Tuesday 18 July 2017

WCW Uncensored 2000 Review

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Hello and welcome to another edition of Seanomaniac Wrestling Reviews, the only wrestling review series on the internet that makes Droz want to puke! WCW’s Uncensored 2000, the last of the Kevin Sullivan 2000 shows, not like they are going to go out on a high note ladies and gentlemen. Looking at the card I see Hogan vs Ric Flair in an Indian Strap match, Sid Vicious vs Jeff Jarrett, Sting vs Luger and a whole load of wrestlers who wish they were half as over as those men I mentioned. I have stomached a lot of shit in 1999, 2000 is just as bad and I could not give a damn about this pay per view, I am just waiting for the day I finish WCW and move onto ECW. Hulk Hogan vs Ric Flair in 2000, what a lovely time to be alive.

Opening Promo

Focus is on the championship match, Sting vs Luger and Flair vs Hogan, they are not bad I have seen worse. The show begins with the babyfaces talking to one another and the heels talking to one another. A mysterious black limo is here just like the mystery door of the last pay per view. Looks like no Hall, no Nash, no Goldberg and no DDP.

(WCW Cruiserweight Championship Match) The Artist © W/ Paisley vs Psychosis

Judging from the promo package, I assumed Kaz Hayashi was getting the title match but no, it was the man he beat it is Psychosis. Before the match begins, we hear some music and it seems to be Chris Candido. Hurricanrana and clothesline by Psychosis, Candido is doing commentary. The Artist nails a kick to the gut, The Artist places Psychosis in the tree of woe, knee to the ribs by The Artist. Two for The Artist, superkick by The Artist for two. Psychosis is thrown to the floor, Paisley slaps Psychosis in the face. The Artist bounces Psychosis off the steel steps, The Artist shoulder thrusts Psychosis in the corner.

Corner clothesline by the champion, hair-pull by The Artist. Leg drop for two by the champion, sunset flip by Psychosis for two. Clothesline by The Artist, Psychosis reverses a corner Irish whip. Hurricanrana by Psychosis for two, sit-out front suplex by Psychosis. Psychosis climbs to the top rope, Paisley distracts Psychosis. Juventud kisses Paisley, Paisley rips at Juventud. Guillotine Leg Drop by Psychosis, Paisley distracts Psychosis, Diving DDT by The Artist for the win.

That finish killed the match for me, it was pretty shit beforehand but that finish was atrocious. Ok, so Psychosis hits his finish and does not cover as Paisley is late on her spot, Psychosis stands around like a buffoon not hitting The Artist after the leg drop because he was not meant to, Paisley eventually gets into position to distract Psychosis. Psychosis stands around and around waiting for now, The Artist to get into position and wham, Psychosis walks into the DDT and looks like the biggest loser in the business. DUD!

Winner: The Artist over Psychosis via Diving DDT!

Bigelow should not cut promos

Poor Bam Bam has a bad day at the office stuttering through what is meant to be a heartfelt promo from Bigelow about his friend The Wall turning on him.

XS vs Norman Smiley & The Demon

Before the match can begin, Ms. Hancock makes her way down to the ring as XS had rejected her managerial services. XS is the repackaging of Lenny and Lodi following their gimmick which was so offensive to the gay community that they had to drop that. Classic WCW, the novelty of this match is you have Smiley in Kiss gear.

Lenny and Lodi jump The Screaming Demons, The Demon is thrown to the floor. Smiley is left in the ring with Lenny, Smiley humps Lenny. Big Wiggle from Smiley, scoop slam by Smiley. Lodi clubs Smiley from behind, tag to The Demon. Lenny drop toeholds The Demon, tag to Lodi. Back elbows and leg lariat to The Demon, suplex by Lodi for two. The Demon fucks up a double clothesline spot with everyone falling like they have no clue who was supposed to go down, tag to Smiley. Hiptosses, slams and humping, Lenny nails a full-nelson facebuster for two. Lenny and The Demon go to the floor, Smiley has Lodi in The Norman Conquest and it is over. DUD!

Winners: The Screaming Demons over XS via Norman Conquest!

Flair & Crowbar/Kidman doubts Booker/ Big Wiggle

Lenny and Lodi try attacking Ms. Hancock, Smiley and The Demon make the save which leads to lots of wiggling and awkwardness. Kidman does not trust Booker before their tag match, Booker says count on him. Finally, we have Flair and Crowbar wanting to take out The Wall for injuring them.

The Wall vs Bam Bam Bigelow

The Wall is being pushed like Kane or The Undertaker, he has about 1% of their talent. Bigelow is Wall’s mentor and now Wall has gone rogue, Bigelow clubs The Wall and nails a corner splash. Clothesline by The Wall and a corner splash, Bigelow fires back with a clothesline. Scoop slam by Bigelow, diving headbutt for two. The Wall blocks greetings from Asbury Park. High knee by The Wall for two, swinging DDT by Bigelow for two. Right hands by The Wall, clothesline to the floor. They brawl up the ramp, The Wall goes low and Bigelow is Chokeslammed through a table. Match ends in a DQ, The Wall Chokeslams Crowbar off the scaffolding. DUD!

Winner: Bam Bam Bigelow over The Wall via DQ!

(WCW Hardcore Championship Match) Three Count © vs Brian Knobbs

It seems that Three Count specialize in handicap matches, they are yet to compete in a fair fight on pay per view. The beginning of this match is bizarre, Knobbs comes out and forgets to bring his weapons so he runs all the way backstage to find them. Knobbs has to pin all three members to win the championship, the match begins with Three Count throwing weapons at Knobbs. Knobbs picks up a chair and trash can, Three Count are waffled over and over. Moore is treated to The Pitstop, as is the other members of the group. Helms waffles Knobbs with a steel chair to the head, Knobbs is whipped into a ladder. Splash off the ladder by Helms, Karagias does his twisty shite splash and Moore nails a senton bomb.

Knobbs has the fire extinguisher, Three Count dance before Knobbs sprays them all, a broom is broken over Helms’ back. Knobbs smashes a chair into Helms’ face, Helms has been pinned. Knobbs grabs a table and powerbombs Karagias through the table for the elimination. Helms is whipped into the crowd, Knobbs cracks Moore with a chair. Knobbs has another table, Moore has a ladder thrown on him. Knobbs looks for a slam through the table, Helms dropkicks Moore onto Knobbs for the pin. However, Knobbs’ foot was on the ropes even though it is a no DQ match so there should be no rope breaks? Moore and Knobbs are alone, Knobbs boots Moore and splashes Moore using a trash can.

Four matches in now and I have not seen one decent match, this is the hell everyone was talking about ladies and gentlemen. How can there be a rope break in a no DQ match? How can you make such a dull hardcore match? Well, WCW have done that multiple times, The Wall match was trash as was the opener and as was the tag team match. Some of the biggest trash I have seen, at least 50 minutes of pure trash.

Winner: Brian Knobbs over Three Count via Splash!

Vampiro/Harlem Heat 2000/Limo

Ahmed Johnson is the man, Big T is ready for whooping the ass of Booker and Kidman. Vampiro cuts a rambling promo on Fit Finlay, it is pretty cringe. We also get some shots of the limo with the announcers wondering who is in the limo.

Big T & Stevie Ray W/ J. Biggs/ Cash vs Kidman & Booker W/ Torrie Wilson

Stevie Ray and Booker were feuding, Stevie brought in Big T to take out Booker. Stevie succeeded in embarrassing Booker, Stevie Ray also brought in J Biggs and Cash who is absolutely massive.

Stevie Ray and Booker begin, Stevie clubs down Booker. Side shuffle kick by Booker, back elbow by Booker. Tag to Kidman, dropkick by Kidman. Kidman tries a crossbody but gets caught, powerslam by Stevie Ray. Tag to Big T, dropkick by Kidman. Tag to Booker, Harlem Sidekick by Booker. Superkick by Stevie Ray and Cash is smacked too with a Scissors Kick. Russian legsweep on Big T, tag to Kidman. Stevie Ray takes out Kidman with a right hand in mid-air. Tag to Big T, double pump kick by Harlem Heat 2000. Tag to Stevie Ray, double gut punch and kicks. Cash attacks Kidman while the referee is with Booker. Big T jumps into the crowd to dive over the guard rail and smash Kidman.

Tag to Big T, spinebuster for two. Tag to Stevie Ray, Kidman dodges a corner clothesline and scores with a springboard bulldog. Tag to Booker, Book-End with Stevie Ray saving Big T. Book-End for Stevie Ray, Big T clubs Booker. Double spinebuster by Harlem Heat 2000, two for Big T as Kidman saves the match. Stevie Ray is on the floor with Kidman, Kidman shoves Cash into Stevie Ray. Kidman sunset flips Big T after a Harlem Sidekick from Booker.

Not that bad, Big T looked to be so out of shape and Stevie Ray has never been anything special to me, the crowd was into Kidman and Booker, makes sense to turn Kidman heel against Hogan (The sarcasm is strong). Anyways, this is the best match so far and it was not even that good, that shows the kind of nightmare I am having to watch.

Winners: Kidman & Booker over Harlem Heat 2000 via Sunset Flip!

(Falls Count Anywhere Match) Vampiro vs Fit Finlay

Finlay continues to be a dick to younger talent by demanding respect from Vampiro, Vampiro has a cast on his arm due to attacks from Luger. Shoulder blocks by Finlay, stiff kick to the spine. Vampiro answers back with big kicks, Vampiro is on the top rope. Spinning heel kick from the top for two, chops and right hands by Vampiro. Headbutt by Vampiro, Finlay turns the tide by sending Vampiro into the top turnbuckle. Finlay has a chair, the referee takes away the chair. Vampiro superkicks the chair into Finlay’s face, they are by the announce table. Vampiro is bounced off the guard rail, Vampiro is back dropped into the crowd by Finlay.

Crowd brawling, they make their way into the men’s bathroom. Finlay wants to shove Vampiro’s head down the toilet, Vampiro tries diving off a stall, Finlay fucks bins at Vampiro. More crowd brawling, they are on a balcony? Finlay back drops Vampiro on the concrete, Finlay is pulled into a wall. Nail In The Coffin on the floor and Vampiro wins the match.

What a fucking stupid idea, they brawl into the fans which leads to a lot of pushing and shoving, you cannot seen a damn thing that is happening. They are limited to punches and kicks and some people are so aggressive that you miss the pin and security guards are shoved down, it was such a stupid fucking idea.

Winner: Vampiro over Finlay via Nail in The Coffin!

(WCW Tag Team Championship Match) The Mamalukes © vs The Harris Brothers (No Holds Barred Match)

Harris Brothers are awful but they get pushed, Vito clotheslines Ron and Ron powders from the ring. Stamboli and Don are in, powerslam by Stamboli. Tag to Vito, double back elbow and neckbreaker combination for two. Low blow by Don, tag to Ron. Ron back elbows Vito, tag to Don. Japanese arm drag by Vito, scoop slam on Don. Stomp by Vito, tag to Stamboli. Double stomps to Don, chokehold too. Brooklyn Bomb for two, Stamboli takes a slap from the apron Ron. Clothesline by Don and tag to Ron, Ron chucks Stamboli to the floor. Tag to Don, big kick to the ribs. Stamboli nails a big spinning heel kick, Don attacks Vito and the referee deals with Vito.

Ron stomps Stamboli, clothesline with a double knockdown. Tag to Vito, right hands and mafia kicks all around, ten punches with Don. Stamboli dropkicks Ron, northern lights suplex on Ron by Vito. Vito is on the top rope, diving elbow drop for two. Hart Attack by the champions for two, Don chucks Vito to the floor. The Harris Brothers nail a double flapjack for two, H-Bomb with Vito making the save. Stamboli is on the floor, Vito sunset flips Ron. Disco nails Ron with the belt and Don kicks out, Don cracks Vito with the belt, Disco and Stamboli are waffled too. H-Bomb and we have new champions.

Trash, a lot of Trash. My favourite part of Harris Brother matches is when I randomly name the one in the ring because they wear the exact same attires making it impossible to differ between the two, I mean at least Nikki and Brie look different enough that you can tell. Anyways, the crowd did not give a fuck, not even Disco nailing Ron with a championship. Terrible stuff all around, this show sucks massive balls.

Winners: The Harris Brothers over The Mamalukes via H-Bomb!

Limo/Team Package Segment

Who is in the limo? It be good after all this teasing. Also, we have a shit Luger promo which is saved by Flair and his sound-bytes.

Terry Funk vs Dustin Rhodes (Texas Bullrope Match)

After giving up on the Seven character and fighting Jeff Jarrett, Dustin Rhodes has turned heel going after Terry Funk, the former WCW Commissioner. Funk comes out with a chicken on his hand, Funk also has a chicken come into the ring. Rhodes chases the chicken which leads to Funk cracking Rhodes with a real chicken. Funk whips Rhodes into the guard rail, left jabs and a right by Funk. Rhodes is whipped with the cowbell, ten punches by Funk and a DDT for two. Funk gets another two before Rhodes low blows Funk. Funk is choked with the bullrope, cowbell is sent into Funk’s face. Eye rake, DDT by Rhodes for two. Rhodes calls for a bulldog, Bulldog on the cowbell for two.

Here is the chicken, the chicken is waffled with the cowbell. Rhodes gets caught trying to leave the ring, Funk straddles Rhodes. Low blow using the cowbell, Funk changes the rules to an I Quit match. The referee says no and Funk calls him full of shit, referee is down. Right hands and cowbell to the head by Funk, Rhodes quits but it is not an I Quit match so Rhodes recovers to beat up Funk. Piledriver on the cowbell, Rhodes wins the match.

Did Rhodes look good after this match? Not really, that was a massive waste of time, I still can truly tell who is the babyface. After the match, I am leaning towards Rhodes but then he tries to attack Funk. I have no idea, the match was sloppy and all over the place, I am glad I am almost through this steaming, stinking pile of shite.

Winner: Dustin Rhodes over Terry Funk via Piledriver!

Sting vs Lex Luger W/ Miss Elizabeth ( Lumberjack Cast Match)

Sting made a dramatic return at last month’s pay per view, this match is a lumberjack cast match which has everyone who has had their arm broken by Luger at ringside, ready to crack whoever falls to the floor. The odds are in Sting’s favour before Luger reveals he had some of his friends wear casts and be at ringside for the match. Luger jumps Sting right from the bell, Sting blocks being rammed into the turnbuckle. Sting pummels Luger with right hands, Luger powders into his lumberjacks. Inverted atomic drop by Sting, right hands by Sting. Sting stomps all over Luger, scoop slam by Sting. Elbow drop by Sting for two, double ear clap by Sting and Luger is thrown out to the babyfaces.

Right hands by Sting, Luger begs for mercy. Sting is pulled to the floor, the heels club Sting. Here comes Tank Abbott, Abbott decks Dillinger and walks away? The lumberjacks begin brawling to the back, Vampiro is still at ringside. Here comes Flair, Sting clotheslines Luger. Flair chops Sting to no effect, Stinger Splash and dropkick. Luger jumps Sting, Stinger Splash. Elizabeth clubs Sting with the bat, Jimmy Hart drags back Elizabeth. Luger places Sting in the rack, Vampiro whacks Luger with a bat and Sting wins with The Scorpion Death Drop.

Not even sure what to call that at times, it might be summed up by Tank Abbott coming out of the backstage area just to knock out Doug Dillinger. Sting did everything the fans wanted him to do, they even managed to work in Flair for Sting. Luger was shite like always and it seems to be the death of my favourite gimmick although we did have Sting give Vampiro the rub, it is very interesting as the two would feud soon after, interested to see where they go from here.

Winner: Sting over Lex Luger via Scorpion Death Drop!

(WCW World Heavyweight Championship Match) Sid Vicious © vs Jeff Jarrett

The segment before this match is gold, we have a change in format and we get to see Sid Vicious told his match is next to which the badass Sid answers “Are you sure? Oh Geez” simply the best response ever from The Master of The Powerbomb. Jarrett is here with The NWO girls, one which is Major Gunns and the other two would become Scott Steiner’s freaks.

Sid clotheslines Jarrett, Sid attempts the chokeslam but Jarrett eye pokes Sid. Jarrett powders, Sid slams Jarrett on the table. Double axe handle by Sid, Jarrett is thrown into the crowd. Crowd brawling, Jarrett is choked by Sid. The Harris Brothers attack Sid, I did not know it was No Holds Barred. To confuse me more, the referee takes a chair away from Jarrett. Right hands by Jarrett, some elbow drops too. Irish whip, sleeper by Jarrett. Sid escapes and catches Jarrett with a right hand, more right hands by Sid. Big boot by Sid, Ron attacks Sid from behind. Jarrett is rammed into the championship belt after Sid pushes Jarrett into Don.

Irish whip by Sid, Sid calls for The Chokeslam. Jarrett goes low, Jarrett elbows the referee. Jarrett bounces the referee off the turnbuckle, Jarrett cracks Sid with a guitar. Jarrett calls for Slick, Hulk Hogan is in pursuit. Hogan pulls out Slick, right hands by Hogan. Big boot for Jarrett, Harris Brothers are down. Leg Drop on Jarrett and Sid wins thanks to Hogan. Big Poppa Pump is back, Hogan is cracked with a guitar.

This was a train-wreck like everything else on the show, the big badass Sid needed Hogan to beat Jarrett, are you fucking joking me? Jarrett was never a main event talent, no matter how hard Russo or Sullivan would push the guy, it simply did not do enough for anyone to convince him he was worthy of the role. Hogan stealing the spotlight and having the main event over Sid was a joke too, this company just keeps annoying me and if Scott Steiner was the insurance policy, Jarrett might need a refund as Steiner did not save the championship for Jarrett although I do look forward to Steiner fucking bitches up.

Winner: Sid Vicious over Jeff Jarrett via Leg Drop!

 (Yappapi Indian Strap Match) Ric Flair vs Hulk Hogan

Steiner lays out Hogan with the guitar shot, Flair makes his way to the ring in order to whoop Hogan’s ass, they brawl on the floor trading control before Flair begins whipping Hogan in the ring. Low blow from Hogan, Hogan whips Flair with the belt. Hogan chokes Flair and steps on The Nature Boy’s head. Flair begs for mercy, Hogan continues to pummel Flair. Flair begs some more, ten punches by Hogan. Hogan bites Flair, Flair takes more right hands to the face. Flair is bleeding no surprise there, Flair continues to beg for mercy. Eye poke by Flair, Flair is on the top rope and Hogan yanks off Flair. Eye rake by Hogan and chops by The Hulkster. Flair chops back to no effect on Hogan, Flair begs off and goes up the ramp.

Lex Luger appears and waffles Hogan with a chair, Flair whips Hogan by the ringside area. Flair low blows Hogan on the floor, Hogan has been bleeding from the chair shot from Luger. Flair chops down Jimmy Hart, Flair goes to the leg of Hogan. Flair tries winning, Flair touches three corners. Hogan holds onto the ropes and Flair pulls out brass knuckles. Hogan is decked with the object, Flair pins Hogan for two, there are supposed to be no pins in this match. Ok, Hogan nails his comeback, right hands, big boot and Hogan touches three corners. Hogan decks Luger and pins Flair with a Leg Drop.

Hogan won by pin in a match where you can only win by touching four corners, FUCK THIS GOD DAMN COMPANY. The saddest part is they did something similar in a first blood match the year prior, it was in a cage match that ended in pin despite being a first blood match! Just insulting at this point, cannot wait for the death of the company.

Winner: Hulk Hogan over Ric Flair via Leg Drop!

That was WCW’s Uncensored of 2000, one of the worst wrestling shows to exist. As I have said before, I have sat through a lot of shit from this company, I have been covering pay per views since the beginning of The NWO and I am planning on covering until the end of the company. There have been some stinkers like most of 1999, some of 1998 but 2000 is three pay per views in and they have such garbage I don’t know how they could get much worse. The quality of the wrestlers has dropped so much, they are missing half of their main eventers, the workhorses of the mid-card are gone to the WWF. Your cruiserweight champion works a grounded style with no high risks and you have stupid gimmick matches and angles that make no damn sense. Thanks for reading and remember: There’s always another night!

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