Hello and welcome to another edition of Seanomaniac Wrestling Reviews, the only wrestling review series on the internet that breaks your heart more than when a wrestler doesn’t answer your DMs! It’s time for WCW Battle Bowl 1993, the dumbest concept match to ever exist inside of WCW. Never has been something I care about, never has been something I can get into. Instead of building upon all the feuds that we have going into the PPV, we throw it all out the window for some random tag matches that lead to a boring battle royal which does not even lead to the winner challenging for the championship at Starrcade because this stupid concept took place at Starrcade! Now it is its own PPV and I hate it even more but let’s get on with this random mess of a card
Cactus Jack & Vader vs Charlie Norris & Stevie Ray
Vader and Cactus Jack beat the piss out of one another, Vader decks Harley Race which is bizarre. Race convinces Vader to team with the man he hates, Stevie Ray aka Kane eats an elbow from Cactus. Headbutts from Cactus, Stevie Ray is hurled to the floor. Vader punches the shit out of Stevie Ray, Cactus attacks Vader with an eye rake. Stevie Ray slams Cactus, in comes Norris. Boot and kick to the head by Norris, headbutt by Cactus. Vader tags in, short-arm clothesline. Scoop slam, Vader Bomb and Norris is hurled to the floor. Cactus is on the apron and lands a somersault senton. Vader Hammer, Cactus gets the tag. Leg drop from Cactus, Norris kicks out. Norris fights his way back into the match, Stevie Ray clubs all over Cactus. Clothesline by Stevie Ray, Vader comes in and roughs up Stevie Ray.
Cactus gains control, Stevie Ray kicks Cactus off a ducked Irish whip. Norris comes in for a belly to back suplex, big boot by Norris. Vader clubs Norris, Cactus lands his Double Arm DDT on Stevie Ray. Vader comes in and splashes Norris, Vader Powerbombs Norris for the win and Cactus takes out Stevie Ray for the win.
Shite match really, we are meant to get excited by Vader and Cactus working together? Well how fun considering they will want to kill one another in about 2 hours time. Match was rough and not in a fun way, Vader falls over for the powerbomb finish. Perfectly sums up this concept of a PPV.
Winners: Team Vader over Team Norris via Powerbomb!
Johnny B. Badd & Brian Knobbs vs Paul Roma & Erik Watts
I like how Missy Hyatt is dressed, that’s about it for my interest in this match. Badd vs Roma kicks us off, clean break from the babyfaces. Badd and Knobbs are having serious problems, hip-toss battle spot with neither man giving an inch. Knobbs is not happy with his partner, Badd tells Knobbs to shut up. Lock-up and side headlock by Badd, shoulder block and leap-frogs before Badd lands an arm-drag. Badd works the arm with a wristlock, Roma uses a knee and forearm shots to break the hold. Badd and Roma trade drop-downs before Badd lands another arm-drag into the arm-bar. Knobbs receives the tag, right hands and knees by Knobbs. Knobbs whips Roma and lands a massive clothesline, Knobbs continues to talk shit to Badd. Forearm shots from Knobbs, Roma dodges the clothesline and lands an ugly back body drop followed by a scoop slam and a dropkick.
Tag to Watts, knee-lift and dropkick from Watts. Badd comes in and trades holds with Watts, lots of wristlocks here. Small package by Watts, jacknife cover from Badd for two. Wristlock from Watts, Roma and Watts trade control on Badd. Irish whip and Watts misses a corner spear, Badd works the arm before tagging in Knobbs. Watts meets the buckle, Knobbs lands a corner clothesline. Watts crumbles to the mat, Watts comes back with two arm-drags. Badd comes in and has his arm worked, Roma gets the tag and Team Roma land a double elbow for two. Powerslam by Roma, Missy Hyatt distracts the referee which allows Knobbs to land an elbow drop on Roma. Side headlock takedown from Badd, Roma comes back with forearms and a side headlock of his own. Knobbs trips Roma, Badd is not happy with this manoeuvre from Knobbs. More jaw-jacking as Knobbs tags into the match, Roma is kicked to the floor.
Badd and Missy Hyatt are having words, Roma crawls back into the ring. Knobbs suplexes Roma for two, abdominal stretch from Knobbs. Knobbs tags in Badd, they continue to have words. Side headlock from Badd, shoulder block with both men banging heads. Knobbs tags in and scoop slams Roma, Knobbs says it is over. Middle rope splash does not work as Roma blocks with a boot to the face, Roma has his leg grabbed but counters with an enzuigiri. Watts lands right hands off the hot-tag, clotheslines all around. Scoop slam and elbow drop, Knobbs is bounced off the buckle multiple times. Whip to the opposite buckle is reversed by Knobbs, Watts explodes out with a flying crossbody but Knobbs rolls through with a handful of tights for the win.
Why did that match have to go so long? What was the pay-off to the fighting between Knobbs and Badd? Knobbs won the match by himself and Watts looks like a massive geek who was beat while making his comeback. What a load of shite this was to watch.
Winners: Team Knobbs over Team Watts via Handful of Tights!
The Shockmaster & Mr. Wonderful Paul Orndorff vs Ricky The Dragon Steamboat & Lord Steven Regal
So after having zero interactions between Regal and Steamboat since Regal won the championship, I am now meant to believe that they still hate one another? Steamboat faced Orndorff the last time on PPV with Orndorff scoring the win while Regal moved onto Bulldog and Badd in terms of challengers, this is so backwards. Orndorff and Steamboat to start, the Paula chants are still going strong but I really have had my share of Mr. Wonderful in WCW and would like someone new near that upper mid-card spot.
Shoulder block by Steamboat, Orndorff tries a side-step but Steamboat skins the cat and lands a head-scissors to the floor. They brawl on the floor and Steamboat has his eyes raked, right hands by Mr. Wonderful. Steamboat is thrown back into the ring, a diving axe handle does not work as Steamboat lands a big knee to the face. Steamboat slaps on the reverse chin-lock, side headlock from Steamboat. Orndorff is caught in a side headlock takedown but Orndorff reverses the hold with a handful of tights, Steamboat maintains control. Orndorff gets up and pushes Steamboat to the corner, forearms to the ribs and face. Steamboat leapfrogs Orndorff, atomic drop from Steamboat. Tag to Shockmaster and tag to Regal, Regal panics once he realizes who is in the ring.
Regal stalls before locking up and being shoved to the ground, Regal grabs a side headlock. Shockmaster places Regal on the top rope and pats him on the head, Regal is furious. Regal takes the arm, European uppercut but does not even faze Shockmaster. Shockmaster reverses an Irish whip and lands a scoop slam, tag to Orndorff. Shockmaster and Orndorff have words, Paula chants in the arena. Lock-up and Regal grabs a side headlock, hip-toss by Regal for two. Backslide by Orndorff for two, full nelson by Regal. Orndorff reverses the hold and Regal escapes the hold, Steamboat tags into the match. Orndorff catches Steamboat with a stun-gun, knees to the spine from Orndorff. Scoop slam from Orndorff, tag to Shockmaster. Shockmaster helps Steamboat tag in Regal, Shockmaster clotheslines Regal before Regal trips up Shockmaster. Orndorff and Shockmaster have words after Shockmaster eats an elbow from Orndorff, Regal grabs the umbrella but Steamboat grabs the umbrella and wipes out Regal which allows Shockmaster to land the splash.
Plodding and dull even with Steamboat in there, every match has partners who hate one another. It’s not interesting if I see it every match, I don’t want to see it every match and the sooner we get past this PPV I will be a happy man because this blows!
Winners: Team Orndorff over Team Steamboat via Splash!
Awesome Kong & The Equalizer vs Dustin Rhodes & King Kong
Rhodes and Equalizer to start, waist-lock reversals from both men. Hammerlock by Rhodes, elbow by Equalizer and a shoulder block before Rhodes lands a drop toehold. Scoop slam from Equalizer, Equalizer tags in Awesome who eats a number of dropkicks and a schoolboy for two. Eye rake by Awesome, clubbing blows in the corner. Awesome misses an elbow drop, King is tagged in and the two fat bastards might collide but King tags in Rhodes. Rhodes fights back with massive shots to the head of Awesome, eye poke by Awesome. Tag to Equalizer, arm-drag into armbar. Rhodes tags in King who clubs Equalizer, clothesline by King. Equalizer clotheslines down King, clubbing blows in the corner. Headbutt by King, Equalizer goes after the eyes again.
King has Equalizer in the corner, Equalizer blocks with his boot and lands a flying shoulder tackle. Leg drop misses for Equalizer, tag to Rhodes and Awesome. Right hands and an elbow to the head for two, sunset flip from Rhodes with Equalizer making the save. The match breaks down, Awesome saves King but Rhodes lands his Running Bulldog for the win. Very meh like the rest of the card, I hate this PPV.
Winners: Team Rhodes over Team Equalizer via Running Bulldog!
Sting & Jerry Sags vs Ron Simmons & Keith Cole
Who is Keith Cole? Why does he look like Sting without the facepaint? Apparently a tag team guy brought in by Dusty Rhodes part of a twin tag team. Ron Simmons is here after what feels like a lifetime since his championship reign. Simmons roughs up Sags and his arm, Cole comes in and works the arm too. Sags gains the upper hand and headbutts Cole, Missy Hyatt is loving it at ringside. Loud we want Sting chants in the arena, forearms and face rakes from Sags. Whip to the opposite buckle is reversed by Cole, arm-drag into the arm-bar. Simmons and Sting tag into the match, clean break from Simmons. Side headlock and shoulder blocks by Simmons for two, Sting avoids the powerslam and takes down Simmons for two. Shoulder blocks and Simmons backs off, Simmons is a little surprised and annoyed by Sting.
Drop toehold into an arm-bar from Simmons, tag to Cole. Arm-drag from Cole, Cole whips Sting. Sting counters for the backslide, two for Sting. Arm-drag and tag to Sags, arm-drag into arm-bar from Cole. Simmons and Sting are back in, flying crossbody for one. Clothesline by Sting, Simmons is furious. Simmons decks Sting, vicious stomps by Simmons. Tag to Cole, arm-bar from Cole. Simmons is not happy about his partner’s technique, face-buster by Simmons. Rope hung guillotine by Simmons, Cole is tagged into the match. Sting lands a back body drop and a scoop slam followed by a clothesline, suplex by Sting. Stinger Splash, Sags had tagged into the match. Diving Elbow Drop for the win. More of the same here, the most interesting part is it seems Simmons is going to turn heel, showing frustration at the efforts of Keith Cole.
Winners: Team Sting over Team Simmons via Diving Elbow Drop!
Ric Flair & Stunning Steve Austin w/ Colonel Rob Parker vs Maxx Payne & 2 Cold Scorpio
Austin and Flair are having words as we kick things off, Austin waist-locks Payne but cannot move the big man, lock-up and Payne takes down Austin. Austin shoves Payne, it does not work. Flair does not tag Austin as Flair struts, side headlock from Payne. Shoulder block from Payne, make it two. Cover for two, Austin trips Payne and kicks him in the gut. Payne is up, two-handed choke toss from Payne. Scorpio comes in and Austin clubs down Scorpio, right hand from Austin. Scorpio reverses the suplex, leapfrogs and drop-downs before Austin is taken down with a dropkick. Shoulder block by Austin, dropkick by Scorpio and a tag to Flair. Flair and Scorpio trade headlocks and pin-fall attempts, backslide from Scorpio for two.
Side headlock by Scorpio, shoulder block takes down Flair. Payne comes in and Flair takes him down, Payne slams Flair off the top rope. Elbow drop misses for Payne, in comes Austin who punches and kicks Payne. Back body drop by Payne, Scorpio is tagged into the match. Flair comes in and chops Scorpio, corner splash by Scorpio. Suplex into a standing moonsault for two, side headlock from Scorpio. Shoulder block but Flair takes a waist-lock, Scorpio counters for an O’Connor roll and a two count. Flair pops up and lands a chop, back body drop from Flair and in comes Austin. Knee to the ribs from Austin, Scorpio lands a victory roll for two. Superkick from Scorpio, Scorpio climbs high but Austin cuts out the legs of Scorpio. Payne is irate, Austin goes to work. Superplex from Austin, back-breaker from Austin. Foot choke from Austin, Flair tags into the match. Irish whip to the buckle, Scorpio hits hard and eats a knee-drop from Flair.
Two for Flair, Austin comes in and lands his own knee drops for two. Flair and Austin continue to annoy one another, Flair comes in and chops Scorpio. Delayed vertical suplex from Flair for two, Payne makes the save. Flair talks shit to Payne, tag to Austin. Austin lands a diving elbow drop, Payne makes the save again. Scorpio begins to fire back with big rights, Austin rakes the eyes. Austin is sent into the buckle, Austin lands a knee and an Irish whip but Scorpio ducks and lands a spinning heel kick. Flair and Payne receive tags, Payne tees off on Flair. Whip to the buckle and back body drop, clotheslines by Payne. Flair is sent into the buckle, Payne misses a knee in the corner so Flair goes for The Figure Four and Payne gives up.
Austin and Flair’s chemistry with one another makes this interesting, they could really do something between those two because they play off one another really well but apart from that, there’s nothing to really tell you about this match with Payne still being a signing to this company that I don’t really understand as Payne has done little to nothing in this company.
Winners: Team Austin over Team Scorpio via Figure Four Leg-Lock!
Ravishing Rick Rude & Shanghai Pierce vs Marcus Bagwell & Tex Slazenger
I like how they make a deal of these two fighting one another when the two Kongs fought earlier in the night like it was nothing, Rude looks ridiculously jacked at this time. Bagwell and Rude to start, Rude shoves down Bagwell and poses. Rude clubs down Bagwell, forearm shots and a suplex. Irish whip that Bagwell reverses, drop toehold into an arm-bar. Tag to Slazenger who works the arm with elbows, Rude cannot stop the shots to the arm. Gut shots and right hands to the ribs, the two partners lock eyes as Rude makes the tag. Will they fight? A battle bowl ring is at stake damn it! Rude tags in and says bullshit before being clubbed by Slazenger, elbow by Slazenger. Tag to Bagwell who drops his weight on the arm while applying an arm-bar, Bagwell is shoved to the corner and in comes Shanghai. Snap-mare into a knee drop, elbow to the face and more kicks. Bagwell flips out of the belly to back, hip-toss by Bagwell. Scoop slam and splash for two, arm-drag into an arm-bar.
We reset with Bagwell and Rude, shoulder thrusts in the corner by Rude. Knees and kicks to the ribs, Bagwell is down. Reverse chin-lock from Rude, Bagwell tries fighting back but Shanghai comes in and roughs up Bagwell. Bagwell regains control but cannot make the tag to Slazenger as the tag partners won’t fight. Shoulder block by Bagwell, Rude pulls down the ropes as Bagwell runs them and Bagwell is down on the floor. Tag to Rude who lands a front suplex, gut-buster by Rude. Shanghai comes in and roughs up Bagwell, diving knee drop from the middle rope. Rude and Shanghai rough up Bagwell, forearm shots from Rude and a corner choke. Bearhug from Rude, Shanghai distracts the referee so the tag to Slazenger is missed on this occasion. Shanghai comes in and slaps on the reverse chin-lock, Bagwell breaks free before being caught with a boot and a gut-wrench powerbomb for two. Slazenger makes the save and the tag partners exchange words, they shove one another.
Slazenger and Shanghai brawling gets one of the biggest pops of the night, could you imagine that? Big fists are flying, clothesline to the corner. Rude blind tags in, Rude steps in and lands a Rude Awakening on Slazenger and it’s over.
Another match that is not all that interesting on this card, it builds to that little brawl at the end but it is Shanghai Pierce and Tex Slazenger fighting at the end of the day, who really cares about that? Damn Godwinns
Winners: Team Rude over Team Bagwell via Rude Awakening!
Hawk & Rip Rogers vs Davey Boy Smith & Booker T
Hawk decks Rogers for annoying him, Booker T stomps on Rogers who is on the mat dead. Bulldog and Hawk to start, this could be an even contest. Nobody gains the advantage from the lock-ups, clean breaks all around. Test of strength, Booker T has a lot of problems with Bulldog not whooping ass. Booker T decides to take charge, Rogers is edging closer to the ring after Hawk’s punch. Booker takes his time, knee and clubbing blows by Booker. Booker and Hawk trade advantage, Booker smacks Rogers who nearly made it to the ring. Bulldog starts a LOD chant which confuses me slightly, were they called The Legion of Doom only in WWF? Booker hot-shots Hawk, Bulldog cheers on Hawk. Booker is up high, diving axe handle.
Hawk is battling back with right hands and knees, Booker rakes the eyes and lands a back-breaker. Booker climbs to the middle rope and calls for the finish, Hawk dodges the middle rope elbow drop. Clothesline by Hawk, fist drop and Hawk presses Rogers onto Booker for the win. What an incredible waste of time.
Winners: Team Hawk over Team Bulldog via Assisted Crossbody!
Everyone who won their tag matches will compete in this battle royal to win a ring, a Royal Rumble like concept executed poorly. Not a whole lot going on here, mostly kicks and punches as the lesser known stars are thrown out of the ring, you would think Cactus would last long in there with Vader but no, that does not go anywhere as Cactus gets clotheslined out relatively early. Things get interesting as we get down to the final four, we have Vader, Sting, Austin and Flair. Vader clubs Sting into the corner, inverted atomic drop by Flair on Austin. Vader pairs off with Flair in the corner, Flair has put his career on the line against Vader at Starrcade. Vader misses a corner splash against Flair, Austin is begging for mercy from Sting. Flair and Race brawl on the ramp, Race lands a headbutt but Flair suplexes Harley Race on the ramp. Vader drops an elbow on the ribs of Flair, Vader decides to do more damage with a splash on the ramp. Sting attacks Vader, big right hands from The Stinger.
Austin makes the save, elbowing and knee-dropping Sting. Choke on the ramp from Austin, Vader continues to attack Flair, repeated attacks to the head and ribs by the world champion. Doctors are checking on Flair, Austin mocks Flair while Vader stomps all over Sting. Flair will not be able to continue, Vader and Austin slam Sting into the ring. Austin misses a dive from the top, Sting powerslams Vader. Sting runs wild with big right hands all around, Vader is speared in the ribs. Sting continues to smack around everything in sight before Austin goes low on The Stinger. Sting rolls away but Austin grabs The Stinger, Vader decides it is splash time. Vader Hammer wipes out both men, Vader splashes Sting repeatedly who is down on the mat. Austin slaps Sting who is not moving, Sting manages to sit up and avoid the splash. Austin meets right hand and chops, Sting knocks down Vader.
Austin is decked, Vader is decked. Sting collapses, can Sting survive? Austin looks to drop out Sting, Sting will not go over the top. Austin lands a middle rope knee-drop, Vader Bomb is next. It connects, Austin holds Sting in the corner. Vader squishes Austin by mistake, Sting stun-guns Austin onto the ramp and Vader clotheslines Sting onto the ramp. Even though people cannot be eliminated via way of ramp, Austin rolls off the ramp and that counts because rules. Vader and Sting in there now, short-arm clothesline by Vader. Splash by Vader, he has squashed Sting like a billion times by this point. Sting lifts up Vader onto the buckle, kicks and kicks by Sting. Stinger Splash coming, Vader falls out of the way and Sting flies over the top rope. Sting has lost and Vader is your Battle Bowl winner!
Will Sting face Vader at Starrcade? Nope because we already know it is going to be Vader vs Flair with Flair’s career on the line so why have Sting in there with Vader, why not do the injury angle at the end of the match. Had Vader get his heat back by crushing Flair, I love Sting and I have complained about how WCW’s most popular wrestler has been sidetracked the last few months arguably for most of the year but you cannot just shoehorn him in here when we are building towards Flair vs Vader. Anyways, 90% of it is just brawling. Having the ring filled with wrestlers to begin with is a concept that has never been as exciting as a rumble, that is simply the facts and the mix of top tier talent and lower card talent doesn’t really come together in these matches. There are so many more interesting wrestlers who could have been involved but weren’t, the match is very boring until those final four. I really like Austin is being pushed within WCW, it seems like the wheels were in motion for something big but I have no idea what Austin is doing at Starrcade and I think that is a major problem with the company in general. I have no idea what Sting is doing, I have no idea what Dustin Rhodes is doing or Rick Rude is doing. All the champions, all the big stars and I haven’t a clue where we are heading towards Starrcade, does that not scream trouble?
That was WCW’s Battle Bowl 1993 and it was awful, 1993 was an extremely bad year for WCW in terms of booking and plans going to dog-shit. Turning Sid babyface had backfired as Sid was gone, they had lost Barry Windham who was a tremendous heel and looked to be on the cusp of breaking that main-event ceiling that he had flirted with so often as a Horseman and as a top babyface. Stars have come in and big names have returned but still WCW continues to put out a product in 1993 that just cannot help itself but be very average at best. Sting has been mostly pitted in tags kept away from Vader, their series of matches were fantastic but it looks like Sting won’t be toppling the unstoppable giant. Rick Rude has returned, holds a world championship but are there plans to do champion vs champion? Doesn’t seem like it, Rude had been mostly involved with the US Championship for most of the year and Rhodes has not been elevated despite holding the championship. Going into the big PPV, I have no idea where we are heading beyond Flair vs Vader, it seems like a proper mess and then this PPV being the final stop before Starrcade. Let me be clear: I hate this concept, it was horrific to see Starrcade consist of this concept but actually watching it as a standalone PPV like it is some great event you should pay to see before Starrcade has infuriated me more, it’s terrible. It is right up there with the reverse battle royal or The Deadly Games tournament at Survivor Series 98. You piss away all your feuds for the same type of match, I am also not a fan of the Lockdown PPVs because every match is a cage match. So you suffer through 5 to 6 tag matches where the partners hate one another which leads to the finish and the pay-off is a plodding and dull battle royal. No thanks, this is one of the worst PPVs I have had to watch from WCW. Avoid it like the plague, thanks for reading and remember: there’s always another night!