Saturday 22 July 2017

WWE No Mercy 2005 Review

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Hello and welcome to Seanomaniac Wrestling Reviews, the only wrestling review series on the internet that spits in the face of people who aren’t cool! It’s time for WWE’s No Mercy 2005, a Smackdown exclusive headlined by Eddie Guerrero taking on Batista, we also have Rey Mysterio battling JBL and the likes of MNM, Christy Hemme, Nunzio and Mr. Kennedy. Smackdown had a good Summerslam but it was time to deliver on their own pay per view, Batista’s previous headlined pay per view for Smackdown was decent at best, they needed something more. Could this be a homerun for the WWE or will it be a Smackdown flop?

Opening Promo

It is all about Eddie Guerrero, Eddie claims to be reformed and no longer a hateful, manipulative piece of trash. Batista is wise not to trust Latino Heat but Eddie is a master of manipulation and even Batista is beginning to think that Eddie is a changed man. We switch focus to Orton vs Taker, Orton has begun playing mind games with The Undertaker and it’s something you simply do not do as Taker has challenged The Ortons to a Casket Match. Some solid stuff right here, The Eddie/Batista thing seemed very interesting while Orton vs Taker had been stretched out for a longtime but continued to be exciting and interesting.

MNM vs LOD & Christy Hemme

At Great American Bash, LOD defeated MNM with Heidenreich working well with Animal to win the gold, Christy Hemme was drafted to Smackdown alongside Stacy Keibler, Christy became the manager of the champions and was the victim of a devastating Snapshot from MNM. The champions and Christy are out for revenge, this could be fun at the very least or a train-wreck.

Heidenreich brings in Nitro to start the match, big boot by Animal. Scoop slam and tag to Heidenreich, lefts and rights by Heidenreich. Clothesline by Heidenreich for two, tag to Animal. Double back elbow by LOD, corner clothesline by Animal. Nitro dodges a corner clothesline, Animal smacks his bandaged shoulder off the turnbuckle. Mercury is in and kicks the arm, repeated shoulder thrusts and kicks to the arm with Animal falling to the mat in pain. Cheap shot by Heidenreich, Snapshot by MNM. Nitro decks Heidenreich, two for Mercury. Tag to Nitro, Nitro works the arm in the ropes. Mercury hotshots the arm behind the referee’s back, Nitro continues to work the arm before Melina chokes Animal with her legs.

More shoulder work before a tag to Mercury, neckbreaker by Mercury for two. Mercury is on the top turnbuckle, Animal catches Mercury for a scoop slam, Nitro makes the save. Heidenreich is elevated to the floor by Nitro, Nitro misses a fist drop and smacks off the barricade. Melina tags in off Mercury, crossbody is blocked and Animal tags Christy. Hart Attack by Christy, Animal chucks Mercury to the floor. Christy nails a terrible hurricanrana, Christy drops Melina with The Doomsday Device for the win.

Fun even if the quality was not that great, silly of MNM to use their finish in such a pointless match for a two-count, I thought they would protect it more especially when they were the top team on the brand. Animal worked the whole match, that was the best possible thing for the match as Christy and Heidenreich looked terrible every time they did anything. However, I enjoyed the match at the end of the day.

Winners: LOD & Christy Hemme over MNM via Doomsday Device!

Batista & Eddie Guerrero Segment

Batista and Eddie Guerrero wish one another good luck, it is intense and the perfect setup for the awkward confrontation between the two.

Simon Dean vs Bobby Lashley

Simon Dean is on a segue and he drives to the ring, Simon has a waiter bring a tonne of burgers to the ring. Simon mocks the fat people of Houston as being the fattest city in America. Simon is so confident that he will achieve victory in his match that he promises to eat all twenty burgers if he cannot defeat Bobby Lashley. Lashley comes in looking like an absolute monster, side headlock by Simon Dean. Lashley throws Dean to the corner, shoulder block by Lashley. Simon scrambles to the ropes, double underhook suplex by Lashley. Shoulder thrusts by Lashley, Lashley misses a corner clothesline.

Simon throws burgers to distract the referee, Simon uses the tray to whack Lashley in the head. Wham but Simon is shocked to see that Lashley no-sells all of it. Big headbutt by Lashley, Lashley pulls Simon out of the corner and botches a very impressive looking Dominator to end the match. It is a shame because it would have been very spectacular but it was a squash match, not the type of thing you want on a pay per view.

Winner: Bobby Lashley over Simon Dean via Dominator!

Jillian Hall and JBL

Following Amy Weber’s firing, JBL was given Jillian Hall as his image consultant. JBL had made disparaging comments about the Raw roster which has raised the question of whether the Raw superstars will turn up at No Mercy. Mysterio interrupts JBL, claiming that Mysterio will walk away with the win tonight.

(WWE United States Championship Match) Booker T vs Orlando Jordan vs Chris Benoit © vs Christian

Four men with problems all around, best way to solve it is a multi-man match for the championship. Christian and Jordan take out Benoit before attacking Booker, rights and lefts by Christian before Booker double clotheslines Jordan and Christian. Side shufflekick by Booker on Jordan, chops by Booker. Christian trips Booker, yanking him to the floor and into the steel steps. Benoit has Jordan in The Crossface, Christian saves Jordan. Benoit chops Christian, knee to the ribs for Captain Charisma. Jordan takes chop and a slam, snap suplexes for both by the champion.

Christian is drop toeholded into Jordan’s nuts, roll-up by Benoit on Christian for two. Jordan saves Christian from a sharpshooter, Booker is on the top rope. Missile dropkick for Christian, rights and chops by Booker on Jordan. Catapult with Christian being sent to the floor, Jordan is clotheslined down. Booker and Benoit remain in the ring, lock-up with Booker pushing Benoit back. Clean break, Christian and Jordan jump Benoit & Booker. Benoit belly to belly suplexes Christian to the floor, Jordan clears out Benoit. Jordan chokes Booker with the ropes, double clothesline with both men down. Benoit climbs to the top turnbuckle, Christian and Benoit battle on the top rope.

Booker is whipped into both men, Benoit and Christian tumble to the floor. Sunset flip by Booker for two, flying forearm by Booker. Spinebuster for two with Christian saving the match. Sidekick for Christian, Harlem Sidekick for Benoit. Spinaroonie, Scissors Kick connects with Christian saving the match once more. Benoit is sent into Booker, Unprettier does not connect. German suplexes by Benoit, Jordan comes in and blocks a German suplex. Benoit tosses Jordan into Booker, release German suplex by Benoit. Three German suplexes by Benoit, Benoit climbs to the top rope. Diving Headbutt misses as Christian dodges, Oklahoma roll by Christian but Benoit rolls through for a Crossface.

Jordan saves the match, Booker takes out himself and Jordan with a huge clothesline. Christian tries Unprettier again, Benoit counters for a Sharpshooter. Christian has no choice but to tap as Chris Benoit retains his championship with Sharmell giving out to Booker.

That was fun at times but felt disjointed for much of it. It seemed they lost their way quite a few times with spots being changed on the fly like Benoit signalling for the headbutt but going back to suplex Christian, Jordan interrupting Benoit’s suplexes on Christian and the finish seemed to be out of the blue, the Oklahoma roll looked like it was the right finish and it looked good too but Jordan comes into the ring only to get knocked back out once more with Christian tapping seconds later anyways. With a bit of polishing and clean execution, this could have been a lot more memorable.

Winner: Chris Benoit over Everyone Else via Sharpshooter!

Bobby Lashley makes Simon Dean Eat!

We cut to the back where Simon Dean is being forced to eat the burgers from earlier by Bobby Lashley, it was a funny segment.

Ken Kennedy vs Hardcore Holly

Along with Bobby Lashley, we also have Ken Kennedy on the main roster making his pay per view debut. Unlike Lashley at the time, Kennedy had a great gimmick and charisma, Kennedy would do his own introductions making fun of the fans and hyping the shit out of himself like only a true dickhead can. Kennedy has pissed off Hardcore Holly, the veteran who every rising star must go through in order to be a star on the Smackdown brand.

Holly yanks Kennedy into the ring from the apron, boots by Holly. Suplex for two, right hands by Hardcore. Kennedy pokes the eyes before eating a dropkick, huge chop by Holly. Make it three, Kennedy begs for mercy. Headbutt by Kennedy, Kennedy throws Holly to the floor and sends Holly into the ringpost shoulder first. Shoulder thrusts by Kennedy, back suplex for two. Armbar by Kennedy, Holly armdrags Kennedy but Kennedy clotheslines Holly for two. Holly backs into the corner, chops by Holly. Kennedy nails a single arm DDT for two.

Another armbar by Kennedy, Holly begins swinging wildly at Kennedy. Right hands by Holly, back body drop by one-armed Holly. Back elbows by Holly, full-nelson slam by Holly for two. Corner clotheslines by Holly, flapjack by Holly. Rope-hung gut kick by Holly, jacknife cover for two. Kennedy tries a kick, Holly blocks and lands a clothesline for two, Holly climbs to the top rope. Kennedy meets Holly, Kennedy takes the arm and delivers The Green Bay Plunge for the win.

Holly may be the man you have to go through to be somebody on Smackdown but it does not make for exciting matches, Kennedy looked average at best following this performance. Another squash match on pay per view, not the best way to go about entertaining those in attendance or anybody rewatching the show like yours truly.

Winner: Ken Kennedy over Hardcore Holly via Green Bay Plunge!

Slyvain Attacks!/Simon Dean Eating/Sharmell Berates Booker

Grenier comes down to the ring, beating the piss out of Hardcore Holly and nailing his finish. Simon Dean finds a hair in his burger, Sharmell continues to get in the face of Booker, telling the five-time WCW Champion that Benoit is not Booker’s friend. Kennedy interrupts the two to tell everyone he won his match.

JBL W/ Jillian Hall vs Rey Mysterio

Following defeat to Batista, JBL looks to rebound against the man who was having his best year in WWE, Rey Mysterio. Mysterio was looking great after his fantastic feud with Eddie Guerrero, The Master of 619 was shining like the star we all knew he could be and it is awesome.

JBL shoves Mysterio hard in the face, Mysterio brawls with The Big Texan. Kicks to the leg, side headlock takedown by JBL. JBL holds onto Mysterio for what seems like forever, huge shoulder block by JBL. Mysterio avoids an elbow, JBL tumbles to the floor off a kick. Mysterio messes with JBL, sliding in and out of the ring with JBL becoming more blown-up with each passing second. Baseball slide by Mysterio, Mysterio looks out to the fans and JBL takes control. Huge chops by JBL, swinging neckbreaker by JBL. JBL clubs down Mysterio, Mysterio dropkicks the knee, flip-over neckbreaker for two. Leg lock by Mysterio, JBL kicks Mysterio in the head.

Eye poke by JBL, Mysterio nails a huge headscissors. JBL ducks a 619 and uses Jillian as a shield on the floor, Mysterio bulldogs down JBL. Mysterio tries re-entering the ring but JBL sweeps Mysterio’s legs, causing Mysterio to faceplant on the steel steps. JBL begins punishing Mysterio with rights and lefts, Mysterio boots JBL out of the corner. JBL meets Mysterio on the top rope, fallaway slam by JBL. Another fallaway slam by JBL, Mysterio rolls out to the floor. Mysterio is thrown on the floor, a third fallaway slam by JBL. Two for JBL, knees in the corner by JBL. Bearhug by JBL, Mysterio is placed on the top rope. Mysterio recovers for a tornado DDT, kicks to the knee by Mysterio.

Springboard crossbody, low dropkick by Mysterio. Hurricanrana to the corner by Mysterio, bronco buster. Jillian is on the apron, Mysterio avoids JBL who bounces his head off the top turnbuckle. Mysterio nails a moonsault for two, JBL winds up for a Clothesline, Mysterio nails a dropkick and a 619. Mysterio misses The West Coast Pop and JBL nails a huge Clothesline for the win.

It was good, big man vs little man matches are fun as the big guy throws around the smaller man and the comebacks from the underdog never fail to elicit a response from the crowd. JBL is a big bully, there is nobody in that arena cheering for the guy as it should be, Mysterio was picking up a lot of steam from the Eddie feud, I wonder if a win here for Mysterio would be for the best? Obviously, things would change with Eddie’s death and Mysterio being catapulted into the main event but even if that wasn’t the plan, Mysterio could have used a win to capitalize on all that momentum.

Winner: JBL over Rey Mysterio via Clothesline From Hell!

(Handicap Casket Match) Bob Orton & Randy Orton vs The Undertaker

The feud was tied at one a piece, Taker was victorious at Wrestlemania, Orton took time off to recover from an injury and was victorious at Summerslam. The feud had produced good matches and segments with this being another chapter in the war. The match starts out with Taker pummelling both Ortons, Bob saves his son by low blowing Taker. The two put the boots to The Deadman before Taker begins laying waste to Bob Orton. Bob Orton is in the casket as Randy takes a breather on the floor. Taker is whipped into the steel steps by Randy, Randy stomps all over Taker. Orton bounces Taker off the steel steps, Taker is dragged towards the casket.

Taker fights off Bob & Randy, Taker strikes Bob in the corner. Old School on Randy, Bob knocked into the ropes. Complete shot on Randy, shoulder thrusts to Bob. Taker motions for Old School on Bob, Randy recovers and crotches The Deadman. The Ortons have Taker on the top rope and nail a double superplex, Bob covers but Taker must be put in the casket. The Ortons plan to suplex Taker into the casket, Taker counters for a double DDT. Taker sits-up, Bob is chucked into the casket. Snake eyes and a big boot by Taker, Orton avoids a tombstone but not a clothesline. Bob has a fire extinguisher, Randy drops Taker with a backbreaker. Taker rams Randy back first into the ringpost, Bob is in the background with the extinguisher.

Bob eats a huge boot, Taker has a steel chair. Randy is smacked into the casket. Taker pummels Bob by the casket, triangle choke by Taker. Both Ortons are in the casket, Randy stops Taker closing the casket. Randy chokes Taker, slugfest in the casket. Taker pummels Randy in the ring, powerslam by Orton. Low blow by Taker as Randy hesitated placing Taker in the casket with his father Bob. Gut shots by Taker, Randy whips Taker to the corner but Taker blocks with a boot. Randy regains control with a dropkick, right hands by Orton. Ten punches in the corner by Randy, Taker motions for The Last Ride. Randy slides out the first time but Taker lands The Last Ride.

Taker motions for the end, Taker was planning on a tombstone into the casket. The extinguisher finally comes into play with Bob spraying Taker in the face. RKO by Randy, Bob begins rolling Taker into the casket. As Bob reaches the casket, Taker revives, grabbing the throat of Bob. Randy nails Taker with a fire extinguisher, Randy was about to close the casket but Taker drags Randy into the casket. Bob saves Randy and Randy clocks Taker with a steel chair, The Ortons close the casket before lighting the casket on fire at the top of the ramp.

Liked this match, fans were into Orton and Taker, they were loud for this one. Match was put together well with The Ortons cheating to control with Taker being a monster when on his own with one of the Ortons. They built up the drama too towards the end in a way they only can with Taker, multiple times it seemed like it was over for The Deadman but Taker was eventually overwhelmed with Orton trying to kill off Taker, yeah it is cheesy but we allow it and you know why? Because it is Taker damn it and for some reason, it works.

Winners: The Ortons over Undertaker by Placement In The Casket!

(WWE Cruiserweight Championship Match) Nunzio © W/ Big Vito vs Juventud Guerrera W/ The Mexicools

Juvi won a battle royal to earn this opportunity, they start off trading pins with Juvi winning the war, chops by Juvi and a big kick. Effortless headscissors by Juvi, backbreaker by Juvi. Two for Juvi, Juvi climbs to the top rope but Nunzio yanks Juvi to the canvas for two. Elbows to the back by Nunzio, surfboard stretch by Nunzio. Victory roll by Juvi for two, Russian legsweep by Nunzio for two. Juvi hammers Nunzio on the apron, both men facebuster one another from the top rope. Nunzio covers for two, Juvi covers for two.

Juvi boots Nunzio in the face, spinning wheel kick. Sunset flip roll through by Juvi, low dropkick for Nunzio by Juvi. Two for Juvi, shining wizard by Juvi for two. Nunzio backs into the corner, Juvi counters a headscissors for a facebuster. Two for Juvi, Nunzio misses The Sicilian Slice. Nunzio elevates Juvi to the apron, Vito grabs Juvi’s foot. Juvi kicks off Vito and nails a headscissors on Vito, Juvi is on the top rope. Crossbody, Nunzio rolls through for two. Nunzio dodges the Juvi Driver but Juvi nails a northern lights suplex which leads to The Juvi Driver for the win.

Crowd was dead for these two, I feel bad for them but when you follow Taker, you are asking for silence from the crowd. The Mexicools’ gimmick seemed to be working, they even conduct an interview in Spanish at ringside.

Winner: Juventud Guerrera over Nunzio via Juvi Driver!

Simon and The Last Burger

Lashley does not have the most intimidating voice for a big guy, it is like the complete opposite of what you would want for a monster. Anyways, Simon pukes after consuming nineteen burgers while Lashley makes some funny faces.

(WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match) Eddie Guerrero vs Batista ©

Eddie has changed his ways or so it seems, Eddie calls Batista a friend and talks about respect, Batista is weary of the words of Latino Heat. It is an interesting angle compared to everything else going on at the time. Also, Eddie does look massive and I know that this was just before his untimely death but there maybe we should have seen it coming with Eddie growing so much in size in 2005.

Eddie goes for the leg of Batista, Eddie takes down Batista. Batista kicks off Eddie, firemen’s carry by Eddie for a two. Both men smile like friends, Batista grabs Eddie’s arm in the test of strength, Eddie climbs to the middle rope and kicks at The Animal. Batista gets sick of this and yanks Eddie off the middle rope and halfway across the ring. Eddie recovers on the floor, side headlock by Batista. Eddie backs Batista into the corner, shoulder thrusts by Latino Heat. Batista smacks his ribs off a turnbuckle after a corner clothesline misses, they reset with a side headlock by Batista.

Eddie cannot escape on the first attempt, Eddie elbows out before scoop slams and shoulder blocks by Batista for two. Eddie powders, Eddie has a steel chair but looks at the chair and decides against using the chair. Batista has Eddie by the throat, hotshot by Eddie. Frog Splash across the ribs by Eddie for two, Eddie begins working the back with stomps and submission holds. Batista powers up and shakes off Eddie but Eddie dropkicks Batista in the spine. Single leg Boston crab by Latino Heat, Eddie wraps a tag rope around his hand from the turnbuckle and decides to throw it away. Dropkick by Eddie, Eddie applies a camel clutch. Batista reverses the hold into a bearhug, Eddie fights his way out, low dropkick by Eddie.

Eddie looks for a Texas cloverleaf, Batista counters for a small package, two for Batista. Eddie backs Batista into the corner, Batista whips Eddie to the corner, Eddie leapfrogs Batista but hits the referee. DDT by Eddie, Eddie sees the referee is down. Eddie has a steel chair, Eddie has second thoughts for the third time in this match. Batista and Eddie have words, right hands by Latino Heat. Batista spears Eddie into the corner, corner clotheslines and back drop by The Animal. Spear, Eddie rolls through The Batista Bomb but Batista blocks and delivers a spinebuster. Two for Batista, Eddie blocks an elbow with his knees. Three Amigos, Batista dodges The Frog Splash and nails a spinebuster for the win.

A great match to go out on for Latino Heat, I liked the struggle for Latino Heat about going back to his cheating ways, Eddie look concerned and thought better of taking the low road, furthering the angle and belief that Eddie is a changed man. Also, the story told by the two was great with the back injury being established very early in the match through the frog splash and all the submission holds used by Latino Heat. Even the finish played into it in a way as Batista could not nail The Batista Bomb and had to improvise for a spinebuster to put away Latino Heat. It is a shame that we never got to see the conclusion to the angle with Eddie’s passing but Eddie was a phenomenal wrestler, one of the all-time greats and he was sorely missed in wrestling. RIP Latino Heat!

Winner: Batista over Eddie Guerrero via Spinebuster!

That was WWE’s No Mercy of 2005, a better than usual pay per view for Smackdown. It did not drag but there were moments where I was thinking that at least a quarter of it could have be trimmed, two squash matches on pay per view is a bit much for me, it gives me flashback of when they were trying to get over Luther Reigns, Kenzo Suzuki and Mordecai on the same show, it was just too much and the fans did not care. That being said, the JBL vs Mysterio, Taker vs Ortons and Batista vs Eddie all delivered by being entertaining, dramatic and had some damn good wrestling. This even will always be marked in infamy due to it being Latino Heat’s last before his death but it was a good one to go out on! Thanks for reading and remember: There’s always another night!

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