Hello and welcome to another edition of Seanomaniac
Wrestling Reviews, the only wrestling review series on the internet that is
more of a rip-off than that Vanilla Midget Ricky Starks! It’s time for WWE No
Way Out 2009! The big feuds on this one include JBL vs Shawn Michaels, HBK’s
freedom is on the line as Shawn Michaels must win and if HBK does not win, JBL
will own Shawn Michaels for the rest of his career. We also have Shane Mcmahon
vs Randy Orton, Shane Mcmahon returned to avenge his father who was put in the
hospital by The Viper. We also have two massive Elimination Chamber matches
with both brand’s championships being defended with John Cena and Edge having
terrible odds heading into this night. A small card for sure but some big names
up and down the card, looking forward to seeing how this one plays out!
(WWE World Championship Match) Edge © vs Triple H
vs The Undertaker vs Jeff Hardy vs The Big Show vs Vladimir Kozlov
Big match here to kick us off, thought they would not
have Jeff Hardy in here to protect the former champion from another big loss
especially with Big Show, Taker and Triple H in there, all people who we could
see beaten Jeff Hardy. Edge comes in to start with Hardy, Hardy lands
neckbreakers and clotheslines. Edge is rattled before a reversal leads to a big
boot, loud Hardy chants in the arena. Two off the boot, Edge crossbodies the
back of Hardy for another two. Measured right hands by Edge, whip to the
opposite buckle but Hardy answers with a head-scissors, inverted atomic drop
followed by a leg drop and a low dropkick. Twist of Fate and Edgecution are
countered before Hardy lands the Twist of Fate. Edge dodges the Swanton Bomb, Edge
measures for The Spear. Hardy counters for a small package, 1…2…3! Edge is
irate, Edge cannot believe it. We are going to have a new champion again,
Edge’s return has gone from bad to worse. Unthinkable considering how Edge was
protected constantly in the main event scene, Edge is in pure shock and has to
leave the chamber.
Kozlov is the first out of the chamber, not good for
Hardy. Big boot by Kozlov, shoulder thrusts in the corner, clubbing forearms.
Hardy lands a knee to the head, dropkick to the knee. Hardy tries a middle rope
crossbody but Kozlov lands a massive headbutt, Hardy is tossed into the cage
wall. Hardy eats headbutts and knees by The Moscow Mauler. Huge kick to the
ribs, fallaway slam by Kozlov for two. Back-breaker by Kozlov for two, Hardy
fights back and lands a jaw-breaker followed by a massive slingshot dropkick.
Kozlov eats a Whisper In The Wind, we will have a new entrant. Big Show is our
next entrant, not looking good for Hardy.
Show lands a gut punch and tosses Hardy across the
ring, Show steps on Hardy. Headbutt from Show, Kozlov headbutts Hardy. Knees by
Kozlov, little bit of friendly competition between Kozlov & Show, Show is
going to show his power with a big slam on Hardy. Kozlov is game to answer,
Hardy begins fighting both men before a headbutt by Show brings down Hardy.
Kozlov headbutts down Show, the two monsters are brawling now. These intervals
between wrestlers is super long I feel, Show wants a suplex on Kozlov. Show
misses a corner splash, Kozlov lands shoulder thrusts before Show lands a
clothesline on Kozlov. Triple H comes out next, face-buster on Show. High knee
on Kozlov, Show is whipped to the buckle but reverses, Show misses a splash.
Triple H spine-busters Show, Hardy is clotheslined down by Triple H.
Kozlov is low-bridged to the steel floor, Show lands a
sidewalk slam on Triple H. Kozlov is going after Hardy, Taker wants to punch
the head off of Show but Taker must wait until the buzzer goes off to enter the
ring. Triple H escapes a Chokeslam but eats a gorilla press slam, Hardy and
Triple H begin working together. Show is on the steel floor, Kozlov eats a
double suplex. Whisper In The Wind on Triple H, Taker is coming into the ring.
Taker explodes on Show, rights and lefts. Same treatment for Kozlov, Snake-Eyes
and a big boot. Corner clotheslines, flying clothesline on Show.
Taker is going Old School on Triple H, Taker dives off
onto Show. Show wants a Chokeslam counter but Show eats a DDT on the steel
floor. Taker nails Old School on Triple H this time, big boot on Hardy. Out of
nowhere, Kozlov lands a massive headbutt and shoulder thrusts on Taker, ten
punches in the corner by Kozlov. Taker counters for The Last Ride, goodbye
Show is staggering to his feet, Chokeslam on Taker.
Triple H wants a pedigree on Show but Show back-drops Triple H onto the steel
floor, Hardy is up now. Show military slams Hardy onto Triple H, Triple H does
a terrible job of catching Hardy. Show tries shoving Hardy into the cage, Hardy
climbs the cage but gets crotched on top of the pod. Show is climbing to the
top, Taker is hammering away at Show. Huge battle on the top rope, superplex
from Taker. Triple H staggers to his feet and Pedigrees Show, Hardy shows signs
of life and decides it's time for a Swanton Bomb. Big Show has been Eliminated!
Three heavy-hitters left in this match, Hardy misses a
Whisper In The Wind. Triple H lands right hands on Taker, Taker reverses that
and pummels Triple H. Whip to the buckle with Triple H tumbling to the steel, Old
School on Hardy doesn’t connect as Triple H crotched Taker on the top rope.
Hardy lands Poetry in Motion using Taker as a base but Taker picks up Hardy
through the ropes and lands a Tombstone for the elimination, Jeff Hardy’s dream
will not be fulfilled again on this night.
Taker vs Triple H, this could go either way. Taker is
looking a little worse than Triple H, big boot by Taker. Taker lands a headbutt
and a measured straight before missing a big boot in the corner, Taker tastes
the steel. In the ring, Triple H tries a double axe handle but Taker lands a
Chokeslam for a close two, Irish whip to the buckle. Triple H boots Taker,
Taker lands Snake-Eyes but Triple H answers with a spine-buster. Two for Triple
H, we are on the floor again. Taker catapults Triple H into the chain wall,
Taker wants a tombstone, both men tease tombstones before Taker lands a massive
tombstone. Triple H places his foot on the rope to survive, Taker walks into a
Pedigree. 1….2…. Taker kicks out of The Pedigree!
Both men are trading punches in the corner, Taker
naturally wins that war but Triple H gives back to some huge right hands. Taker
is whipped to the buckle, Triple H goes for ten punches. Taker looks for the
Last Ride but Triple H learns from Wrestlemania X7 and slips out for a
Pedigree! Game Over!
I will acknowledge the finish as a callback to
Wrestlemania X7, it’s just a very interesting choice heading into Mania, the
WWE Championship is going to switch shows, I have no idea when but I have no
memory of Cena wrestling extensively on Smackdown so I can’t imagine it lasted
long but to have Triple H as the face of Smackdown for many months and then go
back to Triple H so soon after Edge coming back and Hardy winning the
championship feels strange to me, did Triple H need the championship to justify
fighting Orton? Considering Orton would take out Triple H’s father-in-law and
brother-in-law, I don’t think it was necessary but then again, where would they
have gone with Edge? Would they be bold enough to do Matt Hardy vs Jeff Hardy
for the championship? Never so it is really interesting to see how things are
working out, I still don’t think Jeff should have been in the match but as far
as the action goes, it’s really strong once Taker hits the ring. Big shots, awesome
sequences and finisher-reversals galore.
Winner: Triple H via Pedigree!
(No Holds Barred Match) Shane Mcmahon vs Randy
Orton kicked the head off of Vince Mcmahon, Orton had
backed WWE in the corner by claiming that he had a mental illness and WWE would
be sued into oblivion for this mistake. Shane wants to avenge his father and is
promising to make sure Orton does not make it to Wrestlemania.
Shane pops Orton in the mouth, I imagine Shane didn’t
pull his punches so Orton will be honestly kicking Shane as hard as he can when
the time comes, Shane uses his jabs to frustrate Orton. These jabs got worse
over the years, Orton kicks low and punches the shit out of Shane. Shane lands
right and lefts, Orton is being knocked around the ring, Shane sends Orton to
the floor. Baseball slide, Shane brings out the toys. A table and a trash can,
Orton lands his back-breaker and sends Shane back first into the ring-apron.
Kicks to the ribs, belly to back suplex by Orton. Orton exposes the turnbuckle,
Shane meets it hard. Boot to the chest by Orton, Shane rolls to the floor and
comes back with a kendo stick, Shane beats Orton all across the back. Orton is
waffled in the head with the announce monitor, Orton is bleeding from his head.
Orton is limp and placed on the table, Shane is thinking of diving through the
table. However, here comes Legacy! Shane is beaten in the corner, Cody has
grabbed a steel chair. Cody cracks Dibiase by mistake and Shane DDTs Cody on
the chair, of course nobody would help Shane because its not necessary. Shane
can beat everyone by himself, Orton is a proper bloody mess. Cody Rhodes is in
the corner with a trash can in his face, Shane is going Coast to Coast! Cody
Rhodes is taken out! Shane is thinking of diving to the announcer table too,
Shane‘s back is destroyed but here comes Shane, Shane crashes and burns as
Orton moves out of the way.
Shane is in horrible pain, Shane has somehow made it
to the apron. Orton walks over to Shane, Orton grabs Shane and snaps him with a
DDT across the ropes. Shane kicks out of the DDT, Orton grabs the table. Orton
wants a superplex from the top rope, beautifully executed from The Viper. Shane
kicks out at two, Orton decides to smash Shane’s head into the table-frame,
Garvin Stomp time, massive knee-drop to the throat. Two for Orton, Orton
measures for The Punt Kick. Shane counters with a spear, Shane grabs a chair
and cracks Orton across the back, a second shot to the ankle. Third shot to the
ankle, fourth shot to the other foot. Orton is begging for mercy, Shane
measures and measures. Final shot to the head, Shane wants to punt Orton but
Orton suckered Shane in for an RKO and it’s over!
Typical Mcmahon Affair here, you get wildly
entertaining moments that make up for the lack of athleticism or co-ordination
that they possess but the match also goes too long and the mcmahons always
coming out a little too strong. This is on full display here with Shane as you
get table bumps, two actually a Coast To Coast and multiple weapon shots to
cover up Shane’s lack of attack. This was very good, very entertaining but once
Shane hit The Coast To Coast and missed the table elbow, Orton should have
annihilated him. Orton should have hit the DDT and punted Shane’s head off or
nailed an RKO. Instead we have Shane surviving a table suplex, a DDT and more
and even countering the punt, overkill on here to keep Shane strong with a
mistake leading to his pin-fall. But they run the company so what are you going
to do right?
Winner: Randy Orton over Shane Mcmahon via RKO!
(ECW World Heavyweight Championship Match) Jack
Swagger © vs Finlay W/ Hornswoggle
Oh I do not have a good feeling about that, Swagger
looked exposed against Matt Hardy and Finlay is a veteran, rough old bastard
and I just do not know if this will work out. They also have the issue of
trying to have a match when Christian has returned and everyone wants to see
Christian. Things start out with Finlay beating the piss out of Swagger’s leg,
leg-locks and stomps etc before Swagger kicks Finlay into the ring-post.
Hammerlock with knees by Swagger, Swagger continues working the arm with a
variation of the cross-arm-breaker. Finlay breaks free of the arm-work before
Swagger sends Finlay to the corner, Finlay is down in the corner. What is going
on here? I think they messed up the spot big time, referee is out of position
on a pin which fucks up their false-finish spot. Swagger clubs Finlay in the
corner, Finlay shoves off Swagger. Boot to the head, uppercut by the
challenger. Short-arm clothesline, middle rope crossbody for two. Clotheslines
by Finlay and a hip drop for two, shoulder in the corner. Hornswoggle distracts
Finlay, Finlay is shoved into Hornswoggle. Swagger latches on and lands his
Gut-Wrench Powerbomb for the win!
Oh boy this died an awful death in front of the fans,
they didn’t give a damn about this match. Not even Finlay’s stiffest shots to
the face of Swagger could generate any reaction from the crowd. Seems they are
teasing something between Finlay & Hornswoggle too, guess that would soon
lead to the death of Hornswoggle’s career but yeah, I didn’t give a damn about
this match and neither did the fans.
Winner: Jack Swagger over Finlay via Gut-Wrench
JBL vs Shawn Michaels
Shawn Michaels went broke and needed money, JBL
offered his money. The deal was Michaels would make JBL World Champion, it
would not happen as HBK sunk to depths that he never wanted to sink to in his
career. HBK would risk it all in this match, his career could be owned by JBL
if JBL wins this match.
Lock-up with JBL showing his strength, JBL talks shit
to HBK’s face. One mistake is all I need says JBL, lock-up again with same
result before Michaels clubs the shite out of JBL who scrambles to the floor.
Michaels tries quick covers but JBL is too strong, shoulder block by JBL and a
massive elbow drop for two, HBK slips out of a scoop slam and chops block the
leg. Figure Four Leg-Lock by HBK, crossface by HBK. JBL slips out and uses his
power to crush HBK, elbow drops over and over. HBK kicks out at two, HBK cannot
gain momentum as JBL applies a bearhug. Michaels is throwing bombs, JBL cannot
hold onto the submission. Chops by Michaels, JBL reverses the Irish whip but
lowers his head and pays for it with a neck-breaker.
Inverted atomic drop and chops, chops in the corner.
JBL whips Michaels to the corner, Michaels does his flip from the buckle. JBL
places Michaels on the top rope, Michaels is fighting back. Michaels is
fighting back, elbow floors JBL. Michaels wants his Elbow Drop, it misses as
JBL dodges it at the last second. Clothesline From Hell, 1…..2… HBK kicks out!
JBL lands a second Clothesline From Hell, JBL stares directly at Rebecca,
Michael’s wife after this move. JBL is going to try and win by count-out, Rebecca
has her head in her hands. Michaels survives the count, making it into the ring
at nine. Michaels is tossed to the floor, JBL is talking trash to Rebecca.
Rebecca slaps JBL, Michaels fires up after seeing
this. JBL reverses an Irish whip but eats a flying forearm, Lou Thesz Press by
HBK. Scoop slam, HBK is climbing high! HBK Elbow Drop finds the mark, Michaels
is going nuts. Tuning up the band, Sweet Chin Music and its over!
An emotional angle for sure but I thought it was not
what I am use to when it comes to my HBK, Michaels always delivers in the ring
but I thought this was more on the average side from a man who always delivers
in the ring. Maybe HBK thought JBL wasn’t worth his best efforts or could it be
that HBK was declining in that ring? Not something I want to think about but
yeah considering the time invested, it just felt flat to me.
Winner: Shawn Michaels over JBL via Sweet Chin
(WWE World Heavyweight Championship Elimination
Chamber Match) John Cena © vs Chris Jericho vs Mike Knox vs Kane vs Rey
Mysterio vs Edge
Mike Knox the main-eventer? Unbelievable how could it
go wrong from here? The other big shock here is that poor Kofi Kingston never
makes it to the match as Edge assaults Kofi on the way to the ring and takes
his spot in the chamber. I don’t think this was ever followed up on sadly, this
also robs us of potentially great high-spots from Kofi who sure as shit would
have dived off everything. Jericho and Mysterio to start, great way to kick us
off. Side headlock by Jericho, Mysterio uses knees to break out. Shoulder block
by Jericho, Mysterio monkey-flips Jericho. Jericho reverses an Irish whip,
head-scissors by Mysterio but Jericho rolls to the steel floor to avoid the
619. Tope con hilo by Mysterio, Mysterio clotheslines Jericho into the ring. Jericho
tweaks his knee and sells it well, Mysterio is landing ten punches in the
Mysterio is sent head-first into the pod as Jericho
dodges a corner spear, big reaction from the crowd on that one. Jericho lands a
beautiful suplex, two for Jericho. Jericho slaps on a reverse chin-lock, Mysterio
fights out but Jericho elevates Mysterio to the floor. Jericho wants a catapult,
Mysterio lands on the cage and drops down for a great hurricanrana. Seated springboard
senton for two, bulldog from Mysterio and we are going to have our next entrant
and it is Kane! Big boot by Kane to Mysterio, throat thrust for Jericho and
Kane stares down Edge. Sidewlak slam on Mysterio for two, throat thrust and
right hands on Jericho. Snap-mare into a low dropkick by Kane for two, Jericho
goes for the leg of Kane. Shoulder thrusts by Jericho, Kane lands his vicious
rights once more. Clothesline to the steel floor, Jericho’s knee is smashed
into the steel. Mysterio attacks Kane, clubbing blows again and again. Mysterio
lands a baseball slide, Kane clotheslines Mysterio down and re-enters the ring.
Mysterio dodges a corner boot, titl-a-whirl neck-breaker by Mysterio.
Kane dodges a Lionsault from Jericho and lands a right
hand, Mysterio drop toe-holds both men, Kane wants a Chokeslam on Mysterio but
Mysterio counters with a hurricanrana and lands a 619. Codebreaker on Kane, Mysterio
hurricanranas Jericho to the floor. Mysterio is on top of the pod and a massive
seated senton takes out The Big Red Machine! Kane is the first eliminated by a
huge move from Mysterio, great spot!
Mysterio is struggling to stand though, this was a
huge spot and maybe it was too much of a risk. Knox is the next man in the
ring, Knox is up against it in this match. The only man who feels like he does
not belong, Knox clubs Mysterio and lands a big boot on Jericho. Corner
clothesline on Mysterio, scoop slam on Jericho. Brody-like knee-drop on Jericho
for two, Knox chokes Mysterio under the bottom rope. Jericho is beaten down by
Knox, Jericho elevates Knox on the steel floor. Knox catches Jericho who tried
a springboard crossbody and Knox launches Jericho into the chain wall. Mysterio
jumps onto Knox, Knox slams Mysterio into the chain wall. Crushing Mysterio
against the wall, Mysterio is caught in the tree of woe using the chain wall.
Mysterio is looking like an MVP of this one already, Knox smashes Jericho off
of Cena’s pod.
Knox clubs down on Mysterio in the ring, Mysterio
dodges through the legs and looks for big leg-kicks. Knox lands a back-breaker
and is ready for his finish but Jericho comes out of nowhere with a Codebreaker
and that’s it for Knox, not an ideal showing for the big man. Guessing that
experiment is very much over, the clock ticks down once more. Will it be Edge
or Cena? It’s Edge, Mysterio attacks Edge the second the pod opens, Mysterio is
showing huge fire. Edge is tossed in the ring, springboard crossbody and a kick
to the ribs. Mysterio is on fire, Jericho saves Edge with a clothesline. Belly
to back suplex by Jericho, Edge goes after Jericho. These two are brawling now,
face-buster by Jericho. Lionsault misses as Mysterio blocks with the knees and
Edge goes for the Edge O Matic on Jericho for a close two. Edge whips Mysterio
to the buckle hard, Cena watches on as Edge plans a spear. Mysterio leaps over
Edge, Edge uses the ropes to block a Codebreaker, Mysterio trips Edge for the
619 but Jericho spears Mysterio to stop the 619.
Jericho is climbing high, Mysterio is on the top rope
with Jericho. Edge clubs Mysterio, tower of doom sunset flip powerbomb by
Jericho. Edge is up first and Jericho is tossed to the floor, hard on the
steel. Edge knows who is next, Cena wants Edge badly. Cena comes in and lands
shoulder blocks and clotheslines, belly to belly suplex on Edge. Fisherman
suplex and face-buster, Jericho is on the floor. Cena lands a belly to back
suplex on Edge, Five-Knuckle-Shuffle time! FU is blocked as Jericho lands a
Codebreaker, Mysterio lands a 619 and Edge lands a Spear and Cena has been
eliminated! The fans are in shock, Jericho and Edge are in shock and the fans
too. There will be another new champion tonight!
Mysterio is an underdog here with the two Canadians
looking to destroy the high-flyer, Jericho and Edge are in position for a 619.
Jericho is waffled in the face, Edge dodges but meets the ring-post courtesy of
Mysterio. Jericho counters a springboard senton for the walls but Mysterio
reverses the hold for a roll-up, Mysterio has eliminated Jericho! Edge measures
Mysterio, Mysterio does not know Edge is waiting for him. Edge has a sadistic
look on his face, Mysterio dodges and rolls-up Edge for a close two.
Springboard crossbody for two, sunset flip by Edge goes wrong as Mysterio rolls
through and kicks Edge square in the head. Forearms by Mysterio, springboard
moonsault is stopped by Edge but Mysterio counters again for a DDT. Edge boots
Mysterio down hard, massive big boot to the head. Edge wants a powerbomb on the
floor but Mysterio counters with a face-buster, Edge is placed on the rope. 619
to the back of the head, Edge reverses and cracks Mysterio’s head off the pod!
Mysterio can barely stand and Edge measures, a massive Spear and Edge is your
new WWE World Heavyweight Champion!
Got to love that WWE Logic of Edge just joining the
Chamber match but this was great, Mysterio is the MVP of this one. Crazy spots
from Mysterio who showed incredible fire and creativity. From the senton off
the top of the pod, the dropping hurricanrana, the various false-finishes with
Edge it was just magic. Mysterio showing that if they want to go that route, it
is 100% viable as Mysterio is still one of the most popular babyfaces on the
roster. Cena’s elimination was treated like a big deal and rightly so, not a
soul thought Cena would be eliminated and definitely nobody thought that Cena
would be taken out so early into the match. Great drama here and a great end to
Winner: Edge via Spear!
That was WWE’s No Way Out 2008, a solid PPV from WWE.
It’s very hard to knock a show with two Chamber matches and I can’t really find
a way to bring them down on that. We kick things off with the Smackdown
Elimination Chamber match, very interesting start with Edge being eliminated, big
names galore in this one but I still feel that a Hardy loss in a big match like
this was not the right call. Taker and Triple H have a very exciting preview of
their match that will take place at WM27, good false-finishes that keep the
fans on the edge of their seat and a possible callback to Wrestlemania X7 in
the finish leaves me very satisfied when it comes to this Chamber Match.
Mcmahon vs Orton is interesting but goes on for a
little too long, Shane gives you entertainment and all the bells and whistles
to make sure you aren’t thinking this is boring but after a Coast to Coast and
an announcer table bump, I didn’t need to see a Shane comeback, would have been
find with Orton punting him into oblivion and calling it a day. Entertaining brawl
for sure with big enough spots to keep you engaged but gets tedious towards the
end. The ECW Championship was not horrible but it was out there to die a
horrible death and it certainly achieved just that, not buying into Swagger as
a face of the brand. I think it is clearly a case of too much too soon and I
believe that they must be hoping that Christian can help Swagger grow into a fully-fleshed
out top heel because I haven’t seen it in two PPVs.
JBL vs Michaels is a great angle, the match cannot
hold a candle to it. HBK steals every show that he is on, you can see me raving
plenty of times about his selling and timing, the way he can carry a mediocre
show but this was not the HBK I know and love, not even close. Never really got
going, JBL was going to get his head taken off and that was it, not worth
paying to see. Finally, the second Chamber match is very entertaining, the only
real low point being Knox’s run in the Chamber, Knox was slow and looked out of
his league in there and the Codebreaker finish tells you everything you need to
know about him. Mysterio shines the brightest here, huge reactions throughout
for various spots and an ending that pulls on your heart and makes you so furious
that they didn’t put the championship on Mysterio. An amazing start and finish
to the show with some boring parts in between, seek out the two Chamber
matches. Thanks for reading and remember: there’s always another night!