Friday 22 December 2017

ECW Guilty As Charged 1999 Review

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Hello and welcome to another beer-smashing edition of Seanomaniac Wrestling Reviews, the only wrestling reviews series on the internet that remembers Who! Back to ECW and The Land of Extreme, we kick off 1999 with ECW’s Guilty As Charged. Headlined by the showdown between Taz and Shane Douglas for the ECW World Heavyweight Championship (Bit fucking late to that party bitches!). We also have RVD vs Lance Storm, Justin Credible vs Tommy Dreamer again because fuck you and New Jack continues his war with The Dudleys. Overbooking all over the card? I sincerely fucking hope not so strap in this is ECW’s Guilty As Charged 1999!

The FBI vs Danny Doring & Roadkill

That was a fast turnover from heels to babyfaces for Doring and Roadkill, they face the team of Tracy Smothers and Little Guido, one-half of what I consider the only decent opening match I have seen on pay per view for this company. Doring and Guido begin, Doring has Muffin Ass written on his tights, this comes from a joke with Chris Chetti who in Doring’s own words called a “Huge Fagnet”. Lock-up, Doring pushes back Guido. Guido asks for a break, side headlock by Doring. Doring struts and we already have interference, truly magnificent as The Hardcore Chair-Swingin Freaks come to ringside. They are in the match, it is a three-way danced style elimination match.

Smothers and Mahoney are in the ring, right hands by Smothers. Clothesline by Mahoney, Rotten nails Roadkill with a chair. Smothers drills Mahoney with a leaping calf kick, Mahoney answers with a superkick. Powerbomb by Mahoney, clothesline to the floor. Mahoney dives onto The FBI, Rotten and Roadkill are in the ring. Clothesline by Rotten, Smothers attacks Rotten and goes after Roadkill. Sidewalk slam by Roadkill, elbows by Smothers. Powerslam by Roadkill, top rope splash by Roadkill. Guido saves the match, G-Spot on Guido. Bareback on Smothers, T-Bag Leg Drop by Doring. Hart Attack by Doring & Roadkill, Rich smacks Doring with the Italian Flag. Double high-end fisherman suplex by The FBI and Doring & Roadkill have been eliminated.

FBI stomp Mahoney, double chops, dropkicks and elbows for two. Mahoney escapes a reverse chinlock for a back suplex, tag to Rotten. Clotheslines and jabs from Rotten, bionic elbow. Smothers and Guido bang heads, Nutcracker suite and Head Trauma from Rotten as The Hardcore Chair-Swingin Freaks win the match. Big Sal and Big Guido eat chair shots, down they go.

Fun stuff, I cannot really complain when the action was fast and tight, a lot of nice moves on display from every team. Right team won when you think of who could challenge for the tag team titles as Doring and Roadkill are so new and The FBI were simply opening match comedy wrestlers.

Winners: Balls Mahoney & Axl Rotten over Everyone Else via Nutcracker Suite!

Terry Funk Promo

Terry Funk being Terry Funk is awesome, Funk speaks about Dreamer’s betrayal and about how Funk will want Dreamer to suffer every day for the rest of your life.

Super Crazy vs Yoshiro Tajiri

The first pay per view meeting between Tajiri and Super Crazy, two wrestlers who would bring some beautiful wrestling back to ECW. Lock-up and clean break from Crazy, hammerlock and wristlock into an armdrag by Tajiri into a cover for two. Snapmare by Crazy into a La Magistral for two, lock-up and side headlock by Crazy. Jumping DDT from Crazy, leg kicks from Tajiri. Low dropkick, Crazy needs a breather. Chest chops from both, low dropkick by Tajiri. Make it two, rolling kneebar from Tajiri. Handspring back elbow by Tajiri, baseball slide and an Asai Moonsault. Tarantula by Tajiri, springboard dropkick by Super Crazy.

Hilo over the top rope, moonsault off the guard rail to Tajiri. Romero Special from Crazy, transition to a dragon sleeper. Stomp by Crazy, tilt-a-whirl is countered for an armdrag, Crazy rolls to the floor. Crossbody by Tajiri to the floor, spinning heel kick by Tajiri for two. Crazy blocks a German, drop toehold into a La Magistral for two. Drop toehold but Tajiri counters for his own La Magistral for two. Chops by Crazy, Tajiri flips out of a German. Crazy kicks Tajiri and nails a moonsault off the top rope for two, slingshot tornillo from Crazy to the floor. Missile dropkick by Crazy, tornado DDT by Crazy. Lariat to the back of the head, inverted DDT from the middle rope. Tajiri counters a powerbomb for a DDT, Crazy misses a corkscrew splash.

Tajiri nails Crazy with a sunset flip powerbomb for two, Tajiri drags Crazy to the corner. Crazy is placed on the top rope. Top rope hurricanrana by Tajiri, Crazy rolls through for a cover. Two for Crazy, powerbomb by Crazy for two. Tajiri nails a sit-out powerbomb complete with rolling cradle for two, kicks by Tajiri. Dragon Suplex by Tajiri out of nowhere and Tajiri wins the match!

Good stuff, so different from everything else on the card. It has been a long time since the days of Benoit, Malenko and Mysterio in ECW. If you were looking for technical wrestling in the company after they left, you did not have any real choice. However, with these two coming in and their matches with Little Guido to come, it should be fun to call at the least. You could not deny their chemistry, there was just something special when Tajiri and Crazy would be rocking around that ring.

Winner: Tajiri over Super Crazy via Dragon Suplex!

John Kronus vs Mystery Opponent

Judge Jeff Jones has transformed from crooked referee to judge, beats me but let’s roll with it. Kronus is in the ring, we have no idea who Kronus will be facing. Sid comes down, Chokeslam for Kronus through a table at ringside. Chair shots to the head of Kronus, Powerbomb by Sid and this match is over.

The Dudley Boyz vs Spike Dudley & New Jack

Oh my favourite, here comes the part of the show with no wrestling. Spike and New Jack hammer The Dudleys with weapons, hurricanrana by Spike in the corner. Bubba is choked with the middle rope, Spike continues using weapons and forearms on Bubba before Bubba waffles Spike with a metal tray. D-Von and New Jack brawl on the floor, D-Von is in control with right hands. Big Dick helps D-Von attack New Jack, military press slam by Bubba on Spike with Spike being launched into the crowd. Insane that they could get away with that, imagine if the fans sued or were injured.

Spike is tossed into the crowd for a second time, Bubba scares off the camera man. D-Von and New Jack brawl on the floor, New Jack sends D-Von into the guard rail. Spike hammers Bubba with a tray, Spike pummels Bubba. New Jack chokes D-Von with a camera cable, Spike and New Jack control the ring. Dudleys have chairs, New Jack and Spike have guitars. Big Dick eats two guitars to the head, The Dudleys attack New Jack & Spike from behind. Middle rope Bubba Bomb. New Jack fights D-Von and Bubba on the ramp before succumbing to a 3D. Acid Drop on Big Dick, Acid Drop on D-Von. Bubba splashes D-Von by mistake, Acid Drop on Bubba. Big Dick blocks a second acid drop, 3D with The Dudleys winning the match.

What a garbage match that was, showing us a squash and following it up with this pathetic nonsense. I am sorry but this gets harder to watch every single time, New Jack was an incredible wrestling personality no question of that. But the man had no business doing this sort of trash on pay per view, anybody who could sit through this is a God damn saint because I am almost at he end of my rope watching this so-called “wrestling”.

Winners: The Dudley Boyz over Spike & New Jack via 3D!

(ECW Television Championship Match) Rob Van Dam © W/ Bill Alfonso vs Lance Storm W/ Tammy Lynn Bytch

Storm was originally supposed to face Jerry Lynn and Spike Dudley in a three-way dance but Lynn was injured and Spike was moved into the tag match snoozefest which I just had to witness, RVD was meant to face Masato Tanaka but that did not come true as Tanaka was unable to make it to the pay per view. RVD and Storm lock-up, nice wrestling with both men taking control until a stand-off. Eye poke and right hands by Storm, dropkick by RVD for two. Snapmare by RVD for two, Storm rolls through for a single leg Boston crab off an Irish whip. Alfonso attacks Bytch, Storm intervenes but eats a slingshot leg drop from RVD. Corkscrew leg drop from RVD as Storm hangs off the guard rail, posing from RVD.

Storm meets the ringpost, double underhook front slam by RVD for two. Forearm by RVD, Storm ducks a clothesline for a huge superkick. Two for Storm, jawbreaker by Storm. Corner elbow and dropkick by Storm, Irish whip reversed by RVD. Springboard attempt by RVD goes awry as Storm dropkicks RVD to the floor, baseball slide by Storm. RVD sentons onto Storm from the guard rail as they do battle in the crowd. RVD tries a scoop slam but Storm counters for a reverse DDT, Storm dropkicks RVD who is stuck in the crowd. Springboard crossbody by Storm, RVD attempts another springboard and Storm has the counter ready. RVD is crotched on the top rope, RVD counters a super back suplex for a crossbody. Drop toehold by RVD, RVD applies a Romero Special.

Rolling Thunder by RVD, two for the champion. Irish whip to the corner, Storm leaps to the top rope and drills RVD with an elbow to the face. Right hand by Storm, RVD is whipped to the corner. Handspring clothesline by Storm, RVD blocks the northern lights suplex. RVD is thrown a chair from Alfonso, Van Damnator. Storm is thrown back into the ring by RVD, Bytch is on the apron. Small package with Storm getting two, spinning heel kick by RVD. RVD Van Damnators the referee, Storm hits his own Van Damnator but there is no referee. Storm has RVD on the top rope, Storm takes a chair from Alfonso but RVD kicks the chair into Storm’s face. Two for RVD, clotheslines by RVD. Storm dodges the frog splash, powerbomb is countered by RVD. The two trade counters before a bridging German suplex by RVD for the win.

That was an unexpected finish to the match from RVD, came out of nowhere. Anyways, it seems that RVD is growing leaps and bounds before our eyes, the matches are not great just yet. I felt there was way too much pandering between moves which really killed the flow of the match for me. Also, we have interference and a referee bump for the first time of the night, I hope it is the only time I will see that tonight. Storm along with Lynn can always be relied on for a solid match, I would not mind a rematch between these two.

Winner: Rob Van Dam over Lance Storm via German Suplex!

(Stairway to Heaven Match) Justin Credible vs Tommy Dreamer

Speaking of feuds that need to die as soon as possible, Justin Credible continues to haunt Tommy Dreamer. ECW were doing everything to make Justin Credible interesting (They were failing, boy was vanilla as they come), they had Credible injure Mikey Whipwreck, injure Great Sasuke and run off The Sandman who had left for WCW in reality. The feud has a new spin with Funk aligning himself with Credible, endorsing the former Aldo Montoya.

Lock-up, Credible knees Dreamer in the corner. Chops by Dreamer, low blow by Dreamer. Spinebuster by Dreamer and a Cactus Jack clothesline, Credible sends Dreamer into the guard rail. Credible roughs up Dreamer in the ring using the chair before tossing Dreamer to the ramp. Drop toehold onto the chair, Credible stomps away on Dreamer with Nicole Bass taking a cheap shot. Dreamer scores with a Russian legsweep in the ring, Credible is bounced off a chair. Dreamer Driver/Emerald Flowsion, Dreamer picks up a ladder. Jason and Credible try a baseball slide, Dreamer dodges and wallops the two with the ladder. Credible is in the crowd, Dreamer bridges the ladder between the guard rail and ring apron.

Dreamer electric chair drops Credible onto the ladder, Dreamer places a ladder in the corner and slingshots Credible into the ladder. Falling slam onto the ladder, Dreamer is on the middle rope but misses an elbow as Credible moves out of the way. Credible has a chair, Dreamer’s arm is placed in the ladder as Credible zeroes in on Dreamer’s arm. Dreamer reverses an Irish whip and Credible smacks off the ladder, Dreamer is on the apron. Credible nails Dreamer with a fisherman buster to the floor, Dreamer is on the top rope. Bass distracts the referee, Jazz low blows and suplexes Dreamer. Jason clotheslines Dreamer for good measure.

Ladder is leaned against the ropes, Credible stomps Dreamer. Credible misses a low dropkick and hits groin first off the ringpost. Spiccoli Driver, Dreamer see-saws the ladder into Credible’s face. Dreamer climbs towards the Singapore cane, Credible yanks Dreamer off the ladder. Dreamer is placed on the ladder and Credible tips the ladder with Dreamer on it and through a table, creative spot there. Credible nails his swinging DDT on Dreamer, Credible places the ladder on Dreamer’s neck and Credible rams Dreamer into the turnbuckle.

Credible has another ladder, Dreamer is on the floor ringside. The two set up ladders with Dreamer dropping Credible with a cutter off the ladder. Dreamer brings down the cane, leaping DDT from Dreamer. Credible is left against the ropes, Dreamer wants payback. Funk is here, trash can to the head. Singapore cane to the head by Credible and a That’s Incredible on the ladder for the win.

That was not a bad match by ECW standards, there were some nice and well-executed spots throughout this match. I thought they were going to tell a story with the arm of Dreamer but that was abandoned after a minute or two whivh was a shame but this was good stuff for the most part.

Winner: Justin Credible over Tommy Dreamer via That’s Incredible!

(ECW World Heavyweight Championship Match) Taz vs Shane Douglas © W/ Francine

It’s been a year in the making and would you look at that, Douglas has his wrist taped up again. Douglas was the ECW champion, Douglas was The Franchise. The man’s intensity in his promos and hatred were legendary and they made Douglas the man in ECW. The wrestling had been a let down since the beginning of these reviews, it is hard to write that but Douglas was not putting on the classics that were expected of the man who was meant to be the future of the business. However, nobody could touch Douglas in terms of character work in the company, nobody deserved the championship more than Douglas but it comes down to this, could Douglas make Taz look like the star that they needed Taz to be?

The match that should have been at November to Remember happens now, lock-up and side headlock takedown by Taz. Douglas grabs a side headlock, Taz counters the same way Douglas did with a headscissors. More mat wrestling by the two, Taz takes the waist. Drop toehold by Douglas, Taz escapes a headlock for a hammerlock. Stare-down, right hands and kicks by Douglas. Taz nails a head and arm Tazplex, Douglas rolls to the floor. Lock-up, Douglas chokes and stomps Taz. Cast to the head, Alabama slam by Taz. Clothesline with Douglas rolling to the floor, Taz is in pursuit. Right hands by Taz, Douglas sends Taz into the crowd. Crowd brawling from the two, this brawling goes on and on and on and on….

Finally, they are back in the ring. Taz has a table in the corner as Douglas peppers the challenger with rights, Taz fires up with kicks in the corner. Taz is Irish whipped through the table, Douglas has another table. Head and arm Tazplex through the table, the lights go out and it looks like Sabu is here. Springboard clothesline, what the fuck is this? Sabu cracks Taz with a chair, both men are hurled to the floor. Moonsault onto Taz and Douglas, Douglas is put through a table with a leg drop. Taz is put through a table with a twisting splash, Douglas covers Taz for two. Douglas holds up the three fingers, Candido is here as the two girls catfight. Candido clobbers Douglas? Tazplex by Taz, Tazmission with Douglas trying everything to escape but Taz is tenacious. Taz chokes out Douglas and we have a new champion.

Another moment that should have been something truly special spoiled by overbooking and nonsense. Where do we begin? Liked the two wrestling in the beginning, they had the makings of a decent story with Taz proving that he was the better man and then, we had at least 6 minutes of brawling in the crowd. Why? Why did I need six minutes of the two stumbling around and punching one another? There is no faster way to take me out of a match than lazily stumble around and kill time in the crowd, it’s a joke. Next we have Sabu interrupt what is Taz’s shining moment laying out both champion and challenger. Unnecessary when you are trying to make Taz your new top star, you don’t need to put the focus on someone else. Sabu was supposed to be in the match, Sabu got injured so Sabu can return and have his match that story writes itself!

But no, you had Sabu lay out Taz and Douglas, way to make Taz look tough there ECW. Next, Douglas calls out Candido who turns on Douglas, do we really need to see that? The Triple Threat were done with Bigelow in WCW by this point, we did not need to see Candido in there with Douglas as Taz should have been the focal point of the match. For the reasons I have argued above, I was not happy with this. We waited a year to see Taz take that championship from Douglas, Taz should have outclassed Douglas with Douglas and all his arrogance coming crashing down as he knew there was no surviving Taz. Instead, we got the same old shit from ECW where they just could not let a good match be a good match.

Winner: Taz over Shane Douglas via Tazmission!

That was ECW’s Guilty as Charged 1999, a better than most pay per view from ECW. This felt like something different at times, there was not as much overbooking on this card like most of the others. There was some good wrestling in terms of Tajiri and Crazy and RVD vs Lance Storm. The New Jack match was just awful, no time for that kind of trash while the main event was  a big let down. You built and built but when you have that much crowd brawling and interference taking place in the match, you are not solidifying Taz at the man, you are not have Douglas pass the torch. You are simply dicking around at the worst possible time like ECW seemed to do at every pay per view hat I have covered. So, better than anything I have seen so far in terms of match quality thanks to RVD shining with Storm and Tajiri vs Crazy brining fun to the ring but a lot of this was garbage as was the stereotype for ECW. Thanks for reading and remember: There’s always another night!

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