Ray brought in Ahmed Johnson as Big T to take out Booker. Big T is massive here and not in a good way, Booker comes out to a comical, whimsical theme. Stevie Ray shoves Booker, distracting Booker for Big T. Clubbing blows by Big T, clothesline by Big T. Booker battles back with two suplexes, Big T is on the floor. Booker hammers Stevie Ray, noggin knocker. Diving chop from Booker, Booker calls for something big.

Stevie Ray grabbed the leg of Booker, Big T clotheslines Booker to the floor. Stevie Ray puts the boots to Booker, Booker regains control in the ring with a Russian legsweep. Scissors Kick by Booker, Harlem Sidekick by Booker. Biggs is knocked down by Booker, Book-End by Booker. Stevie Ray eats a kick, Missile Dropkick by Booker but the lights go out. A black guy is on the apron, Big T nails The Pearl River Plunge for the win.

That was terrible too, it is astounding that Booker won a championship in this year, the man was booker like garbage for all so long. Booker deserved more, Big T looked massive and moved like he was massive which meant for a terrible match.

Winner: Big T over Booker T via Pearl River Plunge!

Maestro & The Cat

The Maestro calls bullshit on The Cat knowing James Brown, The Cat promises James Brown will be at the pay per view.

Vampiro vs Billy Kidman

A feud which began as friendly but turned ugly very fast, Torrie Wilson had begun appearing with Billy Kidman, she looks amazing as always. This is the blow-off match for this mini-feud, it has potential to be a watchable match. Lock-up with Vampiro shoving down Kidman, drop toehold by Vampiro. Side headlock by Kidman, elbows by Vampiro. Irish whip, tilt-a-whirl slam by Vampiro and a clothesline for two. Chop by Vampiro, Vampiro tries for an electric chair drop but Kidman hurricanranas Vampiro to the floor. Vampiro meets the guard rail, Kidman meets Vampiro off the top rope and gutwrenhc suplexes Kidman for two.

Headbutts and kicks by Vampiro, brainbuster for two. Kidman escapes a powerbomb, Vampiro goes low with a dropkick to Kidman’s knee. Torrie is on the apron, Vampiro kicks Kidman into Torrie. Kidman fires up and hotshots Vampiro, Kidman tends to Torrie. Vampiro clubs down Kidman, Vampiro has a chair. Torrie takes the chair from Vampiro, Kidman dropkicks the chair into Vampiro’s face. Two for Kidman, Vampiro elevates Kidman to the apron. Kidman tries a slingshot but Vampiro counters for a suplex, Kidman slides out of a suplex for a roll-up, two for Kidman. BK Bomb for two, Vampiro catches Kidman for a rocker dropper.

Vampiro is high on the top rope, kick to the back of the head for two. Vampiro calls for a tornado DDT, Kidman battles back and hurricanranas Vampiro for two. Vampiro powerbombs Kidman, make it two. Kidman kicks out, Kidman is placed on the top rope. Kidman counters Vampiro for a diving reverse DDT, Kidman picks up the win.

That was fun, an actual match is crazy for this show. They had some chemistry, Vampiro could toss around Kidman like it was nothing while also selling some of the offense that Kidman could pull off, finish looked cool too despite the mild reaction from the fans.

Winner: Kidman over Vampiro via Falling Reverse DDT from The Top Rope!

Terry Funk Promo/Sid Vicious/Stretcher Match

Terry Funk promises to beat Ric Flair’s ass, David Flair and Crowbar come to the arena with their stretcher while Sid Vicious screams at security guards.

(WCW Tag Team Championships Match) The Mamalukes © W/ Disco Inferno vs David Flair & Crowbar W/ Daffney (Sicilian Stretcher Match)

Big Vito continues to be hilarious, The Mamalukes are the champions while David Flair and Crowbar continue to attack the two. You had a wedding interrupted and a lot of hardcore matches to set up the match, Crowbar and Flair take the fight to Vito and Stamboli on the floor. Crowbar planchas onto Stamboli who is on a stretcher, Vito saves his partner. The champions attack Flair & Crowbar with a stretcher, double elbows by The Mamalukes. Boot and neckbreaker on Crowbar, Daffney hurricanranas Stamboli. Disco takes mace to the face from Daffney, Crowbar saves Flair.

Flair beats down Vito, Vito is sent into a stretcher. Powerslam by Crowbar, springboard moonsault. Crowbar has a table in the ring, Vito reverses an Irish whip from Crowbar and powerbombs Crowbar through the table. Double slam by The Mamalukes, top rope leg drop by Stamboli. Flair is taped onto the stretcher, Flair is eliminated while Crowbar attacks The Mamalukes with a table. Double plancha, Disco is attacked too. The bell rings randomly, Crowbar has another table. Stamboli waffles Crowbar with a lead pipe, Vito splashes Crowbar through the table, Crowbar is stretchered out of the arena.

That was not much of a match, a lot of walking around and not doing a whole lot. I did fine it entertaining as a brawl though, Crowbar and Flair are such a funny tag team while Vito is funny without meaning it, Vito is all in on the big Italian mobster Soprano shtick. I think it was the best they could do with the talent in the match.

Winners: The Mamalukes over David Flair & Crowbar!

Sid Vicious Promo

Sid Vicious promises to beat the piss out of Jarrett and Scott Hall, Sid seems to like to talk in whispers, not really fitting with The Millennium Man gimmick but no bother, Sid is intense all the time.

James Brown is here!

A James Brown impersonator comes out which draws boos from the crowd, The Maestro is not impressed until the real James Brown comes out, they sing and dance which is great but why did we need this on pay per view?

(Texas Death Match) Ric Flair vs Terry Funk

Flair cuts an awesome promo before the match, I feel like it is 1989 all over again. Lock-up with clean breaks from Flair, side headlock and shoulder block from Funk. Right hands by Funk, Flair begs for mercy. Chops by Flair, left hands by Funk. Chops by Flair, left hands by Funk. Flair rolls out to the floor, suplex into the ring by Funk. Flair begs for mercy, left hands by Funk. Back body drop by Funk, jabs and a huge hook by Funk. Spinning Toehold by Funk, Flair smacks Funk off. On the floor, Funk suplexes Flair. Funk is whipped into the guard rail, Funk comes back with suplexing Flair on the floor again. Funk gets a pin and Flair has to answer the ten-count or lose the match.

Chops by Flair, Funk is in the crowd. Low blow by Flair, The Nature Boy grabs a chair. Chair to the knee by Flair, chop blocks by Flair. Figure Four by Flair, Funk submits and has to answer the ten-count. Flair climbs to the top rope, Funk yanks Flair off the top rope. Flair Flip to the floor, Funk Piledrivers Flair. Funk rips up the mats and Piledrivers Flair on the concrete. Flair is pinned, Flair has to answer the ten-count. Funk has a table, Funk has a microphone. Funk asks Flair to quit, Flair chops back at Funk. Funk uses the microphone to knock down Flair, Funk wants to break Flair’s neck.

They are on the table, Funk wants the piledriver and Funk connects! Funk pins Flair but pulls Flair’s arm up, Funk was to dish out more pain. Funk has another table, Funk has Flair on the table. Funk climbs high, Flair knocks Funk through the table. Flair covers for the pin on Funk, Funk must answer the ten-count. That’s it, Funk cannot answer the count.

That was decent, they played off their history together with both being strong enough characters to get away putting on a rather boring match. The finish was very weak when compared with what we saw throughout, piledrivers through tables and on the floor but no, it was Flair tripping Funk through a table for the win, very anticlimactic.

Winner: Ric Flair over Terry Funk via Survival!

Lex Luger W/ Miss Elizabeth vs Hulk Hogan W/ Jimmy Hart

Hogan is back and he is working with Luger, two things that nobody really wanted to see this. Luger has my favourite gimmick in WCW at the moment, a vein asshole who knocks people out and breaks their arms, just magical stuff. Luger stomps Hogan to begin, clubbing blows from Luger. Clothesline by Luger, Luger misses an elbow. Right hands by Hogan, eye rake by Hogan. Axe bomber by Hogan, elbow drops by Hogan and a choke. Luger is dumped to the floor, Hogan chokes Luger with his t-shirt, Luger is walloped with a steel chair. Luger begs for mercy, Hogan pummels Luger. Corner clothesline, Hogan tries again but Luger back elbows Hogan to the mat.

Hogan is knocked to the floor, Hogan is smashed into the guard rail. Luger tries a punch but Hogan uses the cast to block, cast clothesline by Hogan. Luger’s head is rammed off the turnbuckle, Elizabeth smacks Hogan in the back with the bat. Hogan threatens to beat the piss out of Elizabeth, Luger saves Elizabeth. Hogan whips Luger into the guard rail, Jimmy Hart takes the bat from Elizabeth. Luger stomps Hogan in the ring, Hogan shakes it off and Hulks Up. Right hands, big boot and Luger low blows Hogan who was taking far too long. Luger tries an Irish whip, Hogan reverses and Jimmy Hart uses the cast on Luger, cast shot by Hogan and a Leg Drop for the win.

It is what I expected from these two, boring and plodding. I love how the broken arm was not sold once, there was no need for it even to be there. They could have had the match without the cast, it was pointless. The finish was a little weird too but I do not care, this match blew.

Winner: Hulk Hogan over Lex Luger via Leg Drop!

(WCW World Heavyweight Championship Match) Sid Vicious © vs Scott Hall vs Jeff Jarrett

The NWO was imploding, yeah like that is original. Anyways, Jarrett is The Chosen One and wants the championship, Sid Vicious kicks the shit out of everyone and Scott Hall seemingly can be trusted to main event a show. Hall and Jarrett brawl without Sid entering the match, fallaway slam by Hall. The Harris Brothers are down, Hall attacks Sid from behind. Jarrett and Hall team up, Sid mows down both with clotheslines. Low blow for Jarrett, Harris Brothers are down too. The Harris Brothers send Sid groin first into the ringpost. Jarrett neckbreakers Hall, leg across the back of Hall by Double J. Sleeper by Jarrett, Hall reverses the sleeper. Jarrett clotheslines the referee, ref bump a minute into the match.

Sid Double Chokeslams Jarrett and Hall, The Harris Brothers pull out Jarrett. Jarrett has the belt, Sid is whacked in the face. Cover for two, roll-up by Hall for two. Small package by Hall for two, Jarrett nails the referee with The Stroke. Ron Harris has a chair, Sid sends Jarrett into the chair. Sid begins killing The Harris Brothers with a chair, Hall motions for The Outsider’s Edge. Jarrett back drops Hall and Jarrett beats the hell out of two more referees, The Stroke is all around. Here comes evil referee Slick, Hall nails The Outsider’s Edge. Slick fakes an injury, Sid begins crushing everything in sight. Sid is sent to the floor, Jarrett has the guitar.

Hall is waffled with the guitar, here is Roddy Piper. Piper stops Slick’s count, Piper takes down Slick. Eye poke to Jarrett, Chokeslam by Sid on Jarrett. Sid motions for a Powerbomb, Hall staggers to his feet. Powerbomb by The Ruler of The World, Hall is planted into the mat and we have a winner as Sid pins Hall off the Powerbomb.

This was a car-crash of a match, they were going 90 miles a minute! So much packed into about 7 minutes, it was ridiculous. It had no story, no real spots. Just a tonne of interference and weapon shots, referees are down everywhere. Sid kills things, Piper is here. It is over before it ever got going and it was scary how much they tried packing into it. Bottom Line: I would be pissed paying for this pay per view for that main event.

Winner: Sid Vicious over Everyone Else via Powerbomb!

That was WCW’s Superbrawl of 2000, one of the worst shows you will see by a major company. There are two matches that you can see and say were alright, they are Kidman vs Vampiro and The Texas Death Match. Everything else is terrible, so many bad matches one after the other. They were all so short and why so many on pay per view? Why pack so much onto a card? You cannot pull off that many matches because there is no time given to anything, everything is rushed and sloppy. Definitely one of the worst alongside Halloween Havoc and Starrcade 1999 but like I said, we are only getting started. Thanks for reading and remember: There’s always another night!

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