Hello and welcome to another wonderful edition of Seanomaniac Wrestling Reviews, the only wrestling review series on the internet that causes more controversy than a Tampon Spot! It’s another Saturday Night’s Main Event, it is time to build up to the WWF’s first-ever Royal Rumble which will take place later in the month. On tonight’s show we have The Bolsheviks vs Strikeforce, Greg Valentine vs Koko B. Ware, Jake Roberts vs Sika, and Hulk Hogan vs King Kong Bundy for the WWF Championship. Bring it on, let’s go Brother!
(WWF World Tag Team Championship Match) The Bolsheviks W/ Slick vs Strikeforce ©
Zhukov and Volkoff stand smugly while Slick delivers a sexy promo full of soul that courses through my body and leaves me wondering why I am so lame compared to The Slickster. Santana and Martel are your tag team champions, they cut a promo also before the match, fun stuff.
Zhukov and Santana begin, scoop slam by Santana. Hiptoss by Zhukov, hiptoss by Santana into an armbar. Tag to Martel, double gut punch to Zhukov. Arm-wringer and tag to Santana, arm-wrench by Santana. Tag to Martel, forearm by Zhukov. Tag to Volkoff, schoolboy by Martel for two. Volkoff powers out, knees to the guts. Tag to Zhukov, Martel reverses Zhukov. Zhukov meets the turnbuckle, tag to Santana. Flying crossbody from Santana for two, Volkoff saves Zhukov. Clothesline by Volkoff, eye rake by Volkoff to keep down Santana. Illegal choke by Volkoff, Zhukov chokes Santana from the apron.
Zhukov is the legal man, back suplex for two. Reverse chinlock from Zhukov, elbows from Santana. Scoop slam by Zhukov, elbow misses for Zhukov. Santana dives through Zhukov’s legs, tag to Martel. Right hands, hiptoss to Zhukov. Back drop, Boston Crab by Martel and Zhukov has to tap out, we have an end to the first-fall of this match. The champions are the victors of the first-fall.
The bell has rung, we shall continue. Volkoff has been dropkicked to the floor, double dropkick on Zhukov. Scoop slam by Martel, another Boston Crab attempt. Volkoff saves Zhukov, match breaks down with Volkoff dropping Martel over the top rope. Gorilla press into a ribbreaker by Volkoff for two, Zhukov comes in and headbutts Martel in the back. Tag to Volkoff, headbutt from Volkoff. Multiple headbutts from Volkoff, eye rake in the corner. Another headbutt, Martel kicks off Volkoff. Axe handle stops the tag for Volkoff, Martel is isolated in the heel’s corner. Double elbow smash, knee drop by Volkoff for two.
Irish whip, sunset flip reversal from Martel. Both men bang heads in the middle of the ring, Slick screams at Volkoff to get to his feet. Zhukov cannot make it, Santana is the legal man. Dropkicks to The Bolsheviks, Flying Forearm but Volkoff saves Zhukov. Volkoff grabs the cane from Slick and waffles Zhukov by mistake, the champions retain.
This was a lot of fun, we are deep into The Golden Era and the crowds all sound like molten lava, it is hot in that building. What helps in The Communists being such big heels given the circumstances, the foreign heel gimmick may have been at its peak during this time in the WWF. Martel and Santana are full of energy and the crowd love every minute of it, Volkoff is such a great comedy foil, I fall in love with man every time I see him bump around, good stuff.
Winners: Strikeforce over The Bolsheviks via Cane Shot!
Jake The Snake Roberts vs Sika W/ Mr. Fuji
With the passing of Mean Gene, I thought it would be appropriate to mention what he brings to the show and that is so much with the personality he brings to his interviews. Rest in Peace Gene, you were tremendous.
Roberts and Sika lock-up, Roberts takes Sika down with arm-drags. Sika misses wild punches, Roberts is using his speed to avoid Sika. Irish whip by Sika, Roberts holds onto the ropes and tells Sika to kiss his ass. Sika charges in, Roberts nails shoulders in the corner. Right hands by Roberts, Sika catches Roberts for a back body drop. Sika rakes the back and chest of Roberts, Fuji smashes Roberts with the cane. Another foot choke by Sika, headbutt by Sika. Nerve hold from Sika, Roberts escapes and nails a knee lifts. Lefts and a right from Roberts, Fuji grabs the leg of Roberts. Sika Irish whips Roberts to the corner, Roberts dodges the splash, roll-up from Roberts for the win. Sika is back dropped to the floor, Fuji is all alone. DDT on Fuji, huge pop! Damien on Fuji, fantastic stuff!
Tonnes of fun, short and sweet. Roberts is super over with the DDT providing my ears with deafening cheers from the fans, they are simply loving life! Sika does a good job being a massive annoyance and a monster while the fans are simply crying out for a DDT. Fuji’s facials were tremendous when caught, just a fun little segment.
Winner: Jake Roberts over Sika via Roll-Up!
(WWF World Heavyweight Championship Match)King Kong Bundy W/ Andre The Giant vs Hulk Hogan ©
These two clashed last time with Bundy defeating Hogan on the last Saturday Night Main Event thanks to the antics of Bobby Heenan. To ensure victory this time, Hogan is up against Bundy with Andre in his corner. Hogan cuts a promo about Ronald Reagan and about how they are a superpower together.
The two lock-up, Hogan pushes down Bundy. Bundy misses a splash, Hogan takes control. Bundy meets the turnbuckles on every corner, staggering is Bundy. Hogan chops and Irish whips Bundy, big boot to the floor. Bundy is on queer street, Andre talks advice with Bundy. Bundy re-evaluates and Hogan elbows Bundy once more. Irish whip, Axe Bomber. Hogan is rocking and rolling, Andre talks advice to Bundy once again. Bundy charges in, Hogan hammers Bundy with right hands. Arm-wringer from Hogan, elbows to the arm. Bundy is in serious trouble, this could be over in a flash.
Bundy reverses the hold and uses the hair of Hogan to pull him down, Hogan begins to rally. Right hands from Hogan, shoulder block staggers Bundy. Reverse elbow smash from Bundy, Bundy zeroes in on the arm. Elbows to the arm of Hogan, Hogan sits in the armbar before recovering. Breaking free, Hogan scoop slams Bundy but misses a follow-up elbow drop. Kicks to the chest from Bundy, scoop slam from Bundy. Bundy misses two elbow drops, Hogan is rallying once more.
Corner clothesline, Bundy squishes the referee and Hogan. The referee is down, Bundy misses a splash. Running elbow by Hogan, big right hand by Hogan. Andre talks to Bundy on the floor, new referees are tending to the original referee. Eye rake when we restart, Bundy clubs Hogan. Massive clothesline, knee drop by Bundy. Bundy chops Hogan to the floor, right hands by Bundy. Bundy stands all over Hogan, shoulder block by Bundy. Fist drop for two, Bundy applies a chinlock. Chops from Bundy, Irish whip to the corner. Avalanche from Bundy, Bundy stalls. Irish whip to the corner, Avalanche again! Big Splash, 1…..2….. Hogan kicks out! Hogan Hulks Up! Irish whip to the corner but its reversed for Bundy, Bundy crashes to the mat. Atomic Leg Drop and Hogan wins the match!
That was tremendous fun, Hogan brings the crowd to their feet. Bundy and Hogan have worked many times by this point, they know how to get the most out of their matches. Bundy looked good, Hogan looked good and all was well at the end of the day. We also get an extension of the angle as Andre chokes the life out of Hogan. Talking about getting the most out of something simple, Andre is being built up all over again, could we have Andre vs Hogan two? How do we add more to the angle? Andre throws out The Bulldogs with ease, Andre is doing as he pleases, Andre is the man.
Winner: Hulk Hogan over King Kong Bundy via Atomic Leg Drop!
Koko B. Ware vs Greg Valentine W/ Jimmy Hart
Shoulder block by Koko, flapjack onto the top rope by Valentine. Knee to the head, clubbing blows by Valentine. Two for The Hammer, chop by Valentine. Figure four attempt is blocked by Koko. We reset, lock-up and chops by Valentine. Axe handle from the top rope by Valentine, elbow by Valentine for two. Reverse chinlock by Valentine, Valentine throws Koko to the floor. Clubbing blows by Valentine, Koko is stuck on the apron taking damage. Clothesline by Valentine, two for The Hammer.
The crowd is freaking out, it is Brutus The Barber Beefcake, Valentine’s former tag team partner. Small package by Koko for two, backslide for one. The referee is asking for Beefcake to leave the arena, stalling of the highest magnitude. Back drop by Valentine, elbow drop by Valentine for two. Scoop slam by Valentine, Valentine climbs high. Koko pulls Valentine off the top rope, Koko is pumping himself up. Rights and lefts by Koko, big dropkick. Headbutt brings Valentine down, middle rope fist drop. Two for Koko, Valentine counters Koko for a shin breaker, Figure Four from Valentine. Beefcake comes down after Valentine’s win, Beefcake takes the hair from Jimmy Hart’s head.
Not a fan of this one, this was an extended squash with stalling! That’s just horrible really, making me sit through Valentine destroy Koko and we are talking in terms of offense a good 90/10 split in Valentine’s favour and you have the nerve to make me wait for the referee to kick out Beefcake? Disgusting!
Winner: Greg Valentine over Koko B. Ware via Figure Four!
That was Saturday Night’s Main Event, not a memorable version with moments that live on in every wrestling fans’ heart but entertaining nonetheless. My only real issue was the last match, you could have scrapped that and I feel Koko is already screwed when it comes to his booking and I have not even seen that much of The Birdman so far so this might be a very rapid decline for Koko. Thanks for reading and supporting and remember: There’s always another night!