Wednesday 7 June 2017

WCW Great American Bash 1999 Review

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Hello and welcome to another edition of Seanomaniac Wrestling Reviews, the only internet wrestling review series that was on The Lex Express! WCW and 1999 = absolute pain and misery for yours truly. It’s The Great American Bash with Kevin Nash vs Randy Savage for The World Championship, Ric Flair vs Roddy Piper again for control of WCW and we have the return of many matches nobody cared for, I honestly did not think it could get this bad. The card looks terrible but it would not be fair to judge without watching so sit back and relax, this is WCW’s Great American Bash 1999!

Opening Promo

Master P is here with The No Limits Soldier, Curt Hennig greets Master P. Hennig breaks Master P’s CD, Master P is not happy about it. It cuts to Nash talking about kicking Savage’s ass, this feud involved lipstick, shit and a hummer crashing into Nash who was in a limo. Yes, murder was now acceptable. I honestly do not know what to say, WCW was always seen as the wrestling product with not so outlandish storylines but here, it is like WWF-Lite. Promo packages for every match air too, it’s an interesting choice of opener.

(Kendo Stick Match) Brian Knobbs W/ Jimmy Hart vs Hak W/ Chastity

Knobbs talks trash and considers himself the king of hardcore, Hak had been a heel with Chastity but some major reshuffling in this “division” has happened. Hak is your hero now, Knobbs is heel. Both men had poor matches with Bigelow, the pushed star of the division but now these two can have terrible matches together. Knobbs wants a match with just fists, no weapons.

Knobbs decks Hak with a trash can because heels lie, trash can lid to the head of Hak. Hak is stuck in Knobb’s armpit, trash can to the face. Knobbs has a chair, Hak kicks it into Knobb’s head, Hak smacks Knobbs’ head off the chair. Trash can to the head by Hak, Hak has a ladder. Hak throws the ladder on Knobbs, trash can and ladder to the head by Knobbs. Hak kicks over Knobbs, slingshot leg drop by Hak. Hak puts Knobbs’ leg in the ladder, chair shot to the leg by Hak. Hak places the ladder in the corner, Knobbs recovers to throw Hak into the ladder.

Steel chair to the back by Knobbs, trash can to the head by Knobbs. Ladder to the face by Knobbs, trash can to the head by Knobbs. Hak pulls Knobbs into the ladder, Knobbs is lying on the ladder. Hak climbs to the top rope, senton bomb misses as Knobbs dodges, ladder to the head by Knobbs. Jimmy Hart has a chair on the apron, Knobbs tries throwing Hak into Hart, Hak reverses and Knobbs hits Jimmy, Kendo Stick to the head and Hak wins the match. Hugh Morrus and Knobbs attack Hak after the match with a spike piledriver and moonsault.

Just a lot of weapon shots, no rhythm, no chemistry. Awful match with a disjointed flow, I ask the question again: How do you make a hardcore match boring? Well, ask WCW because they have managed to do what many would consider impossible. This show is off to an awful start, I am worried already.

Winner: Hak over Brian Knobbs via Kendo Stick to The Head!

Roddy Piper Promo

Buff Bagwell and Roddy Piper say they have one another’s back.

Van Hammer vs Mikey Whipwreck

Mikey Whipwreck came over from ECW to job to everyone, Whipwreck had a good match with Kidman in his debut, a terrible match with Scotty Riggs and now, Whipwreck has to work with Van Hammer. Van Hammer is dressed like Wrath, how many looks has this man had? Lock-up and Hammer shoves back Whipwreck, clean break from Hammer. Stare-down, Hammer shoves down Whipwreck. Armdrag by Whipwreck, Hammer blocks a hiptoss for a backbreaker, choke by Hammer. Elbow drop by Hammer for two, Whipwreck fires back but Hammer knees Whipwreck. Whipwreck trips Hammer but Hammer grabs Whipwreck and slams Whipwreck off the top rope. Hard Irish whip by Hammer, Hammer places Whipwreck on the top rope.

Superplex by Hammer, leg drop for two. Abdominal stretch by Hammer, Hammer uses the ropes behind the referee’s back. The referee eventually catches Hammer, hiptoss by Whipwreck. Whipwreck tries a backslide, Hammer backs Whipwreck into the corner. Foot choke by Hammer, Hammer tosses Whipwreck to the floor. Hammer stands on the steel steps and drops Whipwreck on the guard rail, Whipwreck fires back at Hammer. Plancha by Whipwreck, they are back in the ring. Whipwreck is on the top rope, leaping clothesline for two. Whipwreck tries again, gets caught and slammed by Hammer. Cobra Clutch Slam by Hammer for the win.

The commentators might phrase it as a competitive match but it was an extended squash, Whipwreck was quite the trooper for putting over all this talent, I hope he was paid handsomely because they did not have the talent that Whipwreck had, Van Hammer being a prime example.

Winner: Van Hammer over Mikey Whipwreck via Cobra Clutch Slam!

Disco Inferno vs Buff Bagwell

Two show-offs who the fans are quite into, Bagwell is loved while Disco is hated, side headlock by Bagwell. Kick to the gut and swinging neckbreaker by Disco, Disco dances and struts while Bagwell powders. Lock-up, side headlock by Bagwell, shoulder block and swinging neckbreaker by Bagwell, Disco rolls to the ropes. Lock-up, armwringer by Bagwell, right hands by Disco. Bagwell decks Disco and goes back to the arm, Disco backs Bagwell into the corner. Bagwell elbows Disco and calls for The Blockbuster, Disco sees it coming and powders. Bagwell flips off Disco, Disco eats a shoulder block but recovers for a stungun. Clothesline by Disco, Disco stomps Bagwell. Inverted atomic drop, foot choke by Disco.

Scoop slam and middle rope elbow by Disco for two, another scoop slam. Disco misses his elbow, right hands by Bagwell. Back body drop and clothesline by Bagwell, ten punches in the corner. Bagwell climbs to the top rope, Disco crotches Bagwell who falls to the floor. Last Dance on the floor by Disco, Bagwell breaks the ten count as Disco vents his frustration. Bagwell reverses a piledriver from Disco, right hands by Bagwell. Dropkick by Bagwell who struts, eye poke by Disco. Disco runs into a powerslam, Bagwell calls for The Blockbuster, Disco believes he has ducked it but Disco walks into The Blockbuster with Bagwell walking away with the win.

That was actually fun, the crowd were into Disco and Bagwell, they reacted to the spots, they had a good time and Disco is actually that entertaining that the match remains watchable. I am shocked to be saying that about a Bagwell match but there you go, this was the best thing I have seen on this show.

Winner: Buff Bagwell over Disco Inferno via Blockbuster!

The West Texas Rednecks vs Rey Mysterio & Konnan

Rap is crap is the war cry of Bobby Duncum Jr. & Curt Hennig, Konnan and Mysterio are rap fans, they feel insulted by the disses of Hennig & Duncum Jr. Konnan and Mysterio come out in gas masks, looking like two dumbasses. Konnan & Mysterio jump Hennig and Duncum Jr. DDT by Konnan on Duncum Jr., elevated dropkick by Mysterio to Hennig. Konnan takes the fight to Hennig on the floor, Master P slaps Hennig. Konnan and Duncum Jr. begin, bulldog by Konnan. Tag to Mysterio, headscissors to Duncum Jr. Dropkick and plancha to Hennig, Duncum Jr. grabs Mysterio in mid-air for a backbreaker and powerbomb.

Tag to Hennig, Hennig slams Mysterio. Hennig puts the boots to Mysterio, tag to Duncum Jr. Gutbuster by Duncum Jr., tag to Hennig. Hard Irish whip by Hennig, neck crank by Hennig. Mysterio breaks free to tag Konnan but the referee is distracted by Hennig, Duncum Jr. works over Mysterio on the floor. Master P begins rallying the fans while Hennig beats down Mysterio. Standing dropkick by Hennig, Hennig and Duncum Jr. stomp Mysterio in the corner. Duncum Jr. pulls Mysterio into the turnbuckle groin first, Hennig continues to beat down Mysterio. Hennig does a little hip swivel for Rick Rude, foot choke by Mysterio. Mysterio rolls through Duncum Jr’s leg and tags Konnan but the referee misses the tag.

More heat on Mysterio, Duncum Jr. sends Mysterio into the ring apron. Hennig suplexes Mysterio, stomps by Hennig. Springboard moonsault is blocked by Hennig, Mysterio slides out and finally, tags Konnan. K-Factor on Duncum Jr., bronco buster on Hennig. Konnan wallops Duncum Jr., K-Factor on Hennig. Hennig and Konnan spill to the floor, Mysterio hurricanranas Duncum Jr. Barry Windham jumps through the crowd and attacks Konnan, Master P’s bodyguard waffles Duncum Jr, slingshot leg drop by Mysterio for the win. After the match, The No Limit Soldiers are escorted away while The West Texas Rednecks hogtie and attack Konnan & Mysterio.

Not that it is my area of expertise but if you are a Southern based wrestling promotion, would it not be smart to promote the country lovers as opposed to the rap wrestlers? Despite their heel status, the fans liked The West Texas rednecks a lot more, the match was good because there was no Konnan until the very end, that man automatically brings down any match that he appears in. So, this was fine despite the poor understanding of the audience.

Winners: Mysterio & Konnan over The West Texas Rednecks via Slingshot Leg Drop!

Ernest The Cat Miller W/ Sonny Onoo vs Horace Hogan

Ernest Miller was meant to face Scott Norton, Horace Hogan appeared instead and is taking Norton’s place. Norton must have been hurt or in NJPW where he was World Champion and involved in big angles in the company. Horace hits the ring and attacks Miller, clothesline by Horace. Horace chokes Miller using the ropes, Miller reverses an Irish whip and superkicks Horace. Scoop slam and choke by Miller, Miller throws Horace to the floor. Onoo stomps Horace, Horace no-sells and stalks Onoo but Miller saves his manager. Horace meets the guard rail, Horace rakes Miller’s eyes and gains control in the ring. Scoop slam by Horace and elbow for two, Miller low blows Horace.

Boot and splash by Horace for two, Onoo distracts Horace. Horace grabs Onoo, Miller is elevated to the floor. Onoo opens his briefcase, it is a loaded shoe for Miller to use. Onoo distracts Horace again, Miller superkicks Horace with the loaded shoe and Horace is knocked out. Miller gets the win and puts on the shoes and a cape to dance.

Well, they did not embarrass each other or the company. What hurts this pay per view more than anything else is the drop in star power, Horace Hogan, Van Hammer and Ernest Miller, I mean how can a company have such a drop in talent between shows? Must be those contracts with creative control, seems everybody is at home nursing injuries or maybe this is what happens when you do not ever build for the future.

Winner: Ernest Miller over Horace Hogan via Shenanigans!

Roddy Piper vs Ric Flair W/ Arn Anderson & Asya (For Control of WCW)

I am almost certain that the last match between the two was for control of the company, it did have a screwy finish so I am guess it was explained somehow why we needed another match but it was left out of the promo package. Piper chops the bejesus out of Flair, back body drop and Flair begs for mercy. Rights and lefts by Piper, Flair flop. Piper chops and eye pokes Flair, right hands and biting from Piper. Backslide by Piper for two, Flair powders after shoving the referee and falling down. Side headlock, shoulder block and right hands by Piper, right and left hands by Piper. Flair lures in Piper for a low blow, Piper is tossed to the floor where Anderson pummels Piper.

Asya rakes the eyes of Piper, low blow by Flair as Anderson distracts the referee. Piper schoolboys Flair, Flair’s ass is out on view. Piper clotheslines Flair over and over, Flair tosses Piper to the floor. Piper decks Anderson, sunset flip by Piper for two. Sleeper by Piper, Anderson grabs Piper’s foot. Flair pulls out brass knuckles from his kneepad, right hand to the face of Piper. Piper kicks out at two! Figure Four by Flair, Anderson holds Flair’s hands for leverage, here is Buff Bagwell. Bagwell decks Anderson and back drops Flair, Piper right hands Bagwell. Bagwell eats a spinebuster from Anderson, Piper joins with Flair to whip Bagwell?

What the fuck was that ending? I understand that Piper would be angry that Bagwell cost him the match, I can see Bagwell attacking Piper but why would Piper join forces with Flair and Anderson to beat the piss out of Bagwell? Piper was fighting Flair to the death moments before that but now they take out Bagwell like best friends? Poorly executed angle and I do not think there is a chance in hell of Bagwell wrestling or beating Piper.

Winner: Ric Flair over Roddy Piper via DQ!

(Falls Count Anywhere Match) Rick Steiner vs Sting

The Steiners reunited at last month’s Slamboree, they are heels and bullying the likes of Goldberg and Sting. Sting has a crack at revenge tonight, Sting goes right after Steiner. Clothesline by Sting, Steiner gains control on the floor with a huge knee, stomps by Steiner. Right hands by Steiner, Sting kicks back out of the corner. Inverted atomic drop and dropkick by Sting, Sting pummels Steiner into the crowd. Steiner grabs a beverage and blinds Sting, chair to the back by Steiner. Sting throws beer in Steiner’s eyes, Sting bangs Steiner into the guard rail. Stinger Splash on the guard rail is evaded by Steiner, Sting eats a piledriver on the floor for two. Steiner chokes Sting in the ring, rear-naked choke by Steiner.

Elbow by Steiner for two, Sting blocks Steiner’s hip drop with his knees, middle rope splash by Sting, make it two. Top rope splash by Sting for two, Steiner low blows Sting and shoves the referee. Surfboard submission by Steiner, Sting escapes and boots Steiner in the face. Stinger Splash (2x), Scorpion Deathlock by Sting, Steiner reaches the ropes in a no dq match and Sting breaks (The rules damn it does anybody care about the rules). Sting suplexes Steiner on the ramp, Steiner brings Sting backstage. Tank Abbott chokes Sting and Scott Steiner releases dogs that attack Sting. Worst finish to a match ever,DUD.

No Contest!

(WCW Tag Team Championship Match) Chris Benoit & Saturn © vs The Jersey Triad

Ok this is a little bit of a clusterfuck, Raven and Saturn were champions. DDP and Bigelow took out Raven, Saturn lost the championships alone in a handicap match. Benoit and Saturn won the championships despite Ric Flair abandoning Benoit. Kanyon would turn on Benoit and Saturn in that match so we do have the Jersey Triad with Kanyon and DDP starting the match. Bigelow is on the floor in support of his team, Benoit and Kanyon begin the match.

Dropkick by Benoit and Kanyon talks strategy with DDP, Kanyon shoulder thrusts Benoit in the corner. Benoit chops Kanyon hard, flapjack by Benoit. Clothesline for DDP, Saturn & Benoit clothesline DDP & Kanyon out of the ring. DDP & Saturn reset, drop toehold by Saturn. Scoop slam and springboard leg drop to DDP, Kanyon eats a dropkick. Benoit slams DDP, Saturn clotheslines DDP out of the ring. Synchronized suplexes by Benoit & Saturn, Saturn clotheslines Kanyon and himself over the top rope. Bigelow trips Benoit, DDP clotheslines Benoit to the floor. Kanyon and Bigelow attack Benoit, DDP stomps Benoit in the ring.

Tag to Kanyon, Kanyon leg drops Benoit for two. Tag to DDP, double stomp by the challengers. Back suplex by DDP, DDP attacks Saturn on the apron. Benoit rolls through a powerbomb, back suplex for two. Kanyon saves DDP from a German suplex, DDP low blows Benoit without the referee noticing. Spiral Bomb by DDP, Kanyon misses a moonsault. Saturn superkicks DDP, exploder suplex for Kanyon. Scoop slam and splash for DDP, two for Saturn. Saturn punches DDP in the corner, Kanyon interferes to electric chair drop Saturn, DDP covers for two. Tag to Kanyon who chokes Saturn with his foot, Saturn is tossed to the floor. DDP and Bigelow pummel Saturn, Russian legsweep and elbow combination by DDP & Kanyon, two for DDP.

Tag to Kanyon, Kanyon decks Benoit. Leg drop to the groin by Kanyon, sunset flip by Saturn but DDP blind tagged Kanyon. DDP takes out Saturn, Benoit makes the save but the referee is caught up with Benoit. Tag to Kanyon, neckbreaker by Kanyon. Tag to DDP, splash by DDP for two. Rights and lefts by DDP in the corner, Saturn begins to battle back. DDP drop toeholds Saturn to prevent the tag, tag to Kanyon who smacks Benoit. Front suplex by Kanyon, DDP tags in to cover for a two-count. Front chancery by DDP, Bigelow is up on the apron so the referee misses Benoit’s tag. Kanyon and DDP stomp Saturn, DDP tries a splash in the corner but Saturn dodges, DDP smashes his knee hard into the top turnbuckle.

Benoit is in, clothesline and back elbow to Kanyon, DDP is in the corner. Kanyon is whipped into DDP, DDP falls onto Kanyon’s nuts for a two count. DDP is on the floor, Kanyon slides out of Benoit’s suplex, Kanyon is thrown into Bigelow. German suplexes by Benoit, DDP saves the match. Saturn rolls to the floor with DDP, Benoit calls for the headbutt. Dragon suplex for two and a half, Saturn takes down DDP. Benoit nails Kanyon with a Diving Headbutt, DDP catches Saturn for a Diamond Cutter. Benoit has DDP in The Crippler Crossface, Bigelow interferes and DDP lays out Benoit with a Diamond Cutter, DDP drags Kanyon on top of Benoit. The Jersey Triad steal the match and the championships.

That was a good match and not just for the personalities involved, DDP & Kanyon worked like a well-oiled machine, they seemed like they had been a team for years. A lot of chemistry, a lot of good manoeuvres and psychology together. Love me some Benoit and Saturn, Saturn was quite the babyface in this match. Showed a lot of fire and sold his ass off by being a face-in-peril, really impressed with that performance. Benoit was good too, came in and cleaned house, all their moves are over, the four wrestlers in the ring were over.

Winners: The Jersey Triad over Benoit & Saturn via Diamond Cutter!

(WCW World Championship Match) Kevin Nash © vs Randy Savage

Savage returned to WCW with one goal in mind: Becoming WCW Champion. Savage attacked Nash on multiple occasions which lead to shit being thrown on one another (Not Kidding, Savage got covered in shit twice). There is no Goldberg, just thought I would mention that as it sticks out. Kevin Nash enters to The Wolfpac theme, I do not think The NWO are a thing whatsoever by this point. However, do not worry they will be back soon. So, this feud was a little ridiculous, reminds me of The Rock vs Bulldog feud from No Mercy 1999. The storyline going into the match is Nash wants to know who hit him with the hummer and that Nash is not 100% for this match.

Nash starts by kneeing Savage, right hands and elbows by Big Sexy. Elbows in the corner by Nash, corner clothesline by Nash. Sidewalk slam by Nash, Nash holds his ribs in pain due to his injuries. Savage fights back with shots to the ribs, Savage chokes Nash. Clothesline to the floor by the challenger, Madusa kicks Nash in the ribs while Savage holds the referee. Savage stomps Nash in the ribs and foot chokes the champion. Left jabs by Savage, foot choke by Savage. Low blow by Nash in front of the referee, Mona/Miss Madness dropkicks Nash. Elbow Drop by Savage, Nash kicks out at two.

Savage is in shock, Nash fires up on Savage. Snake eyes, big boot by Nash. The straps are down, Nash calls for the end of the match. Jacknife Powerbomb, Madusa and Gorgeous attack Nash, Mona gets caught and eats snake eyes. However, the match ends with Sid Vicious laying out Nash, Sid Powerbombs Nash.

How many matches ended with interference on this pay per view? A finish like that after seven minutes for your world championship? Bullshit WCW, I do not care how cool it was for Sid’s return, you screwed the fans with that kind of finish. Not like the action in the ring was great, I wonder will they build to Sid vs Nash, I am sure they will screw it up as I have no faith in this company by this point.

Winner: Kevin Nash over Randy Savage via DQ!

That was WCW’s Great American Bash of 1999, a train-wreck of a show. I shall be positive for a moment, Bagwell vs Disco was fun, the tag team championship match was very good and Piper vs Flair was at the least, fun until the finish. I also shall be blunt: everything else was god awful. From the plodding and dull hardcore action to the quality of stars dropping with the likes of Horace Hogan taking up pay per view time to the poor execution of angles like Piper being irate at Bagwell messing up his match to the mountains of interference this pay per view had, did Sting really get attacked by dogs and it cut away showing absolutely nothing? Thanks for reading, this was soul crushing but remember: There’s always another night!

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