Thursday 10 March 2022

WCW Starrcade 1991: Battle Bowl The Lethal Lottery Review!


Hello and welcome to another edition of Seanomaniac Wrestling Reviews, the only wrestling review series on the internet that strikes people down quicker than 2K doing damage control! It’s time for WCW Starrcade 1991: Lethal Lottery and what in the name of God is this? 40 WCW wrestlers competing in tag matches for a BattleBowl main event? What is the idea of WCW doing stupid concepts for Starrcade? The best 4 wrestlers and 4 tag teams in 1989 was brutal enough but now, we have this? Fuck this show already.


Michael Hayes & Tracy Smothers vs Jimmy Jam Garvin & Marcus Alexander Bagwell

So we will have random teams up and down the card, Bagwell is in there with Smothers. Smothers and Bagwell shove one another before Bagwell lands a shoulder block. Lovely stalling before we have an arm-drag from Bagwell, Smothers says Bagwell pulled my tights etc. Bagwell’s hairstyle is ridiculous, this match is full of stalling. Why? Does Hayes infect his partners with stalling? Smothers wants Garvin, leapfrogs and drop-downs before Garvin lands a dropkick and sends Smothers into the guardrail. The hard-camera sucks for this show, Garvin and Bagwell work the arm of Smothers. Smothers lands a knee to the ribs and face of Bagwell, tag to Hayes. Chop and elbow by Hayes, Hayes struts around the ring.


Wristlock from Hayes, arm-drags into the arm-bar by Bagwell. Drop toehold by Hayes, right hands to the arm and tag to Smothers. Bagwell wrenches the arm of Smothers and lands a leg drop into the arm-scissors. Smothers backs Bagwell to the corner, shoulder thrusts from Smothers. Bagwell reverses an Irish whip and lands another arm-drag, Garvin comes into the match and Smothers tags Hayes. They stall of course, arm-drag from Hayes who struts. Arm-drag from Garvin, roll-up by Hayes. They are strutting and they tag in the rookies, Smothers lands his superkick on Bagwell. Bagwell dodges the elbow drop, Garvin lands a right hand and a back body-drop. Running forearm and tag to Bagwell, Diving Crossbody for two.


Bagwell smacks Hayes, Hayes lands his left before Hayes lands his left on Garvin. Smothers lands a scoop slam and climbs high, twisting splash does not work for Smothers as Bagwell blocks with his knees. Fisherman Suplex by Bagwell for the win.


Oh man this is going to be a long night, I have no idea why they thought this would be a good idea for a PPV, Smothers gets into the stalling zone just like Hayes throughout this match, it is quite slow and if you are not a fan of The Freebirds trying to one up one another, you will not have anything fun from this match or tournament more than likely.


Winners: Jimmy Garvin & Marcus Bagwell over Tracy Smothers & Michael Hayes via Fisherman Suplex!


Rick Rude & Stunning Steve Austin W/ Paul E. Dangerously vs Van Hammer & Big Josh

Hammer and Austin to start, Austin pulls the hair of Hammer. Clean break in the corner, Hammer is not happy with Austin. Lock-up and Hammer lands a scoop slam, boot and right hands from Austin. Clubbing blows from Austin, Austin ducks his head off an Irish whip. Boot by Hammer and a suplex, two for Hammer. Drop toehold into a front chancery from Austin, Hammer reverses with a hammerlock. Knee-drop before Austin snap-mares Hammer over and over, Hammer reverses a whip to the buckle. Corner splash for Hammer misses and Austin tags in Rude, massive clothesline by Rude.


Rude knees Hammer down, clubbing blows from Rude. Hammer begins to fire back but Rude rakes the eyes, knee to the ribs and tag to Austin. Short-arm clothesline by Austin, in comes Rude. Rude continues to club Hammer, front chancery from Rude. Big Josh gets the tag, right hands to Rude. Scoop slam and Log Roll on Rude, Rude is not happy. Punches to the ribs do nothing but a clothesline hurts Rude, two clotheslines and one to Austin too. Noggin-knocker with the heels regrouping on the floor. Austin is in now with Big Josh, Big Josh works the arm before Austin lands a shoulder block. Big Josh drops Austin on the top rope and lands a clothesline for two, Van Hammer is in now. Arm-bar from Hammer, Big Josh wants an O’Connor roll but Rude clotheslines Big Josh from the apron. Diving Axe Handle by Rude for two, Rude works the ribs. Tag to Austin, stomps to the ribs from Austin. Middle rope choke by Austin, Rude chokes Big Josh too.


Rude comes in and we have a reverse chin-lock, I cannot believe they thought this show was a good idea. Austin comes in and lands a clothesline before stomping Big Josh, Big Josh is sent to the floor. Rude sends Big Josh into the guardrail and Austin covers for two, reverse chin-lock from Austin. Big Josh escapes but Austin regains control, Dangerously helps attack Big Josh before Big Josh pulls Dangerously into Austin’s knee. Hammer gets the hot-tag, powerslam by Hammer. Belly to back suplex by Hammer, flying shoulder block which Rude breaks up, Big Josh brawls with Rude. Rude blind-tags in and cracks Hammer with The Rude Awakening for the win.


Garbage match, I do not want to see Hammer and Big Josh in matches that go longer than 4 minutes, it really is scraping the bottom of the barrel here, I cannot believe that I will have to sit through all these damn tag team matches!


Winners: Dangerous Alliance over Van Hammer & Big Josh via Rude Awakening!


Larry Zbyszko & El Gigante vs The Natural Dustin Rhodes & Richard Morton

Zbyszko is not happy with Gigante while Rhodes had been feuding with The York Foundation in the past so they cannot be too thrilled to be together. Zbyszko and Rhodes are going at it now, shoulder block by Rhodes. Hip-toss by Zbyszko, kick off by Rhodes. Knee to the ribs after a criss-cross from Rhodes, Gigante and Rhodes are in now. Dropkick has no effect on Gigante, Zbyszko wants Gigante to crush Rhodes. Rhodes tries a drop toehold, no dice for The Natural.


Zbyszko is not happy with Gigante’s lack of crushing, arm-wrench and a tag to The Living Legend. Clubbing blows from Zbyszko, scoop slam and a face stretch. Swinging neck-breaker for two, Morton kicks Zbyszko in the head. Front chancery and Zbyszko wants a tag, Gigante does nothing. Small package by Rhodes for two, spinning sole butt from Zbyszko. Zbyszko asks Gigante to stick his knee up, Zbyszko is pissed by Gigante. Gigante gets pissed at Medusa, Bionic Elbows from Rhodes before Zbyszko rakes the eyes. Rhodes fires back with a clothesline and a hip-toss, Zbyszko shoves off the bulldog and tags in Gigante. Gigante and Zbyszko are arguing, Zbyszko slaps Gigante. Zbyszko is whipped into a double dropkick and it’s over!


Well give Larry Zbyszko his due because he did everything within his power to get this match over, one of the finer performances of the night I would say. Disappointing that Zbyszko will not be in there for the main event.


Winners: Richard Morton & Dustin Rhodes over Larry Zbyszko & El Gigante via Double Dropkick!


Bill Kazmaier & Jushin Thunder Liger vs DDP & Mike Graham

So we did not have Jushin Liger vs Brian Pillman but we have this nonsense instead, we have DDP and an ancient looking Mike Graham who was poor in his light heavyweight match with Morton in that tournament fiasco. Graham lands a fireman’s carry before Liger counters with great ability. Wristlock from Liger, Graham hip-tosses Liger. To the corner, Graham lands a forearm to the ribs and a whip to the opposite buckle but Liger lands a corner head-scissors which sends Graham to the floor. Graham avoids a handspring elbow, in comes Kazmaier and in comes DDP? Nope, Graham wants a challenge. Top wristlock before Kazmaier says fuck that shit, Graham is tossed around like a midget, a vanilla midget. Tag to DDP, DDP lures in Kazmaier but cannot scoop slam the big man. Shoulder block does not work, massive scoop slam by Kazmaier. Kazmaier skins the cat and clotheslines DDP for two, gut-wrench suplex by Kazmaier.


Kazmaier lands a scoop slam, Kazmaier misses a middle rope splash and DDP goes to work. DDP lands a massive hot-shot on Kazmaier but Kazmaier tags in Liger. Knee and Russian leg-sweep by DDP for two, spinning heel kick by Liger and in comes Graham. Shoulder block by Liger, enzuigiri by Liger. Graham sends Liger to the apron, shoulder block and slingshot splash with Graham backing up to the buckle. Tag to Kazmaier, Graham shoots for the leg and it looks horrific. Kazmaier works the arm before Graham tags in DDP, clothesline by Kazmaier. DDP tags in Graham, tag to Liger. Liger lands a drop toehold into The Romero Special! People pop for that, Liger releases the hold before Graham rolls through into a Boston crab.


Liger reverses into a pin, they are trading pins and we have a reset. Handshake in the middle of the match, side headlock from Liger. Side headlock takedown from Liger, more counter wrestling from both. Backslide by Graham for two, Liger takes down Graham and works the leg, Liger lands a Kappu Kick and drills Graham again and again with kicks. Tag to Kazmaier, slam across the ring for two. DDP is legal, knees and clubbing blows by DDP. Tag to Graham, Kazmaier brings in Liger. Graham whips Liger to the buckle, Graham misses the knee and ends up on the floor. Tope con hilo from Liger to the floor, Graham is wiped out. Liger lands a middle rope moonsault, in comes DDP which brings in Kazmaier. Whip into one another as the heels clash heads and Kazmaier presses Liger onto DDP and they win.


13 minutes of this trash, you can only imagine my happiness at using Liger in a match like this, I still fail to see what NJPW is getting out of this partnership because WCW have no idea what to do with the likes of Mutoh, Hase, Chono and Liger. Anyways, this was brutal and I am steadily growing sick of this event.


Winners: Team Liger over Team DDP via Assisted Crossbody!


Lex Luger & Arn Anderson vs Terrence Taylor & The Z-Man

The Z-Man looks smaller than he was before in my mind, Anderson starts and decks Taylor off the apron. Anderson is on the floor to avoid Zenk and gets a receipt from Taylor, enzuigiri from Zenk and we have a four man brawl. Luger and Zenk to brawl now, side headlock by Luger. Shoulder block by Luger, Zenk lands a hip-toss and a dropkick before delivering an arm-drag into an arm-bar. Tag to Taylor who works the arm, Luger lands right hands but Taylor will not let go of the arm. Luger lands a military press slam on Taylor, Taylor fights back and lands a snap-over neck-breaker on Luger before a running neck-breaker for two. Hammerlock by Taylor, Luger backs Taylor into the ropes and lands an elbow.


Taylor tries a sunset flip but Luger continues to land right hands before tagging Anderson, knees from Anderson. Taylor has his face raked across the rope, Taylor sends Anderson to the buckle but Anderson elbows Taylor in the face, backslide counter by Taylor for two. Clothesline for two, whip to the buckle and Taylor reverses Anderson with an elbow, slingshot middle rope splash for two. Tag to Zenk, diving crossbody for two. Zenk runs the ropes a little too fast and Race trips up Zenk which leads to a beautiful DDT by Anderson for two as Taylor shoves off Anderson. In comes Luger, suplex from the world champion. Knee-lift from Luger, tag to Anderson. Anderson whips Zenk off the ropes, face-buster counter from Zenk. Luger tags in and lands a massive right on Zenk, powerslam from Luger. Tag to Anderson, Anderson sends Zenk to the buckle but Zenk counters with two knees.


Middle rope crossbody does not work for Zenk, Anderson tries a middle rope elbow but Zenk blocks with his feet. Hot-tag to Taylor who lands rights and lefts, The Five-Arm! Atomic drop on Luger into Anderson, schoolboy for two. Flying crossbody for two, backslide for two. Dr. Bomb on Luger for two as Anderson interferes, Zenk fucks up a spot dramatically kicking around again and again before Anderson kicks Taylor from the apron and The Attitude Adjustment Piledriver for the win!


Shockingly, this was a lot of fun. Taylor turned it on here and Anderson does not know how to do a bad tag team match so this actually flew by, very happy with this match compared to the rest of the card. Still, not happy with the card but that’s life sometimes.


Winners: Team Luger over Team Taylor via Attitude Adjustment!


Ricky The Dragon Steamboat & Todd Champion vs Cactus Jack & Buddy Lee Parker

Abdullah wipes out Buddy Lee so this is a handicap match? Cactus Jack and Steamboat begin brawling which is something I thought I would have never said, Cactus rakes at the face of Steamboat. Steamboat eats a headbutt, jabs from Cactus and Cactus bites the head of Steamboat. Steamboat sends Cactus to the floor, Cactus meets the guardrail. Cactus continues to brawl, Steamboat is too quick and lands a superkick followed by an enzuigiri. In comes Champion, Champion lands a massive leg-drop. Reverse chin-lock, Buddy Lee Parker is alive and is crawling towards the ring after a beatdown from Abdullah The Butcher.


Bearhug by Champion, Cactus rakes the eyes and dumps Champion to the floor. Cactus Jack Elbow Drop to the floor, Cactus does his classic “Bang Bang” into the camera, Champion is fighting back before Cactus lands a forearm to the ribs. Buddy Lee Parker is in the wrong ring but getting closer to the match, reverse chin-lock from Cactus. Champion lands a powerslam but misses a leg drop, Cactus decides to climb high. Champion lands a gut shot, Champion and Cactus clash heads which brings Cactus into Buddy Lee Parker. Cactus hip-tosses in Buddy Lee Parker and Steamboat comes in with his Diving Crossbody for the win.


So this was to make Cactus look tough? Seems like the only conclusion I can draw from it but why? Is Cactus in a big match tonight? Nope, no big match on his radar because the main event is a big battle royal.


Winners: Team Steamboat over Team Cactus via Diving Crossbody!


Sting & Abdullah The Butcher vs Flyin’ Brian Pillman & Bobby Eaton

Abdullah The Butcher who has been hired to beat the piss out of Sting, Abdullah comes right down with a kendo stick and destroys Sting. Pillman has the kendo stick and Abdullah is in big trouble, Eaton attacks Pillman and attacks Sting. Clusterfuck time, Pillman takes his trademark bump on his throat to the guardrail. Eaton goes after the leg that Rude went after, good psychology there. Eaton is back-dropped onto the ramp and Sting dives over with a massive splash, dropkick on the ramp and right hands from The Stinger. Eaton is thrown back into the ring, Eaton is begging for mercy. Eye poke by Eaton, tag to Pillman who does not really want to come into the match. Or not? Eaton tagged Pillman but Pillman didn’t bother coming into the ring.


Abdullah smacks Sting across the head, reverse chin-lock from Eaton. Eye rake by Eaton to stop Sting, Abdullah grabs a pencil apparently. Sting is yanked into the ring, two for Eaton. Abdullah stabs Sting twice in the throat, Abdullah chokes the life out of Sting. Pillman dropkicks Abdullah, Pillman slammed Abdullah apparently but it was off camera. Diving splash on Abdullah,Eaton looks for the tag but Pillman does not tag into the match. Eaton tags in Abdullah but that’s not how the match works brother, Sting applies the wristlock. The match breaks down, Eaton gets caught in a back body-drop. Abdullah has Sting, Cactus Jack comes to the ring and smacks Abdullah by mistake and Sting crossbodies Eaton for the win.


A dumb wreck of a match but there is so much good that could have been, imagine Eaton vs Pillman for the TV title or even just a tag between the two heels vs the two babyfaces. So many ways this could be better but this ends with Cactus Jack and Abdullah The Butcher brawling.


Winners: Team Sting over Team Eaton via Diving Crossbody!


Vader & Mr. Hughes vs The Nightstalker & Rick Steiner

Vader goes to work with gut punches and a short-arm clothesline, Vader Hammer from the big man. Steiner sells the shit out of it, whip to the buckle by Vader but Steiner explodes out with a Steinerline and a belly to belly suplex. Steinerline to the floor, these two brawl on the floor before Vader sends Steiner back-first into the ring-post. Back in the ring, Steiner suplexes Vader into the ring. Vader shoves Steiner to the buckle, Hughes comes in and clubs down Steiner. Scoop slam and Hughes lands an elbow drop for two, Steiner back-drops Hughes for a close two. Belly to back suplex from Steiner for two, they collide with both men falling to the floor. Tag to Nighstalker, diving clothesline on Hughes but Vader is now legal, Vader lariats the hell out of Nightstalker. Diving Bulldog on Hughes but Vader crushes Nightstalker with a splash for the win.


Vader and Rick Steiner was fun but there were 2 other people in this match and this was not something I enjoyed in the slightest when Hughes was in there, a five minute match that felt like twenty.


Winners: Team Vader over Team Steiner via Splash!


Firebreaker Chip & Scott Steiner vs Arachnaman & Johnny B. Badd

Chip and Badd to begin, Chip lands arm-drags to frustrate Badd.  Badd lands some hooks to the body before Chip lands a diving crossbody for two, tag to Arachnaman. Steiner comes in and looks at the crowd as if to say really? Drop-downs before a powerslam by Steiner, back body-drop and clothesline to the floor by Steiner. Badd comes in and wants to box, Steiner looks on unamused. Right hand drops Steiner, Badd celebrates. Steiner clubs down Badd but Badd lands another right, Steiner shoots for a double leg and sends Mero into the buckle hard. Pump handle slam by Steiner, tag to Chip. Reverse chin-lock from Chip, Badd reverses and tags in Arachnaman.


Wristlock by Arachnaman, Steiner comes in though and powerbombs Badd. Chip comes in again, clean break and we reset. What the fuck is that? In comes Arachnaman, elbows by the Arachnaman. Chip whips Arachnaman to the buckle, Arachnaman dodges. Knee-lift by Arachnaman for two, dropkick by Arachnaman. Chip counters the dropkick and applies the Boston Crab. Badd comes in and throws body punches, snap-mare into a reverse chin-lock. Steiner comes in and everything breaks down, Arachnaman jumps into a belly to belly suplex and its over.


Horrific, it just went way too God damn long and there was nothing interesting going on in there so I lost interest the longer it went, really bad stuff and I cannot believe I still have one more of these dumb tag matches to go.


Winners: Team Steiner over Team Badd via Belly to Belly Suplex!


Ron Simmons & Thomas Rich vs Steve Armstrong & PN News

Armstrong is cocky and Simmons murders Armstrong with a military press slam and clubbing blows, Armstrong misses a clothesline and eats a flying shoulder block. Rich comes in with big right hands, throat thrust from Rich. Rich is sent to the buckle by Armstrong, Armstrong lands rights and lefts. Rich sends Armstrong to the buckle, back body drop by Rich. Rich misses an elbow drop, Armstrong tags in News who does not want a cheap-shot. Rich cannot slam News so Simmons comes in and backs News to the buckle. Clean break from Simmons, News lands gut shots on Simmons. Corner splash on Simmons, Simmons elbows News hard and lands a bulldog for two.


Shoulder block by Simmons for two, News lands his own clothesline. Flying crossbody for two, tag to Armstrong. Wristlock by Simmons and tag to Rich, Rich chokes Armstrong with his wrist-tape. Rich runs into a knee from Armstrong, Armstrong chokes Rich in the corner. Tag to Simmons, Armstrong attacks Simmons but Simmons comes back with a big clothesline for two. Tag to Rich, belly to back suplex. Rich climbs high and lands an elbow to the head, knee-drop from Rich. Armstrong boots Rich in the head, tag to News. Flying shoulder tackle by News for two, Armstrong misses a corner splash the second time around. Armstrong tries a splash but Rich blocks with his knees, Armstrong retakes control. News is not happy with Armstrong’s tactics, neck-breaker by Armstrong.


Two for Armstrong, reverse chin-lock from Armstrong. Rich fights out but Armstrong maintains control, Rich backs into the corner. They slowly get to the point with Rich tagging in Simmons, powerslam on Armstrong. Scoop slam on News like nothing, Spinebuster on Armstrong and its over. Kill me I am beyond caring at this point.


Winners: Team Simmons over Team News via Spinebuster!


Battle Bowl

Ok everyone gets an entrance and it eventually starts, this will be tough to call so maybe I will call it in moments because there is a lot of stuff going on here, Anderson and Steamboat are brawling on the ramp before making their way to the ring. Kazmaier is the first man out? Nope you have to be dumped to the other ring, people are being dumped to the floor and it means nothing. Utterly bizarre, Vader has been knocked out of the ring as has Steamboat but it means zero in the grand scheme of things. I don’t think WCW ever nailed the concept of a battle royal because there is little drama going on in this one to be honest with you, Thomas Rich is thrown-out first apparently. Rich just stands around waiting for people in ring two.


Sting gets his hands on Luger but The Dangerous Alliance is all over Sting, Richard Morton throws Bagwell into the other ring. Rich goes to work on the rookie, this just keeps going and going. Liger lands some great moves on Morton once eliminated, moonsaults and head-scissors all around. Liger eliminates himself though with a crossbody that sends Morton and himself to the floor. Simmons sends Hughes to the second ring, Steamboat and Anderson are in ring two with The Patriots. Garvin joins them too, Rude and Sting are beating up one another and they end up in ring two. Luger and Vader remain in ring one, splash by Vader. Vader corner splashes Luger, Luger boots Vader and clotheslines Vader to the second ring.


Luger gets to wait it out while ring two has to continue the brawl, Dustin Rhodes dropkicks out Arn Anderson, Stunning Steve Austin back-drops out Dustin Rhodes while Simmons and Hughes tumble to the floor. Steamboat and Sting eliminated Vader, we have Stunning Steve Austin, Rick Rude, Sting and Steamboat. Sting continues to pummel Rude, Steamboat attacks Austin. Stinger splash on Austin, Rude eye-rakes Steamboat. Rude and Austin double team Sting, Steamboat noggin-knockers Rude and Austin. Rude clotheslines Austin over by mistake, Steamboat skins the cat to dump out Rude and Rude pulls out Steamboat so only Sting remains. Rude land The Rude Awakening on Sting, Luger can take advantage!


Luger smiles and walks around smugly, Steamboat is checking on The Stinger. Luger takes his time and lands a clothesline on Sting, Luger takes his time and kicks Sting in the ribs. Luger tosses Sting to the ramp, Sting scoop slams Race on the ramp. Luger pushes Sting into the guardrail, Sting fires up and sends Luger into the guardrail all around the arena. Sting rubs Luger’s face in the canvas, eye-rake from Sting. Race comes in and eats a suplex, Sting misses The Stinger Splash and is stuck on the top rope, Luger sends Sting to the ropes but Sting holds on, Luger eats rights and lefts. Kicks from Sting, Luger is reeling. Face-buster from Sting, Luger is clotheslined and dumped out by Sting.


Lots of kicking and punching with no real drama until Sting is attacked by Rude after his elimination, a massive Rude Awakening and the story is set, can Sting survive Luger after everything he has been through? But man alive did it take a long time to get there and I was just exhausted by this card, it was brutal in every sense of the word, multiple tag matches with little to no heat in them. Crushing lengths and the end goal which was to have Sting and Luger do battle takes almost 25 minutes, could we not have had a number one contender’s match? Could we have had a solid card to WCW’s Wrestlemania? I guess not and this was horrific!


Winner: Sting over Everyone Else!


WCW in 1991 is in rough shape, the main event continues to rotate around 3 individuals in Sting, Flair and Luger but not even halfway through the year, WCW loses Flair. The glue that has held so many feuds together, the man who made Luger and Sting and led them through the best matches of their careers. WCW has a solid mix of returns and new talent rising up in this year with the likes of Koloff, Steamboat and Zbyszko stepping up while we have the likes of Dustin Rhodes, Johnny B. Badd and Stunning Steve Austin showing promise in their young careers. Rick Rude is a big acquisition for the company and could replace Flair as the man but this PPV was horrendous. A terrible concept that was executed poorly and every match following the same formula is never a good idea and the two ring battle royal was boring, nobody had anything interesting to give to it until Rude attacked Sting. There were much better ways to go about this but WCW continues to take one step forward and two steps back. Will 1992 be more memorable? We will see, thanks for reading and remember: there is always another night!

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