Hello and welcome to another edition of Seanomaniac Wrestling Reviews! Thank you for your continued support, I hope these past pay per views brighten your day as they do mine. I might have had a drink or two before writing this review (sorry professionalism) but I maybe I needed it to get through WWE's Judgment Day 2003. We last left WWE with the month prior's Backlash which was a throughly disappointing show, nothing delivered except for a tag match featuring Team Angle. Tonight, we have Kevin Nash vs Triple H despite Triple H pinning Nash at Backlash, Brock Lesnar vs Big Show in a stretcher match, and Mr. America vs Rowdy Roddy Piper. Well, let's rock and roll!
It is a carbon copy of the previous Judgement Day promos, the girls who speak in rhymes, fire and nooses with the evil sounding women speaking words relating to death, suffering and torment. Since it is so similar to promo packages of the past, I am going to mark this one down. However, bonus points for the return of JR.
Stone Cold Promo
Stone Cold kicks off the pay per view, Stone Cold is the Co-GM of Raw much to the chagrin of Eric Bischoff. Austin talks crap for a few minutes while the fans chant What at everything Austin says, Austin points at his skybox and hopes everyone has a great time.
Chris Benoit/Rhyno/Spanky vs The F.B.I/John Cena
Spanky is a young Brian Kendrick who had been making appearances throughout late 2002 and early 2003 for the company, Benoit & Rhyno are teaming with one another since The Man Beast's return while John Cena is opening the pay per view after being thrown to the wolves with Lesnar in a WWE Championship match that bored most fans. Cena comes out and raps on his opponents while be very entertaining. Palumbo and Johnny Stamboli will be wrestling while Nunzio watches on from the ringside area.
Spanky dives onto the powdering heels, Benoit and Rhyno hammer The FBI before Cena clubs Spanky. Right hands and an enzuigiri by Spanky before Stamboli & Palumbo flatten Spanky. Stamboli stomps Spanky in the corner, tag to Palumbo. Huge right by Palumbo, bearhug to Spanky. Another bearhug by Palumbo, Spanky battles back but Palumbo cuts off Spanky with a clothesline. Spanky headscissors Palumbo into Stamboli, hot tag to Benoit. German suplex to Cena and Palumbo, Diving Headbutt to Palumbo. Nunzio is in the ring and Rhyno Gores Nunzio. Cena clotheslines Benoit and Benoit blind tags Spanky. Spanky was looking for Sliced Bread but Nunzio held Spanky's legs which leads to a backbreaker and leg drop combination by Palumbo & Stamboli. Game, set and match.
That was brief, too brief to think much about it. Biggest disappointment is Benoit is being wasted in a tag team with Rhyno, Benoit had been consistently killing it on Smackdown but this is what we get.
Winners: Cena/FBI over Benoit/Rhyno/Spanky via Leg Drop!
Austin and Bischoff share their skybox, Austin has Bischoff drink and eat a hot dog. Austin shares a beer with Bischoff and Bischoff gets covered in beer which does not make Easy E happy.
La Resistance vs Scott Steiner/Test W/ Stacy Keibler
Slyvain Grenier has moved from crooked referee of Vince Mcmahon to tag team on Raw. Steiner had issues with Test over Test's treatment of Stacy but the two have formed a team to battle The Evil Frenchies. Dupree slaps Test hard and dances before Test smacks back, stomps in the corner by Test and Grenier is knocked off the apron. Back body drop by Test, tag to Steiner. Knees in the corner and clubbing blows by Steiner, Grenier is knocked to the floor again. Clothesline to Dupree and forearm shot to Grenier, elbow drop and push-ups by Steiner. Cheap shot by Grenier, Steiner walks into a stungun, Steiner crashes to the floor.
Dupree clubs Steiner before tagging Grenier, double suplex for two. Reverse chinlock by Grenier, Steiner fights back but eats a boot in the corner. Middle rope clothesline by Grenier for two, Dupree is legal. Dupree tries a double axe handle but Steiner nails a belly to belly suplex. Tag to Test, clotheslines by Test. Sidewalk slam by Test, corner clotheslines to Dupree & Grenier. Pumphandle Slam is blocked by Grenier but Test nails a full-nelson slam for two. Steiner and Dupree spill to the floor, Test measures for The Big Boot. Grenier hides behind the referee avoiding the boot, Grenier tries stealing one with feet on the ropes but Test kicks out at two.
Punphandle Slam by Test on Grenier, the referee is with Stacy & Steiner. Grenier dropkicks Test into Stacy, Steiner catches Stacy and Test gets rolled-up for two. Steiner clotheslines Grenier & Dupree before La Resistance gang up on Steiner. Test tries for a Big Boot and nails Steiner by mistake, Test is thrown to the floor as La Resistance score the upset win with The Bonsoir. After the match, Test drags Stacy away from caring for Steiner.
It was passable, I do not see the promise in Grenier & Dupree, the gimmick seems to be more over than anything else. Steiner is so huge by this point and prone to blowing up easy and I dread the eventual break-up and feud between Test & Scott Steiner. Fortunately, it is a pay per view away for now.
Winners: La Resistance over Scott Steiner & Test via Bonsoir!
Hurricane as Gregory Helms AKA his alter ego asks Mr. America about Hulk Hogan, they laugh and joke about their other identities. Not much to it, much funnier promo from Eddie who has Tajiri as his partner in Chavo's absence.
(WWE Tag Team Championship Match) Eddie Guerrero & Tajiri vs Team Angle (C)
Tajiri and Haas are in the ring; Eddie & Benjamin are on the ramp. Spinning heel kick by Tajiri, Benjamin attacks Tajiri after taking out Eddie. Double back elbow to Tajiri, Eddie walks into a gutbuster. Team Angle have a ladder, Tajiri dives onto Haas. Benjamin sidesteps Eddie, ladder is placed in the ring. Tajiri scores with his handspring elbow to knock over the ladder, Tajiri & Eddie baseball slide the ladder into Benjamin's face. Haas gets the ladder kicked into his groin, Tajiri & Eddie grab another ladder. Haas is on a ladder, Tajiri sandwiches Haas with another ladder and Eddie drills Haas with a slingshot hilo. Benjamin drags Tajiri off the ladder, Eddie dropkicks Benjamin off the ladder.
Benjamin powerslams Eddie into the ladder, Tajiri is placed on the ladder before Benjamin delivers a scoop slam. Benjamin & Haas nail their leapfrog splash spot from off the top of a ladder, nasty looking move right there. Eddie shoves Haas off the ladder and to the ground below, Eddie wedges a ladder in the turnbuckle. Benjamin reverses Eddie's Irish whip and Eddie is smacked into the ladder. Team Angle look to pick up Eddie but Tajiri kicks both men square in the face. Haas & Benjamin are battered with the ladder, Tajiri wipes out Benjamin but here comes Haas. Haas is caught in The Tarantula. However, Benjamin makes the save with a ladder to the back of Tajiri.
Team Angle stomp Eddie, Eddie blocks a corner clothesline from Benjamin and monkey flips Benjamin into Haas. Eddie dumps Team Angle to the floor, Haas & Benjamin are too much for Eddie despite Eddie battling for his life. Eddie Frog Splashes Benjamin but Haas is on his way to the championship. Eddie & Haas are fighting atop the ladder, Haas is winning the war but Eddie sunset flip powerbombs Haas. Benjamin tries stopping Eddie but Tajiri spits green mist into Benjamin's face and Eddie takes down both belts.
That was an enjoyable and fun ladder match, there was not a lot of crazy spots that fill ladder matches but rather a lot of story telling with Eddie being left alone as Team Angle took out Tajiri. Haas & Benjamin would double team Eddie but Eddie would survive and when Tajiri comes back into the match, it is all even and Tajiri makes the difference with the green mist. I liked it a lot, crowd seemed into Eddie too.
Winners: Eddie Guerrero & Tajiri over Team Angle via retrieval of the championships!
Austin & Bischoff/ Jericho & Piper Segment
Austin is not happy with Bischoff's drinking skills, Austin believes that Bischoff is a sissy and promises to kick the crap out of Bischoff if Bischoff does not start drinking. Jericho talks about winning the battle royal but here comes Piper, little strange considering both men are heels.
(WWE Intercontinental Championship Battle Royal Match)
Stone Cold Steve Austin brought back the intercontinental championship after it was retired following Kane's match with Triple H at No Mercy where the belts were unified. I do not know why they thought it was a good decision but they have now rectified that mistake. Before the match, we get to see videos of past champions, the greats of the wrestling business. So, they are making this championship out to be a huge deal, let's hope the match can live up to the hype. It is an over the top battle royal, Pat Patterson will be presenting the championship to the winner, Patterson would be the first champion so they are going all out for this match.
Val Venis is back for this match, no more Chief Morley. Bischoff fired Morley but Austin brought back Val Venis, the match consists of the upper mid-card of Raw with the likes of Booker T, RVD, Kane and Chris Jericho entering the match. Kane and RVD start the brawl before everyone attacks Kane, smart psychology from the roster. Kane shakes everyone off and starts throwing bombs, Storm is thrown out immediately. Kane is dumped out by like 7 people, that was weird. Kane re-enters and murders everyone with right hands, slams and Chokeslams. Test is thrown out by Booker, Jericho dropkicks out RVD and Goldust throws out Venis.
Four left and two tag teams, Goldust & Booker T team up to fight Jericho & Christian. Goldust knocks down Jericho and Christian, nailing a double bulldog. Christian & Jericho eat Shattered Dreams, Booker does The Spinaroonie. Booker throws over Goldust after Goldust's plan fails, Jericho & Christian put the boots to Booker. Jericho & Christian chop Booker until Booker explodes with clotheslines, Jericho skins the cat to survive being eliminated. Jericho was looking for The Lionsault but Christian shoved over Jericho, Jericho's face is priceless. Utter shock is across the face of Y2J as Christian tends to what is left of Booker.
Booker fires up, flying forearm and a spinning heel kick. Flapjack, Christian dodges a thrustkick for a hair-pull. Christian baseball slides the referee by mistake and Booker T throws Christian to the floor but there is no referee, Booker's music plays but Christian wipes out Patterson. Booker is waffled with the belt, the referee is up and Christian throws out Booker.
If you are going to go on and on about the prestige of the championship, do not kick off the title reign of a new champion with a screwy finish. Booker T might be the most incompetent babyface in WWE at this point, time after time Booker has been made to look like a moron and this is the same crap I have seen during last year. As well as that, Booker's music played and Patterson was going to hand the title to Booker. How is Patterson not telling the referee what happened? How has the decision not been reversed? This is so stupid yet I expect it at this point.
Winner: Christian over Everyone Else via Survival!
Before the contest, Sable says Torrie will need help to win the contest, Sable has never lost a bikini contest. This match has a tale of the tape, this bikini challenge has a tale on the tape. Poor Torrie, she had to deal with an awful angle with Dawn Marie and now she has this crap with Sable. Anyways, Sable is wearing fuck all and so is Torrie, they strip and we get a little lesbian stuff because women are made for us men. Lawler's reactions are great, Torrie is booed because she was not slutty enough for the fans. Torrie keeps going and strips from her bikini to a smaller bikini. Tazz declares Torrie the winner of the match, Torrie kisses Sable.
Rowdy Roddy Piper W/ Sean O Haire vs Mr. America
Piper looks so out of shape here, it saddens me greatly. O Haire has been stripped of his Devil's Advocate Gimmick to be the protege of Piper. O Haire was a heck of an athlete but looks like the poor boy has been neutered. I forgot this angle led to the debut of Zach Gowan, Piper wripped off Gowan's leg on Smackdown. Gowan is here at ringside with a cane, O Haire & Piper double team Mr. America. Piper wallops Mr. America while O Haire gets in his cheap shots. Mr. America bounces Piper's head off the turnbuckle over and over, Mr. America bites Piper's head.
O Haire trips Mr. America but Mr. America fires back with right hands, Piper saves his protege. Piper whips Mr. America with the leather belt, Mr. America hulks up briefly before Piper applies a sleeper. Mr. America hulks up, right hands, big boot and Hogan is distracted by Vince Mcmahon. Piper low blows Mr. America, O Haire has a pipe. O Haire clocks Piper by accident, Leg Drop by Mr. America and this match is over. This was sad to watch, it made me sad and I want to erase it from my memory.
Winner: Mr. America over Roddy Piper via Leg Drop!
(WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match) Kevin Nash W/ Shawn Michaels vs Triple H (C) W/ Ric Flair
Stephanie asks Triple H to be careful for this match? How bizarre but the show must go on, this match has an interesting story with Triple H being the big dog in The WWE like Nash was before he left, Nash wants to be with his friends Michaels and Triple H but Triple H backstabbed Nash by kicking Nash right in the dick. That led to Backlash where Triple H PINNED Nash, the challenger for the championship. In my eyes, there is no point in having this match, Nash had been beaten by Triple H without being built up, it is silly.
Match begins on the stage, Michaels pummels Flair. Nash has The Game in the ring, elbow to the head. Knees in the corner, back drop by Nash. Big boot by Nash, scoop slam by Nash. Elbows by Nash, Triple H rakes the eyes and tries getting disqualified but Nash clotheslines Triple H. Nash lowers his head off an Irish whip, Triple H nails a swining neckbreaker. Corner clothesline by Nash, right hands by Nash. Nash shoves the referee, Earl Hebnar pulls off Nash. Triple H clotheslines the referee, low blow by Triple H.
Triple H exposes a top turnbuckle, Nash blocks the turnbuckle spot. Sidewalk slam by Nash, elbows by Nash followed by a big boot. Nash shoves down the referee for a second time, Nash is shoved into the turnbuckle. Pedigree by Triple H, Nash kicks out of The Pedigree. Triple H tries another Pedigree but Nash elevates Triple H to the floor. Triple H has his sledgehammer, Earl Hebnar is decked with the sledgehammer. Nash pummels Triple H up the stage before Nash executes a Jacknife Powerbomb through The RAW annouce table.
Yeah that did not work for the fans or me, I understand you are building it as two men who want to kill one another but the action in the ring does not match the story. Triple H is decking the referee as opposed to trying to kill Nash. Triple H was working a cat & mouse style but that lasted about a minute or two before we had a referee bump. Raw main events have been a pain in the ass to watch since the brand-split.
Winner: Kevin Nash over Triple H via Disqualification!
Austin and Bischoff are still drinking, Bischoff cannot drink like Austin and ends up puking on the fans. Austin covers Bischoff in beer, we have replays of Bischoff puking, lovely that is what I wanted to see while watching this pay per view.
(WWE Women's Championship Match) Trish Stratus vs Jazz (C) vs Victoria vs Jacqueline
This division needs some fresh blood, Trish has improved greatly and it has led to some good matches but I do not know what else can be done for the division is at this point. You know the story, they all talk so highly of this era for women's wrestling but it looks like we peaked and it is all downhill from here. Trish & Jacqueline pull off a dosey doe spot and dropkick the heels out of the ring, arm drag by Jacqueline. Victoria drags Trish to the floor, Jacqueline hammers away at Jazz, suplex for two.
Victoria drops Jacqueline with a sidewalk slam, Jazz Bitch Clamps Victoria & Jacqueline. Trish nails Jazz with forearms, clothesline for two. Jazz dodges The Chick Kick for an STF, Victoria misses an enzuigiri and Jacqueline applies a half crab. Trish makes it to the ropes and Jazz kicks Jacqueline in the head, STF on Victoria. Trish dropkicks Jazz, jawbreaker by Jazz. Trish fires up on Jazz, Matrix bridge into The Chick Kick for two. Trish nails Jazz with her handstand headscissors, one to Victoria too. Trish is dumped to the floor after a failed Stratusfaction, Jacqueline tries for a northern lights suplex on Victoria, Jazz breaks it up with a splash and spikes Jacqueline with a DDT for the win.
Not a complete cluster, there was a nice few spots in there. Felt everyone had a move or two to shine, everyone brought something to the table so it was fine. Jazz continues to dominate while Trish & Victoria raise the bar with veterans like Jacqueline.
Winner: Jazz over Everyone Else via DDT!
(WWE Championship Match) Brock Lesnar (C) vs The Big Show (Stretcher Match)
Match came about as Big Show injured Rey Mysterio by wrapping Mysterio around a ringpost, Big Show is a big bully but he might have met his match in Lesnar. Story going into the match is how can Lesnar get Show onto a stretcher. As I glance at my clock, I see this match is going to be at least 10 to 12 minutes long, this is worrying as these two are served best together in brief. To win this match, you must wheel your opponent on a strecther past a yellow line at the top of the stage.
Lesnar cracks Show with the stretcher and to the floor, Show clubs his way back into the match but Lesnar shoves Show into the ringpost, Lesnar pushes the stretcher into Show's face but Show recovers to gorilla press lesnar onto the stretcher. Stretcher to the back by Show, Lesnar shoulder thrusts Show in the ring before Show catches Lesnar in a Chokeslam. Leg drop by Show, Lesnar is on the stretcher but Lesnar kicks off Show until Lesnar eats a massive clothesline from Show. Stretcher to the back by Show, giant headbutt by Show. Lesnar comes back with the stretcher, Lesnar chokes show with a camera cable.
Shoulder thrusts by Lesnar, suplex by Lesnar. F-5 by Lesnar, Lesnar places a stretcher on the forklift before Show is dragged onto the forklift. Lesnar drives Show over the line and Lesnar retains his championship.
That was way too long, the match did not die a death like Lesanr vs Cena from the month prior but these two were not meant to work a long match. Lesnar throwing around Show is great but you do not get to see that during this match. You get a lot of stretcher shots and slow walking around. Also, Mysterio needed in order for Lesnar to win? Not such a big bad champion after all are we Lesnar?
Winner: Brock Lesnar over Big Show via Forklift to Victory!
That was WWE's Judgement Day 2003, a mostly boring affair with only one match worth watching from the show. The ladder match was by no means excellent but entertaining and fun to watch as all men sold rather than quickly moving to the next spot, it is nice to see the effects of a ladder match on people. The opening match could have been fun with more time and I did not mind the women's match but the rest was just difficult to get through. I do not want to see wrestler I love growing old and decaying before my eyes, I do not want to see terrible Raw world championship matches and I certainly, do not need to see Big Show vs Lesnar for more than 5 minutes. Overall, this show was bad!