Hello and welcome to another edition of Seanomaniac Wrestling Reviews, the only wrestling review series on the internet that wants Flip to be booked! It’s Saturday Night Main Event time with Vince Mcmahon searching for his illegitimate son with his stooge The Coach! We all have legendary boxed Evander Holyfield in the ring with Matt Hardy, crazy times ladies and gentlemen. These are usually a breeze to get through so let’s begin this show!
Batista & Kane vs Finlay & The Great Khali
On the road to Summerslam, Khali is champion due to Edge’s unfortunate injury. Batista challenges Khali at Summerslam so Kane and Finlay are here purely for shits and giggles. Kane starts off with Finlay, uppercuts and corner clothesline. Sidewalk slam for two, elbow and a tag to Batista. Shoulder thrusts from Batista, Irish whip to the corner. Finlay blocks Batista with a boot, middle rope splash fails as Batista backs Finlay in the corner. Muscle Buster from Batista, Finlay rolls out and in comes Khali.
Rib claw from Khali, Kane’s ribs are all taped up. Elbows and forearms to the back of Kane, Kane begins to fire back at Khali. Boot from Khali, tag to Finlay. Kane uppercuts Finlay, tag to Batista. Corner clothesline, Batista attacks Khali on the apron. Spinning sidewalk slam from Batista, Hornswoggle is in the ring. Finlay and Hornswoggle bang heads, Kane and Batista tie-up Khali in the ropes. Hornswoggle is rammed into Khali’s ribs, Khali breaks free. Double Chokeslam by Batista & Kane, Spear to Finlay. Batista Bomb and this match is over.
Decent little match, Batista gets the win over Khali to keep The Animal strong going into Summerslam, Khali is passable in the ring and I mean that in the most sincere way possible. Cannot believe the championship is around the waist of Khali, feels desperate from the WWE. Anyways, this was a fine way to open up the show.
Winners: Batista & Kane over Great Khali & Finlay via Batista Bomb!
Vince Looks For His Son
Coach has conducted his own research into finding Vince’s son, Coach brings out the possible candidates. One possible son could be Eugene, Eugene is super excited at this prospect while Vince looks disgusted by the appearance of Eugene. Eugene and Mr. Mcmahon have some playful banter, the next pick is Melina even though I thought it was always portrayed as an illegitimate son. Vince applies that Melina and he had previous relations. There is one more possible candidate, Vince wants to see the final candidate. Austin and Vince have their usual song and dance with Austin Stunning Vince, good segment!
John Cena vs Carlito
Thanks to Randy Orton, Carlito has a win over champion John Cena. Carlito looks to win by himself without the help of Orton. Cena takes down Carlito, mounted punches. Elbow by Cena, massive kick to the ribs. Massive right hand, clothesline by Cena. Carlito powders, Cena eats a boot to the face from Carlito. Carlito eats a boot, Throwback by Cena. Kobashi-Style Leg Drop by Cena and The STFU for the submission win. Orton attacks after the match, RKO on a chair from Orton.
Winner: John Cena over Carlito via STFU!
Evander Holyfield vs Matt Hardy
So, Matt Hardy is the babyface but Holyfield is an all-time boxing legend and loved throughout the arena. How does this help out Matt Hardy? Simple: it does not! Round one begins, jabs from Holyfield. Holyfield corners Matt early, we have an early count. Referee saves Matt for a second time, Matt survives the first round. MVP wants Holyfield to kill Matt, Holyfield has more class than that and knocks out MVP. Waste of time to be honest, Holyfield does not have the charisma for this kind of thing.
CM Punk & The Boogeyman vs John Morrison & Big Daddy V
Punk and Morrison begin, shoulder block from Punk. Rolling pin from Punk for two, Morrison lands a backslide for two. Stand-off, small package for two. Morrison sends Punk into the middle rope, side headlock from Morrison. Shoulder block from Morrison, leaping leg lariat answer from Punk. Punk sends Morrison to the floor, we come back from break with Boogeyman in the ring. Matt Striker distracts Boogeyman, in comes Big Daddy V. Scoop slam, chest slap in the corner.
Samoan drop from V, V sends Boogeyman to the corner. Boogeyman avoids the splash, Morrison tags into the match but Boogeyman tags in CM Punk. Morrison avoids the running knee, springboard clothesline from Punk. Irish whip to the corner, high running knee. Bulldog is blocked, Morrison yanks Punk off the middle rope. Small package by Punk out of nowhere and Punk wins the match for his team.
Quick and to the point like the opening match for this event, Punk needed the win no doubt about it, CM Punk needed some momentum going into Summerslam if he were to challenge Morrison for the championship. Big Daddy V looks promising but we shall see how that develops over time.
Winners: CM Punk & The Boogeyman over Big Daddy V & John Morrison via Small Package!
That was the second last edition of Saturday Night’s Main Event and it is a far cry from its heyday in the eighties by this point, a lot of the memorable angles that ran on the show are nowhere to be seen as the show comes off as pure filler by this point, the matches were fast-paced and ended quickly which is fine for an hour long show but its quite the step-down from the days of Hogan getting his ribs squashed by Bundy to setup the main event of Wrestlemania 2 or Jake Roberts concussing Ricky Steamboat with a DDT. Thanks for reading and remember: There’s always another night!