Hello and welcome to another edition of Seanomaniac Wrestling Reviews, the only wrestling review series on the internet that is more lost in the shuffle than Luke Harper! Our next stop is WWE’s New Year Revolution of 2006, headline by the elimination chamber match featuring John Cena defending against the likes of Chris Masters, Carlito, Shawn Michaels etc. Last year’s New Year Revolution was plagued by injuries and was nothing more than a one match show. Can WWE do better this time around? Looking up and down the card, the answer: maybe we might be in for a one match show but it is an elimination chamber match baby, they never disappoint! So, read on eagle-eyed viewer as we check out Raw’s first offering for 2006.
We have WWE superstars speaking about the brutal elimination chamber, how it takes a toll on your body, how big and destructive it can be. We get our WWE narrator talking about fantasy being fulfilled, your desires will be here in paradise. It will be paradise for one man but it could be hell for five other men. Good stuff, we have Joey Styles and The Coach on commentary which is rare without a JR or Jerry Lawler in sight. This is a big test for the two or at least I would have imagined it would be considering Styles’ background in ECW and Coach tending to announce on lower-tier shows like Heat.
(WWE Intercontinental Championship Match) Edge W/ Lita vs Ric Flair ©
In a feel-good moment at Taboo Tuesday, Ric Flair toppled Carlito and became Intercontinental champion. Meanwhile, Edge had finished his feud with Matt Hardy and had not done much in terms of in-ring action on pay per view missing the last two pay per views at the end of 2005. Edge returns to the ring on ppv, attacking Flair from behind to begin this match. Right hands by Edge, Irish whip to the corner and back drop by Edge. Flair chops back at Edge, Irish whip and back drop by Flair. Right hands by Flair, Flair chases Lita. Edge clotheslines Flair on the floor, suplex on the floor by Edge. Edge pummels Flair, Flair is choked with the middle rope. Foot choke by Edge, clothesline by Edge.
Snapmare into a dragon sleeper, ten punches by Flair. Atomic drop and chops by Flair, dropkick by Edge and Flair is clotheslined to the floor. Edge tries an axe handle off the apron, Flair chops Edge hard. Edge is crotched on the barricade, Flair chops Edge in the corner. Flair is on the top rope, Edge and Lita are poked in the eyes. Flair nails an axe handle for two, Flair chop blocks Edge. Shin breaker by Flair, Lita is on the apron. Edge is elevated to the floor, Flair has Lita. Figure Four on Lita, Edge cracks Flair with his briefcase. Flair is a bloody mess, Flair wins the match by DQ as Edge continues to dish out the punishment to The Nature Boy.
It was fine for what it was, Flair had been on fire with his feud with Triple H, Flair looked like he had something left to give in the WWE. So, to see a subdued match from Flair with the man who would be the next WWE Champions unbeknownst to those in attendance of course, is a little disappointing. However, as I said, it was good for what they wanted to accomplish.
Winner: Ric Flair over Edge via DQ!
Kurt Angle and Daivari Promo
Angle starts speaking like crazy, Angle talks about tapping out Jesus, hating The Black People and hoping America loses the war to Iraq. Angle gets serious, Angle calls himself the next WWE Champion. That was bizarre.
(WWE Women’s Championship Match) Trish Stratus © vs Mickie James
The feud that reignited everyone’s interest in the women in the WWE. Mickie James was obsessed with Trish, Mickie saved Trish on multiple occasions. Mickie would dress like Trish and would use Trish’s moves in the ring. Trish would get more and more upset with Mickie as it reached uncomfortable levels with Mickie kissing Trish and being a little too close for comfort. Mickie asks for a handshake, Trish gets serious and Mickie is a little confused by her idol’s serious nature.
Armwrench by Trish, Trish takes down Mickie for a one-count. Side headlock by Mickie, hammerlock by Mickie. Trish counters for a side headlock, Mickie cups Trish’s puppies. Trish breaks the hold, lock-up with Mickie grabbing a hammerlock. Trish counters, Mickie counters. A lot of counters, roll-up by Mickie for two. Trish counters a headscissors for two, Mickie kicks Trish to the floor. Mickie holds the ropes open for Trish, side headlock by Mickie. Shoulder block, Trish trips Mickie. Forearms by Trish, Mickie fires back. Irish whip to the corner by Trish, Mickie kicks off Trish. Mickie gets distracted, handstand headscissors is blocked.
Trish blocks a tornado DDT, huge pump kick by Trish. Trish misses a baseball slide, Mickie grabs the championship. Mickie does not use the belt, Mickie eats a lou thesz press from Trish, forearms by Trish. Chops by Trish, Mickie kicks off Trish. Trish nails The Stratusphere, spinebuster for two. Mickie kicks off Trish, side headlock and Mickie loos for Stratusfaction. Mickie nails it, Trish kicks out at two. Trish catches Mickie, Stratusfaction is blocked. Mick Kick misses, Chick Kick connects and it is over.
That’s what I am talking about, a hard-hitting women’s match that is the best thing I have seen since Victoria was allowed do her thing with Trish. For all the talking that WWE does about the golden era of women’s wrestlers during the mid-2000s, the great matches are few and far between. This was very good though, built upon the solid story-telling that they had done since the debut of Mickie James on the main roster, I am enjoying where this is going!
Winner: Trish Stratus over Mickie James via Chick Kick!
Gregory Helms vs Jerry Lawler
My memory told me that Helms unmasked as Hurricane and went straight to Smackdown capturing the cruiserweight championship. My memory was wrong as it seems Helms was on Raw and had to wrestler Lawler on pay per view. Last time on pay per view, Lawler stunk up the joint with Hassan at funnily enough, this pay per view last year.
Helms armdrags Lawler, lock-up with Helms pushing back Lawler. Right hands by Helms, Lawler reverses and hiptosses Helms. Back drop by Lawler, left jabs by Lawler. Huge right, Lawler does The Hurricane pose before sending Helms to the floor. Eye poke by Helms, Lawler is rammed off the turnbuckle. Leg drop by Helms, two for Helms. Sidewalk slam by Helms, choke by Helms. Suplex by Helms, make it two. Make it three for a two-count, chinlock by Helms. Armdrag escape by Lawler, Helms retakes control with a snapmare for two. Knee drop by Helms, chinlock by Helms.
Backbreaker by Helms, slaps and a clothesline to the floor by Helms. Lawler meets the ringpost, Helms talks trash on commentary before attacking Lawler in the ring. Missile dropkick for two, Helms misses a corner splash. The strap is down, left jabs and a huge right. Fist drop, Helms counters the piledriver. Helms is on the top rope, Lawler crotches Helms. Helms tumbles to the mat, Diving Fist Drop by Lawler and Lawler wins.
Dull and lifeless, far too long for a Lawler match. It does absolutely nothing for either man in this match, Helms should have been moved right to Smackdown. DUD!
Winner: Jerry Lawler over Gregory Helms via Diving Fist Drop!
Big Momma & Viscera
The World’s Largest Love Machine Viscera comes across Big Momma, Viscera wants sex and Big Momma does not oblige. Big Momma goes to tell Benjamin who will face Viscera in a match later tonight.
Triple H vs The Big Show
Triple H had put a bullet so to speak in his former mentor Ric Flair, Big Show was not happy with the way the bully acted and challenged Triple H to a match. Triple H backed off but they would meet on this night as both men cost one another opportunities to be in tonight’s main event. Triple H wanted an advantage, The Game took out the hand of The Big Show by smashing Show’s hand with a sledgehammer. Show is wearing a cast but is showing no signs of injury as they prepare for this match.
Triple H is on the run early, right hands by The Game. Show shoves down Triple H, huge chop by Show. Slam by Show, Show nails a huge elbow. Make it two, Triple H runs from Show. Show pulls Triple H out to the floor, headbutt by Show. Show whips Triple H to the floor, chop against the barricade. Show tries to enter the ring, high knee by The Game. Show picks up Triple H, Triple H is driven into the ringpost. Show lines up a punch, Triple H ducks and Show smacks his hand off the ringpost. Triple H takes control using the hand as a focal point, kicks and knees to the arm. Triple H hurls Show’s arm into the ringpost, Triple H tears off the protective cast. Knees to the hand, Show screams out in massive pain. Headbutt from Show, make it two.
Triple H lowbridges Show, Triple H drives Show’s hand into the steel steps. More kicks to the arm, huge knee drop by The Game. Keylock by Triple H, Show wriggles free. Show’s arm meets the ringpost, Show armdrags The Game. Forearm by Show, sidewalk slam by Show. Splashes by Show, shoulder block and Show calls for a Chokeslam. Show cannot lift The Game, Show punches the referee by mistake. Headbutt by Triple H, The Game has the sledgehammer. Show blocks and breaks the hammer with his hand, thrustkick by Show. Headbutt, The Game tumbles to the floor. The Game has a chair, Show stops the threat.
Triple H meets the steel steps, Show grabs the steps. Show cannot do it with his bad hand, low blow by Triple H. Triple H wallops Show’s hand with a steel chair, Show spears Triple H on the floor. Show calls for a Chokeslam, Triple H had his sledgehammer, huge shot to the head. Pedigree by Triple H and Triple H overcomes the giant.
If you thought the last match was dull and lifeless, Triple H and Big Show have an easy night on the job as they tell a simple story with very few moments that would gain any sort of reaction from fans. Triple H worked the arm the entire match and it did not play into the finish, that sucks. Anyways, this was a very boring match with not enough being done by either man to grab my attention or any of the fans in attendance.
Winner: Triple H over Big Show via Pedigree!
Chris Masters/Carlito Promo
Carlito has a plan, Carlito and Masters combine in order to take out Cena, Kane, Angle and Shawn Michaels. Good plan and good way to get around the issue of everyone thinking that those two are cannon-fodder for this match.
Shelton Benjamin W/ Big Momma vs Viscera
Having been pushed down the totem pole in terms of babyfaces on Raw, Benjamin turned heel with his Momma by his side. It would open up new doors for Benjamin who had been left with little to do as we entered 2006. Viscera comes out as the black Val Venis, promising to share his love with everyone. Pure filler match but hey, it might be a lot of fun.
Lock-up, side headlock by Benjamin. Hiptoss but Benjamin flips out, shoulder block by Viscera. Lock-up, keylock by Benjamin. Viscera bumps off Benjamin with his booty, spinebuster by Viscera. On the floor, Momma protects Benjamin. Cheap shots by Benjamin, Benjamin hits Viscera with knee lifts in the ring. Low dropkick by Benjamin, diving clothesline by Benjamin. Two for Benjamin, kicks to the knee by Benjamin. Viscera attacks Benjamin, Benjamin stomps down Viscera. Samoan drop by Viscera, clotheslines by Viscera. Scoop slam by Viscera, elbow drop for two. Spinning side slam by Viscera, Visagra from Viscera. Short-arm clothesline, Benjamin dodges a splash. Viscera gets cracked with the purse, Dragon Whip by Benjamin for the win.
This will be a thumbs-up in my book for Big Momma’s trash talk from ringside and Viscera’s fantastic finishing move. It was pretty awful discarding those two things but I do not care, I wish to see more of Big Momma. She was phenomenal, simply a joy cursing out Viscera.
Winner: Shelton Benjamin over Viscera via Dragon Whip!
(Bra & Panties Gauntlet Match) Torrie Wilson vs Ashley vs Candice vs Victoria vs Maria vs Mae Young
Some relief action and entertainment before the main event. Surprisingly, the last time we had this type of match, it had a genuine story with Mickie James helping Trish retain her championship due to her infatuation with Ms. Stratus. Anyways, simple match where to win you must strip your opponent to her underwear.
The two to start the match is Maria and Candice Michelle, Candice asks for a handshake. Maria ducks a clothesline and rips at Candice, Candice kicks Maria hard. More stripping attempts, both women fight before a pull-down from Candice. Scoop slam by Candice, stomps from Candice. Go Daddy spin from Candice, Maria’s top comes off. Knee lifts from Candice, Maria trips Candice. Candice loses her top, clothesline by Candice. Choke by Candice, Candice tries her leg choke from the corner but it backfires with Maris stripping Candice. Candice has been eliminated.
Next up is Torrie Wilson, another one of Vince’s Devils. Torrie kicks and suplexes Maria, Maria reverses a hold for a victory-roll. No clothes come off, Torrie knees Maria. Handspring elbow by Torrie, Maria kicks off Torrie. Baseball slide by Maria, Maria boots Torrie. Torrie’s top is off, spear by Torrie. They do the catfight/roll over the referee spot. Torrie slaps Maria, Torrie is in the referee’s face. Maria strips Torrie as she argues with the referee. Torrie Wilson has been eliminated.
Shit gets real with Victoria storming down to the ring, Maria looks out of energy. Maria is clubbed by Victoria, Maria is on the top rope. Maria blocks a right hand, sunset flip but Victoria stomps all over Maria. Scoop slam and moonsault by Victoria, Victoria strips Maria and Maris is out of this match.
Here comes Moolah with Mae Young, this is heading to a place that I do not want to go. Mae waves to everyone, Victoria looks confused. Mae has decided to strip for everyone, everyone groans and tries to look elsewhere while Victoria clubs the shit out of Mae Young. Moolah pulls off Victoria, Mae strips Victoria but it is only her top.
Here comes Ashley, Victoria calls for Widow’s Peak. Ashley slips out and pulls down the pants of Victoria. This match is over and because Ashley has done fuc all to earn her money for the night, she decides to strip for everyone in attendance. Yeah filler and all in good fun of course.
Winner: Ashley over Everyone Else via Keeping Her Clothes On (Kind Of!)
(WWE Championship Match) John Cena © vs Kane vs Carlito vs Chris Masters vs Kurt Angle vs Shawn Michaels
New Year’s Revolution was the pay per view where the elimination chamber match would take place annually, Cena defends against the best the Raw brand has to offer, it turns out for the best for Cena and WWE as Cena had exhausted his feud with Angle and Triple H & Edge were busy elsewhere. Big stories going into the match were Michaels having problems with Mr. Mcmahon and Cena going against the odds to try and retain his championship. Michaels and Cena are to begin the match, Cena sucks chants ring out through the arena.
Lock-up, armwrench from HBK. Hammerlock by Michaels, elbow by Cena. Twice it happens, Michaels is not happy. Slap from HBK, Cena decks Michaels. Back drop, Michaels pulls Cena to the floor. Michaels chops Cena in the ring, HBK lowers his head off an Irish whip. Kick from Cena, hard Irish whip to the corner by HBK. Another hard Irish whip for two, more chops to the chest of Cena. Cena reveres an Irish whip, Michaels is placed across the top rope. Kick to the ribs by Cena, Michaels is clotheslined to the floor. We have our first entrant and it is Carlito. Carlito sprints out and pummels Cena, dropkick by Carlito. Tope con hilo from Carlito onto Michaels, Cena tees off on Carlito. Complete shot by Carlito for two, Michaels is yanked off the top rope.
Two for Carlito on HBK, right hands to Cena and HBK. Back elbow to Cena by Carlito, suplex to Michaels for two. Small package by HBK for two, Carlito takes down Michaels with a clothesline. Cena floors Carlito, chops by Carlito. Carlito runs into a double flapjack, HBK and Cena combine to attack Carlito. Double back drop, Angle is in the match. German suplexes all around, the crowd is going nuts. Michaels is suplexed to the floor as is Carlito, Cena eats right hands in the corner.
Michaels is catapulted into the cage wall, Cena eats stomps from Angle. Michaels is bleeding everywhere, Michaels is smashed into one of the chambers. Cena fires back at Angle, belly to belly suplex by Angle. The straps are down, Angle measures Carlito. Carlito counters, Angle counters for The Ankle Lock. Masters saves his partner Carlito, clothesline for everyone. Powerslam for Cena, military press slam on HBK. Masterlock on Angle is blocked, Ankle Lock. Cena tries for an FU on Angle, Angle rolls through for an Ankle Lock. Michaels nails Angle with Sweet Chin Music, Angle is out of here!
Kurt Angle has been eliminated via Sweet Chin Music!
Carlito and Masters pick on the scraps of Michaels and Cena, Carlito has Michaels on the outside. Carlito and Masters put the boots to Cena, here comes the final participant which is Kane. Masters and Carlito take an ass-whoopin, powerslam to Masters. Carlito is thrown outside the ring, Masters and Kane are on the top rope. Masters is shoved off, diving clothesline by Kane. Chokeslam to Michaels, Chokeslam to Cena. Kane blocks the masterlock, Backstabber by Carlito. Kane sits-up, Kane pummels the two youngsters. Carlito is saved by Masters, double DDT. Carlito splashes Kane with Masters adding extra weight. Kane does not kickout as the force of the two is too much.
Kane has been eliminated via Dog-Pile!
Cena is on his feet, Carlito has Michaels down on the outside. Masters suplexes Cena, Cena is dumped out by Masters. Michaels is stomped by both Masters and Carlito, HBK takes out Carlito with a forearm. Clotheslines and right hands follow for the dynamic duo, Carlito is clotheslined to the outside as is Masters. Scoop slam to Cena, elbow drop by HBK. Michaels looks for Sweet Chin Music, Cena eats Sweet Chin Music. Carlito and Masters jump Michaels, Carlito drops Michaels with his corkscrew-like crossrhodes. HBK is out of this match!
Shawn Michaels has been eliminated via Spinning Neckbreaker!
Cena fires up, spinning side slam on Carlito. Five Knuckle Shuffle on Carlito, Masters saves Carlito from an FU. Cena is dumped to the floor, Cena eats a DDT on the steel from Masters. Masters checks on his buddy Carlito, Cena is bleeding. Cena is rammed into the chain wall, double suplex on Cena. Double back suplex on Cena, Masters calls for the end. Masters applies The Masterlock, Carlito low blows Masters and rolls-up Masters but Cena rolls-up Carlito and this match is over.
However, we are not done on this night. We have another match as Edge is cashing in his Money in The Bank briefcase. Cena loos on in disbelief, a bloody mess in the middle of the night. Vince congratulates Cena on retaining his championship, Edge walks to the ring with the biggest grin on his face. Cena slumps against the ropes, trying to stand. Edge pummels Cena with right hands, two for Edge. Spear by Edge for two, Edge looks on shocked. Cena lives, Edge’s world appears to shatter ever so slightly. Edge goes back to the drawing board, one more Spear should do it. The Spear connects, Edge is your new WWE Champion.
It had been building, the wheels had been set in motion for over a year, it could be seen back to the days of The Smackdown Six where only injury slowed down The Rated-R Superstar’s progress. Edge had his doubters, they were people in the back not favour of this move but by Wrestlemania, Edge would have repaid all those who had put faith in him.
The Chamber was a stepdown from the previous year, the year prior seemed to have such an explosive nature to it, everybody seemed incredibly over and everything came together in that match. This match was quite good, I loved Angle decimating everyone only to be undone by a superkick. Carlito and Masters looked quite good, I would have enjoyed a bit more double-teaming of Cena, Michaels looked like he took a worse beating than the champion and that should not be when you are trying to show that Edge took advantage of Cena who was at his worst. Regardless, the chamber match was quite good with a twist ending that few seen coming but many did love.
Winner: Edge over John Cena via Spear!
That was WWE’s New Year Revolution of 2006, a one match show like the year prior. There was nothing truly awful about this show bar Helms vs Lawler but nothing of significance bar the main event. Everything seemed just there to build up the main event, Trish vs Mickie was interesting in furthering the feud, I liked the two going at it and they seemed to have quite a bit of chemistry. Main event was very good, not as good as the year prior but definitely worth seeing for Edge’s moment in the spotlight. My advice: Go straight to the main event as there is not much else to see, thanks for reading and remember: There’s always another night!