Sunday 27 August 2017

WCW Great American Bash 2000 Review

Image result for wcw great american bash 2000

Hello and welcome to another rebel-rousing edition of Seanomaniac Wrestling Reviews, the only wrestling review series on the internet that’s as glorious as Bobby Roode’s entrance theme! We are back with another review and it looks like I hate myself because it’s a WCW review. Yep, it’s WCW’s Great American Bash 2000! The main event is Jeff Jarrett defending against Kevin Nash, looks like Nash vs Awesome was quietly dropped. However, have no fear as Mike Awesome battles DDP in an ambulance match, Ric Flair fights his son David, Sting vs Vampiro in a Human Torch match and Hulk Hogan makes a buffoon out of Billy Kidman once again. It’s another chance to sink to a new low, this is WCW in the year 2000 we are talking about and all my optimism has been swallowed whole by this point so let’s just get this over with.

Opening Promo

The man Goldberg returned after months on the injury shelf due to a self-inflicted injury trying to break a Limo’s window. Goldberg, the one man who was over enough to turn around business for the failing company, what can they do with Goldberg. We now get the hype packages for the rest of the big matches on the card, poor Kidman is going to get flattened once again isn’t he? Do I really need to see this bullshit again?

(WCW Cruiserweight Championship Match) Lt. Loco © W/ MIA vs Disco Inferno W/ The Filthy Animals

One month after revealing his name as Huge G. Rection, The MIA are here as a mid-card group of mostly lower-card wrestlers with nothing better to do. Similarly, The Filthy Animals is made up of mostly Latino wrestlers like Konnan, Juvi and Mysterio along with Disco who are at best a poor imitation of DX. Disco slaps Loco, Loco tees off on Disco. Clothesline by Loco, crossbody and head pound by the champion. Elbows by Disco, stungun by Disco. Disco taunts MIA, Loco headscissors to Disco and Disco is on the floor. MIA beat the piss out of Disco, no DQ? Fuck this, Disco is thrown back in the ring. Loco drops Disco with a back suplex for two, Loco lowbridges Disco. Loco dives onto Disco, Juvi pulls down Loco off the apron.

The Filthy Animals pound on Loco, scoop slam by Disco. Middle rope elbow by Disco for two, here comes Pops. Inverted atomic drop and clothesline by Disco for two, Pops and Tygress have words. Russian legsweep by Disco, Konnan pushes Pops, Pops has a heart attack. Juvi drops Loco with the eye of the hurricane and misses The Juice’s elbow. Disco nails Loco with The Last Dance, Cpl. Cajun plants Disco with his finish and pulls Loco on top IN CLEAR VIEW OF THE REFEREE, ARE YOU JOKING ME? Major Gunns revives Pops, poor comedy.

The fuck was this match, so much interference with so much blatant cheating. For God’s sake, this should have been thrown out seconds after the bell rang. More camera time goes onto Major Gunns stripping and the revival of Pops, this was just a God awful to start the show, I would have been ok with a multi-man match between the two factions.

Winner: Lt. Loco over Disco Inferno via Shenanigans!

Bischoff and The Cat/Mamalukes

Bischoff is worried about Goldberg showing up similar to how he was afraid of Hogan showing up at the last pay per view. Also, The Mamalukes are interviewed, they say they are going to beat Kronik but there is a little tension as both men should be hardcore champion but Vito calls himself the hardcore champion.

(Number One Contender’s Match) Kronik vs The Mamalukes

Kronik is Bryan Clark and Bryan Adams, two big nasty bastards who beat the piss out of their opponents, think of APA. Meanwhile, The Mamalukes are one of my favourite parts of late WCW with Vito being unintentionally funny and their over-the-top gimmick. Kronik clear the ring before we reset, Clark stomps and knees Stamboli. Chops by Clark, uranage slam by Clark. Shoulder block, Stamboli rolls to the floor. Stamboli nails Clark with a huge kick to the head, tag to Vito. Double back elbow and stomps, Vito has decided to wrestle the match while wearing his championship. Uppercuts by Vito, Clark pummels and chops Vito. Tag to Stamboli, clubbing blows before Clark drops Stamboli with a backbreaker. Adams is in, full-nelson slam for two.

 Tag to Clark, stomps and a powerslam with Vito saving the match. Adams is in, shoulder block by Stamboli. Adams military press slams Stamboli for a gutbuster, Vito saves the match again. Vito kicks Adams from the apron, DDT by Stamboli. Tag to Vito, mat slam by Vito. Corner splash, second splash misses and there is a tag to Clark. Double back drop, F-5 by Adams for two. Vito thrustkicks Adams, tag to Clark. Stamboli dropkicks Adams and powerslams Clark. Stamboli botches a jump and Stamboli meets a shoulder block before experiencing High Tide.

Super sloppy in parts, Kronik’s appeal is two big guys that destroy everything. Simple idea, they kill and destroy everything but if you are not bumping for them and they are not doing impressive power moves, nobody is going to react. I may like The Mamaluke gimmick but the in-ring product is less than impressive, it was a long-ass match even though it does not clock in at very long. Poor start to the show, need for things to pick up soon.

Winners: Kronik over The Mamalukes via High Tide!

(Ambulance Match) DDP W/ Kanyon vs Mike Awesome

Kanyon was injured by Awesome, Awesome threw Kanyon off a cage to the ramp. In a rare piece of continuity from WCW, DDP is going after the man who assaulted on top of the cage in last month’s main event. DDP and Awesome brawl, they deck the referee. Ok? Awesome knocks DDP into the crowd, both men wield chairs with DDP winning the war. DDP punches the chair into Awesome’s face, back elbow by Awesome. Back suplex by Awesome, splash by Awesome. Clothesline by Awesome, Awesome pulls out a table and signals for DDP’s doom.

Awesome Bomb through the table, Awesome calls for the stretcher. DDP rolls off the table, chair shot by Awesome. DDP takes chair shots to the ribs, Awesome Splash flattens DDP. Make it two, Awesome places a chair on DDP and dives, DDP moves and Awesome lands on the chairs. Kimberly Page has a lead pipe, DDP is waffled in the spine but here comes Ms. Hancock after being off ppvs for God knows how long. Hancock drags off Kimberly, Awesome has DDP in the corner. Awesome wants to deliver a super awesome bomb, DDP crotches Awesome and nails a Diamond Cutter. Awesome is on the stretcher, Bischoff’s music plays and aims for Kanyon. DDP saves Kanyon, Kanyon stands up and Diamond Cutters DDP to the floor, Kanyon joins The New Blood and Awesome is the winner.

What a load of bollocks, this is the third straight pay per view that DDP has been turned on, his wife, David Arquette and now Kanyon. The dumbest babyface in the history of wrestling, there is no question. Constant interference in DDP’s matches, it is all just too much and DDP would leave the company for a number of months following all this garbage, I cannot blame him for that. Again, more disappointing booking of Awesome, Awesome should be main eventing, you have a monster on your hands and you book him like trash. Also, Awesome and Kanyon are pals after last month when Awesome threw Kanyon off the cage? Perfect.

Winner: Mike Awesome over DDP via Shenanigans!

(Last Man Standing Match) GI Bro vs Shawn Stasiak

Bootcamp match/Last man standing match call it what you want, I have no clue what is going on here with Booker. At the beginning of the year, Booker lost the rights to Harlem Heat and T to Stevie Ray but Booker T was himself again following that horrible angle. However, I am guessing The New Blood leaders Russo and Bischoff stripped Booker of his identity and now, Booker has this horrible gimmick that would feel cheap in the 1970s. Bro pummels Stasiak around the arena, Stasiak takes control in the crowd with huge rights. Booker comes back with a chair shot, Stasiak stands at eight. Flapjack by Stasiak, Stasiak pounds on Bro, Bro stands at eight.

 Huge spinning kick by Booker, Stasiak rolls to the floor and smashes Bro into the guard rails, Stasiak suplexes Bro on the ramp. Bro stands at eight once more, they brawl to the ring. Stasiak hurls Bro to the floor and into the crowd again, chair to the back by Stasiak. Bro stands at nine, gutwrench powerbomb by Stasiak. Bro stands again, sleeper by Stasiak. Bro stands and nails a Samoan drop, elbow by Stasiak. Stasiak walks into a Bro-End? Missile dropkick by Bro, here comes Chuck Palumbo. Scissors Kick for Palumbo, Stasiak knocks Bro in the balls with the flexer. The Perfect Event put the boots to Bro, Bro nails a double clothesline. Harlem Sidekicks, flexer to the face of Palumbo and Stasiak.

Holy hell, that was one of the most boring matches I have ever seen in my life. The commentators spent so much time on Bischoff, Kanyon and DDP, more than likely to distract from this awful match. Nothing good came of this, it was a joke of a match. GI Bro is a terrible gimmick, GI Bro is going to be champion in one month, that’s just awful. GI Bro seems to be the furthest thing from main event superstar, this show never made it up the cliff to fall off it.

Winner: GI Bro over Shawn Stasiak via Survival!

(Best of 5 Tables Match) Shane Douglas vs The Wall

How fucking stupid is that? Best of 5 tables match? Douglas confuses everyone by saying he will put The Wall through five tables despite earlier saying it’s best of 5 and not best of 9. The Wall boots Douglas, military press slam. Clothesline by The Wall, right hands. High knee by Douglas, suplex by Douglas. Snapover neckbreaker, clothesline to the floor. Some brawling on the floor, The Wall Chokeslams Douglas through a table. 1-0 to The Wall, Douglas attacks The Wall on the floor. The Wall suplexes Douglas through a second table, 2-0 to The Wall.

Inverted atomic drop and nut kick by Douglas, The Wall follows Douglas to the stage. Douglas and The Wall battle towards a ladder, there are two ladders below yet the commentators scream out that there is three. Douglas punches The Wall who falls over through the two tables. Douglas wins despite the score being tied 2:2.

Well, they seemingly cannot count in WCW. This match was another load of ass on a show covered in shit. First, they could not even decipher if it was  a best of 5 or best of 9 tables match. Secondly, who would come up with such a stupid match? It was dull and plodding, The Wall could barely work I will give them credit for some continuity as The Wall was introduced to WCW by Douglas and his Revolution stablemates. However, there was clearly two tables, there was no disputing this. Schiavone screams out there is two tables, it is a shambles and of course, The Wall no-sells it and slams a referee through a table following the match. The Wall should be world champion, he is clearly unstoppable.

Winner: Shane Douglas over The Wall via Elimination!

(Asylum Match) Tank Abbott & Rick Steiner vs Scott Steiner

The Big Bad Booty Daddy was one of the rare good things about this company during this time, Steiner’s character work was stellar as a big badass who sleeps with all the bitches in the world. The matches were not as good due to Steiner’s inflated physique but the matches were mostly secondary like a Sandman match. Steiner throws around Abbott like a jabron, here comes Rick who has been added to the match. Rick pummels Scott, Abbott stands around with his big belly. The cage lowers, it is a smaller Octagon giving the wrestlers less space to perform. You are handicapping those who are already handicapped in terms of experience and mobility. Scott grabs a chain from Abbott, both are knocked out by Scott. Scott wins by Came Clutch DUD!

Winner: Scott Steiner over Everyone Else via Steiner Recliner!

Billy Kidman vs Hulk Hogan

If Hogan wins, Hogan will be challenging for the championship at Bash at The Beach. If Hogan loses, Kidman will have the pleasure of retiring Hogan. Horace Hogan who had helped Hogan beat Kidman before has turned on Hogan and is the referee. It hurts my head just trying to remember all this crap and it’s been only a few weeks since my last review! Hogan throws down Kidman and nails right hands, Kidman is sent tumbling to the floor. More right hands, big boot and Kidman is bounced off the guard rail multiple times. Choke by Hogan, Kidman rakes the eyes.

Kidman stomps Hogan, Horace and Kidman argue when Hogan low blows Kidman. Hogan has his belt, Kidman is whipped. Hogan grabs a chair and Kidman dropkicks the chair into Hogan’s face. Kidman wears out Hogan with the chair, Hogan pulls out Kidman with punches and Kidman meets the guard rail once again. Chair to the back by Hogan, Kidman DDTs Hogan in the ring for two. Splash by Kidman for two, Kidman is not happy with Horace’s officiating. Kidman goes back to Hogan, Hogan is rammed off the turnbuckle. Clubbing blows by Kidman, crowd begins to chant for Hogan.

Right hands by Hogan, Kidman bumps around like a monkey. Huge right hands, ten punches in the corner. Irish whip and corner clothesline by Hogan, Kidman powders to the floor. Kidman pushes Hogan into the ringpost, Hogan hiptosses Kidman through a table. Torrie Wilson is out at ringside, Torrie is on the apron. Hogan has spotted Torrie, she has brass knuckles. Kidman dropkicks Hogan into Torrie, Kidman wallops Hogan with the brass knuckles but Hogan kicks out! Kidman wipes out Horace with the brass knuckles, Torrie low blows Kidman for being a dick. Hogan has the brass knuckles, Horace shakes off the brass knuckles to count the pin.

Once again, Kidman looks like a joke to Hogan. Champion of the flea market? Well, hard to argue when Kidman kept control of this match for about ten seconds collectively. No doubting that Hogan could still be affective as the fans woke up during this Hogan match but they are better ways to use your talent. Turning Kidman heel and having him squashed like a bug was a stupid decision from the geniuses in WCW. Also, SWERVE from Horace as if we had not have had enough of those things in this company.

Winner: Hulk Hogan over Billy Kidman via Brass Knuckles!

David Flair W/ Vince Russo vs Ric Flair

The Flair vs Russo feud continues, David Flair turned on his father for the second time in WCW. First time was The NWO, this time it includes joining Russo’s side. David continues to wrestle in a t-shirt and jeans, Ric is not copying his son tonight as Ric has donned his traditional wrestling attire for the first time in months. Ric’s career is on the line, David could end his father’s career.

Lock-up, side headlock by David but Ric counters for a top wristlock. Lock-up and hammerlock by Ric, David tastes a slap to the face. Third lock-up, clean break from David. Right hands by David, chops by David. Flair flip, David chases his dad. Chops and forearms by David, suplex by David. Back suplex by Ric, Ric rips off David’s shirt and chops the bejesus out of the boy. Ric brings David to the floor, David clotheslines Ric to the floor. Russo batters Ric with a bat, Russo handcuffs Ric. David stomps Ric, chops by David. David struts, Figure Four by David. Russo holds David’s hands for leverage, mounted punches by David. Lil Naitch stops David cheating, Reid Flair low blows Russo. David has Reid, Lil Naitch frees Ric.

Ric is up, David has no idea. Ric chops the shit out of David. Charlotte handcuffs Russo on the floor, Russo screams bitch at Charlotte. Low blow by Ric, David flips in the corner and eats a clothesline. Delayed vertical suplex by Ric, Ric struts and it signals the end of poor old David. David begs for mercy and eye pokes Ric, David goes to the top. David is yanked off the top rope, knee drop by Ric. Ric pummels David in the skull as his children look on, Ric works the leg.  David taps to The Figure Four and Ric chops the shit out of Russo.

Shit match but it’s passable due to Ric’s charisma. The commentators play it off as a beautiful family moment and something we will never forget but they are pushing their luck. David was not fit to carry his dad’s towel never mind measure up to him in the ring.

Winner: Ric Flair over David Flair via Figure Four!

(Human Torch Match) Vampiro vs Sting

They were tag-team partners for a cup of coffee, Vampiro turned on Sting. Vampiro cost Sting an opportunity to become United States Champion, Vampiro began the mind games going after the biggest WCW star he could think of but Sting knocked back the threat of Vampiro in an awful singles match at last month’s Slamboree.

Sting starts this match on top of the Turnertron, Vampiro is freaking out as Vampiro is afraid of heights. Sting repels down the tron, Vampiro is continuing to freak out about the match and heights. So, Sting comes down because Vampiro says no, what was the point of that? Vampiro heel kicks Sting, Sting clotheslines Vampiro around the ring. Stomps in the corner, Vampiro blocks a Stinger Splash. Sting ends up across the top turnbuckle, Vampiro pours gasoline all over Sting. They begin brawling near the torch, Vampiro begins scaling the tron. Vampiro knocks Sting off the tron, Sting lays in a heap before getting up almost instantly. They brawl next to the torch, Vampiro grabs the torch and sets Sting on fire and Sting plunges theatrically through the stage.

Once again, they try to sell this as the most serious thing in all of wrestling even though you can clearly see Stunt Man’s WIG FALLOUT AS THEY SHOOT HIM EMERGING FROM THE STAGE, ARE YOU JOKING ME WCW? It is just too much, it’s like it is out of a Hollywood movie, it was beyond fake, all believability and drama were lost on this piece of trash, this might be the worst show I have ever reviewed from this company.

Winner: Vampiro over Sting via Setting Sting Alight!

(WCW World Heavyweight Championship Match) Jeff Jarrett © vs Kevin Nash

The Cat fucks over Nash as The Filthy Animals are filling the ringside area to screw over Nash. Nash came back in what it seemed to be a feud with Awesome as Awesome had attacked Nash in his debut. After the Jarrett reset as champion following a whole load of bullshit and vacancies, Nash emerged as the challenger. Nash throws around Jarrett to begin the match, Jarrett pounds away on Nash following distractions from The Filthy Animals.

Big right hands by Jarrett, Nash knees Jarrett and tosses the champion across the ring. Elbows and knees by Nash, Jarrett takes control on the floor by sending Nash into the ringpost. Nash snake eyes Jarrett on the announce table, right hands by Nash. Jarrett is in the crowd, they brawl out in the crowd. Nash comes back ringside and it attacked by The Filthy Animals. Jarrett attacks the knee with a chair, Jarrett works over the leg. Nash blocks the figure four, Jarrett yanks and pulls at the leg. Figure Four by Jarrett, Nash reaches the ropes to survive after much struggling. Nash is hammered with the ringbell by Konnan, Nash kicks out at two!

Sidewalk slam by Nash for two, Nash takes out The Filthy Animals. Jarrett is waffled with the belt, Disco cracks the referee. The Filthy Animals attack Nash, The Cat is in as the referee. Nash kicks out after a pin from Jarrett, Stroke by Jarrett but Nash kicks out once more. Jarrett has a guitar, Nash chokeslams Jarrett. Cat does not count, Nash Powerbombs Cat. Nash boots Jarrett, Jacknife Powerbomb. Rick Steiner and The Filthy Animals pound Nash, Tank Abbot is here with Scott Steiner.

Goldberg is motherfucking here boys, shit is about to pick up massively. They miss Goldberg coming down the ramp, Goldberg does not kill The Filthy Animals. Nash eats a Spear as Goldberg turns heel, Goldberg is New Blood. Goldberg revives the referee and Jarrett retains.

Oh boy, Goldberg is in with Russo and Bischoff. Goldberg is now a heel, it is hard to even put into words. I have a strange relationship with Goldberg, I understand that he had the IT factor, that he was ungodly powerful, charismatic and WCW’s answer to Austin but Goldberg was not around a lot in WCW. When he became champion, he did not defend the championship that much, you remember his match with DDP and dropping the championship to Nash but in between you have battle royals and random defences and of course, nixing a feud with Chris Jericho. My point being is despite all the good WCW would do with Goldberg, they always seem to cover their meal ticket in shit.

This is a prime example, Goldberg was over. His absence made the fans’ hearts grow fonder, they wanted their hero, they wanted The New Blood to be speared into oblivion. It books itself but we did not get it, we get the hottest star in the company turning heel. It is ass backawards, why would you do that? You have Hogan challenging for the championship at the next pay per view, why not build around Goldberg? Poor Jarrett for as much as I do not buy him as a world champion, he is now lower on the pecking order than Russo, Bischoff and Goldberg. The champion looks like a joke and that main event with all its shenanigans and over-booking would be a blueprint of what was to come in TNA under Jarrett as champion, you could compare this garbage with anything featuring Jarrett in 2004 or 2005 and there would be no difference.

Winner: Jeff Jarrett over Kevin Nash via Spear!

That was WCW’s Great American Bash of 2000, the pinnacle of Russo booking in WCW. Nothing about this pay per view as good, there was not one average match in all of this bullshit. So many boring matches, so many stupid finishes. Just boring, just awful and I have no idea where this company was heading. Goldberg as a heel, Jarrett as champion who seemingly is just holding it until Hogan comes around for his annual world championship reign. The Russo and Bischoff faction and their shock style of booking had to finish, it was just too draining and for any fan of WCW who would stick with the company through this, I salute you because my patience wore thin long ago and I only do this as I am a critic. Thanks for reading and remember: There’s always another night!

Image result for WCW Major Gunns Gif

No comments:

Post a Comment