Thursday 30 March 2017

WWE Insurrextion 2003 Review

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Hello and welcome to another euro-edition of Seanomaniac Wrestling Reviews! It is Wrestlemania week, it is a time for relaxing and fun, what is the best way to do so? With a UK pay per view of course! The WWE go easy and phone it in for the fans overseas as we are just happy to see wrestling. Rebellion was a Smackdown exclusive and now, we have the Raw exclusive of Insurrextion. Big matches on the card are Kevin Nash vs Triple H, Christian vs Booker T & Scott Steiner vs Test. Will this show be a hit? It will be funa t the least so sit back and watch WWE's Insurrextion of 2003!

Opening Promo

Change is good, a recap of all the major feuds heading into the event with an emphasis on Austin & Bischoff struggling to get along as The Co-GMs of Raw.

(WWE Women's Championship Match) Trish Stratus vs Jazz (C) W/ Theodore Long

Thuggin and Buggin ladies and gentlemen, the bitch is back and the bitch is black. Theodore Long as a heel after years of watching him as Smackdown GM makes me laugh, Theodore wants a standing ovation for Jazz. Lock-up, Jazz shoves off Trish. Lock-up and side headlock by Jazz, hammerlock into a roll-up by Jazz for two. Third lock-up, Trish takes down Jazz and a La Magistral for two. Two hiptosses and a victory roll for two, Jazz rolls out of a clothesline and nails a clothesline of her own. Two for Trish, Trish scores with some forearms and chops, Long trips Trish behind the referee's back. Jazz stunguns poor Trish, headbutt to the spine by Jazz.

Scoop slam by Jazz, huge leg drop for two. Forearms to the face by Jazz, reverse chinlock from the champion. Trish fires up but Jazz yanks Trish down by the hair. Another chinlock by Jazz, Lou Thesz Press by Trish. Jazz misses a splash in the corner, roll-up for two. Jazz connects with a clothesline, Jazz catapults Trish into the middle rope. Chops by Jazz, stomps in the corner and a snap suplew for two. Dragon screw legwhip by Jazz into a Boston Crab, Trish crawls successfully into the ropes. Jazz chokes the challenger, Trish dodges a clothesline and scores with the neckbreaker.

Right hands by Trish, Jazz cuts off Trish with a boot but Trish scores with her handstand headscissors, Matrix dodge from Trish and a Chick Kick for two. Trish signals for Stratusfaction but Jazz counters with a back suplex for two. Jazz blocks The Chick Kick for another Boston Crab, Trish counters for a roll-up, Trish locks Jazz in The Boston Crab. STF by Trish, here comes Victoria running to the ramp. Long enters the ring and hurls Trish into the ringpost shoulder first and Jazz picks up the scraps for the win.

Solid opening match from the women of Raw, Jazz is a treat to have in the division as this badass who mauls the babyfaces while Trish is a great foil to Jazz, I was into the match, the crowd were into the match and I am still happy to see more despite the division becoming stale.

Winner: Jazz over Trish via Shenanigans!

(WWE Intercontinental Championship Match) Christian (C) vs Booker T

Christian looks so bizarre with short hair in 2003, it looks unnatural but let's focus on this match. Booker T had been screwed out of the championship by Christian at Judgement Day in a battle royal which marked the return of the championship. I complained at the time stating that it you are going to push the belt and market it as prestigious, the first match back should not have a screwy finish. Sadly, my pleas were ignored and we had Christian win the championship depsite Booker's music playing and Pat Patterson seeing that Booker won the match.

Booker poses with the title much to Christian's chagrin. Lock-up, Booker backs Christian into the corner, lock-up and an arm drag by Christian. Side headlock by Booker, shoulder block by Booker. Clothesline by Booker, scoop slam and Christian is clotheslined to the floor. Low kick and clubbing blows by Christian, Christian chokes Booker before Booker answers with a back elbow, side headlock by Booker. Christain backs Booker into the corner, Christian cheap shot fails as Booker Irish whips Christian and Christian holds onto the ropes and powders. Christian hides behind the referee, Booker trips Christian and catapults Christian into the turnbuckle, roll-up for two.

Chops by Booker, back body drop for two. Christian rolls to the apron, pokes the eyes and hotshots the challenger. Dropkick by the champion for two, snapmare into a reverse chinlock. Booker mounts a comeback before crotching himself on the top rope, two count for Christian. Another chinlock, Christian misses a dropkick as Booker jacknifes the champion for two. Booker is pulled to the mat by Christian, Christian rakes at the face of Booker. Another chinlock, Booker walks into a back elbow. Christian climbs to the middle rope and tries a double axe handle but Booker connects with a Harlem Sidekick. Flying forearm and clotheslines by Booker, sidewalk slam for two. Thrustkick by Booker for two, Christian slides out of a slam, reverse DDT is countered.

Sunset flip out of the corner for two, Christian blocks The Book-End, reverse DDT by Christian, two count for the champion. Small package by Booker for two, flapjack by Booker. Spinaroonie, Booker is on the apron, apron Scissors Kick by Booker but Christian hits the referee. Missile dropkick by Booker, two and a half for Booker. Christian dodges The Scissors Kick, Booker avoids The Unprettier but Christian rolls-up Booker and uses the ropes to retain the championship.

A passable house show match, this would be chinlock city if Brock Lesnar was around, just a lot of time wasting and stalling to fill time for the pay per view. It was not worthy of a pay per view match but I have come to expect it in Uk pay per view shosw. Plus, there is never going to be a title change on one of these shows.

Winner: Christian over Booker T via roll-up!

Austin/Theodore Long Segment

Austin is not happy with Long interfering in Jazz's matches so Long is added to a match featuring Rodney Mack and Christopher Nowinski. Kane walks by Austin in the hall way, Austin had stunned Kane claiming that Kane had lost his edge.

(WWE World Tag Team Championship Match) Kane & Rob Van Dam (C) vs La Resistance

Lots of championship matches back to back, you sure that you do not want to space these out whoever booked on this night? It is our third in a row, the pre-match graphic shows the old championships, need to update that WWE, you are sloppy on this night. Anyways, not sure on the idea of feeding Vince's new favourite team to the champions. Hammerlock and shove by Dupree, arm drags by RVD. RVD tries posing and Dupree goes low but RVD connects with a step-through spinning heel kick, monkey flip by RVD. Grenier runs into Kane, elbows and right hands by Kane. Throat toss by Kane until Dupree saves his partner, Grenier clubs Kane.

Right hands by Dupree, Kane knocks down poor Dupree. Diving thrustkick by RVD, Grenier is slammed, standing moonsault by RVD on Dupree and Rolling Thunder on Grenier. Tope con hilo onto La Resistance, Dupree cheap shots RVD from the apron, DDT by Grenier for two. Tag to Dupree, elbows to the back of the head by Dupree. RVD sunset flips Dupree but Dupree tags Grenier before falling, Grenier stomps on the head of RVD. Grenier chokes RVD, reverse chinlock by Grenier. Grenier drags RVD to the corner, tag to Dupree. Reverse chinlock by Dupree, RVD fires up but Dupree pulls the hair. RVD enzuigiris Dupree, tag to Grenier and RVD shakes off Grenier too. Hot tag to Kane, clotheslines in the corner, big boot to Grenier and a sidewalk slam to Dupree.

Diving clothesline by Kane, Dupree saves Grenier from The Chokeslam. La Resistance score with Their Bonsoir manœuvre, RVD makes the save. Shoulder thrusts to Dupree until Dupree elevates RVD to the floor. Right hands by Grenier, Kane clotheslines Dupree. Double Chokeslam by Kane, tag to RVD. Dupree is on the floor as RVD lands The Five Star Frog Splash on Grenier to retain the championships.

Fine match, RVD and Booker T are so over that it is hard to believe Booker is not the Intercontinental champion and RVD is stuck in a tag team. La Resistance are not much in my eyes, it is more of the gimmick that appeals but they were fine here as an annoying heels.

Winners: RVD & Kane over La Resistance via Five Star Frog Splash!

Goldust Interview

Goldust has his stutter gimmick still, Goldust promises to beat the piss out of Rico while being funny at the same time.

Rico vs Goldust

And now the time has come for the terrible matches that would be right at home on Heat, Goldust vs Rico, my my, they are pulling out all the stops for Insurrextion. Lock-up, Goldust has a side headlock, shoulder blocks for two. Rico runs from Goldust, Rico stomps Goldust when Goldust poses for too long. Arm drag by Rico, arm drag by Goldust. Rico kicks Goldust, inverted atomic drop by Goldust. Rico slides out of The Curtain Call but walks into a clothesline. Another arm drag by Goldust, knees to the arm. Rico recovers with two massive kicks, elbows by Rico. Full-nelson by Rico, Goldust fights back but misses a crossbody and crashes to the floor.

Rico chokes Goldust with the ropes, bitch slap by Rico does not work, Goldust fires back until Rico kicks Goldust again, two count for Rico. Choke hold by Rico, Rico steps on Goldust's head. Rico rakes the eyes and delivers a dropkick, neck crank by Rico. Backslide by Goldust for two, Rico answers with a clothesline. Rico misses a moonsault, running bulldog by Goldust for two. Goldust measures for Shattered Dreams, Rico uses the referee for a shield. Kick by Rico, right hands by Rico. Goldust fights back, butt bump and a right hand, spinebuster for two.

Ten punches in the corner by Goldust, Rico drops Goldust face first onto the turnbuckle, neckbreaker by Rico, Rico places his feet on the ropes for two. Powerslam by Goldust as Rico came in for a clothesline, Goldust gets the win with the powerslam in 2003. It was kept short, that was a good call. Probably the most filler match you might ever see on pay per view..

Winner: Goldust over Rico via Powerslam!

Freddie Blassie Tribute

85 years of age, countless promos use his voice as it was so distinct. A fabulous manager too while also being a great wrestler. The tributs pore in from Hogan, Rock, Austin and The Mcmahon Family.

Chris Jericho Highlight Reel

Chris Jericho & his guest Eric Bischoff mock the crowd for many minutes, it reallt feels like a time wasting moment, just as it feels a little too long, down comes The Texas Rattlesnake. Austin hits all four corners and poses, Bischoff & Jericho look like they are about to wet themselves. Bischoff gets in Austin's face, Bischoff is pissed off at Austin. Jericho & Austin look like they are just having a good time in front of the crowd, it is always nice to see performers having a great time. Austin announces that Kevin Nash vs Triple H for the world championship is now a street fight, Jericho is not happy with Austin interrupting his show, Austin tries to control himself.

Austin invites Jericho & Bischoff to drink, Austin drinks with Jericho & Bischoff. Jericho eats a huge Stunner, Bischoff looks on shocked and worried that he is next for the treatment. Stunner to Bischoff, Austin runs wild and it is like 1999 all over again. A pointless segment for pay per view but fun nontheless, fans loved seeing Austin.

Rodney Mack/Christopher Nowinski/Theodore Long vs The Dudley Boyz/Spike Dudley

I am guessing that Dudley heel turn did not last very long, was Spike not assaulted by his brothers? Guess it was just because Morley & Bischoff controlled their contracts, Austin must have changed all of that. D-Von and Mack start, some poor mat wrestling kicks off this match. Shoulder block by Mack, hiptoss by D-Von and a nice dropkick into an arm drag. Mack backs D-Von into the corner, tag to Nowinski. Spinning reverse elbow by D-Von, small package for two. Nowinski pops up and slaps Bubba, D-Von tags Bubba. Bubba spears Nowinski, splash to Mack. Dudleys rule the ring, Spike is military press slammed onto Nowinski & Mack.

Nowinski wants a test of stength, Bubba begins dancing and neckbreakers Nowinski for two. Spike bites the arm of Nowinski, headbutt by Spike and a nice headscissors. Dropkick and corner stomp by Spike, Spike tries a crossbody but Nowinski places Spike in the tree of woe, Mack & Long attack Spike. Hard Irish whip by Mack, stomps by Mack. Stalling suplex by Mack for two, tag to Long who stomps Spike. Bearhug by Nowinski, roll- up by Spike for two, clothesline by Nowinski. Nowinski misses a middle rope splash as Spike blocks with knees, tag to Bubba.

Sidewalk slam to Mack, Samoan Drop to Nowinski. Bubba is cleaning house, double flapjack to Nowinski. Mack & Nowinski jump The Dudleys, Nowinski has his mask but Bubba dodges and drops Nowinski with a bionic elbow, What's Up Headbutt to Mack. Bubba calls for the tables, Nowinski baseball slides the table into D-Von. Spike double stomps Mack for two, Mack blocks The Dudley Dog, Mack scores with the running powerslam, Long covers Spike for two. Mack clotheslines Long by mistake, Spike pins Long after the clothesline. Nowinski & Mack take out Spike & Bubba, D-Von clotheslines Mack. D-Von shoves off Nowinski and we have a 3D through the table.

It was everything that the fans wanted to see from The Dudleys, they just had to use the table and that is what they did, the match was on the short side and not much in terms of heat or selling but this is not the show for that kind of thing as I have made clear throughout the pay per view. It accomplished what it needed to be, goo stuff from The Dudleys.

Winners: Team Dudley over Team Mack via Clothesline!

Test vs Scott Steiner

Test was dumped by Stacy Keibler, Test has a contract with Stacy so Stacy cannot do anything about it. However, Scott Steiner will face Test at Bad Blood for the services of Stacy Keibler, it begs the question as to why we would have the match tonight but I am sure I will be seeing a lot of rematches at Bad Blood. Val Venis is the special referee, two back to back pay per view appearances for The Big Valbowski, incredible that this is happening in 2003. I thought Val Venis was working Heat at this stage, Venis introduces Stacy.

Stacy introduces both wrestlers, a less than kind introduction for Test and a more receptive introduction for The Big Bad Booty Daddy Scott Steiner. If there is anyone in this world that does not see Scott Steiner as tremendous, you are no friend of mine. Steiner asks for Stacy to bend over the rope more than once, Test stomps the bejesus out of Steiner. Right hand by Test, clothesline and elbow drop by Steiner before Steiner does his push-ups. Test runs from Steiner, hiding behind Stacy. Test waffles Steiner after hurling Stacy at The Big Bad Booty Daddy. Elbows by Test, corner clothesline by Test.

Test tries covering up Stacy, right hands by Steiner. Clothesline by Test, sleeper by Test. Exploder suplex by Steiner, Stacy takes off the towel and shakes her great hips, Steiner decides that this pumps up The Big Bad Booty Daddy and Big Poppa Pump brutalizes Test with a huge belly to belly suplex. Ten punches by Steiner, Test connects with a full-nelson slam with his feet on the ropes, Test shoves Venis. Venis shoves back and Steiner almost rolls-up Test. Test shoves Steiner into Stacy, Stacy twists her ankle and Test connects with a Big Boot, two count as Test decided to do push-ups.

Test has a chair, Stacy pulls away the chair. Complete Shot by Steiner and Steiner beats Test to celebrat with Stacy who must have recovered from her ankle injury. Steiner celebrates as all is right with the world.

It was fine, not too long. I find Steiner so entertaining as a character, the man is so cartoony, you just cannot hate the man. Shame about his career, in the early days, he was an athletic beast but he did not have the charisma and in the later years, Steiner would find the charisma but his body was shattered by this stage. At least, we will always have his interviews and promos so we can marvel at Big Poppa Pump's greatness.

Winner: Scott Steiner over Test via Complete Shot!

(WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match) Kevin Nash W/ Shawn Michaels vs Triple H (C) W/ Ric Flair (Street Fight)

Nash & Triple H were old friends, Triple H has no time for Michaels or Nash, Nash wants to kill Triple H. Foolishly, Triple H would beat Nash in a six man tag at Backlash, Nash could not even win on pay per view before his championship match. The Judgement Day match was garbage ending in a DQ with little psychology or excitement in the match. Luckily, I get to see a longer version of the match on this pay per view and we get to see them go at it again at Bad Blood in a Hell in A Cell. Well, this is a street fight, it is no DQ so let us see how you get around this one WWE creative team. They could not have Nash lose again could they?

Lock-up, Nash shoves back Triple H. Earl Hebnar gets in between and Triple H knees Nash, Nash overpowers Triple H with a back elbow. Elbows, knees and a right hand by Nash, clothesline to the floor by Nash. Flair attacks Nash and Michaels goes after Flair, Flair's head cracks off the ringpost. Flair is bleeding already, sweet jesus it is one of those nights. Double clothesline by Nash to Flair & Triple H, Michaels beats up Flair on the floor. Nash pummels Triple H on the floor, Michaels and Flair are on the ramp. Triple H sends Nash into the guard rail, Flair low blows Michaels before being escorted backstage.

Nash back drops Triple H on the ramp, no effect really as Triple H is up seconds later flooring Nash. Triple H brings a chair out, Nash takes the chair and wallops The Game. Nash clears the announce table, Triple H rakes the eyes. Triple H blocks a slam, chop block by The Game. More chop blocks by The Game, Nash's leg is sent into the ringpost. Nash Irish whips Triple H into the corner and to the floor, Nash flings Triple H into the steel steps. The steel steps are in the ring, Triple H hotshots Nash. The Game has the steps, Nash drop toeholds Triple H and Triple H's face hits the steel steps. Nash smacks Triple H with the steel steps between the eyes, Triple H is bleeding.

Sidewalk slam by Nash for two, Triple H begs for mercy. Knees by Nash, elbows by Nash. Referee is squashed by Triple H in the corner, big boot by Nash. Nash calls for The Jacknife, low blow by Triple H. Here comes Flair with a chair, Nash blocks with a big boot. Triple H has the chair, Nash is waffled in the face. Cover by Triple H, new referee gets a two count. Triple H decks the referee, Triple H & Flair work over Nash. Here comes Michaels, Flair is clotheslined to the floor. Sweet Chin Music to Flair, Triple H has the sledgehammer, Michaels saves Nash. Sweet Chin Music misses and Triple H scores with The Pedigree, Jacknife Powerbomb by Nash.

No referee as Nash has Triple H beat, Flair pulls out a third referee, Nash tees off on Flair. Triple H has the sledgehammer, Nash is walloped in the side of the head. Triple H crawls to the cover, 1....2......3! Triple H beats Nash for the second time on pay per view, way to build a challenger in Nash.

So ridiculous, three referees and overbooking to the maximum, I give you The Raw Main event scene at this time. First, it is stupid to do a championship match when there is one coming a week later, nobody is going to think the title will change hands and it is really dumb to do a match where they are no count-outs and no disqualifications because then you have to beat the damn challenger and that is what they did, how is anyone supposed to be a fan of Nash by this stage?

Winner: Triple H over Kevin Nash via Sledgehammer!

That was WWE's Insurrextion of 2003, a nice show for The UK fans, it was nothing too serious. There was nothing memorable, there was nothing that made me think wow, these were great matches but I had a fun time, I enjoyed going through every match albeit that main event was staggering in terms of poor decisions.

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