Hello and welcome to the gift that keeps on giving: Seanomaniac Wrestling Reviews, the only wrestling review series on the internet that brings at the worst in people more than Vince Russo! WWE’s Great American Bash 2007, what an odd pay per view. Ok, Edge is injured and we have a new world heavyweight champion in Great Khali who is on the blue brand after having his ass handed to him by John Cena, Khali defends against Batista and Kane, I am guessing Batista’s last chance was thrown out the window with Edge being gone. John Cena defends his championship against Bobby Lashley, mother of God they are rushing themselves into a nightmare with Lashley while we have a host of rematches from last month’s disappointing Vengeance. Can this pay per view perk up my spirits? Let’s find out!
Great hype promo for Lashley vs Cena, makes you want to see the two clash as Lashley is called the uncrowned champion. Khali vs Batista vs Kane gets a nice feature too but all the focus is on Cena vs Lashley, the intensity between the two, it is very exciting. Nothing about Dusty Rhodes coming back? That’s not funky like a monkey!
(WWE United States Championship Match) MVP © vs Matt Hardy
When I think of this era on Smackdown, this is the feud that seems to stick out the most in my mind, I do not know what it is about the feud, I cannot remember if it was great but it’s very vivid in my memory. They lock-up, clean break with shoving from MVP. Arm-drag by Matt, MVP rolls to the floor. MVP takes the back of Matt, Matt takes the arm. Arm-drag from MVP, Matt holds onto to the arm, hammerlock. MVP counters for a wristlock, Matt holds off MVP who tumbles to the floor.
Plancha from Matt, MVP takes control in the ring. MVP stretches Matt Shinzaki-style, Matt reverses the hold with headbutts. MVP answers with his own headbutts, Matt breaks free. Suplex by Matt for two, MVP rolls to the floor. Matt pummels MVP in the corner, MVP yanks Matt off the middle rope. Drop toehold by MVP, massive boot from MVP for two. Elbows to the head from MVP, Matt bites MVP’s leg. Matt fights back, MVP has Matt in the firemen’s carry position, gorilla press slam from MVP. MVP runs off the ropes, clothesline from Matt. Matt begins climbing, MVP crotches Matt.
Superplex, two for MVP. MVP looks for a big back superplex. Matt reverses in mid-air, two for Matt. Matt smashes MVP in the face, corner clothesline but bulldog is countered. MVP goes for a clothesline, boot by Matt. Diving bulldog for two, Matt nails a middle rope leg drop for two. Twist of fate is blocked, playmaker is blocked. Side Effect by Matt for two, MVP shows off a Gannosuke roll for two. Small package for two by Matt, Matt avoids the boot. Roll-up for two, Twist of fate is reversed. Player’s Boot in the corner followed by a Playmaker for the win.
Shame about the weak Playmaker but the match was very good for an opening match, MVP is growing inside of that ring and The Hardys are as hot as ever following their tag team run, shame that they are not together but I do enjoy watching the two tear it up in their single matches. Happy with MVP and Matt Hardy based on this showing, they could steal the show given the time, plenty of near-falls and action to keep the fans on the edge of their seats.
Winner: MVP over Matt Hardy via Playmaker!
(WWE Cruiserweight Championship Match) Shannon Moore vs Jamie Noble vs Chavo Guerrero © vs Jimmy Wang Yang vs Funaki
Damn, you could switch this match from any cruiserweight match from the years 2003 to 2007, Funaki, Shannon Moore and Jamie Noble are all stables of these shitty matches that just try to place everyone on the card. Everyone attacks Chavo, everyone else begins brawling. Headscissors from Funaki, Shannon Moore nails a neckbreaker on Funaki. Yang hurricanranas Moore, spinning heel kick on Noble. Moore and Chavo eat a crossbody from Funaki, Noble elbows Funaki. Powerslam by Noble, Chavo stomps down Moore and Yang. Single leg Boston crab on Yang, Funaki enzuigiris Chavo. Moore and Funaki brawl, Funaki eats a northern lights suplex from Noble. Moore nails a leg drop for two, Chavo Gory Specials Funaki. Yang Moonsaults onto Chavo, Noble saves the match. Tower of Doom spot with Noble being left lying in the ring, Hornswoggle appears and nails a Tadpole Splash and we have a new champion.
The final death blow for the division as Hornswoggle wins the gold in a division of people who have never been cared or treated well in the WWE, they love to take the piss and discredit WCW but WWE went around and did the exact same thing. The match was a bunch of nothing with no rhyme or reason, this was a load of shite.
Winner: Hornswoggle over Everyone Else via Tadpole Splash!
(Singapore Cane On A Pole Match) The Sandman vs Carlito
You have to be joking me, Carlito spits on Sandman to start the match. Lock-up, clean break between the two. The two race for the pole, Sandman waffles Carlito. Carlito fires back in the corner, Sandman elevates Carlito to the floor. Sandman tries reaching the cane, Carlito stops The Sandman. Hard Irish whip by Sandman, dropkick by Carlito. Sandman is pummelled by Carlito, Carlito is stopped by Sandman who claws at Carlito. Sandman pulls down Carlito, corner clothesline from Carlito. Dropkick to the ribs, Carlito misses a springboard elbow. Sandman has his cane, Carlito ducks and nails his Backstabber for the win.
Boring, never have any interest in these type of pole matches, they can be mindless fun but you do not even get that because one of the wrestlers in the ring is the God damn Sandman. Terrible filler, no idea why they put Sandman on Raw, just insane.
Winner: Carlito over The Sandman via The Backstabber!
(WWE Women’s Championship Match) Candice Michelle © vs Melina
The two lock-up, wristlock from Melina. Hammerlock by Melina, Melina shoves down Candice. Lock-up, side headlock takedown by Candice. Melina counters with a headscissors, Candice escapes the hold. Both trade some nice counters, snap-over neckbreaker by Candice. Firemen’s carry into a bridge for two, Melina whips Candice to the corner. Melina catches Candice’s boot, and drives her knees into the ribs of Candice. Melina uses the ropes to choke Candice, Melina hotshots the arm. Straight-jacket neckbreaker for two, Candice escapes the hold. Two clotheslines and dropkicks, discuss clothesline for two. Crossbody for two, Melina elbows Candice. Neckbreaker by Melina for two, forearms to the back of the head. Flying clothesline from Candice, Melina ducks the spinning heel kick. Jawbreaker from Candice, Candie-Wrapper from Candice for the win.
A decent showing from Candice and Melina, criminally short for the two women but the reaction from the fans proves why they are not given too much time. I am happy for Candice to continue to improve inside of the ring, she’s beaten Melina twice now so let’s see what is next for Candice.
Winner: Candice Michelle over Melina via Candie-Wrapper!
(WWE Intercontinental Championship Match) Jeff Hardy vs Umaga ©
Jeff goes right after Umaga, uppercut from Umaga. Umaga won the championship from Santino in between the last two pay per views, Umaga throws Jeff to the floor. Jeff meets the ring apron, Jeff fights back with right hands and a jawbreaker. Umaga counters with a Samoan drop, leg drop from Umaga for two. Jeff mounts another comeback before an elbow to the head, strong Irish whip from Umaga. Make it two, shots reign down from Umaga before a shoulder claw. Jeff gets pulled down by his hair after another failed comeback. Jeff tries slamming Umaga but Umaga reverses and falls on Jeff, two for the champion. Umaga drags Jeff to the ropes, Umaga drops all his weight on Jeff’s chest. Umaga does it twice, Jeff blocks the third splash with his knees.
Jeff is on the middle rope, Umaga catches Jeff for a massive spinning sidewalk slam for two. Umaga climbs to the middle rope, Umaga misses a middle rope headbutt. Corkscrew mule kick and a DDT, Umaga is lowbridged over the top rope. Baseball slide and a plancha from Jeff, sunset flip does not work. Dropkick to the face for two, Umaga batters Jeff into the corner. Running hip splash misses, Whisper in the Wind. Two for Jeff, that was a good near-fall from these two. Umaga hurls Jeff to the corner, Umaga misses a splash. Umaga flops down, Swanton Bomb as Umaga knocks himself out on the ringpost. 1….2… Umaga kicks out! Umaga blocks the twist of fate, superkick. Running hip splash and Samoan Spike, Jeff has been destroyed.
From a pedestrian-like match to super exciting by the end, this match may be as good as this pay per view gets! The match was real slow to begin with, Umaga swatted down Jeff at every turn but there was no real fire to Umaga’s offence, no sizzle on this steak. It all changed with Jeff’s whisper in the wind, Jeff kicked it up about ten levels and the crowd were all-in on Jeff winning the championship, Umaga comes off like a monster and Jeff comes out as a gutsy underdog by the end of the match, mission thoroughly accomplished.
Winner: Umaga over Jeff Hardy via Samoan Spike!
(ECW World Championship Match) John Morrison © vs CM Punk
While we never got Punk vs Benoit, the WWE regrouped and put their eggs in one basket, betting it on John Morrison. Giving the young Johnny Nitro a platform to show himself off and carry the brand of ECW. Punk is your chasing babyface, the two start out with some nice mat-wrestling. Punk has the hammerlock, Morrison counters for a headlock. Shoulder block by Morrison, Punk counters with a drop toehold. Massive kicks from Punk, slingshot suplex for two. Snapmare and low dropkick by Punk for two, Morrison recovers with a massive knee. Irish whip to the corner, Punk nails a monkey flip. Morrison rolls out, recuperating on the floor.
Punk is sent ribs first into the steel steps, massive kicks to the chest from Morrsion. Punk meets the canvas, spinning leg drop from Morrison for two. Bodyscissors with a choke from the champion, Punk escapes but Morrison continues the beatdown. Morrison was looking for a superplex, Punk counters Morrison and nails a crossbody. Punk cannot capitalise due to his ribs, Punk nails massive kicks and a discuss lariat. Scoop slam and flapjack, kick to the chest for two. O Connor roll from Punk for two, Morrison reverses and uses the ropes but the referee catches Morrison. School boy by Punk for two, massive shining wizard for two.
Punk nails some massive knees, high knee in the corner. Punk wants the bulldog, Morrison rolls out, the champion has had enough of Punk. Punk gives chase, Morrison flops to the floor. Punk is on the apron, Morrison kicks Punk in the knee off the springboard and rolls up Punk for the win.
I liked where it was going, I thought the finish was quite weak though. Punk’s ribs were the focus of the match so it was weird to see that Morrison kicked Punk in the knee to pin the challenger, I feel this could have hurt Punk in the long run with such a weak finish to a championship match but the crowd was not all too receptive of the two young guns so a good day at the office albeit a lack of crowd heat and interest from fans.
Winner: John Morrison over CM Punk via Roll-Up!
(Texas Bullrope Match) Dusty Rhodes vs Randy Orton
Orton continues to be the biggest dickhead on the planet, Orton is God damn tremendous since Wrestlemania. Orton has taken out Michaels, RVD and anyone else who stood in The Legend Killer’s way. Orton slapped the taste out of Dusty’s mouth which leads us to this match where The American Dream has Orton in his match. Could there still be life in this old cowboy?
Rhodes slips up Orton to start, Rhodes is in his element. Orton misses with the bell, two Bionic Elbows to start. Rhodes trips up Orton, Orton is rammed into the ringpost. Orton ducks the cowbell, Orton is running before Rhodes yanks Orton down. Bionic Elbow, Orton is dreamstreet. Orton uses the cowbell on Rhodes’ bad knee, stomps to the knee. Sleeper from Orton using the rope, Rhodes fights back. Orton unloads with punches, stomps to the ribs. Rhodes nails a massive Bionic Elbow, Orton dodges an elbow drop from The Dream. Cowbell to the head, Orton covers for the win. Orton looks to punt Dusty but Cody makes the save.
Entertaining match, Dusty is a master of the ring and can make chicken salad of chicken shit. Dusty was fantastic while on offense while Orton went after the knees of The American Dream, I would have liked to see more struggle between Orton and Dusty or at least more sinister actions from Orton but this was fine as is, Randy Orton is owning this year though, The Legend Killer is scorching through everyone.
Winner: Randy Orton over Dusty Rhodes via Cowbell!
(WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match) The Great Khali © vs Batista vs Kane
Edge has to surrender his championship due to injury, a tough break for Edge who was finally finding his stride. There was a battle royal to determine the new champion, Khali would end up winning the battle royal. Khali is your new champion but the last two competitors in the battle royal along with Khali, that being Batista and Kane will challenge for the championship. Kane and Batista attack Khali to start, Khali clotheslines both men. Khali rams Batista into the corner, stomps to Batista and a nasty foot choke.
Chop to Kane, clothesline to Batista. Batista battles back, spinning kick from Khali. Clothesline to Kane, shoulder claw to Batista. Kane saves Batista, Kane is taken off by Khali. Khali chokes Kane with a shoulder claw, Khali shakes off Batista and nails a chokeslam. Chokeslam on Kane too, Khali clears away the announce table. Kane grabs Khali, Khali stops Kane in his tracks. Here comes Batista, Batista wants a powerbomb but Khali stops Batista too. Kane and Batista batter Khali, chokeslam and spinebuster through the table. Kane nails Batista with a sidewalk slam, Batista answers back with a huge powerslam. They battle to the turnbuckle, Kane shoves off Batista.
Diving clothesline from Kane, Khali is up. Chokeslam to Khali, Batista saves the match. Batista clothesline Kane to the floor, Kane uppercuts Batista but Batista sends Kane head first into the ringpost. Hotshot to Khali, Khali boots The Animal. Spinebuster from Batista, Kane saves the match. Kane misses a clothesline, Kane hits the ringpost hard. Batista bomb is countered, Kane nails a Chokeslam. Batista kicks out! Kane has a chair, Batista counters for a spinebuster. Batista Bomb but Khali pulls out Batista, Batista meets the steel steps. Two-Handed Throat Toss by Khali and the championship has been retained.
They did their best with Khali in the ring, serious vibes and flashbacks to Survivor Series 1999 with Khali taking the role of Big Show, Batista and Kane did a great job of showing the power of Khali, I loved that Kane and Batista had visual pin-falls at points in this match to keep the two strong while Khali sneaks out the win like the heel should, good stuff when this match should have been downright horrible.
Winner: The Great Khali over Everyone Else via Two-Handed Throat Toss!
(WWE Championship Match) John Cena © vs Bobby Lashley
Poor Lashley, the man has had the feud of his career getting to work with Mr. Mcmahon but here Lashley finds himself in the ring with John Cena. Even when I was young watching this match live, I felt this was way too soon. Anyways, Lashley was drafted to Raw, dropped his ECW Championship that he fought tooth and nail to earn and was placed in this feud with Cena staking his claim for the championship.
Talk about a big test for Mr. Lashley, an intense stare-down kicks us off. Lock-up, clean break from Lashley. Test of strength, we have another clean break. Lashley takes the back of Cena with ease, Lashley the bigger and stronger but also quicker of the two. Cena is realizing the task before him, Lashley gives Cena another clean break. Side headlock from Cena, shoulder block from Lashley. Cena drop toeholds Lashley, no STFU for Cena. Lashley misses a corner splash, bulldog by Cena. Scoop slam and elbow drop for one, right hand by Cena. Irish whip by Lashley, fisherman suplex by Cena for two. Lashley catches Cena for an exploder suplex, two for Lashley.
Lashley spears Cena in the corner, sidewalk slam for two. Strong Irish whip by Lashley, stalling suplex from Lashley for two. Cena fights back with a Throwback, Cena climbs to the top rope. Kobashi-style leg drop from Cena, two for Cena. Lashley comes back with a rear-naked choke, bodyscissors and all. Cena escapes, spinning modified slam and make it double. Cena calls for it and it connects, five-knuckle shuffle. FU is dodged, powerslam by Lashley for two. Corner spear and corner clothesline, torture rack backbreaker. Running powerslam is reversed, FU from Cena. Cena crawls to the cover, 1….2… Lashley kicks out! Cena is in shock, Lashley elbows Cena. Clothesline, Lashley calls for a Spear.
Lashley is measuring, Cena is slowly turning around. Drop toehold into the STFU, Lashley is fading! Lashley holds on and makes it to the ropes, Cena is distraught. Lashley comes back with a Spear, Cena manages to kick out at two and a half. Lashley has Cena on the top rope, Lashley is looking for a superplex. Cena counters Lashley’s superplex with a Super FU to slay Lashley.
A big change of pace from everything else on the card, this match feels big and it delivers big. The crowd are fully invested and going with the thought of Lashley as champion, they may not be all-in on Lashley but Cena is such a hated figure and beloved at the same time, that the champion brings so much charisma and atmosphere to the match. Cena goes out of his own way to make Lashley look like Lashley, Lashley dominates for large portions, Lashley survives not only the STFU but the FU and the match climaxes in a satisfying fashion with a Super FU finally killing off the monster that is Lashley, this is the only match you need to see from this card, it may not have been the plan of Lashley but what a last match for Lashley until his return earlier this year.
Winner: John Cena over Bobby Lashley via Super FU!
That was WWE’s Great American Bash 2007, a fairly average to not-so good pay per view from the WWE. A lot of the matches fell short or had little crowd heat making the pay per view a bore at times. There were little bright spots like Jeff Hardy’s revival against Umaga, Dusty Rhodes and the cowbell and probably the finest performance from Bobby Lashley and Great Khali but there was also Singapore canes on a pole matches, a bullshit cruiserweight open that would kill the division and lacklustre championship matches namely the ECW and women’s championship matches. If you want to watch this pay per view, watch it for Cena vs Lashley, you do not need to see anything else. Thank you for your support, thanks for reading and remember: There’s always another night!