WCW Bash At The Beach 2000

 

Hello and welcome to another hard-hitting edition of Seanomaniac Wrestling Reviews, the only wrestling review series on the internet that oversteps its bounds more than Lio Rush on twitter! It is time for more WCW and what a controversial episode this is going to be for this review series. This is WCW's Bash At The Beach 2000, the most WCW pay per view of all-time. You know better than I about what will be the most talked about moment on this show but let's check this card. Kevin Nash vs Goldberg in a continuation from Goldberg's ill-advised heel turn while we also have Hulk Hogan challenging Jeff Jarrett for the WCW World Heavyweight Championship. Let's see how wrong this show can go shall we? Bring it on!

(WCW Cruiserweight Championship Match) Lt. Loco (C) vs Juventud Guerrera

Juvi brings down the championship to ringside but Loco is announced as champion. Neither man had been doing much prior to the creation of these two groups, Loco was on the fringes while Juvi was out injured. Some fast paced action with inverted atomic drops and atomic drops with Loco clotheslining Juvi to the floor. Loco mocks Juvi walking away from the ring, this seems like a tv commercial break. Juvi suckers in Loco with kicks, Loco suplexes Juvi to the floor. Springboard splash from Loco, Juvi begs for mercy. Loco is suckered in again, ten punches from Juvi. Loco fires back with huge clotheslines and a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two. Eye poke by Juvi, Loco counters with a headscissors out of the corner and a powerslam for two.

Chops by Loco, Loco spanks Juvi. Huge double knockdown, Loco sends Juvi to the floor. Loco up high with a huge dive to the floor, here comes The Filthy Animals in masks. Roll-up by Juvi for two, slingshot leg drop from Juvi which looks like it sucked for Loco. Right hands by Juvi, stomps by Juvi. Slam and Juvi nails a springboard splash for two. Loco catches Juvi on the top rope, Loco gets caught in a Liger Bomb for two. Front suplex by Juvi, Juvi goes for The Juice's Elbow. Juvi connects for two, here comes MIA in masks. Major Gunn comes down the ramp, Juvi is distracted which leads to a reverse suplex by Loco for two. Juvi Driver on Loco, cover and Loco places his foot on the ropes. Tornado DDT out of nowhere from Loco and Loco is still your champion.

That was a fun opening match, they tried to pack a hell of a lot into it and it was a bit much by the end but enjoyable all the same. Looking at these two, it is mad to think they could have been big stars in this division in 1998 with the pushes they were receiving but almost two years later, both were in comedy groups for the latter lifespan for the company.

Winner: Lt. Loco over Juventud Guerrera via Tornado DDT!

The Cat With Jarrett & The Filthy Animals

Commissioner Cat explains to Jarrett that Hogan is still not here at the building while The Cat hands The Jung Dragons their asses.

(WCW Hardcore Championship Match) Big Vito (C) vs Ralphus & Norman Smiley

Vito had become champion which led to the end of the team of Vito and Stamboli, Vito cared more for the championship than the team so they went their separate ways. Smiley returns to pay per view to whoop ass, a lot of trash can shots follow for Vito. Smiley Big Wiggles on Vito, Vito is whipped into a forklift. Ralphus deals out the punishment on Vito, Vito fights back whipping Smiley into bins and a truck. Trash can lid to the head by Vito, Vito rams Smiley into the elevator which closes.

Vito chases Ralphus, Ralphus runs for his life. Vito stomps the shit out of Ralphus, Vito uses a baseball bat to smash Ralphus' little pecker. Vito has a table, Ralphus rolls around in pain. Vito lays Ralphus on the table, Vito drops a huge splash through the table on Ralphus and the camera cuts to Smiley walking down to the ring with no speed or determination. Vito wins the match as Smiley looks on foolishly.

Yeah, that was garbage and not the good kind. Smiley's comedy did not mesh with Vito's serious style of wrestling. You think it would as they are so different but it did not happen, this was a mess and I wish I did not have to sit through that match.

Winner: Vito over Smiley & Ralphus via Splash!

(Wedding Gown Match) Ms. Hancock vs Daffney

Ms. Hancock stole David Flair away from Daffney, Daffney was very entertaining with Flair and Crowbar, shame that it seems like this could be the end of all that fun. Schiavone tries to make this match serious, they are ripping one another's clothes off. David Flair is kissing every inch of Ms. Hancock, Daffney comes to the ring dressed in black. Low blow to Flaior, Daffney slams Hancock to the mat. Flair interferes and helps Hancock, handspring elbow and ass tease from Hancock. Daffney springs up with snapmares, Hancock tries shoving Daffney into the cake at ringside. Flair interferes again, slaps for the men. Low blows for the men and the referee has been stripped to his underwear as is Flair. Hancock is slammed into Flair's balls.

Flair has clippers for Daffney's hair, Crowbar is here and slams Flair. Crowbar decides to strip, this is so surreal. Front sitout suplex by Crowbar, Flair is choked with Crowbar's pants. Daffney wants to cut Flair's hair, Hancock's music plays and Hancock loses as she removed her own gown. Daffney smacks Hancock with the cake and we finally end this nightmare.

What a load of garbage, WCW used to be considered the alternative, the wrestling show compared to WWF but this was what Russo brings to the table. Mindless T&A, not even enough to make me crack a smile, she removed her own gown and nowhere was it implied that Hancock stripped to save David Flair. Just skip this!

Winner: Daffney over Ms. Hancock via Removal Of Gown!

(WCW Tag Team Championship Match) The Perfect Event (C) vs Kronik

Kronik should be Vince's wet dream as we have Kronik, Bryan Adams and Bryan Clark battling two wrestlers who are imitating Curt Hennig and Lex Luger. Adams and Palumbo begin, lock-up and a side headlock by Palumbo. Adams hurls Palumbo to the floor, military press slam by Adams on Stasiak. Stasiak lands on Palumbo, the champions think of walking out of the match. It comes Clark and Stasiak, lock-up with Stasiak pushing Clark into the corner. Right hands by Stasiak, Clark gets control with chops. Uranage slam by Clark, double shoulder block by Kronik. Tag to Adams, big boot to Stasiak. Tag to Palumbo who gets caught in a full-nelson slam for two.

Headbutt by Adams, Palumbo low bridges Adams. The champions put the boots to Adams, Clark is arguing with the referee. Two for Stasiak, right hands by Stasiak. Tag to Palumbo, huge diving shoulder block for two. Right hands by Palumbo, sleeper on Adams. Adams eats a knee after escaping the sleeper, Stasiak comes in with a huge spinning elbow. Sleeper by Stasiak, Adams survives the sleeper and both men bang heads. Clark gets the hot-tag, clotheslines to both men. Stasiak is clotheslined to the floor, Clark almost nails the meltdown but Palumbo nails a DDT. Stasiak clotheslines and dropkicks both men, this is like a hot-tag what is going on?

Stasiak gets a two count in the ring, the champions hammer Clark. Clark eats a clothesline from the champions, double flapjack with Adams saving the match. Palumbo is tossed to the floor, F-5 on Stasiak. Palumbo is knocked off the apron, double big boot to Stasiak. High-Tide to Stasiak, Palumbo saves the match. High-Tide to Palumbo, Stasiak re-enters and eats a powerbomb/clothesline combination. Kronik are your new tag team champions!

This was on its way to a decent little match with Kronik squashing the cheating dickheads that were The Perfect Event until the hot-tag to Clark. What should have been a straight-forward ass-kicking from Kronik, we had a hot-tag for Stasiak where he kicked Kronik's ass by himself. After that we have way too many false-finishes followed by Stasiak no-selling High-Tide just to eat a powerbomb from Kronik. Way to make your finish look like trash, a few botches and weird decisions drag this match down to an appropriate level for WCW at the time.

Winners: Kronik over The Perfect Event via Powerbomb/Clothesline Combination!

Booker T vs Kanyon

Kanyon turned on DDP, turning into Positively Kanyon. A mocking gimmick of DDP's self help book which was released at the time. Booker is looking to beat up Kanyon, spinning heel kick from Booker. Kanyon powders, Booker continues to make a fool of Kanyon, ripping off Kanyon's wig and DDP t-shirt. Booker also takes out a brick Kanyon was hiding in DDP's book, that did make me laugh. Diving clothesline from Booker for two, Kanyon gains control on the outside. Kanyon whips Booker into the guard rail before smacking a steel chair over the steel steps which was on Booker's arm. Kanyon basbeall slides Booker out of the ring, apron suplex into the ring by Kanyon for two. Kanyon has a chair, Kanyon wedges it into the middle turnbuckle. Booker fires up with rights, Kanyon boots Booker but eats a powerslam for two.

Kanyon nails an Alabama Slam for two, reverse Boston crab from Kanyon. Booker kicks out for two but Booker explodes with a huge forearm. Kanyon is whipped into the chafir, spinebuster by Booker for two. Booker has the chair, the referee pulls away the chair. Kanyon hits Booker with the book, Kanyon doesnt realize the brick is not in the book. Booker kips-up, Harlem Sidekick and a huge Scissors Kick. Book-End for two, Jeff Jarrett waffles Booker with a guitar to the head. Middle Rope Kanyon Cutter for the win.

Well, I am glad they were able to make Booker facing Jarrett later in the night make sense with that finish. The action was good, Kanyon's facials for seeing the book was gone was great. Kanyon sold really well for Booker, a bit shocked that Kanyon survived all of Booker's best offense and that Booker was still relying on a missile dropkick as a finish. Anyways, this was the best match on the card so far, it was clean, crisp and delivered whereas the same could not be said for the rest of the card.

Winner: Kanyon over Booker T via Kanyon Cutter!

(WCW United States Championship Match) Scott Steiner (C) vs Mike Awesome

Talk about a WCW screw up, Steiner is super over as a heel but there are no plans to make Steiner a top babyface while Awesome's gimmick is he loves fat women when Awesome should be a top heel tearing through your roster. Match starts hot with Stiner attacking Awesome, Awesome sends Steiner into the crowd. Awesome dives into the crowd, they brawl in the crowd among the people. Clothesline and theatrical elbow from Steiner, stomps in the corner from the champion. Boot by Awesome, Awesome is too slow on the top rope. Steiner belly to belly suplexes Awesome for two. Ten punchres by Steiner, ribbreaker by Steiner. Awesome drops Steiner front suplex style across the top rope. Apron elbow drop by Awesome, Awesome attacks Steiner with a chair.

Awesome smacks Steiner with the ringbell, Awesome has a chair. Steiner is sent crashing back first into the guard rail multiple times, Steiner eats a slingshot splash for two. Awesome is up top, diving clothesline for two. The Cat is here, Steiner suplexes Awesome. Belly to belly suplex by Steiner, The Cat is on the apron. Awesome low blows Steiner, Alabama Slam with a jacknife cover for two. Awesome nails an Awesome Splash for two, Steiner backs Awesome into the corner, the referee is decked by accident. The Cat is in the ring, The Cat nails Awesome by mistake and The Cat eats a belly to belly for his trouble. Steiner applies The Steiner Recliner and Steiner is stripped of his championship.

I guess we are going for Steiner as a babyface, that is a nice surprise. The match was not that good, it was slow in parts with a lot of laying down and waiting for things to happen. The Cat came off as a babyface earlier in the night when attacked by The Jung Dragons and having problems with Jeff Jarrett. However, I have no clue as to who is the babyface and who is the heel in this company. That is a never good sign.

Winner: Mike Awesome over Scott Steiner via DQ!

(Graveyard Match) Vampiro vs The Demon

Vampiro's next feud after Sting is The Demon, more of a demotion that anything else if you ask me, The Demon came about as a result of WCW's dealings with Kiss. You win this match by returning to ringside, The Demon brings his fiancee to the graveyard. Not exactly a good idea, Vampiro jumps out of a tree and gets clobbered. The Demon is put in a grave, The Demon gives chase after the two. Vampiro rises from the water like Freddy in the first Friday the 13th movie. They flop around in the water, The Demon's makeup is still on somehow. Vampiro steals Asya again, The Demon is really a bad protetctor. The referee drags The Demon out of the water, you were saved by the referee are you joking me ??

Asya is knocked out by the coffin, Vamiro splits blood in The Demon's eyes. Vampiro cracks The Demon with a tombstone. The Demon is dragged into the coffin, Vampiro throws The Demon into the open grave. Vampiro throws a flame onto the grave, Vampiro walks away and that is the end of that I suppose.

What a crock of shit, WCW is testing my patience. The rules were they had to return to the ring but it never happened, we did not even get close to that happening. It was dimly lit, you could barely see anything happen and I walked The Demon groggily stumble around a graveyard. DUD!

Winner: Vampiro over The Demon via Escape?

Buff Bagwell vs Shane Douglas

These two were tag team champions, Douglas turned on Bagweel which leads to this match here tonight. Bagwell begins by posing on the turnbuckle, getting a Franchise sucks chant around the arena. More unpolite phrases are exchanged before right hands by Bagwell. Dropkick floors Douglas, Douglas meest the guard rail multiple times. Bagwell rakes at the eyes of Douglas, low blow by Douglas. Bagwell is dropped on the guard rail, Douglas rips up the protective mats. Bagwell backdrops Douglas on the concrete, swinging neckbreaker by Bagwell with Douglas regrouping on the floor. Douglas pulls out Bagwell, rights and lefts exchanged on the floor before Bagwell is introduced to the ringpost groin first.

Douglas punches a chair into Bagwell's face, snapmare into a snapover neckbreaker by Douglas. Neck crank by Douglas, Torrie Wilson is here at ringside. Douglas is slapped by Torrie, roll-up by Bagwell for two. Back elbow and clotheslines by Bagwell for two, Torrie is on the apron. Slingshot splash by Bagwell for two, Bagwell wants Torrie. Low blow by Torrie, Pittsburgh Plunge for the two. Bagwell nails a double DDT for a close two, Bagwell calls for The Blockbuster. Bagwell has Torrie, Douglas saves Torrie with a sitout jawbreaker and Torrie celebrates with Douglas.

Oh WCW you are so clever with your swerves as we have Torrie slapping Douglas only to side with Douglas at the end of the match. Oh Mr. Russo you are so wise, what a crock of shit. Props to Bagwell for selling one of the worst finishers I have ever seen in the history of wrestling. You could have heard a pin drop in the middle of that ring, that move was awful. Both men in that ring were nothing to write home about either, it is just a terrible show all around.

Winner: Shane Douglas over Buff Bagwell via Revenge Of The Swerve!

(WCW World Heavyweight Championship Match) Jeff Jarrett (C) vs Hulk Hogan

Following surviving the trilogy of matches that I have entitled The DDP Is A Moron Series, we have Jeff Jarrett defending against Hulk Hogan. The same Hulk Hogan that brought WCW its greatest success and its darkest hours. Russo cuts a promo, Hogan cuts a promo. Jarrett slowly walks down to the ring, lays down in the middle of the ring and Russo says pin Jarrett. Jarrett looks disgusted, Russo looks disgusted and Hogan calls bullshit in the middle of the ring. Hogan storms off and that's all folks. I will get into this later in the night.

Vampiro And The Coffin

Vampiro makes it to the arena and in comes Sting mask wearing people with a coffin. Vampiro is freaked out, lots of fake Stings and baseball bats. Vampiro is laid to rest in a coffin with Stings poitning bats at the fallen Vampiro.

Russo Returns!

Vinnie Russo is on the microphone, looking pissed off at the turn of events. Russo proceeds to shoot on Hogan, Russo looks as passionate and as animated as I had ever seen in one individual. Russo makes an announcement proclaiming that Jeff Jarrett is still your champion. Russo announces that Jarrett will face none other than Booker T for the world championship. That was intense and passionate, I will give them that it was powerful.

Goldberg vs Kevin Nash (Scott Hall's Career On The Line)

Goldberg was turned heel on his return, great business decision by WCW. Goldberg has Scott Hall's contract, Nash is fighting for his buddy. Nash asks for help from Steiner which is a little strange, we get a long shot of Nash walking from the back to the arena. A rematch from Starrcade and Slamboree, the series is tied at 1:1. This is the rubber match between Nash and Goldberg, Goldberg unloads on Nash. Nash comes back with knees, huge elbow rocks Goldberg's world. Goldberg sweeps Nash, huge front suplex for two. Goldberg superkicks Nash down, chokeslam by Nash for two. Here comes Steiner, Goldberg chokes Nash. Goldberg stomps Nash, Goldberg talk shit with Steiner.

Nash boots Goldberg, sidewalk slam by Nash for two. Goldberg misses a spear, Goldberg hits the corner hard. Nash pulls down the straps, Nash wants the jacknife and here comes Steiner with clotheslines. Nash boots Steiner, Spear by Goldberg. Jackhammer by Goldberg and Scott Hall will never be seen in WCW ever again.

Well, I earlier in this review said they should turn Steiner babyface but he was a babyface and now later in the night, Steiner is a heel. WCW have outdone themselves by turning Steiner heel when he was one of the hottest acts in the company. On a touching note, this was the end of The Outsiders, four years after the very pay per view where they formed The NWO and began dominating the company. I wish I could say WCW had the foresight to have this touching moment at the pay per view but I will put it down to luck.

Winner: Goldberg over Kevin Nash via Jackhammer!

(WCW World Heavyweight Championship Match) Jeff Jarrett (C) vs Booker T

Buffer calls it an amazing night, the commentators look bored out of their minds. So, Booker is the new number one contender, Booker was over with the WCW crowd despite dubious booking and a bizarre 2000 which saw him lose the rights to Harlem Heat and wrestle as GI Bro. In my eyes, Booker should not have been anywhere near that championship with the way he was booked but there are rumours that WCW were in a lawsuit over the treatment of the likes of Sonny Onoo etc which leads to a rumour that Booker was made champion as he was black and it would reflect positvely on the company.

Lock-up, side headlock by Jarrett. Booker escapes, Booker continues to outwrestle Jarrett. Waistlock by Jarrett, side headlock by Booker. Top wristlock by Jarrett, shoulder block by Jarrett which leads to a dropkick by Booker. Right hand by Jarrett, multiple rights by Jarrett. Harlem sidekick by Booker, Jarrett is knocked to the floor. Axe handle by Booker and Jarrett is tossed into the crowd, Booker is piledriven through the announce table. Booker takes over somehow, Jarrett applies the sleeper. Booker refuses to give up, elbows by Booker. Boot by Jarrett in the corner, sleeper is back on from Jarrett. Booker locks in his own sleeper but Jarrett counters with a shin breaker. Jarrett calls for the figure four, Booker has an inside cradle for two.

Jarrett applies The Figure Four, Booker sits struggling in the hold. Booker manages to reverse the hold, Jarrett works the leg. Booker fights back, Scissors Kick and a Spinaroonie. Spinebuster for two, Booker crotches himself off the Harlem sidekick. Ten punches by Jarrett, Jarrett whips Booker into the referee. Booker has the championship, Jarrett is waffled with the championship but Jarrett kicks out again! Low blow by Jarrett, Jarrett has the chair. Jarrett wedges the chair into the turnbuckle, Jarrett is sent into the chair for two. Right hand by Jarrett, Jarrett Strokes the referee, low blow to Booker.

Jarrett grabs his trusty guitar, Jarrett climbs to the top rope but Booker counters Jarrett with a Book-End. Booker pins Jarrett off the Super Book-End, a new referee comes down to the ring and counts the pin, could it be a new era in WCW?

Good match, they went right to work and pulled out all the stops to entertain the fans and send them home happy after the fiasco with Hogan. Althought I do not agree that Booker appeared anywhere close to a champion in the months leading to this moment, it is hard to criticize someone who was constantly entertaining when the spotlight was on him and you can see that the it meant the world to Booker to hold that championship.

Winner: Booker T over Jeff Jarrett via Book-End!

A happy ending to a terrible showing from WCW, that was WCW's Bash At The Beach 2000! You have the drama of Hogan vs Russo, a simple story that becomes complicated depending on who's side you believe, some say it was all a work until Russo shit all over Hogan which led to the lawsuit and so on and so forth. Regardless, this show was the same as every other WCW show from 2000. There was little done right, Kronik were on their way as a big dominant tag team and they were doing the right thing with Scott Steiner. However, an hour later they fucked that up by turning Steiner heel, Goldberg should have never been heel in the first place and the depth of the roster is at an all-time low, they are swerves, kayfabe being discarded and the impression that WCW is trying oh so hard to be the WWF but they are simply WWF-Lite. If you wish to see pure chaos on pay per view, check out Russo and Hogan's part. Otherwise, I would give this a miss like the enitre comapny by this point. Thanks for reading and supporting and remember: There's Always Another Night!