Tuesday 4 July 2017

WCW Mayhem 1999 Review

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Hello and welcome to another edition of Seanomaniac’s Wrestling Reviews, the only wrestling review series on the internet that CM Punk won’t block on Twitter! WCW Mayhem 1999, the last pay per view from these morons took my soul away, shattered any care or emotions I felt towards this company and yet, there is still more shit to be shoved down my throat. Due to the stupid booking of the main event of the last ppv, we need a tournament to crown a new champion. The whole opening to the show is a recap to the huge tournament, I do not really care at all. My whole question tonight is will this be utter shite or not? Let’s find out!

Jeff Jarrett vs Chris Benoit (Tournament Semi-Final Match)

Jarrett is here from WWF, Jarrett dropped the Intercontinental Championship to Chyna, holding WWF to ransom for a big pay-off. Jarrett is tight with Vince Russo, Jarrett is being booked well, could you imagine that? Drop toehold by Jarrett, Benoit chops the piss out of Jarrett. Boot by Benoit, tornado DDT by The Crippler for two. Hard Irish whip, inverted atomic drop and a neckbreaker for two, Benoit props Jarrett on the top rope. Superplex by Benoit, two for Benoit. Jarrett powders, Jarrett avoids a baseball slide with Benoit chopping Jarrett. Jarrett sends Benoit groin first into the ringpost after a missed chop. Benoit is dropped on the guard rail, powerslam by Jarrett for two. Suplex by Jarrett for two, sunset flip by Benoit for two.

Clothesline by Jarrett for two, sleeper by Jarrett. Shoulder block by Jarrett, sleeper by Benoit. Jawbreaker by Jarrett, Benoit nails two big chops and a German suplex for two. The Harris Brothers aka Creative Control are at ringside, Benoit is elevated to the floor by Jarrett. Jarrett is on the top rope, Benoit rolls through the crossbody for two, Irish whip by Jarrett. Benoit flips out of the suplex, back suplex and Benoit climbs to the top turnbuckle. Diving Headbutt by Benoit, Creative Control grabs Benoit’s foot. One twin distracts the referee, the other attacks Benoit. Stroke by Jarrett, here is Dustin Rhodes. Dustin Rhodes hammer one twin, Benoit waffles Jarrett with the guitar and scores with the win.

What a how crowd, The Canadians must have been starved of pay per views in WCW. Good outing for Jarrett in his first pay per view match, Benoit was over like rover in his home country. Jarrett was a great foil who made Benoit look like a champ, it got a bit crazy with all the interference at the end of the match but I dug it, you have a great story to tell with Benoit in the final of the tournament in his home country and it looks like a readymade feud with Dustin Rhodes.

Winner: Chris Benoit over Jeff Jarrett via Guitar Shot!

Jarrett is Angry!

Disco attempts to cut a promo but Jarrett & Creative Control beat the piss out of Disco before the match, leaving Disco weakened.

(WCW Cruiserweight Championship Match) Disco Inferno © vs Evan Karagias W/ Madusa

Disco is with Tony, a stereotypical Italian mobster, Disco owes Tony 25,000 dollars. Karagias attacks Disco on the ramp, suplex and springboard crossbody for two. Headscissors by Karagias, Disco shoves off Karagias and rams him into the turnbuckle. Stomps by Disco, inverted atomic drop for two. Suplex by Disco for two, Disco flirts with Madusa. Karagias slides out of a suplex, crucifix for two. Clothesline by Disco, Karagias slides through a powerbomb for two. Spinning reverse elbow for two, Disco regains control with a Russian legsweep. Scoop slam and middle rope elbow for two, Karagias is sent to the floor by Disco. Madusa supports Karagias, Disco dives into a dropkick by Karagias.

Disco blocks a splash with his knees, DDT by Disco. Two for Disco, Madusa slaps Disco on the floor. Karagias attacks Disco, Tony flirts with Madusa. Lou Thesz Press by Karagias, Karagias has Tony. Disco has a chair, Disco hits Tony by accident. Springboard crossbody by Karagias for the win.

Utterly ridiculous, you have a retirement match on this show but that pales in comparison to Disco, Disco’s life was on the line shouted Schiavone multiple times. Disco could be killed as a result of this match, riveting stuff. How dare they chant boring at Disco, the man could be killed don’t they understand??? Yeah.. this match was shite, Karagias was nowhere near ready for a singles push, poor planning by WCW.

Winner: Evan Karagias over Disco Inferno via Crossbody!

Screaming Norman Smiley/Powers That Be!

Smiley is terrified of everything, this is the man’s gimmick. Excellent stuff, it is actually quite enjoyable. On the other side, we have Russo saying Jarrett blew his chances tonight.

(WCW Hardcore Championship Match) Norman Smiley vs Brian Knobbs W/ Jimmy Hart

Knobbs wallops Smiley with a trash can, broom to the balls by Knobbs. Knobbs misses a trash can middle rope splash. Smiley smacks Knobbs with a trash can, hockey stick to the head by Smiley. Smiley puts the trash can on Knobbs’ head, huge hockey stick to the head. Smiley rides Knobbs with The Wiggle, Knobbs elbows the crap out of Smiley. Smiley kicks off Knobbs, Jimmy Hart grabs Smiley. Knobbs recovers to beat Smiley with trash cans. Smiley beats Knobbs with a chair backstage, Knobbs has a table. Smiley is sent into the table, Knobbs is banged off a wall. Knobbs breaks a crutch over Smiley’s back. They make their way towards storage with lots of cardboard boxes and food, Smiley beats Knobbs down in the elevator. Jimmy Hart hits Knobbs with a trash can by mistake, Smiley wins the match.

Smiley is one of the few things that were good about WCW at this time, it was actually funny comedic relief from WCW. This match was a lot of shite though, they just could not replicate what the WWF were doing at the time. And there were thousands of times where we saw trash cans to the head in this match, nothing happened but the finish is Jimmy Hart hitting Knobbs with a trash can, beautiful.

Winner: Norman Smiley over Brian Knobbs via Trash Can to The Head!

Revolution/Filthy Animals/Jarrett/Disco Promo

Holy fuck, did they really try to jam pack all this in back to back? Ok, The Filthy Animals and Revolution cut promos, Jarrett is going to prove himself ot The Powers That Be and Disco is a dead man for Nitro.

The Filthy Animals vs Revolution (Elimination Match)

Malenko and Eddie start us off, ten punches by Eddie but Malenko is sent to the floor by Eddie. Saturn moonsaults onto both, Kidman dives onto Saturn. Torrie is in the ring, Asya clotheslines Kidman. Torrie takes down Asya, catfight in the ring. Kidman saves Torrie, BK Bomb on Asya. Torrie is holding her ankle, Malenko rolls-up Kidman due to Eddie caring about Torrie.

Kidman has been eliminated by Malenko!

Saturn and Malenko clothesline Eddie, Torrie sits in the corner “selling” and I use that word lightly. Backbreaker and diving knee by Saturn & Malenko for two, double back elbow by Asya & Saturn. Asya suplexes Eddie, two for Asya. Tag to Malenko, Eddie slips out of a suplex for a roll-up, two for Eddie. Hurricanrana on Malenko for the elimination.

Dean Malenko has been eliminated via Hurricanrana!

Exploder suplex by Saturn, right hand by Asya. Double underhook slam by Asya for two, clotheslines by Asya. Saturn is in, superkick to Asya by mistake. Saturn is elevated to the floor, Frog Splash on Asya.

Asya has been eliminated via Frog Splash!

Northern lights suplex by Saturn for two, sleeper by Saturn. Eddie jawbreakers his way out, Saturn goes back to the sleeper. Sleeper by Eddie, back suplex by Saturn. Tornado DDT by Eddie for two, Eddie gets caught for a Death Valley Driver, two for Saturn. Saturn misses an elbow drop, hurricanrana by Eddie for two. Eddie climbs to the top turnbuckle, Saturn was playing possum. Crossbody with Saturn rolling through into a Rings of Saturn, Eddie taps to The Rings of Saturn.

Eddie Guerrero has been eliminated via Rings of Saturn!

Saturn grabs Torrie by the hair, Torrie low blows Saturn for a two count. Douglas is on the apron, Saturn low blows Torrie. Saturn had to low blow Torrie to beat her, Saturn poses with his dick over Torrie.

Well, that was pointless in the grand scheme of things, you know the way I said that WCW felt second rate with its hardcore division? Well, having women wrestle men like Madusa, Asya and even Torrie feels like they are trying way too hard to have Chyna and just having women being beaten up by men just looks so wrong when you look back, I mean sometimes they have to get what’s coming to them but seeing them bumped around by men is still weird unless its Chyna who was promoted as being just as tough as the men. And Saturn looks great right? Low blowing a woman to win the match?

Winners: The Revolution over The Filthy Animals via Low Blow!

Curt Hennig vs Buff Bagwell

Before the match, Jarrett and Creative Control beat the piss out of Bagwell. They come to the ring and beat up Hennig, Bagwell saves Hennig. So, Hennig starts beating up Bagwell, great, great stuff once again WCW. Hennig rams Bagwell into the guard rail, chops by Hennig. Bagwell sends Hennig into the guard rail, Hennig low blows Bagwell to stay in the match. Hotshot by Bagwell, Bagwell stomps all over Hennig. Back elbow by Bagwell, choke from the supposed face Bagwell.

Hennig leg drops on the groin of Bagwell, sleeper from The Perfect One. Bagwell fights out but eats a knee from Hennig, another sleeper from Hennig. Elbow drop by Hennig for two, corner clothesline by Hennig, Bagwell rakes the eyes. Scoop slam, Hennig dodges a terrible looking splash. Small package by Hennig for two, chops by Hennig. Hennig runs into a boot from Bagwell, Blockbuster by Bagwell and this match is over.

Boring affair from these two, sums up Hennig’s career in WCW. It was disappointing, the crowd did not care for either man. They were sitting on their hands, Hennig is applauded by all the fans as he is set to retire yet, research shows that Hennig is back the next night on Nitro. They also cut away from Hennig’s celebrations with the fans, if you want to make it sincere, at least let the man walk up the ramp.

Winner: Buff Bagwell over Curt Hennig via Blockbuster!

Bret Hart vs Sting (Tournament Semi-Final Match)

Sting was champion, lost the main event of Halloween Havoc, he was defeated by Goldberg. The referee handed Goldberg the championship, there was confusion all around so they decided to reset the next night on Nitro. Bret had been absent for a long time due to injury and coping with the death of his brother Owen, Hart finally has a chance to show why he was worth such a fat contract and a big signing.

Sting is in what appears to be slacks and a t-shirt, Sting seems to be heeling it up with his promo before the match. Lock-up, shoving match with Sting talking trash to Hart, right hands by Hart. Headbutt floors Sting, Sting is raked across the top rope, gut shot by Hart and another huge headbutt. Sting is dumped to the floor, Hart bangs Sting off the guard rail. Hart dominates with elbows, inverted atomic drops and clotheslines before Sting rakes the eyes, hard Irish whip by Sting. Hart comes out of the corner with a clothesline of his own, Sting goes low to gain control. Foot choke by Sting, scoop slam and an elbow for two. Reverse chinlock by Sting, Hart fires up and out of the hold.

However, Sting takes back control with a knee to the sternum, two for Sting. Hart is on the floor, they trade control on the floor before Sting slams Hart into the guard rail. Irish whip to the corner by Sting, Hart boots Sting. Hart climbs to the top turnbuckle, Sting pulls the referee in the way. Sting and the referee are down, Luger comes down and whacks Sting with the bat in the knee. Hart low blows Luger, Sharpshooter on Luger. The referee calls Hart the winner by DQ, the referee reverses the decision with Hart’s consent. Hart goes back to Sting, Russian legsweep for two. Backbreaker and a middle rope elbow is blocked by a foot from Sting. Scorpion Deathlock by Sting, Hart batters Sting’s leg and reverses the hold for a Sharpshooter, Sting taps.

Another short match, that’s the problem of having so many matches on the card. The Luger stuff was pointless, unnecessary and stupid. If you want to put Hart over strong, have him beat Sting with The Sharpshooter fair and square. The restarting of the match was not needed and also, Hart did not beat Sting in a fair fight if Luger waffles Sting’s leg with the baseball bat. Tainted victory for Hart, completely missing what they were going for there but it is WCW, they screw everything up.

Winner: Bret Hart over Sting via Sharpshooter!

Chris Benoit/Lex Luger Interviews

Chris Benoit looks forward to his match with Bret Hart, Bret won the first encounter but maybe Bret won’t be so lucky this time around. Luger is in a neckbrace, Luger claims Hart has injured his neck and that he will not be competing tonight.

Vampiro & Jerry Only vs Berlyn & The Wall (Chain Match)

We have the bassist of The Misfits Jerry Only competing in a match with Vampiro against a gimmick that was dead in the water by its first pay per view appearance. Just to rub salt in the wounds, we have Ed Ferrera as Oklahoma alongside Dr Death grace us with their presence. This match begins with Berlyn walloping the referee, Jerry Only is sent to the floor. The Wall is wrestling in his suit, Berlyn and Only are going toe to toe on the floor. The Wall stunguns Vampiro, Berlyn has Only strapped to a guard rail, headbutt by Vampiro on The Wall.

Berlyn saves The Wall from a slam, Vampiro is yanked off the top rope again. The Wall Chokeslams Vampiro, Berlyn yanks off The Wall. The Wall wants to win, why does Berlyn not want to win? The Wall takes off the chain, Berlyn has the chain and begins whipping Vampiro. The Wall walks out, Vampiro chops Berlyn. Superplex by Vampiro, double suplex by Vampiro & Jerry Only. Nail in The Coffin by Vampiro, camel clutch with the chain by Vampiro, Berlyn submits.

Fuck me, that was awful. Who did Vampiro piss off? ICP and The Misfits as his partners, the poor guy never had a chance. They kill off Berlyn even more with The Wall walking out on Berlyn, Ferrera’s commentary is a pretty good imitation of JR but mocking someone with Bell’s Palsy, yeah, not a good move and poor taste. After the match, Williams comes in and attacks Vampiro & Jerry Only, Doc should have stayed in All Japan, he was treated with respect by Baba & Misawa.

Winners: Vampiro and Jerry Only over Berlyn & The Wall via Camel Clutch!

Lex Luger W/ Miss Elizabeth vs Meng

Luger cost Meng an opportunity at the world championship, Meng is out for revenge. Luger is in his neckbrace/collar thing, Meng does not give a damn. Meng pummels Luger who tries leaving, chops by Meng. Suplex after an eye rake by Luger, Meng is back on his feet. Meng rams Luger into the ring apron, Luger jumps Meng in the ring with a huge clothesline. Meng grabs the throat for a Tonga Death Grip, Meng stomps the bejesus out of Luger. Elizabeth distracts Meng, Luger takes over with a clothesline and powerslam. Meng chops back at Luger, Luger clubs at Meng. Meng awakens, no effect on Meng. Luger’s punches fall flat, headbutts and clotheslines by Meng.

Side kick by Meng, Elizabeth has powder. A pepper spray, Elizabeth sprays Luger in the eyes. Meng rips off the neckbrace. Tonga Death Grip by Meng, Luger sinks to the mat, struggling for air and this match ends with Meng picking up the victory of Luger.

You know what I would love? A clean finish, that would be so lovely. No interference, just somebody beating somebody else. Not partners walking out, not distractions just a damn clean win. The neckbrace is a nice idea to block The Tonga Death Grip but show do not tell. Show that Luger is using it to block the grip, do not have Schiavone begin screaming and blurting out why Luger has the neckbrace.

Winner: Meng over Luger via Tonga Death Grip!

(WCW United States/Television Championship Match) Scott Hall © vs Booker T

At some point in October, we had the return of Scott Hall and the reformation of The Outsiders. Rick Steiner was injured which led to the vacating of the TV championship, it came into Hall’s possession and Hall is a double champion. While I may not have any glowing memories of Hall matches on pay per view in WCW bar the six man tag against Flair, Piper and Kevin Greene, it is good to see one of the best wrestling personalities back in the ring. It’s an open challenge and Booker T answers, looks like they are going back to the singles push for The Master of The Spinaroonie.

Booker shoves Hall, toothpick to the face by Hall. Lock-up, Hall works the arm with shoulder thrusts, over the shoulder throw by Hall. Sidekick by Booker for two, hard chop by Booker, sidewalk slam by Booker for two. Hall pulls Booker into the middle turnbuckle, right hands by Hall. Flying forearm by Booker, Hall powders to the floor. Kick to the gut by Hall, right hands by the champion. Chokeslam by Hall for two, fallaway slam by Hall. Clothesline to the floor by Hall, Booker’s face is bounced off the steel steps, two for Hall using the ropes for leverage.

Discuss right by Hall for two, sleeper by Hall. Here is Jarrett with Creative Control, Booker counters with a back suplex. Scissors Kick and Spinaroonie by Booker, Harlem Sidekick by the challenger. Scoop slam, Jarrett is with the referee. Booker takes out Creative Control, Jarrett distracts Booker which leads to The Outsider’s Edge. Here is Midnight, she helps Booker take out Creative Control.

Entertaining for what it was worth, Hall got the third biggest reaction of the night, only beaten by the two Canadian stars. More interference for a finish, I am beyond caring at this stage. Also, Midnight looking like another Chyna clone, how many women are wrestling against men in this company? That’s at least 4 women, this is a joke.

Winner: Scott Hall over Booker T via Outsider’s Edge!

Kimberley Page vs David Flair

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? Another woman wrestling a man, this is a joke. Kimberly ran over David Flair at one point, David Flair had been stalking Kimberly. The babyface is a stalker, wanting to rape a woman. Thank God for Kimberly Page, she was and is one beautiful woman. Kimberly looks super confident, Kimberly plays a heel quite well to be honest. Flair has his crowbar, Kimberly is stretching. Kimberly low blows Flair, Flair has a cup. Flair hits the referee, Kimberly is on her knees. Very sexual stuff, Kimberly begins to mess with Flair’s belt and pants. Kimberly pulls out the cup, kicks Flair in the balls and kicks Flair in the head. Kimberly chokes Flair with the cup, slaps to the back of the head.

Kimberly almost falls out of her top, Flair has his crowbar. Kanyon is here, Russian legsweep by Kanyon. Kanyon hammers away on Flair, Samoan drop by Kanyon. Here comes DDP, right hands by DDP. Diamond Cutter by DDP, Arn Anderson saves Flair from the crowbar. Flair is saved by Double A but Flair attacks Anderson when he awakens. DUD!

Goldberg vs Sid Vicious (I Quit Match)

These two behemoths went at it in a shit match at Halloween Havoc, Goldberg won due to excessive blood loss on the part of Sid, this was obviously not a pin-fall loss for Sid so, we go back to what works and have the big rematch. This is an I Quit Match, I am guessing the idea behind it is if either man loses, again it is not a pin-fall loss, they can save that for Starrcade, WCW’s Wrestlemania.

Eye rake by Sid to start, powerslam by Goldberg. Clothesline to the floor by Goldberg, Sid meets the guard rail. In the ring, Sid clubs down Goldberg, cobra clutch slam by Sid. Clothesline by Sid, camel clutch by Sid. Chokeslam by Sid, make it two. Goldberg catches Sid for a cross armbreaker, short-arm clotheslines by Goldberg. Right hands by Goldberg, Sid is on the mat, clutching his arm. Cobra clutch choke by Goldberg, Goldberg hooks the wrong arm, not grabbing the injured arm and just like that, it is over.

How can you tell a meaningful story in five minutes? How can you treat two of your big stars like that? How could Goldberg be so dumb that he did not grab the injured arm? What momentum does Sid have being choked out with a little cobra clutch? So many questions and I don’t even know the logic behind it, that finish helps nobody. Sid as The Millennium Man is weakened, there is no way back for Sid’s credibility after that bullshit.

Winner: Goldberg over Sid Vicious via Cobra Clutch!

(WCW World Heavyweight Championship Match) Chris Benoit vs Bret Hart (Tournament Final Match)

It began with thirty-two men, it is now down to two. Benoit and Hart battle for the top prize in WCW, they shake hands before the match begins. Lock-up with Hart backing Benoit into the corner, the referee breaks up the hold. Armdrag by Benoit, armwringer by Benoit. Hart backs Benoit into the corner, clean break from Hart. Test of strength, Hart works the arm of Benoit. Armbar by Hart, knee to the ribs by Benoit. Another knee by Benoit, snapmare into a reverse chinlock. Shoulder block by Benoit, sunset flip is countered for a Sharpshooter, Benoit reverses for a Crossface, Hart reaches the ropes. Hart clubs Benoit, right hands floor Benoit. Hard Irish whip by Benoit, we have somebody with a Canadian flag attacking Benoit. It turns out to be Malenko, Hart starts walloping Malenko.

Piledriver by Hart for two, Benoit reaches the ropes. Leg drop to the neck by Hart, stomps to the neck by Hart. Headbutts to the spine by Hart, Benoit chops back at The Hitman. Backbreaker by Benoit, back body drop by The Crippler. Back suplex by Benoit, Hart kicks Benoit in the ribs and nails a DDT for two. Benoit catches Hart for a tombstone, Benoit calls for The Headbutt. Diving Headbutt by Benoit, two for Benoit. Here’s The Outsiders, fallaway slam on Benoit. Goldberg Spears Nash, Hall waffles Goldberg with the chair. Hart clotheslines Hall, The Outsiders walk towards the back running from Goldberg. Benoit dragon screws Hart, Benoit drops his weight on the leg of Hart over and over.

Figure four by Benoit, Benoit stomps the leg of Hart. Hart fights back with a backbreaker for two, Hart has Benoit on the top rope. Superplex connects, Benoit writhes around in pain. Cover by Hart with Benoit reaching the ropes, Russian legsweep by Hart. Hart headbutts the back of Benoit, Benoit falls onto Hart for two when Hart cannot hold Benoit for a scoop slam. Benoit rolls to the floor, Benoit German suplexes Hart twice. Hart blocks the dragon suplex but Benoit counters for a Crossface attempt. Hart rolls through for a Sharpshooter, Hart sits it in and Benoit has to tap out to Bret Hart’s Sharpshooter.

Everything in the ring between Hart and Benoit was good stuff. Not a classic like there tribute match but it’s difficult for these men to have bad matches, a lot of psychology whether it be selling or working body parts, every move had a purpose, every move looked impactful. It is a shame the match could not be rated higher but you had pointless interference like every other match on this card. Why were The Outsiders there? Why was Jarrett and Creative Control not there if The Powers That Be demanded something be done on this night? Why retiring Curt Hennig their goal? This was the best match of the card wrestling-wise but so many of these matches were the same, referee bumps, interferences and so much shit, you would think that the world ending wouldn’t be enough to keep someone down.

Winner: Bret Hart over Chris Benoit via Sharpshooter!

That was WCW’s Mayhem of 1999, a total mess of a show. There were too many matches on this card and the show was booked for what it appears to be an audience of hyper children and people with ADD. Honest to God, there was so much shit going on with this show, it’s hard to narrow it down. Ok, interference in almost every match, referees being whacked left, right and centre, woman fighting men constantly, 4 or 5 promo segments after every match, cutting away when emotional or big moments happened. Random nonsense, terrible finishes and possible money matches being thrown down the toilet. This is the show that I would point to as what Vince Russo can do if in total control, this was just chaos!

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