Hello and welcome to another edition
of Seanomaniac Wrestling Reviews, the only wrestling review series on the
internet that keeps kayfabe alive! ECW’s Massacre on 34th Street The
final pay per view for ECW’s 2000, it looks to be a sad end to ECW as the
dwindling main event scene gives us a three-way dance for the ECW championship.
No real change from last month’s main event, Rhino vs Spike Dudley will be
facing one another, Rhino should be in the main event picture but the question
is who could actually take the championship off of the monster? Sadly, I don’t
think Heyman could answer that question, the card looks as strong as it could
at the time but my interest has died down a lot following the last two pay per
views. So, can ECW inspire some sort of comeback with these two last pay per
views? Could there have been some light in the company’s downfall? Let’s find
out!
Swinger
& Diamond vs Christian York & Joey Matthews
Dawn Marie will be the manager of the
winning team, both teams trade control. Future Shock by York & Matthews,
York gets caught isolated in the ring though. Simon Series by Diamond, Swinger
misses a diving clothesline and decapitates Diamond. Matthews gets the hot-tag,
low blow and neckbreaker combination. Suicide dive by Matthews, York nails a
springboard plancha. Swinger crotches York, jawbreaker to Matthews. Simonizer
on Matthews, York delivers a sunset flip powerbomb on Diamond. Swinger eats a
hurricanrana and elbow drop, The Rebel Yell leads to a win for York &
Matthews.
Decent opening tag match, it was at
fast-paced and non-stop action from the get-go, I wish they would give teams
more time in the ring to show something, I do not know how much you can
accomplish in a match such as this when everything is going ninety miles an
hour, glad to see Dawn Marie back in a meaningful role, the ditsy one on
commentary was not exactly a great way to use Dawn Marie.
Winners: York & Matthews over
Swinger & Diamond via Rebel Yell!
EZ
Money W/ Hot Commodity vs Balls Mahoney
Side headlock by Money, shoulder block
by Money. Hiptoss and armdrag by Mahoney, Balls punches by Mahoney. Mahoney
misses his leg lariat, Money dives onto Mahoney with a crossbody to the floor.
Money avoids the nutcracker, Mahoney nails a back suplex for two. Clothesline
to the floor, Mahoney dives onto Hot Commodity. Money eats a clothesline,
Mahoney misses a top rope leg drop. Money Clip for two, Mahoney boots Money
twice. Jawbreaker by Money, Money is crotched on the top rope. Superplex for
two, Money answers back with Money in The Bank for two. Money misses a senton
bomb, superkick for two. Hamrick takes the chair from Mahoney, leaping leg
lariat by Money. Hamrick and Dinero attack Mahoney, neckbreaker from the middle
rope. Confederate Crunch and a Moonsault for the win.
Balls has been on a massive slide in
ECW for God knows how long, matches like this showcase the poor booking that
Balls was receiving throughout his tenure in ECW. From garbage brawl matches to
being wasted in tag teams, Mahoney had a shit time towards the end of ECW and
lost far too much in my eyes. The other guys are yeah, they are fine.
Winner: EZ Money over Balls Mahoney
via Moonsault!
Nova
vs Julio Dinero
Nova saves Balls from Hot Commodity,
Nova sets up a match with Dinero. Sledge O Matic for two, Hamrick nails a
missile dropkick. Dinero takes control, moonsault for two. Knee drops for two,
STO for two. Clothesline by Dinero, right hands by both men. Nova cuts loose,
enzuigiri. O Connor roll for two, chair to the head by Hamrick. Sidekick by
Dinero for two, Spin Doctor by Nova. Elektra is in, slap to Nova. Kryptonite
Krunch to Elektra, leg drop to Dinero. Hot Commodity interfere, Balls attacks
Hot Commodity. Senton Bomb and Nova wins, so short it is hard to rate. DUD!
Winner: Nova over Julio Dinero via
Senton Bomb!
(ECW
World Tag Team Championship Match) The FBI © W/ Big Sal vs Danny Doring &
Roadkill
Finally! My boys Doring & Roadkill
earn their opportunity at the tag team championships, Doring and Guido start
the match. The FBI have shaved Doring’s locks and Roadkill’s beard. Oklahoma
roll by Guido for two, crucifix by Doring for two. Headscissors by Guido, bow
and arrow by Doring. Stand-off, takedown and slaps from Doring. Slaps by both
men, Mamaluke is legal. Chops by Doring, tag to Roadkill. Bulldog by Mamaluke,
deep armdrag into an armbar. Slam by Roadkill, slingshot elbow drop.
Dirt Road Slam to Mamaluke, Lancaster
Lariat of Lust on Guido. Big Sal and Roadkill brawl, Mamaluke nails a diving
tornado DDT to Roadkill. Double powerbomb on a chair by the champions for two,
dragon screw by Mamaluke. Dropkick, stiff kick to the back. Low dropkick by
Guido for two, O Connor roll by Doring for two, schoolboy by Guido for two.
Russian legsweep for two, tag to Mamaluke. Facebuster by Mamaluke, Sicilian
Slice by Guido for two. Keylock by Guido, tag to Mamaluke.
G-Spot Suite by Doring, tag to
Roadkill. Clotheslines for the FBI, Barn Burner for Guido. Powerbomb for
Mamaluke, baseball slide to Big Sal. Springboard crossbody to Big Sal, slam by
Doring. Guido crotches Doring, Doring crotches Mamaluke for a facebuster off
the middle rope. Guido nails Doring with the championship, cover for two.
Springboard clothesline misses for Roadkill, double Fujiwara armbar to
Roadkill. Doring back drops Mamaluke to the apron, superkick and Mamaluke is
out. Guido tries a Tomikaze, does not work and one Buggy Bang later we have
deserving tag team champions.
Well, you had a backstory with the
stipulation of Doring & Roadkill splitting up if they lost, they mentioned
this halfway through the match so I was not aware while watching the first
half, not much changed knowing this at the end of the day though. I am glad
Doring and Roadkill are champions, they worked their asses off to hold those
championships but there was no great flow to the match or no long-drawn-out
story-telling, it was your typical ECW style match.
Winners: Doring & Roadkill via FBI
via Buggy Bang!
Tommy
Dreamer vs CW Anderson
Nice to see Dreamer back in action,
Anderson had beaten up Dreamer at November To Remember. Anderson spits in
Dreamer’s face, Dreamer fires up with right hands and headbutts. Neckbreaker by
Dreamer, Anderson begs for mercy. Russian legsweep into a stretch, left punches
from Anderson. Armdrag into an armbar, single arm DDT. Anderson rolls out,
Anderson’s arm is sent into the ringpost. Shoulder stunner by Anderson,
superkick. Dreamer meets the guard rail, Dreamer is crotched on the guard rail.
Massive left by Anderson, Anderson smashes Dreamer’s arm using a chair. More
left hands, crowd brawling. Dreamer gains control, as Dreamer re-enters the
ring Anderson is waiting and attacks the arm. Anderson stomps a chair into
Dreamer’s arm, armbar with a headscissors.
Reverse DDT on the arm for two,
Anderson wedges a chair in between the turnbuckles. Anderson meets the chair
head first, eye rake by Anderson. Dreamer crotches Anderson on a chair, Dreamer
nails a middle rope elbow onto Anderson. Dreamer rakes Anderson’s face off the
top rope, Anderson nails a left. Anderson has the towel boy, Dreamer uses the
towel bot to attack Anderson. Tornado DDT for two, Lou E. shoves over towel
boy. Dreamer has Lou E., Lou E cracks Dreamer with the cellphone.
Anderson and Lou E, pose, Heyman comes
out and cracks a cellphone over Lou E. Spicolli Driver for two, spinebuster is
blocked. Ferris Wheel for two, Anderson has two chairs. Anderson misses an
attack, Anderson is in the tree of woe. Low dropkick, piledriver by Dreamer.
Dreamer has a table, sidewalk slam on a table. Anderson cracks Dreamer with a
chair, superplex on the table. Two for Anderson, Tommyhawk. Table is in the
corner, Spinebuster by Anderson for the win.
Far too long, it just kept going and
going which is not good when it comes to two guys who were not known for
exciting wrestling matches. The Heyman run-in was random, Lou E had been doing
that shtick for nearly a year but that does not matter. What matters is this
was super long and had no business being so long.
Winner: CW Anderson over Tommy Dreamer
via Spinebuster!
(ECW
World Television Championship Match) Rhino © vs Spike Dudley
Rhino kills everyone, Spike is in a
bad spot. Spike charges Rhino, Acid Drop is blocked. Tackle by Spike, drop
toehold and Spike attacks the leg. Forearms by Spike, Spike shoots for the leg
before being smashed to the outside. Whip to the guard rail, Spike blocks an
oncoming Rhino with a boot. Rhino grabs Spike and drives Spike into a table,
Spike eats a chair to the face and is bleeding. Rhino stomps the injured leg of
Spike, Spike uses his quickness to take control of Rhino, crowd brawling from
the two. Balcony Dive from Spike, they are back ringside.
A chair across the back of the head of
Rhino, another chair shot to the head. Back in the ring, Spike gets two. Forearms
from Spike, drop toehold from Rhino. Rhino tries a military press, acid drop is
countered as Spike is tossed through a table at ringside. Two for Rhino, Gore
from Rhino. Spike rolls to the floor, Spike cracks Rhino’s leg with a chair.
Spike uses tape to tie the leg of Rhino to the rope, Rhino is helpless. Spike
stabs the leg with a chair over and over, Rhino grabs Spike for a rear-naked
choke. Spike passes out, Rhino retains.
Wow, that was lame! I was interested
to see how Rhino would escape, Rhino awkwardly grabbed him and Rhino choked out
Spike with a less than impressive looking choke. Not that the match would
firing me up before then, I was disappointed by the lack of Spike diving around
and Rhino being a monster. Yeah, this did nothing for me.
Winner: Rhino over Spike Dudley via
Choke!
The
Unholy Alliance W/ Sinister Minister vs Super Crazy & Kid Kash
Nothing new here, Crazy vs Tajiri
because people love watching those two people fight. Crazy sprints to the ring,
The Unholy Alliance maul Crazy before Kid Kash comes to the ring as Crazy’s
partner. Kash keeps us waiting for the save, right hands to The Unholy
Alliance. Whipwreck and Kash start officially, shoulder block from Whipwreck.
Springboard sunset flip by Kash for two, Russian legsweep by Whipwreck. Leg
drop too, hurricanrana by Kash. Tajiri is legal, Crazy tags into the match.
Handspring Elbow has no effect, tilt-a-whirl sideslam from Crazy has no effect
either.
Northern lights from Tajiri, monkey
flip from Crazy. Hurricanrana by Tajiri, springboard armdrag by Crazy.
Tilt-a-whirl armdrag, more armdrags and a stand-off. Kick to the thigh from
Tajiri, Whipwreck nails a slingshot leg drop. Straight kick by Tajiri to Kash,
Kash & Crazy are laid side by side. The Unholy Alliance uses chairs to
crush in their heads and deliver a massive dropkick. The Unholy Alliance have
Kash & Crazy in the tree of woe, both dodge the dropkicks. Springboard Asai
Moonsault by Crazy, springboard hilo from Kash. Clotheslines and kicks from The
Unholy Alliance, Kash knees both members. Corkscrew senton attack, ten punches
by Crazy & Kash.
Kash and Whipwreck are in the ring,
Crazy has Tajiri on the floor. Low blow for Whipwreck, Crazy dives onto Tajiri.
Kash throws Whipwreck to the floor, Kash chokes Whipwreck. Massive kick by
Tajiri, roll-through snap slam by The Unholy Alliance. Double gutbuster, double
low dropkick. Whipwreck has two chairs in the ring, Falcon’s Arrow by Kash.
Whippersnapper on the two chairs, Whippersnapper through a table at ringside.
Triple Turnbuckle Moonsaults on Tajiri, Crazy grabs a chair. Crazy is shoved
off the top turnbuckle into the guard rail, massive kick by Tajiri.
Tope rope bulldog by Crazy,
springboard moonsault for two. Crazy has the chair again, victory roll for two
from Tajiri. Sunset flip by Crazy, Tajiri has the chair, wham to the head of
Crazy. Tarantula, Kash saves with a dropkick. Tajiri mists Crazy, Whipwreck
clotheslines Kash. Kash pulls Whipwreck into the guard rail. Tajiri has a
table, Kash is on a table at ringside. Whipwreck gets crotched, hurricanrana
through the table. Crazy nails a springboard missile dropkick, tornado DDT by
Tajiri. Buzzsaw kicks, scoop slam. Crazy is buried under chairs, a table goes
over Crazy. Double Diving Foot Stomp through the table and chairs for the win.
That was quite good! The opening exchange
between Crazy and Tajiri is like one giant nostalgia trip, the two are so good
in the ring with one another, it is ridiculous. Everyone in the match was
allowed to show glimpses of what made them so good and with The Unholy Alliance
winning, you could have an awesome tag team championship match with Doring
& Roadkill. Easily the match of the night, Tajiri vs Crazy will be one of
my fondest memories of ECW.
Winner: The Unholy Alliance over Kash
& Super Crazy via Diving Foot Stomp!
(ECW
World Heavyweight Championship Match) Jerry Lynn vs Justin Credible W/ Francine
vs Steve Corino © W/ Jack Victory
So, we had an awkward finish at the
last pay per view with Corino pinning Credible for the championship yet Lynn
played it off as if Corino had pinned Lynn and ECW told you that it was a
moment we would never forget but the honest truth is this poor main event scene
had been a revolving door of characters since 1999, the fans only wanting to
accept Sandman or Rob Van Dam. Lynn and Credible start, Lynn has the cane. Shots
to Corino & Credible, Lynn is playing more of a tweener than anything else,
playing up a storyline that was implied earlier in the year. Lynn nails a
headscissors on Corino, bulldog to Credible.
Clothesline by Lynn to Corino, slam
and knee drop for Corino. Credible stomps Corino, stomps to Lynn from Credible.
Corino fires back at Credible, Lynn clothesline Corino to the floor. Corino is
tossed into the crowd and Credible is meant to be elevated into the crowd but
hangs on, resulting in a nasty knee smash. Corino meets the guard rail, crowd
brawling. Credible powerbombs Lynn for two, is Credible’s new gimmick getting
on the mic and talking trash? Sunset flip out of the corner by Lynn, no count.
That’s Incredible is countered by Lynn, two for Lynn. Corino has a chair,
dropkick by Lynn. Cradle Piledriver on the chair for Corino, Francine saves
Corino.
Credible is kicked in the dick by
Francine by mistake, Credible punches Francine by mistake. That’s Incredible on
Lynn, Lynn lucks out again when it comes to the ECW Championship. Slugfest,
Flair flip from Credible and Corino knocks Credible to the guard rail. Miss of
a baseball slide by Corino, superkick by Credible. The cameraman shoots Francine
as we miss the brawling, Corino gets a ladder, they mess around with the ladder
before a drop toehold in the ring on a chair by Corino. We have a damn
house-show camera view of the main event, it is driving me nuts. Corino bites
the head of Credible, low blow by Credible. Suplex on the ladder, two for Credible.
Crowd brawling, my biggest pet peeve.
Guess what? Camera man cannot shoot any of what happens in the crowd, we get
fuck all in terms of footage. It’s so sad, Corino takes a cane to the head and
falls from a balcony. Back ringside, Corino is in control. They chop one another,
That’s Incredible for two. More chopping, whip to the ladder. Corino ducks a
splash, Old School Expulsion and the match is over!
Every time it seemed like ECW had a
plan for Jerry Lynn, it was left in tatters. Lynn was always on the verge of
becoming thee man in ECW but Lynn was always booked so poorly towards the end
of ECW. In terms of being legitimate, I think the fans would be far more
accepting of Lynn as the top babyface over Corino but that was not what ECW
were thinking at the time, there was a tonne of crowd brawling in this one
which is so lazy to me, no bumps, just fists and time-wasting, drives me nuts
but we saw a lot in this match. So, Corino wins beating Credible again in a
rehash of the main event last month, all that has changed in Sandman was not in
the match. It lacked story-telling, psychology and a sense of urgency, I felt
it was just there, it really felt like they were all out of ideas, so sad to
see.
Winner: Steve Corino over Justin Credible
via Old School Expulsion!
That was ECW’s Massacre on 34th
Street, a pay per view that was fun at times like ECW can be but really lacked
a lot of heart for me. There were matches here and it became more apparent with
the last few pay per views but there are matches here that mean nothing, it
does not seem all that different from an episode on TNN or hardcore tv. The
lack of creativity was there, Rhino vs Spike did not do anything for me, I did
not believe Spike would win and the finish was very flat. Same can be said for
the main event, it was just there. No twists or turns, just Corino pinning
Credible as clean as a whistle. Balls Mahoney and Nova didn’t do much, those
matches were so brief. I enjoyed Doring and Roadkill, Tajiri and Mikey vs Kash
& Crazy was very entertaining but it all seems so bleak for the company and
it’s reflected in the booking and the product. We are down to the last pay per
view so do not miss it as I will be wrapping up all my thoughts on ECW! Thanks
for reading and remember: There’s always another night!

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