Hello and welcome to another edition
of Seanomaniac Wrestling Reviews, the only wrestling review series on the
internet that strikes people down quicker than 2K doing damage control! It’s
time for WCW Starrcade 1991: Lethal Lottery and what in the name of God is
this? 40 WCW wrestlers competing in tag matches for a BattleBowl main event?
What is the idea of WCW doing stupid concepts for Starrcade? The best 4
wrestlers and 4 tag teams in 1989 was brutal enough but now, we have this? Fuck
this show already.
Michael Hayes
& Tracy Smothers vs Jimmy Jam Garvin & Marcus Alexander Bagwell
So we will have random teams up and
down the card, Bagwell is in there with Smothers. Smothers and Bagwell shove
one another before Bagwell lands a shoulder block. Lovely stalling before we
have an arm-drag from Bagwell, Smothers says Bagwell pulled my tights etc.
Bagwell’s hairstyle is ridiculous, this match is full of stalling. Why? Does
Hayes infect his partners with stalling? Smothers wants Garvin, leapfrogs and
drop-downs before Garvin lands a dropkick and sends Smothers into the
guardrail. The hard-camera sucks for this show, Garvin and Bagwell work the arm
of Smothers. Smothers lands a knee to the ribs and face of Bagwell, tag to
Hayes. Chop and elbow by Hayes, Hayes struts around the ring.
Wristlock from Hayes, arm-drags into
the arm-bar by Bagwell. Drop toehold by Hayes, right hands to the arm and tag
to Smothers. Bagwell wrenches the arm of Smothers and lands a leg drop into the
arm-scissors. Smothers backs Bagwell to the corner, shoulder thrusts from
Smothers. Bagwell reverses an Irish whip and lands another arm-drag, Garvin
comes into the match and Smothers tags Hayes. They stall of course, arm-drag
from Hayes who struts. Arm-drag from Garvin, roll-up by Hayes. They are
strutting and they tag in the rookies, Smothers lands his superkick on Bagwell.
Bagwell dodges the elbow drop, Garvin lands a right hand and a back body-drop.
Running forearm and tag to Bagwell, Diving Crossbody for two.
Bagwell smacks Hayes, Hayes lands his
left before Hayes lands his left on Garvin. Smothers lands a scoop slam and
climbs high, twisting splash does not work for Smothers as Bagwell blocks with
his knees. Fisherman Suplex by Bagwell for the win.
Oh man this is going to be a long
night, I have no idea why they thought this would be a good idea for a PPV,
Smothers gets into the stalling zone just like Hayes throughout this match, it
is quite slow and if you are not a fan of The Freebirds trying to one up one
another, you will not have anything fun from this match or tournament more than
likely.
Winners: Jimmy
Garvin & Marcus Bagwell over Tracy Smothers & Michael Hayes via
Fisherman Suplex!
Rick Rude &
Stunning Steve Austin W/ Paul E. Dangerously vs Van Hammer & Big Josh
Hammer and Austin to start, Austin
pulls the hair of Hammer. Clean break in the corner, Hammer is not happy with
Austin. Lock-up and Hammer lands a scoop slam, boot and right hands from
Austin. Clubbing blows from Austin, Austin ducks his head off an Irish whip.
Boot by Hammer and a suplex, two for Hammer. Drop toehold into a front chancery
from Austin, Hammer reverses with a hammerlock. Knee-drop before Austin
snap-mares Hammer over and over, Hammer reverses a whip to the buckle. Corner
splash for Hammer misses and Austin tags in Rude, massive clothesline by Rude.
Rude knees Hammer down, clubbing blows
from Rude. Hammer begins to fire back but Rude rakes the eyes, knee to the ribs
and tag to Austin. Short-arm clothesline by Austin, in comes Rude. Rude
continues to club Hammer, front chancery from Rude. Big Josh gets the tag,
right hands to Rude. Scoop slam and Log Roll on Rude, Rude is not happy.
Punches to the ribs do nothing but a clothesline hurts Rude, two clotheslines
and one to Austin too. Noggin-knocker with the heels regrouping on the floor.
Austin is in now with Big Josh, Big Josh works the arm before Austin lands a
shoulder block. Big Josh drops Austin on the top rope and lands a clothesline
for two, Van Hammer is in now. Arm-bar from Hammer, Big Josh wants an O’Connor
roll but Rude clotheslines Big Josh from the apron. Diving Axe Handle by Rude
for two, Rude works the ribs. Tag to Austin, stomps to the ribs from Austin.
Middle rope choke by Austin, Rude chokes Big Josh too.
Rude comes in and we have a reverse
chin-lock, I cannot believe they thought this show was a good idea. Austin
comes in and lands a clothesline before stomping Big Josh, Big Josh is sent to
the floor. Rude sends Big Josh into the guardrail and Austin covers for two,
reverse chin-lock from Austin. Big Josh escapes but Austin regains control,
Dangerously helps attack Big Josh before Big Josh pulls Dangerously into
Austin’s knee. Hammer gets the hot-tag, powerslam by Hammer. Belly to back
suplex by Hammer, flying shoulder block which Rude breaks up, Big Josh brawls
with Rude. Rude blind-tags in and cracks Hammer with The Rude Awakening for the
win.
Garbage match, I do not want to see
Hammer and Big Josh in matches that go longer than 4 minutes, it really is
scraping the bottom of the barrel here, I cannot believe that I will have to
sit through all these damn tag team matches!
Winners:
Dangerous Alliance over Van Hammer & Big Josh via Rude Awakening!
Larry Zbyszko
& El Gigante vs The Natural Dustin Rhodes & Richard Morton
Zbyszko is not happy with Gigante
while Rhodes had been feuding with The York Foundation in the past so they
cannot be too thrilled to be together. Zbyszko and Rhodes are going at it now, shoulder
block by Rhodes. Hip-toss by Zbyszko, kick off by Rhodes. Knee to the ribs
after a criss-cross from Rhodes, Gigante and Rhodes are in now. Dropkick has no
effect on Gigante, Zbyszko wants Gigante to crush Rhodes. Rhodes tries a drop
toehold, no dice for The Natural.
Zbyszko is not happy with Gigante’s
lack of crushing, arm-wrench and a tag to The Living Legend. Clubbing blows
from Zbyszko, scoop slam and a face stretch. Swinging neck-breaker for two, Morton
kicks Zbyszko in the head. Front chancery and Zbyszko wants a tag, Gigante does
nothing. Small package by Rhodes for two, spinning sole butt from Zbyszko.
Zbyszko asks Gigante to stick his knee up, Zbyszko is pissed by Gigante.
Gigante gets pissed at Medusa, Bionic Elbows from Rhodes before Zbyszko rakes
the eyes. Rhodes fires back with a clothesline and a hip-toss, Zbyszko shoves
off the bulldog and tags in Gigante. Gigante and Zbyszko are arguing, Zbyszko
slaps Gigante. Zbyszko is whipped into a double dropkick and it’s over!
Well give Larry Zbyszko his due because
he did everything within his power to get this match over, one of the finer
performances of the night I would say. Disappointing that Zbyszko will not be
in there for the main event.
Winners: Richard
Morton & Dustin Rhodes over Larry Zbyszko & El Gigante via Double
Dropkick!
Bill Kazmaier
& Jushin Thunder Liger vs DDP & Mike Graham
So we did not have Jushin Liger vs
Brian Pillman but we have this nonsense instead, we have DDP and an ancient
looking Mike Graham who was poor in his light heavyweight match with Morton in
that tournament fiasco. Graham lands a fireman’s carry before Liger counters
with great ability. Wristlock from Liger, Graham hip-tosses Liger. To the
corner, Graham lands a forearm to the ribs and a whip to the opposite buckle
but Liger lands a corner head-scissors which sends Graham to the floor. Graham
avoids a handspring elbow, in comes Kazmaier and in comes DDP? Nope, Graham
wants a challenge. Top wristlock before Kazmaier says fuck that shit, Graham is
tossed around like a midget, a vanilla midget. Tag to DDP, DDP lures in
Kazmaier but cannot scoop slam the big man. Shoulder block does not work, massive
scoop slam by Kazmaier. Kazmaier skins the cat and clotheslines DDP for two, gut-wrench
suplex by Kazmaier.
Kazmaier lands a scoop slam, Kazmaier
misses a middle rope splash and DDP goes to work. DDP lands a massive hot-shot
on Kazmaier but Kazmaier tags in Liger. Knee and Russian leg-sweep by DDP for
two, spinning heel kick by Liger and in comes Graham. Shoulder block by Liger,
enzuigiri by Liger. Graham sends Liger to the apron, shoulder block and
slingshot splash with Graham backing up to the buckle. Tag to Kazmaier, Graham
shoots for the leg and it looks horrific. Kazmaier works the arm before Graham
tags in DDP, clothesline by Kazmaier. DDP tags in Graham, tag to Liger. Liger
lands a drop toehold into The Romero Special! People pop for that, Liger
releases the hold before Graham rolls through into a Boston crab.
Liger reverses into a pin, they are
trading pins and we have a reset. Handshake in the middle of the match, side
headlock from Liger. Side headlock takedown from Liger, more counter wrestling
from both. Backslide by Graham for two, Liger takes down Graham and works the
leg, Liger lands a Kappu Kick and drills Graham again and again with kicks. Tag
to Kazmaier, slam across the ring for two. DDP is legal, knees and clubbing
blows by DDP. Tag to Graham, Kazmaier brings in Liger. Graham whips Liger to
the buckle, Graham misses the knee and ends up on the floor. Tope con hilo from
Liger to the floor, Graham is wiped out. Liger lands a middle rope moonsault,
in comes DDP which brings in Kazmaier. Whip into one another as the heels clash
heads and Kazmaier presses Liger onto DDP and they win.
13 minutes of this trash, you can only
imagine my happiness at using Liger in a match like this, I still fail to see
what NJPW is getting out of this partnership because WCW have no idea what to
do with the likes of Mutoh, Hase, Chono and Liger. Anyways, this was brutal and
I am steadily growing sick of this event.
Winners: Team
Liger over Team DDP via Assisted Crossbody!
Lex Luger &
Arn Anderson vs Terrence Taylor & The Z-Man
The Z-Man looks smaller than he was
before in my mind, Anderson starts and decks Taylor off the apron. Anderson is
on the floor to avoid Zenk and gets a receipt from Taylor, enzuigiri from Zenk
and we have a four man brawl. Luger and Zenk to brawl now, side headlock by
Luger. Shoulder block by Luger, Zenk lands a hip-toss and a dropkick before
delivering an arm-drag into an arm-bar. Tag to Taylor who works the arm, Luger
lands right hands but Taylor will not let go of the arm. Luger lands a military
press slam on Taylor, Taylor fights back and lands a snap-over neck-breaker on
Luger before a running neck-breaker for two. Hammerlock by Taylor, Luger backs
Taylor into the ropes and lands an elbow.
Taylor tries a sunset flip but Luger
continues to land right hands before tagging Anderson, knees from Anderson.
Taylor has his face raked across the rope, Taylor sends Anderson to the buckle
but Anderson elbows Taylor in the face, backslide counter by Taylor for two.
Clothesline for two, whip to the buckle and Taylor reverses Anderson with an
elbow, slingshot middle rope splash for two. Tag to Zenk, diving crossbody for
two. Zenk runs the ropes a little too fast and Race trips up Zenk which leads
to a beautiful DDT by Anderson for two as Taylor shoves off Anderson. In comes
Luger, suplex from the world champion. Knee-lift from Luger, tag to Anderson.
Anderson whips Zenk off the ropes, face-buster counter from Zenk. Luger tags in
and lands a massive right on Zenk, powerslam from Luger. Tag to Anderson,
Anderson sends Zenk to the buckle but Zenk counters with two knees.
Middle rope crossbody does not work
for Zenk, Anderson tries a middle rope elbow but Zenk blocks with his feet.
Hot-tag to Taylor who lands rights and lefts, The Five-Arm! Atomic drop on
Luger into Anderson, schoolboy for two. Flying crossbody for two, backslide for
two. Dr. Bomb on Luger for two as Anderson interferes, Zenk fucks up a spot
dramatically kicking around again and again before Anderson kicks Taylor from
the apron and The Attitude Adjustment Piledriver for the win!
Shockingly, this was a lot of fun.
Taylor turned it on here and Anderson does not know how to do a bad tag team
match so this actually flew by, very happy with this match compared to the rest
of the card. Still, not happy with the card but that’s life sometimes.
Winners: Team
Luger over Team Taylor via Attitude Adjustment!
Ricky The Dragon
Steamboat & Todd Champion vs Cactus Jack & Buddy Lee Parker
Abdullah wipes out Buddy Lee so this
is a handicap match? Cactus Jack and Steamboat begin brawling which is
something I thought I would have never said, Cactus rakes at the face of
Steamboat. Steamboat eats a headbutt, jabs from Cactus and Cactus bites the
head of Steamboat. Steamboat sends Cactus to the floor, Cactus meets the
guardrail. Cactus continues to brawl, Steamboat is too quick and lands a
superkick followed by an enzuigiri. In comes Champion, Champion lands a massive
leg-drop. Reverse chin-lock, Buddy Lee Parker is alive and is crawling towards
the ring after a beatdown from Abdullah The Butcher.
Bearhug by Champion, Cactus rakes the
eyes and dumps Champion to the floor. Cactus Jack Elbow Drop to the floor,
Cactus does his classic “Bang Bang” into the camera, Champion is fighting back
before Cactus lands a forearm to the ribs. Buddy Lee Parker is in the wrong
ring but getting closer to the match, reverse chin-lock from Cactus. Champion
lands a powerslam but misses a leg drop, Cactus decides to climb high. Champion
lands a gut shot, Champion and Cactus clash heads which brings Cactus into
Buddy Lee Parker. Cactus hip-tosses in Buddy Lee Parker and Steamboat comes in
with his Diving Crossbody for the win.
So this was to make Cactus look tough?
Seems like the only conclusion I can draw from it but why? Is Cactus in a big
match tonight? Nope, no big match on his radar because the main event is a big
battle royal.
Winners: Team
Steamboat over Team Cactus via Diving Crossbody!
Sting &
Abdullah The Butcher vs Flyin’ Brian Pillman & Bobby Eaton
Abdullah The Butcher who has been
hired to beat the piss out of Sting, Abdullah comes right down with a kendo stick
and destroys Sting. Pillman has the kendo stick and Abdullah is in big trouble,
Eaton attacks Pillman and attacks Sting. Clusterfuck time, Pillman takes his
trademark bump on his throat to the guardrail. Eaton goes after the leg that
Rude went after, good psychology there. Eaton is back-dropped onto the ramp and
Sting dives over with a massive splash, dropkick on the ramp and right hands
from The Stinger. Eaton is thrown back into the ring, Eaton is begging for
mercy. Eye poke by Eaton, tag to Pillman who does not really want to come into
the match. Or not? Eaton tagged Pillman but Pillman didn’t bother coming into
the ring.
Abdullah smacks Sting across the head,
reverse chin-lock from Eaton. Eye rake by Eaton to stop Sting, Abdullah grabs a
pencil apparently. Sting is yanked into the ring, two for Eaton. Abdullah stabs
Sting twice in the throat, Abdullah chokes the life out of Sting. Pillman
dropkicks Abdullah, Pillman slammed Abdullah apparently but it was off camera.
Diving splash on Abdullah,Eaton looks for the tag but Pillman does not tag into
the match. Eaton tags in Abdullah but that’s not how the match works brother, Sting
applies the wristlock. The match breaks down, Eaton gets caught in a back
body-drop. Abdullah has Sting, Cactus Jack comes to the ring and smacks
Abdullah by mistake and Sting crossbodies Eaton for the win.
A dumb wreck of a match but there is
so much good that could have been, imagine Eaton vs Pillman for the TV title or
even just a tag between the two heels vs the two babyfaces. So many ways this
could be better but this ends with Cactus Jack and Abdullah The Butcher
brawling.
Winners: Team
Sting over Team Eaton via Diving Crossbody!
Vader & Mr. Hughes
vs The Nightstalker & Rick Steiner
Vader goes to work with gut punches
and a short-arm clothesline, Vader Hammer from the big man. Steiner sells the
shit out of it, whip to the buckle by Vader but Steiner explodes out with a
Steinerline and a belly to belly suplex. Steinerline to the floor, these two
brawl on the floor before Vader sends Steiner back-first into the ring-post.
Back in the ring, Steiner suplexes Vader into the ring. Vader shoves Steiner to
the buckle, Hughes comes in and clubs down Steiner. Scoop slam and Hughes lands
an elbow drop for two, Steiner back-drops Hughes for a close two. Belly to back
suplex from Steiner for two, they collide with both men falling to the floor.
Tag to Nighstalker, diving clothesline on Hughes but Vader is now legal, Vader
lariats the hell out of Nightstalker. Diving Bulldog on Hughes but Vader
crushes Nightstalker with a splash for the win.
Vader and Rick Steiner was fun but
there were 2 other people in this match and this was not something I enjoyed in
the slightest when Hughes was in there, a five minute match that felt like
twenty.
Winners: Team
Vader over Team Steiner via Splash!
Firebreaker Chip
& Scott Steiner vs Arachnaman & Johnny B. Badd
Chip and Badd to begin, Chip lands
arm-drags to frustrate Badd. Badd lands
some hooks to the body before Chip lands a diving crossbody for two, tag to
Arachnaman. Steiner comes in and looks at the crowd as if to say really?
Drop-downs before a powerslam by Steiner, back body-drop and clothesline to the
floor by Steiner. Badd comes in and wants to box, Steiner looks on unamused.
Right hand drops Steiner, Badd celebrates. Steiner clubs down Badd but Badd
lands another right, Steiner shoots for a double leg and sends Mero into the
buckle hard. Pump handle slam by Steiner, tag to Chip. Reverse chin-lock from
Chip, Badd reverses and tags in Arachnaman.
Wristlock by Arachnaman, Steiner comes
in though and powerbombs Badd. Chip comes in again, clean break and we reset.
What the fuck is that? In comes Arachnaman, elbows by the Arachnaman. Chip
whips Arachnaman to the buckle, Arachnaman dodges. Knee-lift by Arachnaman for
two, dropkick by Arachnaman. Chip counters the dropkick and applies the Boston
Crab. Badd comes in and throws body punches, snap-mare into a reverse
chin-lock. Steiner comes in and everything breaks down, Arachnaman jumps into a
belly to belly suplex and its over.
Horrific, it just went way too God
damn long and there was nothing interesting going on in there so I lost
interest the longer it went, really bad stuff and I cannot believe I still have
one more of these dumb tag matches to go.
Winners: Team
Steiner over Team Badd via Belly to Belly Suplex!
Ron Simmons &
Thomas Rich vs Steve Armstrong & PN News
Armstrong is cocky and Simmons murders
Armstrong with a military press slam and clubbing blows, Armstrong misses a
clothesline and eats a flying shoulder block. Rich comes in with big right
hands, throat thrust from Rich. Rich is sent to the buckle by Armstrong,
Armstrong lands rights and lefts. Rich sends Armstrong to the buckle, back body
drop by Rich. Rich misses an elbow drop, Armstrong tags in News who does not
want a cheap-shot. Rich cannot slam News so Simmons comes in and backs News to
the buckle. Clean break from Simmons, News lands gut shots on Simmons. Corner
splash on Simmons, Simmons elbows News hard and lands a bulldog for two.
Shoulder block by Simmons for two,
News lands his own clothesline. Flying crossbody for two, tag to Armstrong.
Wristlock by Simmons and tag to Rich, Rich chokes Armstrong with his wrist-tape.
Rich runs into a knee from Armstrong, Armstrong chokes Rich in the corner. Tag
to Simmons, Armstrong attacks Simmons but Simmons comes back with a big clothesline
for two. Tag to Rich, belly to back suplex. Rich climbs high and lands an elbow
to the head, knee-drop from Rich. Armstrong boots Rich in the head, tag to
News. Flying shoulder tackle by News for two, Armstrong misses a corner splash
the second time around. Armstrong tries a splash but Rich blocks with his
knees, Armstrong retakes control. News is not happy with Armstrong’s tactics,
neck-breaker by Armstrong.
Two for Armstrong, reverse chin-lock
from Armstrong. Rich fights out but Armstrong maintains control, Rich backs
into the corner. They slowly get to the point with Rich tagging in Simmons,
powerslam on Armstrong. Scoop slam on News like nothing, Spinebuster on
Armstrong and its over. Kill me I am beyond caring at this point.
Winners: Team Simmons
over Team News via Spinebuster!
Battle Bowl
Ok everyone gets an entrance and it
eventually starts, this will be tough to call so maybe I will call it in
moments because there is a lot of stuff going on here, Anderson and Steamboat
are brawling on the ramp before making their way to the ring. Kazmaier is the
first man out? Nope you have to be dumped to the other ring, people are being
dumped to the floor and it means nothing. Utterly bizarre, Vader has been
knocked out of the ring as has Steamboat but it means zero in the grand scheme
of things. I don’t think WCW ever nailed the concept of a battle royal because
there is little drama going on in this one to be honest with you, Thomas Rich
is thrown-out first apparently. Rich just stands around waiting for people in
ring two.
Sting gets his hands on Luger but The
Dangerous Alliance is all over Sting, Richard Morton throws Bagwell into the
other ring. Rich goes to work on the rookie, this just keeps going and going.
Liger lands some great moves on Morton once eliminated, moonsaults and
head-scissors all around. Liger eliminates himself though with a crossbody that
sends Morton and himself to the floor. Simmons sends Hughes to the second ring,
Steamboat and Anderson are in ring two with The Patriots. Garvin joins them
too, Rude and Sting are beating up one another and they end up in ring two.
Luger and Vader remain in ring one, splash by Vader. Vader corner splashes
Luger, Luger boots Vader and clotheslines Vader to the second ring.
Luger gets to wait it out while ring
two has to continue the brawl, Dustin Rhodes dropkicks out Arn Anderson,
Stunning Steve Austin back-drops out Dustin Rhodes while Simmons and Hughes
tumble to the floor. Steamboat and Sting eliminated Vader, we have Stunning Steve
Austin, Rick Rude, Sting and Steamboat. Sting continues to pummel Rude,
Steamboat attacks Austin. Stinger splash on Austin, Rude eye-rakes Steamboat.
Rude and Austin double team Sting, Steamboat noggin-knockers Rude and Austin.
Rude clotheslines Austin over by mistake, Steamboat skins the cat to dump out
Rude and Rude pulls out Steamboat so only Sting remains. Rude land The Rude
Awakening on Sting, Luger can take advantage!
Luger smiles and walks around smugly, Steamboat
is checking on The Stinger. Luger takes his time and lands a clothesline on
Sting, Luger takes his time and kicks Sting in the ribs. Luger tosses Sting to
the ramp, Sting scoop slams Race on the ramp. Luger pushes Sting into the
guardrail, Sting fires up and sends Luger into the guardrail all around the
arena. Sting rubs Luger’s face in the canvas, eye-rake from Sting. Race comes
in and eats a suplex, Sting misses The Stinger Splash and is stuck on the top
rope, Luger sends Sting to the ropes but Sting holds on, Luger eats rights and
lefts. Kicks from Sting, Luger is reeling. Face-buster from Sting, Luger is
clotheslined and dumped out by Sting.
Lots of kicking and punching with no
real drama until Sting is attacked by Rude after his elimination, a massive
Rude Awakening and the story is set, can Sting survive Luger after everything
he has been through? But man alive did it take a long time to get there and I
was just exhausted by this card, it was brutal in every sense of the word,
multiple tag matches with little to no heat in them. Crushing lengths and the
end goal which was to have Sting and Luger do battle takes almost 25 minutes,
could we not have had a number one contender’s match? Could we have had a solid
card to WCW’s Wrestlemania? I guess not and this was horrific!
Winner: Sting
over Everyone Else!
WCW in 1991 is in rough shape, the
main event continues to rotate around 3 individuals in Sting, Flair and Luger
but not even halfway through the year, WCW loses Flair. The glue that has held
so many feuds together, the man who made Luger and Sting and led them through
the best matches of their careers. WCW has a solid mix of returns and new
talent rising up in this year with the likes of Koloff, Steamboat and Zbyszko
stepping up while we have the likes of Dustin Rhodes, Johnny B. Badd and
Stunning Steve Austin showing promise in their young careers. Rick Rude is a
big acquisition for the company and could replace Flair as the man but this PPV
was horrendous. A terrible concept that was executed poorly and every match
following the same formula is never a good idea and the two ring battle royal
was boring, nobody had anything interesting to give to it until Rude attacked
Sting. There were much better ways to go about this but WCW continues to take
one step forward and two steps back. Will 1992 be more memorable? We will see,
thanks for reading and remember: there is always another night!
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