Hello and welcome to another edition of Seanomaniac Wrestling Reviews, the only wrestling review series on the internet that remembers Miz is Intercontinental Champion. It is time for WWE’s Royal Rumble 2006, the first of the big four of this year. What a change a month makes, Kurt Angle is not the top babyface on Smackdown with Batista going down with an injury. Mark Henry challenges Angle for the world heavyweight championship while Edge defends against John Cena in his first title defence since stealing the championship from Cena at New Year’s Revolution. Of course, there is The Royal Rumble match where one man will headline Wrestlemania, it gets no better than that! Let’s get this show on the road!
Good stuff focusing on Angle vs Henry, Edge vs Cena and The Royal Rumble match. Edge’s promo stands out as they are making Edge out to be the next big thing.
(WWE Cruiserweight Championship Texas Tornado Match) Kid Kash © vs Funaki vs Gregory Helms vs Nunzio vs Jamie Noble vs Paul London
Match begins with lots of Oklahoma rolls, the Smackdown cruiserweights beat the piss out of Raw man Helms. Kash kicks down Funaki, Nunzio saves Funaki. Neckbreaker by Nunzio, Noble saves. Noble powerslams Nunzio for two, cross armbreaker by Noble. London dropsaults Helms and moonsaults Noble, lots of punching and kicks. Helms throws London to the floor, Noble nails Helms with The Sicilian Slice. Noble is catapulted into the turnbuckle, bulldog by Funaki. Kash elevates Noble onto Helms and London. Noble, Kash and Funaki are in the ring, Noble dives onto Nunzio.
Funaki is on the top rope, Funaki is pushed onto everyone. London kicks Kash to the floor, London nails a shooting star press onto everyone. London grabs Kash, Helms headbutts London. Top rope swinging neckbreaker by Helms, Kash dropkicks Helms. Dead Level on London, Nunzio and Funaki save the match. Huge single leg dropkick by Noble on Kash, Funaki and Noble battle. Gutbuster and dragon sleeper by Noble, Helms throws Noble to the floor. Shining Wizard by Helms on Funaki and we have a new champion.
Fun opening match, lots of flying around and some nice spots, the division was never built upon despite the great performers that graced the division. Funny when you think how much WWE would rag on WCW for wasting talent and even funnier when you see their current cruiserweights are going nowhere. Anyways, the likes of Chavo, Spike Dudley and Kash were all wasted as heels in the division so let’s hope that Helms fairs better.
Winner: Gregory Helms over Everyone Else via Shining Wizard!
Triple H/Randy Orton/ Vince Segment
Vince has fun with Vince’s Devils before Randy Orton and Triple H choose their numbers. Basically, Orton gets a great number while Triple H gets a terrible number. Good segment.
Mickie James vs Ashley Massaro (Trish Stratus as Special Guest Referee)
The next chapter in the saga between star-struck fan Mickie James and her idol Trish Stratus. Mickie faces off with Ashley, bless Ashley because her wrestling skill is well, not there at all. Ashley shoves off Mickie, lock-up. They roll to the floor, shoving contest on the floor. Another lock-up, Mickie works the arm. Ashley reverses, La Magistral for one. Flying armbar by Ashley, Mickie screams in the corner. Ashley nails a diving clothesline from the apron, knees and right hands by Ashley. Mickie attacks Ashley when her back is turned, single leg Boston crab by Mickie.
Ashley is kicked to the floor, Mickie sends Ashley ribs first into the ringpost. Baseball slide by Mickie, Ashley is stomped on the floor. Kick to the ribs, fisherman suplex for two. Snapmare into a bow & arrow hold, Ashley fights back. Punches to the head, Mickie is rammed off the turnbuckle. Hair-pull, make it two tosses in a row. Ashley looks for a crucifix, two for Ashley. Ashley mounts Mickie, Trish pulls off Ashley. Spear by Ashley, Ashley looks for a ten punch. Mickie powerbombs Ashley and rolls-up Ashley by the tights.
Awkward but they got through it, they should find another role for poor Ashley as it was not happening when it came to the in-ring side of things. It furthers their angle so I am happy about that but Raw needed more of Trish, Lita, Mickie and Victoria.
Winner: Mickie James over Ashley via Handful of Tights!
Big Show chooses his number
Candice chooses Show’s number, Vince and Show make jokes before Show takes a look at his number. In comes Rey Mysterio, Mysterio is dedicating the match to Eddie Guerrero, Mysterio is wearing an Eddie shirt and armband. Mysterio pulls a number and looks to the heavens saying oh Eddie, what have you done to me? Still makes me cringe a little but their heart is in the right place.
JBL W/ Jillian Hall vs The Boogeyman
Boogeyman is a freak who will not leave the Smackdown roster alone. Boogeyman has targeted JBL and I do not like the look of this for JBL who was doing some fun stuff over the latter half of 2005. Boogeyman jiggles and wiggles while JBL shits himself on the floor. JBL hides behind Jillian, Jillian is pushed into Boogeyman. JBL saves the day, JBL pounds on Boogeyman. Uppercut by Boogeyman, JBL pulls Boogeyman to the floor. Boot and right hands by JBL, JBL chokes Boogeyman with his wrist tape. JBL misses a Clothesline From Hell, Pump Handle Slam by Boogeyman. DUD!
Royal Rumble Match
The chance to headline Wrestlemania is on the line. Thirty men, fifteen from Raw and fifteen from Smackdown. The rules are simple: Two men enter with participants entering at timed intervals, eliminations occur by throwing your opponent over the top rope and both feet hitting the floor. I shall do it in blocks of five so it is easy to follow, a lot of focus on Randy Orton and Rey Mysterio. Little stories heading into the event are RVD’s return, Kane and Show vs Masters and Carlito. Mysterio vs Orton, Booker vs Benoit, Benjamin vs Michaels and of course, The Game is in there.
Entrants 1 to 5
Before we begin, we are treated to The Spirit Squad leading us in cheers. Number one is Triple H, business has picked up before the bell has even rung. Mysterio is number two, riding in Eddie’s lowrider. Mysterio dropkicks Triple H, crossbody by Mysterio. Headscissors by Mysterio, Triple H is reeling. Ten punches by Mysterio, Triple H avoids 619. Number three is Simon Dean, Simon Dean attacks Mysterio. Simon Dean asks for a high-five from Triple H, Mysterio and Triple H toss over Simon Dean.
Simon Dean has been eliminated by Triple H & Rey Mysterio!
Bronco buster by Mysterio, number four is Psicosis. Psicosis attacks Mysterio, spinning heel kick on Triple H, Psicosis and Mysterio combine to hurt Triple H, sit-out facebuster by Psicosis. Corner clotheslines by Psicosis, Psicosis looks for a splash-mountain powerbomb but Mysterio sends over Psicosis with a hurricanrana, Flair is in at five.
Psicosis has been eliminated by Rey Mysterio!
Entrants 6 to 10
Flair batters The Game, rights and lefts. Facebuster by Triple H, Flair grabs the balls of Triple H. More chops, eye poke by Triple H. Eye poke by Flair but Flair loses it as Triple H elevates Flair to the floor.
Ric Flair has been eliminated by Triple H!
Big Show is number six, another enemy of Triple H. Show headbutts and chops Triple H, sidewalk slam by Show. Elbow drops by Show, number seven is The Coach. Damn, Coach makes it onto all kinds of show during the last several years. Did Vince love him that much? Show throws Coach over with one hand.
The Coach has been eliminated by Big Show!
Show steps all over Triple H, Chokeslam by Show. Number eight is Lashley, Lashley and Show have a stare-down, Show decks Lashley. Lashley blocks a chokeslam, Lashley flips Show. Show is kicked to the floor, hard Irish whip for Mysterio. Triple H eats a shoulder block, here comes Kane at number nine. Kane and Lashley trade bombs, Kane and Lashley collide. Boot by Kane, Lashley belly to belly suplexes Kane. Dominator to Kane, Lashley is showing that his power is insane. Number ten is coming, it is Slyvain Grenier. Slyvain wants to be friends with Lashley, it does not work. Slyvain is gone instantly. Lashley walks into a Double Chokeslam and is tossed out!
Slyvain has been eliminated by Lashley!
Lashley has been eliminated by Big Show & Kane!
Entrants 11 to 15
Kane and Big Show battle it out, they choke one another near to the ropes. Both men teeter before The Game takes advantage and throws out the tag team champions.
Big Show & Kane have been eliminated by Triple H!
Number eleven is Carlito, Carlito stomps both Mysterio and Triple H. Mysterio and Carlito brawl, Backstabber by Carlito on Mysterio. Carlito floors Triple H, number twelve is Chris Benoit. Benoit chops down Carlito, Mysterio and Triple H. German suplexes for extra fun, Carlito escapes the German suplex but not The Crossface. Hard Irish whip by Triple H, Benoit is on the apron due to Triple H. The two battle to eliminate one another, Benoit is placed on the top rope. Benoit headbutts down Triple H, Diving Headbutt to The Game. Number thirteen is Booker T, Booker T is wearing tights this has not been done since his WCW days. Booker T is out immediately!
Booker T has been eliminated by Chris Benoit!
Number fourteen is Joey Mercury, jawbreaker and dropkick to Carlito. Mercury gets caught for German suplexes, falling reverse DDT by Mercury. Triple H and Benoit pair off, number fifteen is Tatanka. Tatanka chops and whacks everything in sight. Mercury is chopped in the corner.
Entrants 16 to 20
Number sixteen is Nitro, number seventeen is Trevor Murdoch. Number eighteen is Eugene, the ring is filling up with very little going on at all. Eugene meets Murdoch, Mysterio wipes them both out. Number nineteen is Animal, number twenty is RVD, The arena lights up for Mr. Monday Night, Carlito is shitting himself as Carlito attacked an injured RVD on his Cabana.
Entrants 21 to 25
RVD begins cleaning house, Animal is dumped over by RVD.
Animal has been eliminated by RVD!
Number twenty-one is Orlando Jordan, had no idea that he was still with the company. Carlito is almost thrown out by RVD, Chavo is number twenty-two. Three Amigos by Chavo, Chavo is on the top rope and The Game pushes Chavo to the floor.
Chavo Guerrero has been eliminated by Triple H!
Number twenty-three is Matt Hardy, Side Effects and Twists of Fate as far as the eye can see. Tatanka eats a Snapshot and Tatanka is eliminated!
Tatanka has been eliminated by MNM!
Number twenty-four is Super Crazy, Super Crazy attacks MNM. Carlito is almost eliminated as is Triple H, number twenty-five is Shawn Michaels. Michaels hammers everything in his path. Michaels lowbridges an incoming Trevor Murdoch.
Trevor Murdoch has been eliminated by Shawn Michaels!
Entrants 26 to 30
Chris Masters is number twenty-six, number twenty-seven is Viscera. Viscera Samoan drops Hardy, Visagra from Big Vis. Hardy boots Viscera, Twist of Fate is blocked with Hardy being dumped to the floor.
Matt Hardy has been eliminated by Viscera!
Number twenty-eight is Shelton Benjamin, Benoit suplexes Eugene to the floor.
Eugene has been eliminated by Chris Benoit!
Viscera begins bullying cruiserweights, number twenty-nine is Goldust. Goldust must have the most surprise entrants in Rumble history, he would show up all through the 2000s as a surprise to fight his brother Cody or annoy people. Number thirty is Randy Orton, Orton goes right after Benoit. Benoit is tossed right out by Orton, that’s impressive.
Chris Benoit has been eliminated by Randy Orton!
Ring is full with everyone in the ring, Viscera is dumped out by Masters and Carlito. Carlito dumps out Masters, that is the second time Carlito has got the better of Masters.
Viscera has been eliminated by Masters & Carlito!
Chris Masters has been eliminated by Carlito!
Goldust attacks Carlito, Goldust pummels Carlito and delivers Shattered Dreams before RVD kicks over Goldust. Seconds later, Orton places Jordan on the apron, hotshot and Jordan is gone.
Goldust has been eliminated by RVD!
Orland Jordan has been eliminated by Randy Orton!
Michaels manages to eliminate MNM after MNM attempt a Snapshot, Michaels wriggles free and sends Nitro into Mercury before elevating Nitro over. Benjamin strikes but is sidestepped, Michaels kicks over Benjamin. Mr. Mcmahon’s music plays, distracting HBK which leads to Shane Mcmahon throwing over HBK.
MNM & Shelton Benjamin have been eliminated by Shawn Michaels!
Shawn Michaels has been eliminated by Shane Mcmahon!
Michaels pursues The Mcmahons, Carlito drops RVD with a complete shot. RVD snapmares Carlito, enzuigiri by RVD and Carlito has been eliminated.
Carlito has been eliminated by RVD!
Final four are Mysterio, RVD, Triple H and Randy Orton. RVD and Orton pair off, Mysterio and Triple H. 420 Leg drop by Mysterio and RVD, Rolling Thunder to Orton. RVD is crotched trying The Five Star Frog Splash, Triple H sends Mysterio into RVD and RVD tumbles to the floor.
RVD has been eliminated by Rey Mysterio!
Orton and Triple H double team Mysterio, double DDT by Mysterio. Orton is set up for a 619, Triple H tries to stop Mysterio. Both men are set up for The 619, seated senton to Orton. Triple H floors Mysterio with a clothesline, Orton eats a massive spinebuster from The Game. Mysterio uses a hurricanrana to throw out Triple H, the arena comes unglued with the sight of Triple H on the floor.
Triple H has been eliminated by Rey Mysterio!
Triple H takes out Mysterio, Orton cannot help but smirk. Orton slowly picks up Mysterio who is dead weight at this point, Orton has Mysterio up in powerslam position. Mysterio fights and reverses it for a hurricanrana, Orton is slammed to the floor and Mysterio achieves the unstoppable.
A good Rumble but not one of the most memorable for the in-ring action. The sight of Mysterio winning is something that will stay with any wrestling fan and strike a chord with anyone who knew the story of Mysterio and Guerrero. Mysterio was a workaholic and certainly deserved at least one crack at the championship due to his popularity and his reputation as the best cruiserweight that the world had ever seen alongside the likes of Jushin Liger and Great Sasuke. As I said, the match was ok. There were some nice spots with Triple H facing everyone he pissed off, RVD’s return and Triple H’s elimination. Triple H was the star of the show when you look at it, Mysterio stayed down for a lot of the time in the match. Overall, a feel-good Rumble which was good but not great.
Winner: Rey Mysterio over Everyone Else via Survival!
(WWE Championship Match) Edge © W/ Lita vs John Cena
Cena survived a brutal Elimination Chamber match but at the end of the night, Edge walked away with the championship as Edge cashed in his Money in The Bank, capturing his first ever WWE Championship. Edge kicked off his reign with a live-sex celebration and a TLC match with Ric Flair. Cena also laid out Lita with an FU, bizarre when that was an awesome thing that babyfaces could do, just beatup women.
We kick-off with Cena making an entrance befitting of a king, making Edge all the more inferior when he comes off like a total jabron in comparison. Lock-up, knees and right hands before Cena clotheslines Edge. Edge rolls to the floor, Cena is pulled out with Edge taking further punishment as Cena keeps control. Edge pulls Cena into the middle turnbuckle, Cena reverses a corner Irish whip and plants Edge with a sidewalk slam. Edge powders before Cena pummels Edge some more, Edge hides behind Lita. Cheap shot by Edge, Edge Spears Cena into the steel steps. Baseball slide by Edge, Cena makes it into the ring where Edge continues to dominate. Edge chokes Cena, Cena begins to fire back on Edge. Edge cuts off Cena with a spinning heel kick, waistlock by Edge.
Suplex by Edge, Cena tees off. Eye rake by Edge, standing dropkick by the champion. Cena is sent into the steel steps, missile dropkick for two. Edge places Cena on the top rope, Cena pushes off Edge but misses a huge leg drop. Edge covers for two, left jabs by Edge. Edge ties a leapfrog out of the corner, FU attempt but Edge slides out for a roll-up with a handful of tights. Two for Edge, Edge scores with a big boot. Edge is on the top rope, crossbody but Cena rolls through for two. Sleeper hold with a bodyscissors by Edge, Cena begins to fade.
Cena powers up to his feet, Edge is smashed off a turnbuckle. Edge backs off, measuring for a Spear. Cena dodges and nails a DDT, shoulder blocks and clotheslines by Cena. Spinning side slam, Five Knuckle Shuffle and Lita is on the apron. Cena grabs Lita, Edge runs into Lita. FU by Cena and into The STFU. Edge taps out in the middle of the ring.
Good match, Cena and Edge clearly had chemistry and could built to a great match given the right platform to perform. Cena looked better here than he did against Angle while Edge was oozing confidence here, looking like a cocky douchebag who you wanted to see get his ass kicked. I have to question the booking of Edge though, all that build up to the cash-in and Edge loses the championship clean in the middle in less than three weeks. It begs the question as to why have Edge cash in but maybe WWE saw something that was happening with the fans. More and more, poor Cena was drawing boos but maybe dropping the championship to Edge alleviated some of that booing on Cena, maybe it all for the best?
Winner: John Cena over Edge via STFU!
(WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match) Kurt Angle © vs Mark Henry W/ Daivari
This might be the strangest choice of main event for a Royal Rumble ever, I would think that you would want to close the show with Cena standing tall but we have Angle vs Henry taking the spot. Anyways, Batista went down with an injury which led to a battle royal with Angle standing tall at the end. A good call by WWE with Angle being cheered over John Cena in all their encounters, Angle was a logical choice for a transitional champion. Also, there was no danger of anyone booing the wresting machine. Henry was a dominating machine, looking to finally fulfil his potential. Sadly, it would not happen until 2011.
Lock-up, Angle tries to wrestle Henry but Henry is not here for games. Angle is ducking and dodging Henry, Henry catches a fist. Angle is taken down, Angle dodges an elbow but runs into a huge slam to the floor. Daivari stomps Angle behind the referee’s back, Angle is kicked hard in the ribs. Splash by Henry for two, bearhug by Henry. Angle manages to throw off Henry, Henry knees Angle. Angle elbows Henry, Angle is on the middle rope but the crossbody does not work. Angle slips through The World’s Strongest Slam for an Ankle Lock, Henry kicks off Angle. Henry clubs down Angle after an Angle Slam attempt, Henry has Angle on his shoulders.
Angle slips out and delivers a German suplex, Angle Slam for two. Ankle Lock, Daivari is on the apron. Henry shoves Angle into the referee, Angle has a chair. Daivari is laid out with said chair, Henry blocks the chair. Angle is tossed across the ring, low blow by Angle. Angle has the chair, Henry is waffled in the head. Make it two, Angle covers and Henry survives kicking out at two. Angle exposes a turnbuckle, Henry whips Angle into the corner but Angle drop toeholds Henry into the exposed turnbuckle, roll-up with the ropes for leverage and it is over. The gong hits immediately and Undertaker returns to destroy the ring and scare the shit out of Angle.
First, good idea to have Undertaker appear immediately to distract the fans from Henry’s loss. Granted, Henry was well protected but having the monster lose so soon into his return kills the mystique and things were not going to improve for poor Henry. The match was what I thought it would be, a match that would be passable for Smacdown’s main event but to main event a pay per view, I do not think so. The show should have ended with The Rumble and this could have opened the show but I see what they left it until last with Undertaker destroying the ring.
Winner: Kurt Angle over Mark Henry via Roll-Up!
That was WWE’s Royal Rumble of 2006, a disappointing show for a big four in my opinion. The Rumble was in the middle of the show which was more memorable for Mysterio’s win than a match as a whole. The beginning was very fun with Triple H stealing the show but it got stale quite fast and did not keep up the momentum of the early parts of the match. A lot of the mid-card matches were forgettable while the championship match from Smackdown was nothing to write home about while Edge losing the championship after three weeks was strange. It was not the best start to the road to Wrestlemania but we have to keep going as things should heat up with Saturday Night’s Main Event and No Way Out. Thanks for reading and remember: There’s always another night!