Tuesday 23 May 2017

WCW Uncensored 1999 Review

Image result for wcw uncensored 1999

Hello and welcome to another edition to Seanomaniac Wrestling Reviews, the wrestling review series on the internet that never puts a championship on a jobber. WCW and 1999 are off to a flying start and by flying, I mean nose-diving into the ground, blowing up and destroying everything in sight. Nonetheless, I am here to continue making my way through WCW and their pay per views. WCW’s Uncensored 1999 is headlined by Ric Flair vs Hulk Hogan for the World Heavyweight Championship (Now, do not roll your eyes). The feud had been heated until Flair’s son David joined The NWO which made as much sense as pissing in the wind. Anyways, the previous pay per views of 1999 have disappointed but will Uncensored follow that trend? Let’s find out!

Opening Promo

Shots of barbed-wire and steel before the graphics for Uncensored appear on my screen, that was a waste of time. Build up for Flair vs Hogan, standard stuff. Mean Gene is on my screen plugging the hotline. We also have a hype package for Nash vs Mysterio. Why did this not start the show? Why did I need this package before a match that does not feature either of these men?

(WCW Cruiserweight Championship Match) Billy Kidman © vs Mikey Whipwreck

The debut of former triple crown champion in ECW, Mikey Whipwreck. Always liked Mikey and his underdog character, Kidman has been the top babyface in the cruiserweight division for a while now which has brought much needed direction to the division. They start off fast, shoulder blocks and headscissors takedown by Whipwreck. Lock-up, right hands and an elbow by Whipwreck, dropkick by Kidman. Whipwreck is introduced to the guard rail, crossbody for two.

Whipwreck sends himself and Kidman to the floor, Kidman is bounced off the guard rail before finding himself on the end of a reverse Muta Lock. Slingshot leg drop by Whipwreck, stomping by the challenger. Kidman reverses an Irish whip for a clothesline out of the corner. Kidman stomps Whipwreck, short powerbomb by Whipwreck for two. Kidman manages to knock Whipwreck to the floor, springboard crossbody to the floor. Kidman is smacked to the mat by Whipwreck for two, Whipwreck tries for a slingshot suplex but Kidman counters for a DDT. Kidman climbs to the top rope, Whipwreck shoves Kidman to the floor. Whipwreck attempts a dive but Kidman dodges.

Kidman is back dropped into the crowd, Whipwreck backs up for a senton into the crowd but Kidman ducks. Irish whips by Whipwreck into the guard rail and steel steps, Kidman is rolled into the ring and Whipwreck gets two. Russian legsweep by Whipwreck for two, corner clothesline by Kidman. Kidman misses a splash, two for Whipwreck. Whipwreck stares off into the crowd, roll-up by Kidman for two. Whipwreck clotheslines and snap suplexes Kidman for two, Irish whip by Whipwreck. Kidman blocks with a boot, sky-high by Kidman for two. Kidman picks up Whipwreck, Whipwreck plays possum and delivers a neckbreaker.

Whipwreck climbs the top rope and drills Kidman with a diving clothesline for two. Kidman flips out of a back suplex, double underhook facebuster by Kidman for two. Whipwreck places Kidman on the top rope and drops the champion with a huge back superplex. High angle reverse DDT by Whipwreck for two, Kidman counters a powerbomb for a facebuster. Shooting Star Press by Kidman and Kidman retains his championship.

Quite a lot of time devoted to this match, I think shaving off two or three minutes could have benefited the match. Whipwreck had a strong showing with a lot of big moves and taking some of Kidman’s best offense, crowd was hot like they were for Superbrawl. I just wonder if they can keep up the energy and they do not fade through terrible matches. Anyways, happy for Kidman and the continued push of him as a star, they need to build up a new challenger and I look forward to what’s next. The champion is learning and Whipwreck was more than comfortable out in the ring on his debut in WCW. So, good stuff which cut have been better if it was shorter.

Winner: Kidman over Mikey Whipwreck via Shooting Star Press!

(Harlem Street Fight for Control of The NWO Black & White) Stevie Ray vs Vincent

WCW continues the trend of late 1998 with giving me matches that I did not want to see and showcasing matches on pay per view that should have never made it to pay per view. Vincent and Stevie Ray are fighting for control of the jobber part of The NWO. Vincent eye pokes and stomps Stevie Ray before eating a pump kick. Two-handed choke toss by Stevie Ray, Vincent lowbridges Stevie Ray. Vincent puts the boots to Stevie Ray, Stevie Ray reverses an Irish whip into the guard rail. Stevie Ray pummels Vincent into the crowd, Stevie Ray is smacking around Vincent over a bunch of chairs.

Vincent back drops Stevie Ray to ringside, boot to the face by Vincent.  Middle rope elbow by Vincent, Stevie Ray avoids the second. Corner clothesline by Stevie Ray, atomic drop by Stevie Ray and the two do the spot where they bang heads and Vincent falls on Stevie Ray’s balls. Horace Hogan throws in a slapjack, Stevie Ray knocks it out of Vincent’s hand and nails The SlapJack for the win.

This was trash, a group nobody cares about, a storyline that nobody cares about and two wrestlers nobody cares about. Could you be surprised it was such a failure? All you need to know is this was simply trash.

Winner: Stevie Ray over Vincent via SlapJack!

Kevin Nash W/ Lex Luger & Miss Elizabeth vs Rey Mysterio

Mysterio had been unmasked by Nash & Hall after losing a tag team match. Mysterio has bounced back by scoring huge victories over big athletes including Kevin Nash. Nash wants to squash the bug that is Mysterio, Mysterio wants to prove that the win was not a fluke. Nash cuts a pure babyface promo before the match, no wonder nobody cheered their opponents.

Match comically begins with Nash booting a running Mysterio, huge toss by Nash. Mysterio counters with a bulldog, springboard leg drop and spinning heel kick which leads Nash to fall to the floor. Baseball slide by Mysterio, Nash blocks the second attempt and hurls Mysterio into the guard rail. Snake eyes using the apron by Nash, knees in the corner by Nash. Mysterio is on the top rope, elbow to the floor by Nash. Knee across the throat by Nash, two-handed throat toss from Nash into an inverted atomic drop. Low blow by Mysterio (No DQ?) dropkick by Mysterio for two.

Bronco buster by Mysterio, moonsault by Mysterio goes wrong. Nash grabs Mysterio, Mysterio slides out of the slam. Nash has the referee, Mysterio is tripped up by Luger, big boot by Nash. Jacknife Powerbomb by Nash and Mysterio is finished.

That was underwhelming, Nash dominated most of the match while treating Mysterio like a joke. Nash never did seem to be in that much trouble in this match which hurts the story that they were trying to tell. Not like Nash was going to do his all to make Mysterio look amazing, just a waste of your time really, this card is letting me down already.

Winner: Kevin Nash over Rey Mysterio via Jacknife Powerbomb!

Jerry Flynn vs Sonny Onoo & Ernest The Cat Miller

Flynn jumps Miller with huge kicks, Onoo distracts Flynn so Miller jumps Flynn. Miller tries tagging Onoo, Flynn belly to belly suplexes Miller. Karate rush by Flynn, legsweep and punches by Flynn. Plancha by Flynn to the floor, Onoo avoids and kicks Flynn in the back. Huge thrust kick by Miller, the two put the boots to Flynn. Onoo kicks Flynn when Miller tosses Flynn to the floor, more chops and stomps by Miller. Choke hold by Miller, Feliner by Miller. Miller tags Onoo, Onoo taps Flynn to see if he is awake. Cover and Flynn kicks out, Miller tags in and thrust kicks Flynn.

Huge chop by Miller, Flynn chops back. Flynn is hurled to the floor and into the guard rail. Flynn kicks Miller and clotheslines Miller. Eye rake by Miller in the ring, Miller wants Onoo in the ring. Roll-up by Flynn for two, Miller pounces Flynn. Flynn Irish whips Miller into Onoo, Flynn pins Onoo but Miller jumps on them as the referee counts three causing confusion and chaos.

They botched the finish, that’s just perfect. Do I need to say anymore? Why is Jerry Flynn on pay per view? It was garbage, this pay per view is killing me and I have not even reached the first hour.

Winner: Jerry Flynn over Miller & Onoo via BS!

(Triangle Match) Raven vs Hardcore Hak vs Bam Bam Bigelow

Bigelow’s main event run lasted long huh? Yeah, that did not go to plan. So, we have three ECW Alumni battling it out with weapons, it’s right up their alley. Raven has his shopping cart of weapons, trash cans and lids to the head by Raven, Bigelow breaks an oar over Hak’s back. Raven hits Bigelow & Hak with a mailbox. Drop toehold into the trash can, Raven wants Bigelow. They have trash cans, Hak wallops Raven with an ironing board. More weapon shots, Raven whips Hak into the ironing board. Drop toehold into the trash can by Raven on Bigelow. More weapon shots, Raven knees Bigelow and Hak.

Raven and Hak take turns trying to choke out Bigelow. The two jump on at the same time which leads to everyone comically falling. Heinekenrana by Hak, Hak pulls out a table. Bigelow places Hak on the table, Hak rolls off the table. Raven lifts up Hak to Bigelow, Bigelow powerbombs Hak onto the table, table does not break. Bigelow middle rope splashes Hak and Raven tries stealing the pin. Corner splash by Bigelow on Raven, Hak whacks Bigelow with the Singapore Cane. Chastity protects Raven, Raven pushes Chastity out of the way. Chastity has tape, Bigelow pulls out another table.

Bigelow pulls out two tables, Hak pummels Bigelow. Raven and Hak Irish whip Bigelow into a table in the corner. Even Flow DDT by Raven on Hak, Raven tapes Hak’s hands behind his back. Raven has a chair, Hak is waffled with the chair four times. Bigelow drops Raven with Greetings from Asbury Park. Bigelow does not cover but grabs a table, Raven is under the table. Bigelow has a fire extinguisher, Chastity is in a basket. Bigelow climbs to the top rope, Chastity blasts Bigelow with the extinguisher. Bigelow falls through the table, Chastity turns hell blasting Raven with the extinguisher and dropping a headbutt on Raven’s nuts. Hak covers for the win.

Usually, hardcore matches are mindless fun which could help to lift a pay per view such as this due to the matches that came beforehand. However, this match went forever, it was far too long. Not many spots either, it was ugly. And that finish, I have never seen anyone beaten by a fire extinguisher and a headbutt to the balls, it is a new one. Basically, WCW managed to screw up a simple match that should have been easy to lift the fans, they managed to make a match like that boring.

Winner: Hak over Raven & Bigelow via Headbutt to The Balls!

(WCW Tag Team Championship Match) Barry Windham & Curt Hennig © vs Dean Malenko & Chris Benoit (Leather Strap Lumberjack Match)

WCW messed up at the last pay per view not placing the belts on Benoit & Malenko, they decided to ruin a perfectly good tag team match with a finish that sucked the life out of the arena. WCW look to correct that mistake with this lumberjack strapmatch. A bunch of jobbers are shirtless and carry straps to whip anyone who falls to the floor.

Benoit & Hennig begin, Arn Anderson makes his way to ringside. Windham & Hennig try running, they are whipped by everyone at ringside. Benoit & Hennig start, slap by Hennig. Benoit hits back harder, back elbow by Benoit. Hennig powders and gets whipped, tag to Windham. Kick by Windham, chops by Benoit. Windham powders, more whipping. Back body drop by Benoit, tag to Malenko. Calf kick by Malenko, right hands by Malenko. Tag to Benoit, double back elbow for two. Windham blocks a corner clothesline for a DDT, tag to Hennig. Benoit is tossed to the floor and whipped, Benoit is stuck in the champions’ corner.

Reverse chinlock by Hennig, Benoit counters for a back suplex but Hennig tags Windham. Clothesline by Windham for two, dropkick for two. Clothesline by Benoit, both men down. Tag to Hennig, Hennig misses a clothesline and Benoit nails a massive German suplex. Tag to Malenko, Malenko hammers Hennig & Windham. Benoit goes to Windham, Malenko blocks a Hennig Plex for his own. Two for Malenko, Malenko has The Texas Cloverleaf. Windham saves Hennig, Hennig clubs Malenko to the floor. Malenko is whipped hard, scoop slam by Windham. Suplex by Windham for two, Hennig is the legal man and applies reverse chinlock.

Hennig works over Malenko, throwing Malenko to the floor. Hennig slaps Malenko, leaping lariat by Windham for two. Ten punches by Windham, Malenko pushes Windham into the corner. Elbow by Windham, Windham scores with a back suplex but Malenko unleashed a flurry of punches to daze Windham. Tag to Benoit, clothesline and chops to both men. Noggin knocker, Malenko has Hennig, Benoit has Windham. Benoit and Windham are fighting on the floor, everyone is attacking one another. Malenko and Windham are all alone, Hennig drops Anderson and Malenko with a leather belt. Anderson recovers for a tire iron shot to Hennig’s head.

Windham is dragged to the floor by Malenko, Benoit nails Hennig with The Diving Headbutt and we have new tag team champions, Benoit & Malenko have won the tag team championships!

Good match, thank God for that. All four men are great workers, I was curious as to how the lumberjacks would play into the match. I thought it would be too much but it worked great on this night. They build up really well to the two winning the championships, Hennig & Windham rolled back the years as the heels in this match. Benoit & Malenko should have been champions last month but we got the pay-off, it was a good match so I am happy.

Winners: Chris Benoit & Dean Malenko over Barry Windham & Curt Hennig via Diving Headbutt!

Chris Jericho W/ Ralphus vs Saturn (Dog Collar Match)

The feud continues between two men who deserve better, Jericho defeated Saturn which led to Saturn wearing a dress while in the ring. Saturn would lose the two previous matches to Jericho but in the most recent match, Saturn had Jericho beaten so I guess this is the rubber match. Saturn has a dress, lipstick and contacts in his eyes. Jericho wants no part of Saturn, Ralphus tells Jericho to go fuck himself in the nicest way possible.

Stalling, the best way to begin a match. Exploder suplex by Saturn, overhead belly to belly suplex. Saturn puts the chain on Jericho, Jericho screams and tries leaving. Clothesline by Saturn, tug of war with Saturn outsmarting Jericho. Jericho is dragged into a turnbuckle, right hand by Saturn. Middle rope axe handle by Saturn, Saturn chokes Jericho in the middle of the ring. Clothesline by Saturn, leg drop by Saturn. Jericho is placed on the top rope, Jericho is dragged into the guard rail. Jericho gains control in the ring, clothesline to the floor. Jericho chokes Saturn, springboard shoulder block by Jericho.

 Jericho tries a powerbomb on the apron, Saturn reverses for a hurricanrana. Jericho chokes Saturn in the corner, Saturn flips out of a choke for a small package, two for Saturn. Clothesline by Jericho, Jericho poses and pays for it as he is yanked off the middle rope. Thrust kick by Saturn, Saturn strangles Jericho. Ten punches by Saturn, Jericho reverses an Irish whip for a Liontamer. Jericho applies The Liontamer while Saturn chokes Jericho with the chain, both men collapse. Death Valley Driver and Jericho kicks out!

Saturn’s top rope frankensteiner is blocked for a powerbomb for two. Jericho has stripped Saturn of his chain, Jericho wraps it around himself. Moonsault by Jericho is botched as Saturn fails to roll out of the way. Scoop slam by Jericho, Jericho is on the top rope. Jericho misses a top rope splash, Death Valley Driver and this match is over.

Just did not come together for these two, botched finish does hurt the match too. They just did not have that much chemistry with one another, the gimmick added nothing. Story of the night really, it had promise but felt flat. That should be the end of the feud, let’s see where Saturn goes next while Jericho will soon be in the WWF.

Winner: Saturn over Chris Jericho via Death Valley Driver!

(WCW Television Championship Match) Scott Steiner © W/ Buff Bagwell vs Booker T

You know that interesting feud between Scott Steiner and DDP? Yeah, forget about that as we have Steiner vs Booker T. Most of the matches on this night have had promo packages but this does not, it leads me to believe it was thrown together. Steiner stalls which helps so much after seeing the same thing at the start of the last match. Steiner talking trash though, fantastic stuff. Lock-up, Booker clean breaks which pisses off Steiner. Lock-up and arm drag by Booker, side headlock into a hammerlock by Booker. Elbow by Steiner, clubbing blows by Big Poppa Pump. Shoulder blocks by Steiner, dropkick by Booker.

Rights and lefts by Booker, Steiner powders. Booker is taking off a glove? Steiner jumps Booker (What the hell was that spot?) Steiner runs into a boot, right hands by Booker. Steiner blocks a suplex but eats a huge superkick. Inverted atomic drop and clothesline by Booker, two for Booker. Steiner clubs Booker after outsmarting the challenger, inverted atomic drop by Booker and another clothesline. Flying forearm from the top rope for two, Bagwell pulls out Booker and pummels Booker (Where’s The DQ?). Steiner takes down the distracted Booker, Booker meets the steps and the guard rail. Clothesline and elbow drop by Steiner, Bagwell chokes Booker while Steiner distracts the referee.

More Bagwell cheap shots, military press slam by Steiner. Steiner poses, belly to belly suplex for two. Reverse chinlock by Steiner, Booker fires up with a huge sidekick. Booker misses a Harlem sidekick, crotching himself on the top rope. Bagwell chokes Booker on the floor with a camera cable, belly to belly suplex by Steiner. More Steiner posing, flying forearm by Booker. Steiner is up first and clubs Booker, Booker knees Steiner and nails a huge spinning heel kick.

Scissors Kick by Booker, flapjack and Spinaroonie. Harlem sidekick by Booker, Bagwell crotches Booker who was climbing the top rope. Steiner goes up and superplexes Booker. Bagwell enters the ring with a chair and cracks Steiner by mistake (Referee allows this). Booker kicks the chair into Bagwell’s face and cover Steiner for the win.

That action was alright even in the psychology was a mess. Why would the referee allow Bagwell to pummel Booker and enter the ring with a chair in his hands? Few sloppy moments but Bagwell was a huge nuisance and annoying at ringside, Booker can show fire when required and Steiner is quite the heat magnet. Does that stop this match from being a mess? No but for this pay per view, it can be considered one of the better matches on the card.

Winner: Booker T over Scott Steiner via Chair Shot!

(WCW World Heavyweight Championship Match) Hulk Hogan © vs Ric Flair (Barbed-Wire Cage First Blood Match)

Jesus how many stipulations can you shove into one match? Kidding but the morons at WCW added the first blood stipulation at the start of the pay per view, how could it affect the buyrate at this stage? Simple answer: it cannot and it was stupid to do this. Anyways, Hogan wants rid of Flair, if Flair loses this match, his career is over while if Flair wins, he wins the championship and is WCW president for life.

The cage lowering has its own horror-theme inspired cheesy soundtrack. It oddly fits while making me cringe. They put a lot of effort into explaining how big of a moment this is for Charles Robinson, hmmm could something be happening involving Charles? Lock-up, Hogan pushes back Flair twice. Side headlock by Hogan, shoulder block by Hogan. Test of strength, eye poke by Flair. Chop by Flair, Irish whip is reversed by Hogan. Back body drop and clotheslines by Hogan, scoop slam and elbow by Hogan. Hogan chokes Flair, chops by Hogan. Flair is knocked around by Hogan.

Corner clothesline by Hogan, Hogan postures for the fans. Figure four by Hogan, Flair escapes. Hogan rams Flair into the cage, right hands by Hogan. Flair’s ass becomes exposed for that is what we all want from wrestling, Flair is bleeding (Of course). Why is the match not over? Flair is a bloody mess, why is the match not over? Hogan scrapes Flair with the barbed-wire on top of the cage, Hogan whips Flair with the leather belt. Flair is flung into the cage. Hogan Leg Drops Flair, there are no pins so Hogan says Flair is bleeding which is completely true.

Flair nails Hogan with brass knuckles, Hogan is sent into the cage wall. Both men are bleeding, how the fuck do you win this match? David Flair and Torrie Wilson are at ringside, why is this match continuing? Flair pins Hogan for two, pins are ok now? Hogan hulks up, right hands. Big boot and Leg Drop, Charles will not count. More right hands, Flair suplexes Hogan. Hogan huls up, Flair begs for mercy. Flair tastes the cage, Flair slides out of a slam and pushes Hogan into the referee. Flair low blows the referee, here is Arn Anderson. David Flair is decked by Anderson. Torrie tries attacking Anderson, that fails. Flair has the tire iron, headshot to Hogan. Figure Four by Flair, Hogan is counted down for the pin.

The fuck is that bullshit? The fuck did I just watch? Ok, let’s discuss: Hogan is the worst heel in the history of the wrestling business, Hogan gives fuck all to Flair in this match. Its 99% Hogan beating the piss out of Flair, the heel turn was huge and Hogan was a great addition to The NWO but Hogan made one person and that was Goldberg, he fucked over everyone else he was in that ring with and it’s the truth. Secondly, this was a FIRST BLOOD MATCH with no pins and submissions or escaping the cage.

Why did the match not end with Flair being busted open? Did he forget the stipulation? Did they care? I have no idea but you cannot make up the rules as you go along, this was a first blood match and you ignored the blood. Do not insult our intelligence with your nonsense booking thank you very much. Finally, a double turn? Why? After all that build up as Flair as the hero of WCW, you make him the bad guy? I do not see the logic but I have had enough.

Winner: Ric Flair over Hogan via Figure Four!

That was WCW’s Uncensored 1999, a show that had a bit of everything but ultimately, was a huge flop. Matches with the likes of Jerry Flynn, Ernest Miller and Vincent? Nobody was fighting to see these men on pay per view. A Kevin Nash squashing of Mysterio, a hardcore match that was boring and jobbers on pay per view. The opener was good while I did enjoy the tag team championship match and the tv championship match. That main event was draining though, what in God’s name were they thinking? Oh well, join me next time for more WCW 1999 trash!

Image result for WCW Uncensored 1999 Gif

No comments:

Post a Comment