Friday 9 June 2017

WCW Bash At The Beach 1999 Review

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 Hello and welcome to another edition of Seanomaniac Wrestling Reviews, the only wrestling review series on the internet that will not lose in its hometown! WCW time again, *sigh*. Ok, this company was going to hell fast, the last two pay per views I covered have been some of the biggest garbage I have ever seen, the decline looks set to continue with the world championship being defended in a tag team match, a hardcore brawl which will more than likely be awful and David Flair is your United States Champion. This is what we get for the three year anniversary of Hulk Hogan’s heel turn, poor WCW you have fallen oh so far.

Opening Promo

Crap, just crap. Tells you nothing about the card, just shows footage of Sting, Nash, Sid & Savage. Lots of Hawaiian shirts, hotline plug, running down of the card. Blah, blah, blah. Same old shit, let’s get to the terrible action.

Ernest Miller W/ Sonny Onoo vs Disco Inferno

The stipulation originally was the loser could never dance again, both men argued and that stipulation was thrown out (Seems like everyone has creative control). Match starts with a dancing contest, Disco wins as the babyfaces of course, Disco pounds on Miller. Hard Irish whips and Miller powders while Disco dances, Miller re-enters as Disco dodges his kicks. Tackle by Disco, inverted atomic drop and an atomic drop followed by a clothesline for two. Miller kicks Disco thanks to Onoo’s distraction, foot choke from Miller. Miller throws Disco to the floor, Onoo gets in his kicks to Disco. Miller cracks Disco off the guard rail, Disco reverses Miller into the guard rail after an Irish whip.

Low blow in front of the referee, Miller rams Disco’s head off the turnbuckle. Right hands by Miller, foot choke by Miller. Sunset flip by Disco for two, thrustkick by Miller, Miller poses. Two for Miller, Miller misses a huge chop. Disco bites the hand, right hands by Disco. Back elbow and a scoop slam, middle rope elbow by Disco. Russian legsweep by Disco for two, Miller reverses an Irish whip for a sidekick for two. Last Dance is blocked for another sidekick, two for Miller. Right hands by Disco, eye rake by Miller. Miller has his shoe, Disco steals the shoe and nails Miller with the shoe. Onoo distracts the referee long enough for Miller to kick out, Miller steals the other shoe while Disco attacks Onoo on the apron. Huge roundhouse kick by Miller and Disco is screwed out of the win.

That was fun and solid, Disco continues to pull out performances that keep me entertained during these awful pay per views. Last month it was with Bagwell, before that it was the likes of Booker and Konnan, Disco seems to be reliable to open the show and entertain the crowd. Miller is still awful to me despite his funny promos but this match was just fine.

Winner: Ernest Miller over Disco Inferno via Sidekick!

(WCW Television Championship Match) Van Hammer vs Rick Steiner ©

Rick Steiner is your champion, the championship was not dead and worthless just yet but it was getting to that stage when you have Van Hammer as the challenger for the title. Lock-up, Steiner pushes back Hammer. Right hands by Steiner, Hammer ducks a clothesline and nails Steiner with two clotheslines and a big boot. Suplex by Hammer for two, knee and right hands by Steiner. Steiner chokes Hammer, Steiner rips up the safety mats, DDT on the floor by Steiner. Van Hammer lows blows Steiner, Hammer clubs Steiner. Corner clothesline, Steiner slugs his way out. Steiner throws massive bombs at Hammer, multiple rights to the back of the head.

Hammer is thrown to the floor, Hammer grabs a chair. Steiner is waffled with the chair, Hammer is on the top rope. Diving clotheslines for two, scoop slam is blocked by Steiner, Steiner bites Hammer. Blatant low blow, clothesline by Steiner and Steiner finishes Hammer with The Steiner Bulldog.

What the fuck…. So, in this company, low blows are legal? This is a recurring theme of these pay per views, blatant low blows everywhere and not one explosion from the announcers, they do no tell me that this is ok or why the referee is not disqualifying Steiner. Also, what was the point of building Hammer? For a three minute match, what was the point?

Winner: Rick Steiner over Van Hammer via Steiner Bulldog!

(WCW United States Championship Match) David Flair © W/ Torrie Wilson/Asya/Ric Flair/Arn Anderson/Charles Robinson vs Dean Malenko

Malenko was a Horseman, Malenko saw the way Flair was losing his mind and giving in to a more sadistic side, Malenko saw the writing on the wall and quit, Malenko opposes Flair and his father. Torrie Wilson’s skirt is so short, you can see everything. Ric Flair talks strategy with David, Malenko is watching every side of the ring, Malenko is surrounded by enemies. Malenko throws down David, takedown by Malenko. David pushes Malenko, Malenko stomps the crap out of David. Corner clothesline and suplex by Malenko, Texas Cloverleaf by Malenko. Anderson Spinebusters the referee. Malenko decks Anderson and Asya, Ric Flair attacks Malenko with the belt, David Flair covers for the win. DUD.

Winner: David Flair over Dean Malenko via Shenanigans!

West Texas Rednecks vs Rey Mysterio/Konnan/No Limit Soldiers

Poor WCW do not have a clue about their audience. The southern based promotion are favouring a rap group over country loving wrestlers. Rap is crap actually got some radio play, that is the best thing about this feud. The West Texas Rednecks is made up of Curt Hennig, Barry & Kendall Windham, and Bobby Duncum Jr. They are feuding with Mysterio, Konnan and Master P with his No Limit Soldiers. It is an elimination match so this could get interesting.

Mysterio and Barry start, lock-up with Barry pummelling Mysterio. Mysterio fights back, Barry blocks a moonsault but Barry is sent into the turnbuckle, split-legged moonsault by Mysterio. Two for Mysterio, tag to Hennig. BA tags in, dropkick by BA. Hiptoss and scoop slam by BA, Bobby Duncum Jr. is in the ring. Right hands to the ribs by BA, tag to Swoll. Clothesline by Swoll, boot by Duncum Jr. Corner clothesline and elbow drop by Duncum Jr. for two, Kendall is in the ring. Clothesline by Swoll, low blow by Kendall. Clothesline by Kendall, Kendall misses a corner clothesline. Tag to Mysterio, eye rake by Kendall. Big boot by Kendall, chops in the corner by Kendall. Mysterio boots Kendall, dropkicks to the knees, Kendall falls to the floor after a hurricanrana.

Konnan vs Hennig, bulldog by Konnan. Springboard senton by Mysterio, Konnan DDTs Duncum Jr. Bronco buster for Duncum Jr, Konnan ten punches Hennig. Swoll is in the ring, Duncum Jr. misses a corner splash. Springboard leg drop by Mysterio, Bobby Duncum Jr. is the first man eliminated from this match.

Bobby Duncum Jr. has been eliminated!

The other members of The No Limit Soldiers jump Duncum Jr., Hennig and Barry make the save. Barry & Konnan are the legal men, suplex by Barry for two. Double clothesline by Barry & Hennig, Konnan kicks Hennig and tags BA. BA gets caught in the heels’ corner which leads to a Hennix Plex for the elimination.

BA has been eliminated!

Kendall and Konnan are in the ring, shoulder block by Kendall. Scoop slam by Kendall, Konnan avoids a middle rope knee drop, rolling clothesline by Konnan. Mule kick and K-Factor by Konnan, Barry & Hennig save Kendall but moments later, Mysterio springboard dropkicks Kendall into a small package from Konnan for the elimination.

Kendall has been eliminated!

Barry DDTs Konnan and throws K-Dawg to the floor. Hennig puts the boots to Konnan, Barry applies a sleeper but Konnan jawbreakers Barry. Rolling clothesline, both men tumble to the floor. Chase and 4X4 interfere again, Barry is carried to the back with Konnan chasing the two. Both men have been eliminated by count-out.

Barry Windham/Konnan have been eliminated!

Swoll throws bombs at Swoll, Barry is back. Swoll clotheslines Barry, 4x4 is behind Hennig. Hennig has nowhere to run, Swoll palm thrusts Hennig. Tag to Mysterio who stands on Swoll’s shoulders for a splash. Hennig and The West Texas Rednecks have been defeated.

It was average at best, a lot of quick eliminations. Poor logic with The No Limit Soldiers roughing up the heels, outnumbering them on the outside and putting the boots to them. The segment where Hennig gives Master P a cowboy hat was poorly received too as Hennig was the heel but was outnumbered and assaulted by like 6 people. The feud was a shambles and this match was nothing to write home about.

Winners: Mysterio & Swoll over Hennig via Splash!

Junkyard Hardcore Invitational Match

Ric Flair banned hardcore wrestling in WCW, Hak decided he would have a match in the junkyard because the junkyard does not come under WCW’s jurisdiction, WCW’s hardcore division is nothing compared to WWF’s division. It is so poor and nothing is ever entertaining, just weapon shot after weapon shot. So, this match is shut in a junkyard, a ring of cars, you can barely make out who is who as everyone is wearing jeans and a t-shirt. Random people are falling down, there are explosions. It is dimly lit, the camera switches so often it is making me nauseous. I have given up calling this match is any detail, I will just run down the big spots.

Lots of weapon shots, Jimmy Hart is here. Regal and Finlay are on pay per view, everyone looks tired and they are throwing stuff at one another, it looks so sloppy. Hak asked for the match, Hak has done fuck all. Mikey Whipwreck is standing in the middle of everything, walking around like he is on holiday. They finally try winning the match, you have to climb a cage fence to win the match. Knobbs stabs Hak with a huge pipe, more plodding around. Hak, Knobbs and Finlay move towards the cage fence, Finlay is placed in a trunk, a forklift comes to crush the car. Finlay escapes just barely, Hak tried to kill a man. Finlay climbs over the cage and wins.

Do not bother, this was insulting. I cannot imagine being in attendance, this was an utter waste of time, you could not see anything. They were plodding around, no rhythm, no psychology, no selling. Garbage!

Winner: Finlay over Everyone Else via Escape!

(WCW Tag Team Championship Match) The Jersey Triad © vs Chris Benoit & Saturn

A continuation of the feud from last month, was a good match last time and I expect more of the same. DDP and Saturn begin, they trade the advantage before a superkick from Saturn. Saturn knocks down everyone on the apron, we have Benoit vs Bigelow now. Lock-up, knees by Bigelow. Benoit drop toeholds Bigelow into the turnbuckle, hard Irish whip and clothesline by Benoit. Bigelow is dropkicked to the floor, Saturn is in the ring with Kanyon, Saturn stomps all over Kanyon. Saturn tries for a suplex, Kanyon blocks and beats down Saturn. Kanyon avoids a German suplex using the referee as a shield.

Benoit chops Kanyon from the apron, exploder suplex by Saturn. Tag to Benoit, lariat by Benoit. Liontamer by Benoit, catapult into Saturn’s fist. Chops and tag to Saturn, double clothesline by the challengers. Hair-toss slam by Saturn, tag to Benoit who nails a backbreaker for two. Benoit stomps all over Kanyon’s leg, tag to Saturn for a wishbone split. Low dropkick by Saturn, scoop slam by Saturn. Saturn is on the top rope, leg drop but DDP makes the save. Kanyon grabs the foot and drags out Saturn, Bigelow picks up the scraps and sends Saturn into the ring apron. Bigelow is the legal man, stalling suplex. Falling headbutt by Bigelow, Benoit breaks up the count. DDP smacks around Saturn while the referee is distracted.

Leg drop to the groin by Kanyon, Bigelow is in and applies a reverse chinlock. Knee to the ribs by Bigelow, illegal choke from Bigelow. Tag to Kanyon, knee drop to the head. Kanyon props Saturn on the top rope, Saturn crotches Kanyon for a top rope belly to belly suplex. Benoit gets the hot-tag, dropkick to Bigelow, chops to DDP before DDP takes down Benoit with a diving clothesline, Bigelow covers for two. Tag to DDP, elbow to the groin by DDP. Cheap shot to Saturn, Saturn is with the referee while Kanyon assaults Benoit. Rope hung guillotine by DDP, elbow by DDP for two. Tag to Kanyon, sunset flip for two. Clothesline by Kanyon, two for the champions. Chop by Kanyon, Alabama slam into a sitout slam for two. Bigelow tags into the match for a falling headbutt.

Make it three, Benoit is being stomped. Tag to Kanyon, double axe handle by Kanyon. Neckbreaker by Kanyon for two, tag to DDP. Combination of a Russian legsweep and elbow drop for two, front chancery by DDP. Benoit makes it to Saturn but the referee misses the tag, Spiral Bomb by DDP for two. Kanyon tags in, middle rope leg drop for two, Benoit refuses to stay down. Benoit is stomped down by Bigelow, Bigelow taunts Saturn while attacking Benoit. Big mistake as Benoit back drops Bigelow. Bigelow recovers to slam down Benoit, Bigelow looks for a moonsault from the top rope, Benoit dodges and tags Saturn. Left jabs to DDP, Kanyon is taken down. Belly to belly suplex on DDP, sidekick for Kanyon. Benoit takes on Bigelow, Saturn clotheslines DDP & Kanyon to the floor. Saturn dropkicks Benoit onto Bigelow, Splash and Diving Headbutt combination on Bigelow, DDP saves Bigelow. Diamond Cutter is blocked for a northern lights suplex, Kanyon has powder at ringside. Saturn has DDP for a Death Valley Driver, Kanyon hits Saturn & DDP with the powder.

DDP Diamond Cutters Kanyon by mistake, Benoit covers but Bigelow places Kanyon’s foot on the ropes. Saturn superkicks DDP into a German suplex for two, Bigelow clubs Benoit and DDP rolls out of the ring. DDP throws something in the ring, the referee is down. Elevated Diamond Cutter on Saturn, The Jersey Triad walk away with their championships.

The only reason to watch this pay per view so far is this match. These men work so well together, I wish to see them battle it out time and time again. I like the Jersey Triad Twist on The Freebirds rule, three men can compete in the match as opposed to any combination of two from the three defending the titles. Shocked that Benoit and Saturn are not the champions, they deserved the belts but maybe this was the kind of booking that led to the two leaving for greener pastures in the WWF. Anyways, this was a great match, great false-finishes, well built segments for the hot-tags and a finishing stretch that had the fans going crazy when it was over.

Winners: The Jersey Triad over Saturn & Chris Benoit via Diamond Cutter!

(Boxing Match) Roddy Piper vs Buff Bagwell (Judge Mills Lane is The Referee)

Roddy Piper was mad that Bagwell had cost him his opportunity at being WCW President, Piper would join forces with Flair (Try to figure that out, he tried to kill him just a month ago). Bagwell was getting quite the push since returning from injury, Bagwell had beaten Flair in a tag match and now Bagwell is facing Piper. Bagwell has his mother in his corner, this is the beginning of that whole thing. Piper jabs with lefts, Bagwell seems to be in trouble. Bagwell gets peppered by Piper, Bagwell backs up. Piper shows his chin and Bagwell goes for the kill, rights and lefts by Bagwell.

Piper decks Bagwell comically, the crowd react appropriately. Piper dances and jabs, Bagwell looks like a fish out of water. Bagwell starts hammering Piper, round one is over. Jabs by Piper, Flair seemed to have put some substance on Piper’s gloves, Bagwell has been blinded. Piper scores a second down before continuing to punish Bagwell. Bagwell reverses Piper in the corner, Piper is down. We reach round three, Piper starts with Judy coming into the ring. Judy bites Piper, Judy dumps a bucket on Piper’s head and Bagwell knocks down Piper and Flair, Blockbuster by Bagwell on Piper and Bagwell gets the pin.

A boxing match that ended with Bagwell pinning Piper…. I would not believe it if I did not see it, that was an abomination. From the first down, the crowd were not into this at all, Judy Bagwell restraining Ric Flair from breaking up the pin, it was just awful.

Winner: Buff Bagwell over Roddy Piper via Blockbuster!

(WCW World Heavyweight Championship Match) Randy Savage & Sid Vicious vs Sting & Kevin Nash ©

Sid Vicious is back in WCW, Sid was still an asset in any company. Sid was a believable big man and could draw, Savage was still going after Kevin Nash. Nash is sporting NWO gear despite being alone, Nash believes Sting was driving the hummer that hit Nash. Flair put Nash & Sting on the same team to put the screws to the babyfaces, Sid Vicious & Savage are looking to win the championship. The promo package is garbage, it is a recap of the entire feud with no real cuts, the footage goes on and on, Nash beats like 12 people in a lumberjack match. WCW brought back NWO Sting to screw with Nash, I guess Nash could not tell the difference even though we saw this gimmick two years earlier.

Madusa, Mona and Gorgeous George accompany The Macho Man to ringside. To be clear, the championship is on the line and Sting can even win the championship (How that works, I have no clue). Sting to start with Savage, Savage asks for a handshake, Gorgeous George is in the corner of Kevin Nash. Savage is irate, Sting decks Savage. Right hands by Sting, inverted atomic drop and a right hand before Sid says I am in this match. Eye rake by Sid, right hands and forearms by Sid. Crossbody by Sting, Sting pounds Sid’s head into the mat. Sid is clotheslined to the floor, lock-up and knee by Sid. Sid misses a corner splash, Sting kicks Sid in the ribs hard. Sid reverses an Irish whip and clotheslines Sting, tag to Savage.

Madusa and Mona attack Sting while Savage has the referee, tag to Sid. Camel clutch by Sid, Nash attacks Sid from behind. In comes Savage, right hand by Sting. Savage chokes Sting, Sid chokes Sting while the referee is with Nash. Left jabs by Savage, Sting blocks the right. Dropkick by Sting and tag to Nash. Sidewalk slam to Sid, knees in the corner for Savage. Corner clothesline by Nash, foot choke by Nash. Elbow by Nash and a tag to Sting, eye rake by Sting. Sting drags Savage to the guard rail, Sting misses a Stinger Splash against the guard rail. Sid slams Sting onto the guard rail, Sting is sent into the ringpost by Mona & Madusa. Sid is legal, right hands to Sting. Reverse chinlock by Sid, Sting shoulder blocks Sid and falls onto Sid’s special area.

Nash is in, big boot for Savage. Right hands and knees to both Sid and Savage, Nash tries a powerbomb on Sid. Madusa and Mona attack Sting (No DQ?) Stinger Splash on the women, Sting splashes Nash by mistake. Sid Chokeslams Sting, Nash knocks Sid out of the ring. George is on the apron, low blow to Nash. Sid slams Nash, Elbow Drop by Savage and we have a new world champion, Randy Savage is your champion.

God, that was boring. Looks like they were saving Nash vs Sid as they barely touched this match. As a result, it suffers with Sting doing the majority of the work against Savage who was not getting any younger and best days were far behind him and a Sid who was not going to be booked to be taking bumps. It was just there, WCW was in the toilet by this point, you can tell from this match nobody gives a damn anymore. The women were being bumped around like crazy, that made me laugh. They were ragdolls for Sting the hero to throw around the ring, Sting must have looked so tough to the fans. Savage as champion seems like a huge step back, what could Savage do with that title? Where is Bret Hart or Goldberg? Why is Sting not champion or Sid?

Winner: Randy Savage over Everyone via Elbow Drop!

That was WCW’s Bash at The Beach 1999, a show that wasted my time. Not that this is news to anyone, WCW in 1999 are as bad as The WWE narrative lets on, they might actually be worse because to see these things with your own eyes is a different story to a company man telling you that WCW was in the toilet at the time. Thank God for The Jersey Triad vs Benoit & Saturn match because I do not think I would be able to watch this show again without this match. Two squash matches a hardcore match that was so poorly produced and executed, it was laughable and main event matches that were seemingly boring. Screw this company and screw this show, I cannot wait for this company to produce its final show! Thanks for reading and remember: There’s always another night!

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