Monday 9 January 2017

WCW Uncensored 1997 Review

Good evening to all you filthy, disgusting, trash-bag hoes to another smut-filled edition of the only wrestling review series that continues to disappoint regularly as much as Monday Night Raw: Seanomaniac Wrestling Reviews! Tonight, I am back on the WCW Trail with the hopes of looking at the company from the inception of the NWO until the end of the company. All the highs, lows and in between are on full display. I have been making my way through some awful main events and some great cruiserweight matches so it looks like what everyone has always says has been true. However, this is another night and I bring to you WCW’s Uncensored 1997 where the very fate of The NWO are on the line. Yes, you heard me write in a huge main event, three teams will be vying for control of WCW. So, without further delay, let’s play!

(WCW United States Championship Match) Eddie Guerrero © vs Dean Malenko (No Disqualification Match)

Prior to this match, Guerrero has cost Malenko the WCW Cruiserweight Championship and started to shows sign of becoming a heel. Malenko wants to beat the piss out of Guerrero so this should be a good match, match begins with Malenko shoulder blocking Guerrero. Guerrero powders and in the ring, Malenko stomps a whole in Guerrero. Love Malenko’s intensity, it fits the story and Malenko plays his part to perfection. Guerrero returns the favour by stomping all over Malenko. Malenko hotshots Guerrero before nailing a back suplex.

We cut to the back as there is some commotion, The NWO are standing over a prone body on the floor, it looks like its Rick Steiner of Team WCW (We cannot see the face, only the back of the head). Tenay later confirms it is Rick Steiner, The NWO are pulling out all the stops to gain an advantage before the main event. Meanwhile, Malenko grabs a belt and wallops Guerrero with it. Guerrero catches Malenko running in for a uranage, Guerrero slaps Malenko right in the face. Dropkick to the knee by Guerrero, Guerrero slingshots onto the leg of Malenko. Guerrero climbs high and nails a double axe handle to the knee. Another slingshot onto the knee by Guerrero who applies a leg lock in the middle of the ring. STF by Guerrero, we have more footage of Rick Steiner being placed on a stretcher and into an ambulance. My question is where the hell is Scott or The WCW guys? Why would The NWO be around Rick?

Guerrero continues smacking Malenko around the ring, more shots to the leg by Guerrero. Malenko cuts off Guerrero with a whip into the guard rail but Guerrero is not badly damaged, Guerrero recovers to dropkick Malenko’s knee. Figure Four by Guerrero, Guerrero uses the ropes for extra leverage. Uppercuts by Guerrero, back elbow by the champion. Guerrero misses a slingshot but is quick enough to nail a baseball slide on Malenko who powdered to the floor. Guerrero looked for a crossbody from the top rope but Malenko dodged and Guerrero hits the guard rail hard. Malenko zeroes in on the ribs and drops Guerrero on the guard rail. Malenko smashes Guerrero with shoulders thrusts in the corner before locking in a Fujiwara armbar. Guerrero battles back with chops and nails a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker.

Powerbomb with a jacknife cover for two by Guerrero, Irish whip and Malenko low blows Guerrero. Guerrero low blows Malenko and attempts an inside cradle, two count for the champion. Powerslam by Malenko and Malenko is climbing to the top rope, Frog Splash by Malenko. Malenko pulls up Guerrero for a powerbomb, Guerrero counters and nails a hurricanrana. Malenko is back on top with a powerslam. Series of pins by both men end with Guerrero Irish whipping Malenko, German suplex by Malenko.

 Guerrero blocks Malenko with a boot, tornado DDT by Guerrero. Guerrero wants The Texas Cloverleaf, Guerrero has the hold applied. Here comes Syxx who loves stealing belts, Guerrero has Syxx. Syxx misses Guerrero with the camera but Malenko does not miss Guerrero with the camera. Malenko covers Guerrero for the win and Malenko is your new champion.

Good match, I enjoyed the hell out of this match. They used the no disqualification stipulation, it played into the finish. Both men worked body parts, Malenko stopped selling the leg after a while which is a negative but the selling before that was excellent. The finish was retribution for Malenko who was screwed last time by Guerrero after a weapon shot. Good story-telling and a good match. The perfect start to the pay per view!

Winner: Malenko over Guerrero via Camera to the head!

Roddy Piper/Horseman Promo

Piper rambles, best part is Mongo who screams for his entire promo. Love me Mongo from time to time, the promo goes way too long.

Psychosis vs Ultimo Dragon W/ Sonny Onoo

How do you bring down a crowd? Give them a heel vs heel match. I thought the WWF was guilty of this a lot but WCW is proving itself to be strong competition. Dragon and Psychosis mat wrestle effortlessly with Dragon getting the better of Psychosis. Kicks by Dragon which floor Psychosis, leg lock by Dragon. Psychosis comes back into the match with a dropkick off an Irish whip, corner clothesline by Psychosis. Psychosis goes for another clothesline but Dragon blocks and comes up with a big enzuigiri. Psychosis escapes from a submission hold and transitions into a camel clutch. Scoop slam by Psychosis, Psychosis nails a leg drop from the top rope. Two count for Psychosis, middle rope elbow by Psychosis.

Reverse chinlock by Dragon, Dragon nails a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Dragon slaps on a sleeper, Psychosis escapes to nail a top rope spinning heel kick, tope suicida by Psychosis. Psychosis nails a slingshot legdrop on Dragon, Psychosis has Dragon on the apron. Bizarre spot where Dragon elevates Psychosis onto the top rope and Psychosis falls to the floor. Asai Moonsault by Dragon, Sonny Onoo nails Psychosis with a beautiful spinning heel kick. Slam by Dragon into a moonsault and Dragon gets a two count. Psychosis almost rolls-up Dragon, Dragon applies a La Magistral for two, Psychosis runs head first into the top turnbuckle. Dragon and Psychosis trade blows on the top rope before both men fall face first to the canvas.

Both men try spinning heel kicks and both men crash into one another, scoop slam by Dragon. Psychosis springs to his feet and nails a frankensteiner. Cover and a two for Psychosis, running Liger Bomb by Dragon. Tornado DDT and a Tiger suplex puts away Psychosis.

Match died a slow death out there, I do not understand the heel vs heel matches when you do not have a plan to turn someone in the match. This was two heels going at it and the fans did not care at all. Brought me down while I was reviewing and brought the fans down in the arena who were watching the match.

Winner: Ultimo Dragon over Psychosis via Tiger Suplex!

DDP Promo

We go to Mean Gene who is asking DDP what he thinks of The Macho Man ignoring The Master of The Diamond Cutter. DDP calls Savage a coward after repeating calling out The Macho Man. Savage appears from the commentary booth with Ms. Elizabeth, Savage is talking about a nude magazine and mentions that DDP’s wife Kimberley is featured in the magazine. DDP is enraged that his wife has been brought into this feud, here comes Kimberley out on stage who has been marked and attacked by The NWO. DDP looks at his wife and Savage decides it is time to attack, DDP is laid out and spray painted. Kimberley is spray painted by Savage and Elizabeth.

A big angle that I can get into, Kimberley was great in this segment and Savage was such a massive asshole, I am glad I got to see this segment on pay per view, it was pure gold. I want to see DDP murder Savage now and it’s going to be good to look back on this feud over the next few pay per views.

(Martial Arts Match) Mortis W/ James Vandenberg vs Glacier

Eric Bischoff had an idea to make wrestling characters based off the hugely successful Mortal Kombat Franchise, the result was Mortis and Glacier. Unfortunately, for the wrestlers involved, the NWO angle would ruin any plans that were in place for our Mortal Kombat rip-offs who would slide down the card and not reach the heights that Bischoff had foresaw in his mind. Glacier is based off Sub Zero if you cannot tell while Mortis seems to be a cross between Scorpion and Reptile.

Glacier and Mortis begin with dodges and Martial Arts Kick, Japanese armdrag by Glacier and a back body drop. Mortis catches Glacier with a right hand, kicks and right hands by Mortis. Glacier sweeps Mortis and nails a spinning sole butt for a two count. Mortis powders to the apron, Glacier knocks off Mortis’ head with a massive kick. Spirngboard by Glacier, suplex on the floor by Glacier. Vandenberg pulls Glacier out of the ring, Glacier gives chase before Mortis nails a baseball slide. Mortis drops Glacier on the ring apron and hurls Glacier into the ring. Clothesline by Mortis gets a two count, Mortis misses a middle rope leg drop. Glacier starts chopping Mortis before Mortis lays out Glacier with a rocker dropper.

Mortis boots Glacier down, powerbomb by Glacier after Mortis gets too cocky, elbow by Glacier. Glacier smashes Mortis with a front kick, two count. Mortis returns the favour with his own kick to the face. Cover by Mortis and Glacier kicks out at two. Mortis is climbing to the top rope, Glacier crotches Mortis. Middle rope suplex by Glacier, Glacier is on the top rope and tries a chop. Mortis counters for a northern lights suplex and it is a two count for Mortis. Jawbreaker by Glacier, crossbody by Glacier for a two count. Mortis uses the referee to dodge a Chronic Kick, superkick by Mortis gets a two count.

Vandenberg is on the apron, Vandenberg holds Glacier. Mortis goes for the superkick, Glacier dodges and Mortis stops before nailing Vandenberg but Glacier nails The Chronic Kick for the win. Here comes Wrath looking like Shao Kahn, they double team Glacier and decimate Sub Zero wannabe.

Average match, Kanyon would mould himself into a very credible hand but you would not see that when Kanyon was playing Mortis. Mortis’ offence was laughable when it came to executing the kicks and the stances were so corny. Also, Mortis should not have spoken in my opinion, the mystique of the character is lost when you hear that butch accent of Kanyon coming through when he taunts Glacier. Glacier was no better than Mortis so, let’s hope that the pay per view picks up soon.

Winner: Glacier over Mortis via Chronic Kick!

(Leather Strap Match) Scotty Riggs vs Buff Bagwell

Possibly, my least favourite stipulation for a wrestling match, the leather strap match which always ends in boring fashion and anticlimactically. Bagwell takes control while being tentative, strap to the back of Riggs. Bagwell chokes Riggs with the strap and nails a scoop slam. Bagwell climbs the top rope and Riggs crotches Bagwell. Top rope suplex, Riggs whips the shit out of Bagwell. Riggs chokes Bagwell with the strap, back elbow by Riggs. Bagwell goes low and gains control with a knee to the face, more choking this time from Bagwell. Riggs dodges a clothesline and slides under Bagwell, the strap is between Bagwell’s leg and Bagwell receives a strap to the balls.

Riggs is trying to touch all the corners to win, Bagwell stops Riggs and hotshots Riggs onto the top rope. More whipping by Bagwell, Bagwell rams Riggs into the top turnbuckle, front chancery by Bagwell. Bagwell tries touching the four corners but Riggs prevents Bagwell from winning. Inverted atomic drop by Bagwell and a clothesline. Bagwell makes Riggs do The American Males dance and continues to choke Riggs. Bagwell tries pinning Riggs even though Bagwell proved earlier that he knew how to win the match.

Scoop slam by Bagwell, Bagwell misses The Blockbuster. Boot to the face by Riggs, clotheslines by Riggs. More whipping by Riggs, Riggs nails a powerbomb. Riggs nails a missile dropkick, Riggs begins touching the turnbuckles. Riggs gets three corners before the referee breaks the count. Bagwell elevates Riggs over the top rope and hangs Riggs. Riggs is choked out and Bagwell touches the corners to win.

Lame match, lame action, just whipping and choking with very little wresting. Finish was different I will give them that but wow, Riggs is completely dead. I do not see a point in continuing for Riggs, that American Males gimmick was death but losing like that to Bagwell again is the nail in the coffin. Lame all around.

Winner: Bagwell over Riggs via touching all the corners!

(Tornado Tag Match) Harlem Heat W/ Sister Sherri vs Public Enemy

A continuation from last month’s triangle feud as Harlem Heat take on Public Enemy. Guess this match is also a hardcore match as the weapons are everywhere, frying pans and trays everywhere. Sherri gets in some shots on Rocco Rock while Booker fights Grunge in the ring. Booker nails a Scissors Kick on Grunge for a two count, Stevie has Rocco Rock on the floor. In the ring, Public Enemy are in control, baking tray shots all around. Trash can shot by Grunge, Dusty Rhodes is losing his minds on commentary.

Rocco Rock is choking Booker T with a toilet seat, Sherri is choking Grunge. Everyone is cracking one another with weapons on the floor, Rocco Rock tries walking the top rope and Stevie Ray crotches Rock. Sherri nails Stevie Ray by mistake, Ray no-sells and they keep on working. More weapon shots, this is torturous at this stage.

Eventually, Booker has Rocco Rock all alone in the ring, Booker misses a Harlem Kick. Grunge has Ray on a table, Ray is flattened through the table. Booker is in the ring, clothesline by Rock. Mongo comes to the ring and nails Rock with a briefcase. Harlem Hangover by Booker T and it is mercifully over. DUD.

Winners: Harlem Heat over Public Enemy via Harlem Hangover!

(WCW TV Championship Match) Prince Iaukea © vs Rey Mysterio

Last time these two met, it was a decent match with little fanfare as you have two babyfaces with one being established and the other being a rookie. Iaukea and Mysterio begin the match by flipping around the ring until Iaukea hits a Samoan drop. Iaukea misses a springboard as Mysterio puts his knees up. Sprinboard senton by Mysterio for a two count, Iaukea looks for a powerbomb and Mysterio nails a frankensteiner. Headscissors takedown by Mysterio and Iaukea is on the floor. Tope Atomico nails Iaukea, Iaukea hangs Mysterio on the top rope and powerbombs Mysterio. Baseball slide by Iaukea, springboard plancha by Iaukea.

Iaukea misses a crossbody from the guard rail, split-legged moonsault by Mysterio for a two count. Splash in the corner by Mysterio and a top rope bulldog. Two count for Mysterio, snapmare and a triangle headscissors by Mysterio. Mysterio nails a sunset flip powerbomb, dropkick by Mysterio. Mysterio tries a senton and Iaukea moves out of the way. Iaukea fights his ay into the match, powerbomb by Iaukea. Mysterio counters Iaukea and is back in control, Iaukea low blows Mysterio in front of the referee, Iaukea gets a warning from the referee.

Dropkick in the middle of the ring by both men, they scissor and hurt themselves. Headscissors takedown out of the corner by Mysterio, victory roll for a two count. Iaukea goes for a German, Mysterio blocks and Iaukea goes for an O Connor Roll. Two count for Iaukea, the bell rings and the time limit expires. Iaukea is not happy with the victory in this way and Mysterio wants more time and the match to continue. So, the match is going to restart!

Lock-up and Mysterio take control with huge chops, hiptoss by Mysterio. Springboard leg drop by Mysterio, cover and Iaukea kicks out at two. Mysterio has Iaukea on the top rope, headscissors and Mysterio is looking for the West Coast Pop, Iaukea reverses it into a sunset flip and picks up the victory.

Better than last month’s match, the two seemed to be a lot more familiar with one another and the match was not too big on the boring side. Match still suffers from crowd reaction who seem to not care for Iaukea. Hopefully, Iaukea can win them over with more performances like this.

Winner: Prince Iaukea over Mysterio via sunset flip!

(Three Team Triangle Match) Team WCW vs Team NWO vs Team Piper

Ok I shall do my best to explain, whatever team wins the match will have a pre-agreed stipulation come true. If Piper’s Team wins, Piper will have Hogan in a cage match at the next pay per view. If Team WCW wins, The NWO will be banned for three years from competing on WCW and will relinquish their belts. If Team NWO wins, they can compete for any championship at any given time. Four men on each team, four men to start and the rest of the team enters at two minute intervals. You can be eliminated by pinfall, submission, knockout and over the top rope.

Michael Buffer does the introductions which is always a nice treat. Benoit is out to start for Team Piper, Scott Hall starts for Team NWO and The Giant starts for Team WCW. Benoit and Hall are beginning the match without The Giant, Benoit headbutts Hall. Hall nails a fallaway slam before Benoit clotheslines Hall. Giant clotheslines both Benoit and Hall, double noggin knocker by Giant. Chops in the corner by Giant, Giant clotheslines Hall in the corner. Hall and Benoit are bumping all around for Giant. Hall hammer away on Giant, Hall eats a hiptoss from Giant. Giant sidekicks Benoit, Hall grabs a sleeper. Giant shakes off Hall, Chokeslam on Benoit. Hall saves Benoit, commentators cover Hall poorly for saving Benoit. Giant eliminates himself by missing a splash in the corner on Hall.

Giant has eliminated himself by missing a splash!

Jeff Jarrett is out for Team Piper, Savage is in for Team NWO and Lex Luger is here for Team WCW. Luger gorilla press slams Jarrett, Savage goes after Luger. Hall saves Savage from elimination, Benoit is going after Luger while Jarrett is being mugged by The NWO. Mongo is out for Team Piper, Kevin Nash is out for Team NWO and Scott Steiner is out for Team WCW. Scott Steiner begins killing everyone, slams, suplexes and powerbombs are on the menu. Nash and Scott Steiner are brawling now. Jarrett is clotheslined over the top rope by Nash! Mongo has been backdropped to the floor by Scott Hall! Scott Steiner is booted over by Nash!

Jarrett has been eliminated by Nash!

Mongo has been eliminated by Hall!

Scott Steiner has been eliminated by Nash!

Piper is the final member out for his team, here comes Hulk Hogan with Dennis Rodman. Luger remains for Team WCW, NWO are dominating the ring. Piper and Savage are brawling on the floor, Hogan is posing on the floor and not helping his team. Hogan enters the ring and goes after Piper, Nash and Benoit are brawling, Luger and Savage are brawling. Piper has Hogan on the floor, Savage comes in and saves Hogan. Piper is eliminated as Dennis Rodman lowbridges Piper.

Piper has been eliminated by Dennis Rodman!

It is the full force of The NWO against Benoit and Luger, The Outsiders are taking on Benoit and Luger. Piper is fighting Hogan and Savage. Hall nails The Outsider’s Edge on Benoit and Nash helps Hall throw out Benoit.

Benoit has been eliminated by Hall & Nash!

Luger is now facing four of The NWO, Hogan invites Rodman into the ring. Luger fights out of a powerbomb and begins killing all of The NWO, Macho Man taps out to The Torture Rack, Nash is clotheslined to the floor and Hall is racked too so we are down to Luger and Hogan!

Hall/Nash/Savage have been eliminated by Luger!

Nash has the referee distracted while Luger prepares Hogan for The Torture Rack, Savage nails Luger with a spray paint can and Hogan falls onto Luger and wins the match. Team NWO win the match and can challenge for any championship they want at anytime in WCW. Rodman spray paints Luger.

Hold on a second, Sting has come down from the rafters and wipes out Hall and Nash with his baseball bat. Savage eats a Scorpion Deathdrop, Hall and Nash suffer the same fate and ominously, Sting points the bat at Hogan saying you are next. Hogan gets into the ring and you know what’s coming, massive Scorpion Deathdrop by Sting and WCW goes off the air.

The match was same old WCW main event, mostly bad. It was like a piss poor Royal Rumble with nobody looking good apart from Luger who was the top babyface in Sting’s absence. Scott Steiner, The Giant and The Horseman all looked like chumps in there with The NWO and Luger gets pinned after a spray paint can to the head? Piper eliminated by Rodman? Is that going to build to a match? No, well why the hell did that have to happen so? The match was slow, there was no space to do anything as the ring filled, WCW looked inferior to NWO. The Giant continues to look like a bumbling idiot, Scott did little in terms of retribution for his brother Rick and The NWO dominate.

That being said, those last two minutes with Sting killing The NWO, pure gold. Every fan was screaming their lungs off, I got goosebumps, the same goosebumps whenever I hear a big pop and know some serious shit is going down. Sadly, it is not enough to save this match or this pay per view.

WCW’s Uncensored of 1997 was not a horrible show by any means but it was definitely on the low end of WCW pay per views from this time period. I really felt the card went downhill after the first match. There was a heel vs heel match, gimmick matches and a horrible hardcore match that sucked the air out of the arena and me as a viewer. This was a tough one to get through, that’s for sure. I only recommend the Savage/DDP angle from this show and Sting cleaning house. See you in the next review and remember, there’s always another night!

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