Saturday 4 June 2016

Journey Through The Attitude Era Vol 12: St. Valentine's Day Massacre 1999 Review

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Good evening you beautiful people of the internet, welcome to another edition of the world's worst wrestling series, my journey through that attitude era where I pick apart your must cherished wrestling memories because I have nothing better to do with my life. Seriously, college has ended for another year and moving clothes and other items back home takes a lot out of you so what better way to relax than a look at the next entry on this list, St. Valentine's Day Massacre, a cheesy pay per view name but still a lot better than breaking point or fatal four way. Tonight's big matches include The Rock vs Mankind for The WWF Championship, Chyna and Kane taking on Triple H and X-Pac and of course, Stone Cold Steve Austin vs Vince Mcmahon. Let's do this!


Goldust vs Bluedust

Absolutely revolting are the words that come to mind when describing this angle as The Blue Meanie has started dressing up as Goldust in blue, very short opener, Goldust hammers away on Meanie with spinebusters and neckbreakers before Bluedust powders to the outside, Goldust drags his admirer/stalker back into the ring and gives him an American- sized spanking(I think I need a long cold shower). Goldust attempts Shattered Dreams in the corner but Meanie counters with a clothesline. Meanie climbs to the top turnbuckle and misses a moonsault which looks beautiful I must say before Goldust ends Meanie with a Curtain Call. After the match, we are treated to Goldust shattering Meanie’s balls with a kick to the groin. Lovely, it was what it was don’t know why it was on a pay per view, don’t think it needed to be but hey, at least it made me laugh and cringe at the same time.


Winner: Goldust over Meanie via Curtain Call!


(WWF Hardcore Championship Match) Bob Holly © vs Al Snow



Bob Holly formerly Bodacious Bart formerly Sparky Plugg had a lot of terrible names before he arrived at this moment in his career, not to mention a terrible mullet to top off his ridiculousness. However, all that had now changed, Bob had cut his hair and was intent on becoming something in The Attitude Era. Holly had assaulted Snow his former JOB Squad partner and wanted the Hardcore championship. Snow wastes no time in attacking his former partner, Snow hiptosses Holly to the outside. A chair shot right to the head by Snow(that sounded so painful). 


Both men brawl into the crowd and backstage as Holly takes control with a scoop slam on Snow. Holly sprays a fire extinguisher in the face of Snow while smashing glass over his head. Holly and Snow begin trading weapons with one another as telephones, barrels, and boxes are hurled and tossed around the backstage arena. The brawl takes another twist as both men find themselves on the banks of the Mississippi River. They choke one another after being thrown into the river and the match ends with Holly wrapping up Snow inside some fencing and pinning his shoulders to the ground. Kind of a lame finish to the match especially when Snow’s shoulders were off the ground and not wrapped up in the fence. Holly celebrates with the title back in the ring as Snow vows revenge!


Winner: Hardcore Holly over Al Snow via fence pin!


Big Bossman vs Mideon



 Interesting match taking place here as we have two heels in Bossman and Mideon going at it on pay per view. Lock up and Mideon takes control, big shoulder block by Bossman as Mideon takes a breather. Bossman with a thumb to the eye and he destroys Mideon with right hands in the corner laying the smackdown on Mideon. Mideon reverses Bossman’s Irish Whip attempt and clotheslines Mr. Mcmahon’s Head of Security. Mideon loses the advantage as Bossman low blows Mideon. Mideon is thrown to the outside and Bossman grabs a chair, he misses his chair shot and Mideon bites his hand targeting the right hand. Bossman tosses Mideon to the outside again and starts choking the Ministry Member. Bossman attempts another Irish whip and it backfires again as Mideon clotheslines Bossman. Bossman battles back once more with a corner splash as he taunts the crowd.


 Bossman drops a leg across the back and uppercuts Mideon. Bossman locks in a full nelson before Mideon executes a german suplex. Mideon gets a two count as Mideon hammers away on Bossman. Bossman hits a desperation right hand before nailing Mideon in the corner and hits a headbutt before trying for a piledriver, big double clothesline as both men fall down. Both men are on the knees throwing haymakers and Mideon shoots Bossman off the ropes and nails an elbow. Out of nowhere, Bossman nails his signature slam and gets the win. The Ministry surround the ring as it looks bleak for Bossman, Undertaker’s music hits and the lights go out as he walks slowly toward the ring. Bossman takes a beaten at the hands of the Ministry, three splashes from Viscera as Undertaker watches on from ringside. Bossman is dragged away by Faarooq and Bradshaw and The Brood.


Winner: Bossman over Mideon due to a Bossman Slam!



(WWF Tag Team Championship Match) Jeff Jarrett W/ Debra & Owen Hart © vs D’Lo Brown & Mark Henry W/ Ivory

Jarrett and Hart had won the titles on Raw off of Bossman and Shamrock while D’Lo Brown introduced Ivory to Mark Henry as Henry had been troubled by his experience with Chyna and her friend “Sammy”. Before the match, Henry gave a Valentine’s Day Gift to Ivory(Aww so cute). Henry and Hart kick us off, former Nation partners as Hart slaps Henry, bad move as Henry goes to work by punching Hart in the corner. Big clothesline by Mark Henry before D’Lo comes in and elbows Hart in the face. Owen counters with a bulldog before tagging in Double J who hits a nice dropkick on D’Lo. D’Lo, not to be outdone hits a powerslam and a dropkick on Jarret and Hart before Mark Henry hits a double clothesline. Owen tries to cheap shot D’Lo but D’Lo knocks down Hart before eating a single arm ddt on D’Lo. D’Lo gets hit with a double clothesline form the champions as D’Lo plays face in peril.


 Big clothesline by Hart as Jarrett comes in and hits an elbow from the second rope after an Owen Hart spinebuster. Jarrett chokes D’Lo with the rope before missing a leg drop. Hart has his partner’s back and continues to isolate D’Lo. D’Lo counters Owen with a suplex but the comeback does not last long as Hart hits a beautiful enzuigiri. Double elbow from the champions as Jarrett gets a two count. Sleeper hold by Jarrett, D’Lo is fading as the crowd comes alive for D’Lo Brown. Elbows to the midsection by D’Lo before Owen Hart gets the blind tag and hits a spinning heel kick for two. Hart draws Henry in as D’Lo is double teamed in the corner. Crossbody from D’Lo but it only gets a two count as Owen Hart starts hammering away but D’Lo reverses into a running powerbomb. Hot tag to Mark Henry who takes down both Jarrett and Owen Hart, the champions lay in the corner as Henry misses a splash but D’Lo hits two calf kicks and a sky high on Jarrett.


 Owen breaks it up at two as D’Lo slams Hart and hits his legdrop. D’Lo goes up to the top as Debra distracts D’Lo and Ivory drags her down as D’Lo tries to separate the two women. Owen Hart takes advantage as he smashes a guitar over Henry’s leg. Jarrett locks in the figure four and Henry has no choice but to tap. Henry wore a heavy knee brace in this match so the finish made absolute sense so I am glad to see some psychology and selling in the match as it seems to be disappearing more and more in the current era.


Winners: Jeff Jarrett & Owen Hart over D'lo & Henry due to Shenanigans!


(WWF Intercontinental Championship Match) Val Venis W/ Ryan Shamrock vs ©Ken Shamrock

Billy Gunn is special referee in this match as Shamrcok wants to kill Val for sleeping with his sister Ryan. Val starts out explosively as he clotheslines Val all around the ring. Shamrock changes the momentum with a kick to the chest of Val. Corner kicks by Shamrock as Billy plays the clueless referee. Hard Irish whip and a clothesline by Shamrock, stiff kicks to the back by Ken. Knees to the ribs by Shamrock as he continues to punish Val. Forearms across the throat by Shamrock as Billy and Shamrock continue to annoy one another. Stungun by Shamrock as Shamrock tells his sister to stay away from Val. More kicks to the ribs by Shamrock as Shamrock hits a hard scoop slam. Knee to the throat but Val blocks the suplex, right hands by Val, inverted atomic drop and a knee to the face. Val hits an elbow to the face and Val gets a two count.


 Double underhook suplex by Val and Shamrock is laying in a lot of pain as Val drives his knee into the back of The World’s Most Dangerous Man. Shamrock’s head is rammed into the turnbuckle before he is sent back first into the ringpost three times. Camel Clutch by Val Venis, Shamrock starts battling back before Val regains control with a rake to the eyes. Val sends Shamrock to the mat with a snapmare, Val nails a scoop slam and locks in a sleeper hold. Shamrock fires back but is cut off by a knee to the ribs by Val. Stungun by Val as Val uses his boot to choke out Shamrock. Both men start slugging it out as Val takes control again, irish whip attempts misses as Shamrock hits a ddt, Billy does not count the three as Shamrock has the match won, Val grabs a sleeper as Shamrock counters with a backdrop. Shamrock runs into an elbow as Ken nails the powerslam.


 Val runs into a forearm, but hits a fisherman suplex for a two count. Shamrock goes for a la mahistral cradle for two. Val hits two running knees and a Russian leg sweep. Val poses over Shamrock and punches Shamrock right in the face. Val goes up tope but gets thrown off, spinning heel kick by Shamrock, hurricanrana and a belly to belly by Shamrock. Ankle Lock in the centre of the ring but Ryan pulls Val closer to the rope. Ryan slaps Ken as Ken shoves Billy, Billy punches Shamrock and Val rolls up Ken Shamrock and we have a new champion, this match was very slow and boring but all the action cannot be good so it does not matter. Billy beats up Val at the end of the match as all hell breaks loose.


Winner: Val Venis over Ken Shamrock via roll- up!



X-Pac & Triple H vs Kane & Chyna



Swerve City Bitches as Triple H had Rock beat for the WWF Championship in an I Quit match but Kane threatened Chyna so Triple H quit to save Chyna. However, Chyna betrayed Triple H by low blowing him and joining the corporation. Chyna aligned herself with Kane as Kane was affectionate towards the former member of D-X. Chyna looks beautiful as she makes her way to ringside, I am interested to see how she does in there for the first time with men. Triple H wears a Chyna shirt and wipes his ass with it before throwing it at Chyna. Shane Mcmahon makes his way to ringside, Kane and Triple H start off as Triple H tries to beat up the monster but it is to no avail. Kane starts hammering away at Triple H, uppercuts by the big red machine. Triple H eats a boot from The Corporate Monster, Kane misses an elbow and in comes X-Pac as X-Pac kicks Kane. It does not work as Kane starts beating the crap out of X-Pac. Chyna comes in and knocks down X-Pac two big clotheslines by Chyna before she is sent head first into Chyna.


 Bronco Buster attempt fails as Chyna slides out. Kane tags himself in as he does not want to see Chyna get hurt, D-X start double teaming Kane as it is the only way to take down the big red machine. Double ax handle from Triple H but Chyna clocks Triple H and Kane takes the advantage. Clothesline by Kane and a scoop slam and Kane goes up the top rope. Big Clothesline by Kane, Chyna wants in and Chyna hammers away on the game, Triple H goes for a suplex but Chyna counters with a right hand and a scoop slam. Chyna misses an elbow and X-Pac comes in, Chyna rakes the eyes and in comes Kane, Kane misses the splash as X-Pac and Triple H try all they can to take down Kane. D-X hit a double suplex and a double ddt, Kane protects Chyna by catching her off a dive.


 X-Pac and Kane brawl on the outside, X-Pac whacks Shane as their feud is brewing. X-Pac tries a spinning heel kick but Kane catches Pac with a back suplex. Chyna tags in, kick to the ribs,running powerslam for a two count. Kane tags in, rams X-Pac into the turnbuckle, hard irish whips and a clothesline by The Corporate Monster. Chyna delivers more kick to X-Pac and nails Triple H on the apron, X-Pac is isolated as he fires back on Chyna but Chyna locks in the sleeper hold, X-Pac drops Chyna with a back suplex, X-Pac gets the hot tag to Triple H, Triple H nails Chyna and starts smashing Kane, all hell breaks loose as Kane is sent flying over the top rope, X-Pac tries a baseball slide but Kane sees it coming. High knee by Triple H on Chyna, Kane drags out Triple H so there is no pedigree, X-Pac nails the bronco buster on Chyna as Shane attacks X-Pac and they flee to the backstage.


Triple H knocks out Kane by sending him into the steps. Knee to the face by Triple H and he signals for the pedigree, Kane hits the chokeslam and Chyna is placed on top of Triple H. For a second, I thought the referee had been taken out and I had missed it but no he had just chased X-Pac and Shane out of the arena for some reason. The referee reappears and counts the three. For a first match, Chyna did well in there, she was by no means great but she did a good job of what was asked of her and the match had a good story.


Winners: Kane & Chyna over DX via Chokeslam!



(WWF Championship Match) The Rock vs Mankind ©(Last Man Standing Match)



After match after match with screwy finishes, it came down to this or so we thought as they would battle one last time in a ladder match on raw and you will see why as the end of this match. Mankind had defeated The Rock in an empty arena match for the championship so that led us to this match. Mankind turns his back to The Rock as Rock cheap shots the champion. Rock uses right hands and stomps away on the champion. Mankind hits his first move of the match by smashing Rock with his championship belt. Refree starts counting as Mankind gets an 8 count. Mankind throws Rock to the outside as Rock starts walking away. Rock becomes familiar with the stage as he is slammed into it repeatedly. Rock reverses Mankind into the stage structure, Mankind rams Rock into a table by the entrance way, Mankind climbs the table and Mankind ddts Rock through the table.


 Referee gets to a nine count as Mankind continues punishing The People’s Champion. Mankind seems to be in control but Rock plants him head first onto the concrete floor with a back suplex. Right hand from Rock, Mankind is limping, selling an injury which occurred on heat(an apparent dislocated knee). Rock cannot maintain control as Mankind sends Rock flying into the steel steps. Mankind has Rock down and it seems it is time for The People’s Elbow Mankind Style but it does not pay off as Rock dodges, vicious right hands by Rock, suplex on the floor three times by the challenger. Rock begins to commentate it is funny as always, Mankind Kills Rock with right hands as Rock regrets his decision to multi task in the match. Mankind climbs to the second rope as Rock lays on the table, Cactus Jack Elbow onto The Rock as both men lay down on the floor. Rock tastes the steel steps courtesy of Mrs’s Foley’s Baby Boy.


 Steel steps are brought into the ring by Mankind as Rock lays in the corner, Rock boots the steps into Mankind’s face. Rock begins stomping Mankind’s leg, chair shots to the injured leg of Mankind. Rock tries attacking Mankind but he hits the rope and the chair rebounds into the face of the challenger. Cactus Jack clothesline by Mankind, he attempt a piledriver but Rock battles out, neckbreaker on the floor by the champion, they battle back to the announce table as it seems to be time for a table break! Mankind tries a piledriver but Rock back body drops Mankind as he smashes his leg off the announce table. Rock drops the steel steps from earlier right on top of the prone Mankind. Mankind breaks the count at four so Rock starts laying the smackdown. Rock grabs a chair, scoop slam and the most electrifying move in sports entertainment today connects as Rock asks for a microphone, Mankind survives The Corporate Elbow, more foot stomps by The Corporate challenger, Rock starts singing and eats a mandible claw from Mankind. Rock knocks out the referee as Rock begins to fade there is no referee as Mankind has the match won, Mankind starts reviving the referee but Rock hits a low blow and a ddt, both men are out.


 In desperation, Mankind hits a double arm ddt, Rock looks like he is on dream street and Rock gets up at nine. Mankind pulls out Socko and applies the mandible claw, Rock counters with The Rock Bottom. Both men reach for steel chairs and they knock each other in the head, neither men are moving and the match comes to an end on a  double count out and Mankind retains the title. Lame finish for a pay per view but Rock and Mankind’s rivalry would come to an end in a ladder match before Wrestlemania and one should not underestimate the important part that Mankind played in cementing Rock as a main event star, Mankind had a great feud with The Rock preparing him for Austin including possibly the best Raw main event of all time and this rivalry was not only important but also very enjoyable.


No Contest as both men cannot answer the count!




(Steel Cage Match) Stone Cold Steve Austin vs Vince Mcmahon



Austin must win to go to Wrestlemania, there is no corporate interference, Mcmahon must go it alone. Mcmahon begins to climb the cage before deciding it is better not to do something like that. Mcmahon is testing The Rattlesnake by pacing back and forth outside the cage. Austin comes to the outside and begins chasing Austin, Mcmahon goes in the cage and refuses to let Austin in the cage. Austin tries to climb the cage and Mcmahon meets at the top, Austin feigns an injury to his knee, telling the referee that his knee has blown out but Mcmahon gets suckered in and Austin unloads on Vince. Vince tastes the steel cage as Austin chokes Vince with a camera cable.


 Right hands by Austin as Mcmahon is sent tumbling into the front row, Mcmahon rakes the eyes of Austin before climbing into the crowd, Austin obliges Mcmahon by chasing him into the crowd, the brawl int the crowd, can’t really see exactly what they are doing. Mcmahon tries climbing the cage but Austin keeps pummelling Mcmahon and whipping him like a  government mule(JR References because I can). Mcmahon tries climbing away from Austin right in front of the announce tables. Mcmahon is slammed head first into the cage before being sent through the announce table. Crazy bump for a 53 year old but since Vince is the most batshit insane human being in the history of the world(Yes I do believe Mcmahon would have killed Hitler with his bare hands so what?) I am not surprised Vince would do something so stupid.


 Paramedics come to ringside as Vince does not move, Howard Finkel tries to announce Austin as the winner but Austin says no I guaranteed to whoop Vince’s ass. Austin climbs over the cage as Austin chases Vince’s stretcher, referees and doctors are knocked down as Vince is slammed into the steel cage. Mcmahon is brutalized with a backboard from a stretcher. They finally enter the cage as Vince is clotheslined by Austin, stomps for Mcmahon, elbow from the second rope as Mcmahon flops around like a fish out of water. Two elbows from Austin, Austin begins to leave the cage before Vince gives Austin the finger. Austin is not happy about this so he punishes Mcmahon with stomps in the corner, Mcmahon low blows Stone Cold and sends Austin into the cage.

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 Mcmahon is half way out of the cage but Austin grabs Mcmahon back into the cage, Mcmahon hits the cage wall hard as Austin looks to climb out again as Mcmahon is clearly beat, Mcmahon is a bloody mess due to the cage. Double finger salute from Vince as Austin climbs in to finish off Mcmahon, Mcmahon lays in a heap on the ground as Austin chokes out Mcmahon, Austin measures for the stunner and Austin nails the stunner to Mcmahon. Austin talks trash to Mcmahon’s face as The Giant AKA The Big Show emerges from under the ring to assist Mcmahon, The Giant’s first attempt backfires though as he throws Austin at the cage wall with such force that it collapses and Austin escapes and wins.


 Good match with a lot of heat, I would have liked perhaps Austin to get assaulted more By The Giant as he did not too a whole lot but it still made you want to tune into Raw the next night to see what would happen and that is all we could ever ask for back then, excitement and a reason to keep watching.Overall, that was an above average pay per view from the WWF, everything except Bossman vs Mideon and The Goldust vs Bluedust match was very enjoyable, Chyna’s first appearance in the ring against men was good and had drama as it was her against her old D-X buddies, Rock and Mankind continued to deliver as it did throughout all their matches despite the disappointing finish and Austin vs Mcmahon while never ever a technical masterpiece was extremely entertaining from Mcmahon’s insane table bump to Austin finally getting his hands on Mcmahon to Big Show’s debut. Up next is Wrestlemania 15 The Ragin Climax and oh boy, I am looking to forward to that. Until next time see you later ^^

Winner: Stone Cold Steve Austin via escape!

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