Tuesday 15 August 2017

WCW Slamboree 2000 Review

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Hello and welcome to another edition of Seanomaniac Wrestling Reviews, the only wrestling review series on the internet that hurts more people than Nia Jax. WCW’s Slamboree 2000, it has The Millionaire’s Club vs The New Blood. It seems like it could be promising, what could be our main event? Oh, DDP vs David Arquette vs Jeff Jarrett for the World Heavyweight Championship. It’s that show, Kidman vs Hogan, Douglas vs Flair and Sting vs Vampiro. What a shambolic time in WCW but I have nothing better to do so let’s sink our teeth into WCW’s Slamboree 2000!

Opening Promo

Well, it is not much. It is all over the place, most of it is a recap of Thunder where it was decided that Flair would challenge for the championship at the Bash or at least that’s what the announcers tell us. We move onto New Blood and Millionaire Club matches for the night before hearing about David Arquette winning the world heavyweight championship. Yes, let’s just watch this trash!

(WCW Cruiserweight Championship Match) Chris Candido © W/ Tammy vs The Artist W/ Paisley

Iaukea has a fantastic gimmick parodying Prince, too bad his wrestling did not improve. Before this gimmick, Iaukea had not been seen on pay per view since 1997 save for a battle royal or two. Not sure if The Artist is really a face in this match, he is not in the New Blood, the commentators make that clear. They start off quick with roll-ups, suplexes before The Artist gains control. Ten punches and a slap to Candido, Candido floats over after an Irish whip to the corner. The Artist elevates Candido to the floor, Candido sends The Artist into the guard rail.

Crossbody to the floor by Candido, Candido sends The Artist into the ramp. Candido has a chair, Candido loos for a piledriver but The Artist back drops Candido onto the ramp. Hurricanrana by The Artist, Candido muscles The Artist to the ground for two. Chops by Candido, Candido hurls The Artists to the floor. The Artist suplexes Candido to the floor from the apron, snapmare into a cover for two. The Artist eats a low blow in front of the referee, no DQ because that’s New Blood rules. The Artist powerbombs Candido, The Artist looks for his DDT. Candido counters and places The Artist on the top rope.

The Artist holds on to avoid a hurricanrana, diving small package by The Artist for two. Clothesline, eye rake by Candido. Scoop slam by Candido, The Artist meets Candido on the top rope. Top rope Samoan Drop, Tammy distracts the referee. Paisley and Tammy have words before Paisley pulls down Tammy. Tammy has a chair, she clocks The Artist and Candido covers but The Artist kicks out too late, the bell rings and confusion ensues. Piledriver by Candido, Diving Headbutt by Candido and the match is over.

Ok, why did The Artist kick out of the chair shot? Looked like the finish, the match was alright. You have no idea what it is like for me to see a decent match with a bit of time instead of matches ending every two minutes. WCW did not give me something that was good but damn, it had a bit of time. That’s more that I usually get from crash-course Russo booking.

Winner: Chris Candido over The Artist via Diving Headbutt!

(WCW Hardcore Championship Match) Terry Funk © vs Norman Smiley & Ralphus

Last time, the match started in the bathroom. Lucky us, we get to have that again with Smiley blindsiding Funk with a fire extinguisher. Bin to the head by Smiley, Funk is nailed over and over with the bin. Two for Smiley, Wiggle from Smiley. More bins to the head of Funk, Fun comes back throwing Smiley through the interview set. The mystery man throws chairs at Funk, low blow by Funk. Smiley is kicked through a table, trash can to the head. Two for Funk, Smiley is crushed by some huge boxes. Pipe to the head by Funk, Funk is whipped into some equipment. Chair shot by Funk, scoop slam on a trash can. The mystery man is whacked with the trash can, Smiley attacks Funk.

Funk clubs mystery man, the mystery man is walloped with the chair. It’s revealed to be Ralphus, Ralphus is whacked into the ring. Funk exposes Ralphus’ crack, thanks for that. Smiley attacks Funk, Smiley smacks Funk with the chair for two. Smiley has a ladder, Funk eats it to the face. Big Wiggle from Smiley, Smiley nails Funk with a chair. Ralphus does the Big Wiggle to Funk, Funk wallops Ralphus and Smiley with the chair. Roll-up and Funk wins.

Such trash, trash that made me cringe a little at times. Why did I need to see Ralphus and his crack? Despite the stupidity of the match, you are telling me that Smiley decided it was more important to check on Ralphus than win the championship? Afterwards, Smiley celebrates with Ralphus like nothing happened. What was the point of this? Ah fuck it.

Winner: Terry Funk over Norman Smiley via Roll-Up!

The Perfect One Shawn Stasiak vs Curt Hennig

Fresh off being fired from WWF due to taping conversations of talent, Shawn Stasiak is here as a Curt Hennig wannabe. Hennig looks to beat the piss out of Stasiak. Lock-up and armdrag by Stasiak, hiptoss by Stasiak. Right hands by Stasiak, Hennig reverses an Irish whip. Scoop slams by Hennig, Stasiak rolls to the floor. Side headlock by Stasiak, crossbody by Stasiak with Hennig kicking out at two. Stasiak rolls to the apron, sunset flip for two. Hennig fires up, knee lift from Hennig. Stasiak pounds away on Hennig on the outside, Stasiak uses a camera cable to choke Hennig. Stasiak is on the top rope, diving clothesline for two. Stasiak dumps Hennig onto the mat, Hennig tries for a slam but Hennig’s back gives out.

Sleeper by Stasiak, Hennig wriggles free before Stasiak pulls Hennig down by the hair. Stasiak misses a diving crossbody, gut shots by Hennig. Chops and right hands, back body drop by Hennig. Right hands in the corner, Stasiak catapults Hennig into the turnbuckle. Hennix-Plex by Stasiak and the match comes to an end.

Well, it was a match with the younger talent going over which is rare in WCW. Match had a flat finish, nobody reacted to it yet to be fair, nobody was reacting to anything going on in this match. Several months before this, Hennig had a retirement angle, maybe Hennig should have stuck to said angle.

Winner: Shawn Stasiak over Curt Hennig via Hennix-Plex!

(WCW United States Championship Match) Hugh Morrus vs Scott Steiner © W/ Freaks

Hugh Morrus declares that he no longer wishes to be called Hugh Morrus. Morrus claims to be named Hugh G Rection, that is wonderful. Oh Russo, how you are so clever with your humour. Lock-up, Steiner has Rection in the corner, right hands by Steiner. Chops from Rection, clothesline before Steiner powders to the floor. The Freaks distract Rection, Steiner goes to work. Inverted atomic drop by Rection, spinning kick for two. Sidewalk slam, The Freaks watch as Rection nails an elbow. Rection is on the top rope once more, The Freaks crotch Rection. Rection is in the tree of woe, Steiner chokes Rection. Clothesline and theatrical elbow drop by Steiner for two. Steiner stomps on Rection, exploder suplex by Steiner.

Push-ups, belly to belly suplex for two. Steiner is pissed, bearhug from Steiner. Rection fights before a belly to belly suplex from Steiner, Steiner talks more trash with fans. Steiner runs into a boot from Rection, corner splash by Rection. Make it two, Steiner stops the third with a clothesline. Double underhook slam by Steiner, Rection reveres a tombstone for his own piledriver. Rection goes for No Laughing Matter, Steiner moves out of the way. Steiner Recliner and this match is all over.

Solid match, the renaming of Morrus has Hugh G Rection has to go down as one of the worst names of all-time. Although, I do have fond memories of the comedic Misfits in Action. Steiner looked good throwing around Rection and his gimmick may have been the best in WCW at the time, it is a true shame that he could not wrestle to the level he could in the early 90s.

Winner: Scott Steiner over General Rection via Steiner Recliner!

Chris Kanyon vs Mike Awesome

Mike Awesome was the hot new commodity in WCW coming over from ECW. Awesome was a main-stay of FMW, a hardcore promotion in Japan, he had also made appearances in All Japan alongside Jinsei Shinzaki and Hayabusa. Awesome was hugely athletic for a big man and should have had the business by the balls in WCW but WCW had him lose to Steiner on first pay per view. Things look to be on track again as Awesome faces Kanyon.

Quick clothesline by Kanyon, shoulder thrusts. Elbow by Awesome, Kanyon rolls to the floor. Tope Suicida from Awesome, Kanyon is whipped into the guard rail and the steel steps. Awesome places Kanyon on his shoulders but Kanyon slides out and sends Awesome head first into the ringpost. Awesome is placed on the canvas against the ringpost. Dropkick by Kanyon, Kanyon follows it up with a somersault senton onto Awesome on the floor. Awesome regains control with a hotshot, diving clothesline by Awesome for two. Kanyon is thrown to the floor, Awesome grabs a chair and whacks Kanyon in the ribs and back.

Awesome chokes Kanyon with a camera cable, slingshot splash by Awesome for two. Clothesline by Awesome, small package by Kanyon for two. Awesome clothesline Kanyon down, Kanyon is thrown to the floor. Awesome has a chair again, Kanyon is whacked again with the chair. Awesome climbs to the top rope, Kanyon crotches Awesome. Reverse neckbreaker for two, swinging neckbreaker for two. Diving crossbody, Awesome rolls through for two. Flapjack out of a firemen’s carry for two, Kanyon looks for a powerbomb. Alabama slam by Awesome, clothesline by The Awesome One. Powerbomb on the neck, Kanyon looks fucked. Awesome rips up the protective mats at ringside, Kanyon fights back before eating a slingshot shoulder block.

Awesome picks up Kanyon, Awesome wanted an Awesome Bomb to the floor. Kanyon slips out but eats a massive German suplex, Awesome rips up more protective mats at ringside. Awesome wants the powerbomb on the floor, we hear Wolfpac Music. Here’s Nash, Nash peppers Awesome. Clothesline into the ring, Nash fights The New Blood. Here comes The Millionaire’s Club, we have a big brawl in the ring.

Well, I was enjoying where it was going with Kanyon putting on a gutsy performance against the unstoppable monster but we did not get Awesome crushing Kanyon’s dream. Instead, we have another teasing of Nash vs Awesome which I do not think we would ever get on pay per view and Awesome does not get the win he needs to build on his impressive debut. Overall, I am disappointed.

Winner: Mike Awesome over Chris Kanyon via DQ!

The Total Package vs Buff Bagwell

Russo took away Elizabeth, Luger is fighting back to win Elizabeth. Simple story, Bagwell is standing in the way of Luger, the same Bagwell who refused to do the job for La Parka because he was such a “big star”. This was a pretty bad match in 1997, let’s see if anything has changed in three years.

Bagwell jumps Luger, clobbering Luger and ramming him off the top turnbuckle. Back elbow for two, reverse chinlock by Bagwell. Luger blocks a suplex, suplex by Luger. Ten punches by Luger, clothesline by Luger. Axe handle off the apron by Luger, Luger gets caught entering the ring by Bagwell. Stungun by Bagwell, double arm DDT for two. Sleeper using the ropes for leverage by Bagwell, Luger fights back and we have a double knockdown. Scoop slam by Bagwell, splash for two. Camel clutch by Bagwell, Luger escapes and Elizabeth escapes the clutches of Russo.

Luger clotheslines Bagwell three times, Luger is fired up and up for the kill. Powerslam and Luger calls for The Rack, Bagwell clubs Luger. Bagwell has the bat, bat to the balls and ribs by Bagwell. Swinging neckbreaker by Bagwell, Bagwell calls for The Blockbuster. Elizabeth whacks Bagwell with the bat, Torture Rack and Luger wins the match.

They have not improved since 1997, Luger seems more uninterested and I did not think that was possible. It was boring, it was slow. Felt like a nothing match and we even had blatant interference all around with no DQ thanks to wonderful New Blood rules. After the match, Chuck Plaumbo comes out as the new Total Package, racking Luger. So we have Stasiak as Curt Hennig and Palumbo as Luger, just wonderful.

Winner: Lex Luger over Buff Bagwell via Torture Rack!

Shane Douglas vs Ric Flair

The rivalry we thought we would never see, Douglas was touted as the future of the business, Douglas had a reputation for mouthing off. Douglas was fired from WCW before moving to ECW but during his WCW days, Douglas looked up to Flair and was disappointed to see the man behind the wrestler was not the same. Flair was an embarrassment to Douglas, Douglas talked shit about Flair for years calling Flair Dick at every chance. Here we are and Flair is so ready that he is wearing a t-shirt and jeans.

Lock-up, side headlock into a hammerlock by Flair. Elbow by Douglas, Irish whip and back drop. Ten punches by Douglas, Flair chops back at Douglas. Snapmare, Douglas yanks Flair off the top rope. Figure four by Douglas, Douglas works the legs. Flair chops back, eye poke by Flair. Low blow by Flair, Douglas is whipped into the guard rail. Douglas tastes the ringpost, Douglas front suplexes Flair in the ring. Douglas has a chain, chain to the head. Snap suplexes, two for Douglas.

Mounted punches by Douglas, Flair calls for more, chops by Flair. Right hand decks Douglas, Flair Woos in control of the match. Low blow by Flair, chop block by Flair. Shin breaker and Figure Four by Flair. Bagwell is here, a Sting in a mask whacks Flair in the back. Douglas rolls-up Flair for the win, Flair calls out Russo for a match. Luger has the fake Sting, Russo clubs Luger. Fake Sting attacks Flair, David Flair turns on Ric Flair again, this is the second time David Flair has done this.

Yeah, this was pretty shit. Nothing which you would want from these two, no brawling. No weapons, no intense war between the two. Even if Flair thought that Douglas was no star, they could have made this match something special and everything after Douglas vs Flair was such bullshit. David Flair again turning on Dad, who the fuck would want to see that match? Who wants to see David Flair wrestle again?

Winner: Shane Douglas over Ric Flair via Shenanigans!

Vampiro vs Sting

The tag team of the two did not last very long, Vampiro turned heel joining The New Blood and attacked Sting in a number of twisted ways. Sting was now the prey, he has to play it Vampiro’s way. Match begins on the ramp, Sting batters Vampiro. Missile dropkick, Sting dives to the floor. Vampiro is bouned off the announce table, DDT on the floor. Vampiro takes control in the ring, huge chop floors Sting. Diving clothesline, Vampiro has a pipe. Pipe to the chest, Sting is waffled with said lead pipe. Sting is bounced off the entrance ramp, spinning kick from Vampiro. Clothesline into the ring from Vampiro, corner clothesline by Vampiro. Vampiro looks for a hurricanrana, powerbomb from Sting. Lead pipe to the back and chest, Stinger Splash with a lead pipe. Scorpion Death Drop and make it two.

Disappointing, one of the matches I wanted to see and it was over before it began. Sting no sold being beaten with a lead pipe, that sucks. Sting made it look like nothing, Vampiro was no threat. Just bleh really.

Winner: Sting over Vampiro via Scorpion Death Drop!

Billy Kidman W/ Torrie Wilson vs Hulk Hogan (Eric Bischoff as Special Guest Referee)

Kidman and Hogan have been feuding, Kidman is nowhere near Hogan’s league and the best thing for Kidman would have been to go after the United States Championship as a babyface. The whole heel Kidman thing was utterly ridiculous, Kidman jumps Hogan. They botch a slam small package by Kidman for two. Sunset flip is countered, Hogan places Kidman on the top rope. Clothesline to the floor, Hogan has a chair. Bischoff says no, Kidman is dropped on the chair. Kidman blocked a corner clothesline, hurricanrana by Kidman. Dropkick by Kidman, Hogan pulls out Kidman.

Kidman meets the guard rail, Kidman uses Torrie as a shield. Kidman sucker punches Hogan, choke by Kidman. Hogan fires back and whips Kidman like a child, Bischoff takes the belt. Kidman attacks Hogan, Kidman whips Hogan with the belt. Hogan hurls Kidman to the floor, Bischoff refuses to count a pin-fall attempt. Back suplex by Hogan, no count from Bischoff. Hogan misses elbow drops, they brawl at the announce table. Hotshot by Kidman, Kidman pounds Hogan in the ring. Hogan Hulks up, big boot. Bischoff blocks The Leg Drop, Hogan decks Bischoff. Cover by Hogan, no referee.

Bischoff has a chair, Hogan whacks Bischoff and Kidman with the chair. Hogan has a table, make it two tables. Kidman wallops Hogan with a chair, Kidman covers. Bischoff counts to two, Hogan fights off Bischoff and Kidman. Bischoff is powerbombed through the table, Hogan has another table. Kidman low blows Hogan, Kidman sets up a table. Kidman misses a splash through a table, Horace Hogan counts the pin by using Bischoff’s hand.

Fuck me, that could have ended two hours ago. It just went and went and went and went, I am shocked that Kimberley and Torrie did not interfere, it seems the fucking norm for everybody to try to make an impact. It was a dreadful match, it was so boring and Kidman looked so fucking out of his depth.

Winner: Hulk Hogan over Billy Kidman via Missed Splash!

(WCW World Heavyweight Championship Match Triple Cage Match) DDP vs David Arquette vs Jeff Jarrett

First, the triple cage is a cool concept, it could have been something cool. I shall now address Arquette winning the championship. Well, it was one of the many horrible things they did in WCW, putting the top championship on an actor is such a slap in the face to any wrestler who has ever competed for the championship. It popped no rating, sold no more tickets for the shitty movie and became another way for WWE to bury WCW as stupid people from down south. Anyways, Arquette vacated the championship and we have this match to decide a new champion.

Three cages, the win to way is grab the championship that hangs from the ceiling. Arquette is on the floor cowering, Jarrett stomps DDP in the ring. DDT by Jarrett, Arquette runs from Jarrett. Clothesline by DDP, make it two. Uranage slam by DDP, Arquette scales to the top rope. Arquette misses a splash, DDP has Jarrett on the floor. DDP has a ladder, Jarrett baseball slides the ladder into DDP’s ribs. DDP whips Jarrett into Arquette, right hands by DDP. Jarrett avoids his groin being thrown into the ringpost, DDP takes a hammering. Jarrett clotheslines Arquette, DDP sends Jarrett into the ringpost groin first. Jarrett is down on the floor, DDP sets up a ladder before pummelling Jarrett on the floor.

Jarrett back suplexes DDP off the ladder, DDP powerbombs Jarrett off the ladder. DDP whips Jarrett into the ladder, DDP is sent into the ladder by Jarrett. DDP tips over Jarrett who is on the ladder, DDP climbs the ladder and makes it to cage two. This is the hardcore cage which is full of weapons. DDP is whacked with a chair, Jarrett is climbing to the third cage. DDP is bleeding, they continue to brawl in cage two. Jarrett is sent into the cage by DDP and the cage wall comes down, trash can to the back by DDP. DDP slams Jarrett through a table as Arquette looks on from the ring.

Jarrett and DDP brawl outside the second cage, DDP elbows Jarrett. Arquette decides to come up to the second cage, Arquette climbs to the third cage. Where the fuck did Mike Awesome come from? DDP low blows Awesome and nails a Diamond Cutter. Jarrett and DDP race up to Arquette and the championship, DDP and Jarrett grab guitars but miss each time. Low blow by Jarrett, Arquette has a guitar. Arquette waffles DDP and Jarrett nails DDP with another guitar before grabbing the championship. The night ends with Awesome tossing Kanyon off the cage like Mankind/Undertaker.

A cool concept that was not as fun as you would think, the simple reason was the match felt so rushed. It did not go much longer than Kidman vs Hogan or Bagwell vs Luger. Besides that, you have Arquette screwing DDP in a move that makes nobody look good. Jarrett has beaten nobody but is a two-time champion, DDP has been double-crossed on back to back pay per views looing like the most naïve babyface on planet earth while Arquette is an actor and if you are looking for a money making angle and a great match, you are wasting your God damn mind.

Winner: Jeff Jarrett over DDP via Retrieval of The Belt!

That was WCW’s Slamboree of 2000, standard show for WCW at the time in the way that it was awful. There was not much to write home about this show, it left me groaning and complaining while trying to come up with some sort of summation. It had feuds that could have been good but were so short, so overbooked and so much INTERFERENCE! The only thing that seemed to be going right was Steiner who looked like a badass, won like a badass and would continue to grow over the course of the year. Everything else bores me, imitation gimmicks, decimation of new stars, piss poor booing it is there for all to see and that’s why I say if you were still around by this point, God bless you!

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