Friday, 2 March 2018

ECW Massacre on 34th Street Review

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Hello and welcome to another edition of Seanomaniac Wrestling Reviews, the only wrestling review series on the internet that keeps kayfabe alive! ECW’s Massacre on 34th Street The final pay per view for ECW’s 2000, it looks to be a sad end to ECW as the dwindling main event scene gives us a three-way dance for the ECW championship. No real change from last month’s main event, Rhino vs Spike Dudley will be facing one another, Rhino should be in the main event picture but the question is who could actually take the championship off of the monster? Sadly, I don’t think Heyman could answer that question, the card looks as strong as it could at the time but my interest has died down a lot following the last two pay per views. So, can ECW inspire some sort of comeback with these two last pay per views? Could there have been some light in the company’s downfall? Let’s find out!


Swinger & Diamond vs Christian York & Joey Matthews


Dawn Marie will be the manager of the winning team, both teams trade control. Future Shock by York & Matthews, York gets caught isolated in the ring though. Simon Series by Diamond, Swinger misses a diving clothesline and decapitates Diamond. Matthews gets the hot-tag, low blow and neckbreaker combination. Suicide dive by Matthews, York nails a springboard plancha. Swinger crotches York, jawbreaker to Matthews. Simonizer on Matthews, York delivers a sunset flip powerbomb on Diamond. Swinger eats a hurricanrana and elbow drop, The Rebel Yell leads to a win for York & Matthews.


Decent opening tag match, it was at fast-paced and non-stop action from the get-go, I wish they would give teams more time in the ring to show something, I do not know how much you can accomplish in a match such as this when everything is going ninety miles an hour, glad to see Dawn Marie back in a meaningful role, the ditsy one on commentary was not exactly a great way to use Dawn Marie.


Winners: York & Matthews over Swinger & Diamond via Rebel Yell!


EZ Money W/ Hot Commodity vs Balls Mahoney


Side headlock by Money, shoulder block by Money. Hiptoss and armdrag by Mahoney, Balls punches by Mahoney. Mahoney misses his leg lariat, Money dives onto Mahoney with a crossbody to the floor. Money avoids the nutcracker, Mahoney nails a back suplex for two. Clothesline to the floor, Mahoney dives onto Hot Commodity. Money eats a clothesline, Mahoney misses a top rope leg drop. Money Clip for two, Mahoney boots Money twice. Jawbreaker by Money, Money is crotched on the top rope. Superplex for two, Money answers back with Money in The Bank for two. Money misses a senton bomb, superkick for two. Hamrick takes the chair from Mahoney, leaping leg lariat by Money. Hamrick and Dinero attack Mahoney, neckbreaker from the middle rope. Confederate Crunch and a Moonsault for the win.


Balls has been on a massive slide in ECW for God knows how long, matches like this showcase the poor booking that Balls was receiving throughout his tenure in ECW. From garbage brawl matches to being wasted in tag teams, Mahoney had a shit time towards the end of ECW and lost far too much in my eyes. The other guys are yeah, they are fine.


Winner: EZ Money over Balls Mahoney via Moonsault!


Nova vs Julio Dinero


Nova saves Balls from Hot Commodity, Nova sets up a match with Dinero. Sledge O Matic for two, Hamrick nails a missile dropkick. Dinero takes control, moonsault for two. Knee drops for two, STO for two. Clothesline by Dinero, right hands by both men. Nova cuts loose, enzuigiri. O Connor roll for two, chair to the head by Hamrick. Sidekick by Dinero for two, Spin Doctor by Nova. Elektra is in, slap to Nova. Kryptonite Krunch to Elektra, leg drop to Dinero. Hot Commodity interfere, Balls attacks Hot Commodity. Senton Bomb and Nova wins, so short it is hard to rate. DUD!


Winner: Nova over Julio Dinero via Senton Bomb!


(ECW World Tag Team Championship Match) The FBI © W/ Big Sal vs Danny Doring & Roadkill


Finally! My boys Doring & Roadkill earn their opportunity at the tag team championships, Doring and Guido start the match. The FBI have shaved Doring’s locks and Roadkill’s beard. Oklahoma roll by Guido for two, crucifix by Doring for two. Headscissors by Guido, bow and arrow by Doring. Stand-off, takedown and slaps from Doring. Slaps by both men, Mamaluke is legal. Chops by Doring, tag to Roadkill. Bulldog by Mamaluke, deep armdrag into an armbar. Slam by Roadkill, slingshot elbow drop.


Dirt Road Slam to Mamaluke, Lancaster Lariat of Lust on Guido. Big Sal and Roadkill brawl, Mamaluke nails a diving tornado DDT to Roadkill. Double powerbomb on a chair by the champions for two, dragon screw by Mamaluke. Dropkick, stiff kick to the back. Low dropkick by Guido for two, O Connor roll by Doring for two, schoolboy by Guido for two. Russian legsweep for two, tag to Mamaluke. Facebuster by Mamaluke, Sicilian Slice by Guido for two. Keylock by Guido, tag to Mamaluke.


G-Spot Suite by Doring, tag to Roadkill. Clotheslines for the FBI, Barn Burner for Guido. Powerbomb for Mamaluke, baseball slide to Big Sal. Springboard crossbody to Big Sal, slam by Doring. Guido crotches Doring, Doring crotches Mamaluke for a facebuster off the middle rope. Guido nails Doring with the championship, cover for two. Springboard clothesline misses for Roadkill, double Fujiwara armbar to Roadkill. Doring back drops Mamaluke to the apron, superkick and Mamaluke is out. Guido tries a Tomikaze, does not work and one Buggy Bang later we have deserving tag team champions.


Well, you had a backstory with the stipulation of Doring & Roadkill splitting up if they lost, they mentioned this halfway through the match so I was not aware while watching the first half, not much changed knowing this at the end of the day though. I am glad Doring and Roadkill are champions, they worked their asses off to hold those championships but there was no great flow to the match or no long-drawn-out story-telling, it was your typical ECW style match.


Winners: Doring & Roadkill via FBI via Buggy Bang!


Tommy Dreamer vs CW Anderson


Nice to see Dreamer back in action, Anderson had beaten up Dreamer at November To Remember. Anderson spits in Dreamer’s face, Dreamer fires up with right hands and headbutts. Neckbreaker by Dreamer, Anderson begs for mercy. Russian legsweep into a stretch, left punches from Anderson. Armdrag into an armbar, single arm DDT. Anderson rolls out, Anderson’s arm is sent into the ringpost. Shoulder stunner by Anderson, superkick. Dreamer meets the guard rail, Dreamer is crotched on the guard rail. Massive left by Anderson, Anderson smashes Dreamer’s arm using a chair. More left hands, crowd brawling. Dreamer gains control, as Dreamer re-enters the ring Anderson is waiting and attacks the arm. Anderson stomps a chair into Dreamer’s arm, armbar with a headscissors.


Reverse DDT on the arm for two, Anderson wedges a chair in between the turnbuckles. Anderson meets the chair head first, eye rake by Anderson. Dreamer crotches Anderson on a chair, Dreamer nails a middle rope elbow onto Anderson. Dreamer rakes Anderson’s face off the top rope, Anderson nails a left. Anderson has the towel boy, Dreamer uses the towel bot to attack Anderson. Tornado DDT for two, Lou E. shoves over towel boy. Dreamer has Lou E., Lou E cracks Dreamer with the cellphone.


Anderson and Lou E, pose, Heyman comes out and cracks a cellphone over Lou E. Spicolli Driver for two, spinebuster is blocked. Ferris Wheel for two, Anderson has two chairs. Anderson misses an attack, Anderson is in the tree of woe. Low dropkick, piledriver by Dreamer. Dreamer has a table, sidewalk slam on a table. Anderson cracks Dreamer with a chair, superplex on the table. Two for Anderson, Tommyhawk. Table is in the corner, Spinebuster by Anderson for the win.


Far too long, it just kept going and going which is not good when it comes to two guys who were not known for exciting wrestling matches. The Heyman run-in was random, Lou E had been doing that shtick for nearly a year but that does not matter. What matters is this was super long and had no business being so long.


Winner: CW Anderson over Tommy Dreamer via Spinebuster!


(ECW World Television Championship Match) Rhino © vs Spike Dudley


Rhino kills everyone, Spike is in a bad spot. Spike charges Rhino, Acid Drop is blocked. Tackle by Spike, drop toehold and Spike attacks the leg. Forearms by Spike, Spike shoots for the leg before being smashed to the outside. Whip to the guard rail, Spike blocks an oncoming Rhino with a boot. Rhino grabs Spike and drives Spike into a table, Spike eats a chair to the face and is bleeding. Rhino stomps the injured leg of Spike, Spike uses his quickness to take control of Rhino, crowd brawling from the two. Balcony Dive from Spike, they are back ringside.


A chair across the back of the head of Rhino, another chair shot to the head. Back in the ring, Spike gets two. Forearms from Spike, drop toehold from Rhino. Rhino tries a military press, acid drop is countered as Spike is tossed through a table at ringside. Two for Rhino, Gore from Rhino. Spike rolls to the floor, Spike cracks Rhino’s leg with a chair. Spike uses tape to tie the leg of Rhino to the rope, Rhino is helpless. Spike stabs the leg with a chair over and over, Rhino grabs Spike for a rear-naked choke. Spike passes out, Rhino retains.


Wow, that was lame! I was interested to see how Rhino would escape, Rhino awkwardly grabbed him and Rhino choked out Spike with a less than impressive looking choke. Not that the match would firing me up before then, I was disappointed by the lack of Spike diving around and Rhino being a monster. Yeah, this did nothing for me.


Winner: Rhino over Spike Dudley via Choke!


The Unholy Alliance W/ Sinister Minister vs Super Crazy & Kid Kash


Nothing new here, Crazy vs Tajiri because people love watching those two people fight. Crazy sprints to the ring, The Unholy Alliance maul Crazy before Kid Kash comes to the ring as Crazy’s partner. Kash keeps us waiting for the save, right hands to The Unholy Alliance. Whipwreck and Kash start officially, shoulder block from Whipwreck. Springboard sunset flip by Kash for two, Russian legsweep by Whipwreck. Leg drop too, hurricanrana by Kash. Tajiri is legal, Crazy tags into the match. Handspring Elbow has no effect, tilt-a-whirl sideslam from Crazy has no effect either.


Northern lights from Tajiri, monkey flip from Crazy. Hurricanrana by Tajiri, springboard armdrag by Crazy. Tilt-a-whirl armdrag, more armdrags and a stand-off. Kick to the thigh from Tajiri, Whipwreck nails a slingshot leg drop. Straight kick by Tajiri to Kash, Kash & Crazy are laid side by side. The Unholy Alliance uses chairs to crush in their heads and deliver a massive dropkick. The Unholy Alliance have Kash & Crazy in the tree of woe, both dodge the dropkicks. Springboard Asai Moonsault by Crazy, springboard hilo from Kash. Clotheslines and kicks from The Unholy Alliance, Kash knees both members. Corkscrew senton attack, ten punches by Crazy & Kash.


Kash and Whipwreck are in the ring, Crazy has Tajiri on the floor. Low blow for Whipwreck, Crazy dives onto Tajiri. Kash throws Whipwreck to the floor, Kash chokes Whipwreck. Massive kick by Tajiri, roll-through snap slam by The Unholy Alliance. Double gutbuster, double low dropkick. Whipwreck has two chairs in the ring, Falcon’s Arrow by Kash. Whippersnapper on the two chairs, Whippersnapper through a table at ringside. Triple Turnbuckle Moonsaults on Tajiri, Crazy grabs a chair. Crazy is shoved off the top turnbuckle into the guard rail, massive kick by Tajiri.


Tope rope bulldog by Crazy, springboard moonsault for two. Crazy has the chair again, victory roll for two from Tajiri. Sunset flip by Crazy, Tajiri has the chair, wham to the head of Crazy. Tarantula, Kash saves with a dropkick. Tajiri mists Crazy, Whipwreck clotheslines Kash. Kash pulls Whipwreck into the guard rail. Tajiri has a table, Kash is on a table at ringside. Whipwreck gets crotched, hurricanrana through the table. Crazy nails a springboard missile dropkick, tornado DDT by Tajiri. Buzzsaw kicks, scoop slam. Crazy is buried under chairs, a table goes over Crazy. Double Diving Foot Stomp through the table and chairs for the win.


That was quite good! The opening exchange between Crazy and Tajiri is like one giant nostalgia trip, the two are so good in the ring with one another, it is ridiculous. Everyone in the match was allowed to show glimpses of what made them so good and with The Unholy Alliance winning, you could have an awesome tag team championship match with Doring & Roadkill. Easily the match of the night, Tajiri vs Crazy will be one of my fondest memories of ECW.


Winner: The Unholy Alliance over Kash & Super Crazy via Diving Foot Stomp!


(ECW World Heavyweight Championship Match) Jerry Lynn vs Justin Credible W/ Francine vs Steve Corino © W/ Jack Victory


So, we had an awkward finish at the last pay per view with Corino pinning Credible for the championship yet Lynn played it off as if Corino had pinned Lynn and ECW told you that it was a moment we would never forget but the honest truth is this poor main event scene had been a revolving door of characters since 1999, the fans only wanting to accept Sandman or Rob Van Dam. Lynn and Credible start, Lynn has the cane. Shots to Corino & Credible, Lynn is playing more of a tweener than anything else, playing up a storyline that was implied earlier in the year. Lynn nails a headscissors on Corino, bulldog to Credible.


Clothesline by Lynn to Corino, slam and knee drop for Corino. Credible stomps Corino, stomps to Lynn from Credible. Corino fires back at Credible, Lynn clothesline Corino to the floor. Corino is tossed into the crowd and Credible is meant to be elevated into the crowd but hangs on, resulting in a nasty knee smash. Corino meets the guard rail, crowd brawling. Credible powerbombs Lynn for two, is Credible’s new gimmick getting on the mic and talking trash? Sunset flip out of the corner by Lynn, no count. That’s Incredible is countered by Lynn, two for Lynn. Corino has a chair, dropkick by Lynn. Cradle Piledriver on the chair for Corino, Francine saves Corino.


Credible is kicked in the dick by Francine by mistake, Credible punches Francine by mistake. That’s Incredible on Lynn, Lynn lucks out again when it comes to the ECW Championship. Slugfest, Flair flip from Credible and Corino knocks Credible to the guard rail. Miss of a baseball slide by Corino, superkick by Credible. The cameraman shoots Francine as we miss the brawling, Corino gets a ladder, they mess around with the ladder before a drop toehold in the ring on a chair by Corino. We have a damn house-show camera view of the main event, it is driving me nuts. Corino bites the head of Credible, low blow by Credible. Suplex on the ladder, two for Credible.


Crowd brawling, my biggest pet peeve. Guess what? Camera man cannot shoot any of what happens in the crowd, we get fuck all in terms of footage. It’s so sad, Corino takes a cane to the head and falls from a balcony. Back ringside, Corino is in control. They chop one another, That’s Incredible for two. More chopping, whip to the ladder. Corino ducks a splash, Old School Expulsion and the match is over!


Every time it seemed like ECW had a plan for Jerry Lynn, it was left in tatters. Lynn was always on the verge of becoming thee man in ECW but Lynn was always booked so poorly towards the end of ECW. In terms of being legitimate, I think the fans would be far more accepting of Lynn as the top babyface over Corino but that was not what ECW were thinking at the time, there was a tonne of crowd brawling in this one which is so lazy to me, no bumps, just fists and time-wasting, drives me nuts but we saw a lot in this match. So, Corino wins beating Credible again in a rehash of the main event last month, all that has changed in Sandman was not in the match. It lacked story-telling, psychology and a sense of urgency, I felt it was just there, it really felt like they were all out of ideas, so sad to see.


Winner: Steve Corino over Justin Credible via Old School Expulsion!


That was ECW’s Massacre on 34th Street, a pay per view that was fun at times like ECW can be but really lacked a lot of heart for me. There were matches here and it became more apparent with the last few pay per views but there are matches here that mean nothing, it does not seem all that different from an episode on TNN or hardcore tv. The lack of creativity was there, Rhino vs Spike did not do anything for me, I did not believe Spike would win and the finish was very flat. Same can be said for the main event, it was just there. No twists or turns, just Corino pinning Credible as clean as a whistle. Balls Mahoney and Nova didn’t do much, those matches were so brief. I enjoyed Doring and Roadkill, Tajiri and Mikey vs Kash & Crazy was very entertaining but it all seems so bleak for the company and it’s reflected in the booking and the product. We are down to the last pay per view so do not miss it as I will be wrapping up all my thoughts on ECW! Thanks for reading and remember: There’s always another night!




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