Hello and welcome to another sunny-edition of Seanomaniac Wrestling Reviews! We are deep into 2003 and it's time for Summerslam, one of the big four pay per views. We have an Elimination Chamber Match for The World Heavyweight Championship, Brock Lesnar vs Kurt Angle for The WWE Championship, A fresh, heel and unmasked Kane against RVD and Shane Mcmahon vs Eric Bischoff, it's WWE Blockbuster of The Summer but will be a flop? There is only one way to find out, let's rock!
They do not give me one on The Network, possibly due to the use of St. Anger by Metallica as the theme for the pay per view, the show opens with some military flag-bearers and Lillian Garcia singing The National Anthem. Lillian does a great job which is no surprise. Hold on a minute, we do have a promo with an Irish sounding priest talking about sin and death, glad to see our country represented on pay per view. It is a joint pay per view with all announcers talking about the pay per view.
(WWE World Tag Team Championship Match) The Dudley Boyz vs La Resistance (C)
La Resistance are your tag team champions, they disrespect Americans and there is no difference between La Resistance and The Un-Americans, The Un-Americans were better workers too. Shame really, Rob Conway had just joined La Resistance so we have a three-man group now. The Dudleys meet the champions on the ramp, The Dudleys pummel Grenier & Dupree. Dupree is choked with The French flag, leaping clothesline and dropkick by D-Von on Dupree, Grenier eats a clothesline.
Dupree backs D-Von into the corner, Grenier is in the ring. Clothesline by D-Von and a nice scoop slam, leg drop for two. Tag to Bubba, clubbing blows by Bubba. Chest slap, Grenier is in the tree of woe, Bubba steps on Grenier's little man and more chest slaps from Bubba. Back elbow and a choke, Dupree is whipped into Grenier, corner splash by Bubba and The Dudley Boyz control the ring. Right hands by Bubba, Grenier clubs Bubba from the apron, back suplex and elbows by Dupree for two. Grenier is legal, double shoulder block, low blow by Grenier as the referee deals with D-Von. Hard Irish whip by Dupree, bearhug by Dupree.
Headbutts by Bubba, right hand to Grenier but Dupree scores with a spinebuster before D-Von saves Bubba, Bubba Bomb on Grenier. D-Von gets the hot-tag, clotheslines to everyone. Back drop to Dupree, neckbreaker to Grenier, Grenier is on the floor. Powerslam on Dupree for two, leaping clothesline by D-Von. Grenier grabs D-Von from the apron, Dupree knocks Grenier by mistaker and D-Von rolls-up Dupree for two. Double spinebuster by La Resistance for two, Bubba tees off on Dupree, What's Up Headbutt to Grenier.
3D to Dupree, Grenier pulls out the referee at two, a cameraman nails D-Von in the back of the head, Dupree is placed on top of D-Von and La Resistance retain their championships. The cameraman wipes out Bubba and Spike, the cameraman is revealed to be Rob Conway, La Resistance steal the win.
It was alright, crowd was hot for the match and The Dudleys & La Resistance did nothing to ruin the crowd's mood. Still not buying La Resistance as the best tag team on Raw, The Dudleys feel stale chasing the championships and it has been a month, one month! Feuds with Rodney Mack and now this, it feels like The Dudley Boyz need something new, the match was fine but these teams feel stale to me.
Winners: La Resistance over The Dudley Boyz via Shenanigans!
Christian/Eric Bischoff Segment
Eric Bischoff is training for match with Shane, Christian is annoyed he is not on the show, asks can he help Bischoff, Bischoff says no. So, Christian asks did Bischoff do anything with Linda Mcmahon, Bischoff says he will reveal all later tonight. Ewww.
Undertaker vs A-Train
A-Train is Vince's hired gun, A-Train took out Stephanie and has set his sights on The American Badass, nice bit of continuity as Taker's ribs are taped up, they were worked on by Cena at Vengeance, A-Train attacked Undertaker with a lead pipe, Undertaker is like a wounded animal. Lock-up, A-Train looks to attack the ribs, Sable is in A-Train's corner. Shoulder block by A-Train, side headlock by A-Train. Another shoulder block, knees by Taker. Russian legsweep by Taker for two, elbows in the corner by Taker. Right hands by A-Train, Taker recovers off an Irish whip for a running DDT for two, Taker works the arm of A-Train.
Leaping clothesline by Taker, Old School by Taker. A-Train lowbridges Taker and that's how Taker's ribs are hurt. Shots to the kidneys by A-Train, two for A-Train. Foot choke by A-Train, more forearms and knees to the ribs of Taker. Suplex by A-Train, Taker fights back from his knees before A-Train headbutts Taker. Taker fires up, A-Train is caught in a sleeper before countering with a back suplex, rib shot by A-Train. Snake eyes by Taker, Taker misses the big boot and we have a malfunction at the junction with both men colliding in the middle of the ring. Taker unloads on A-Train with right hands, slugfest and Taker is in control.
Big boot and leg drop by Taker for two, apron leg drop by Taker. Corner clothesline, make it two, Taker calls for The Last Ride, A-Train shoves Taker into the referee. Baldo Bomb by A-Train for two, Taker clotheslines the referee by mistake. Bicycle Kick by A-Train, A-Train grabs a steel chair, Taker boots the chair into A-Train's head. Two for Taker, A-Train slides out of a Tombstone, Chokeslam by Taker and the match is over. Sable comes onto Taker, Stephanie comes out and beats up Sable.
That match was a let-down, there was not much of a heat segment from A-Train, it was a simple story to tell with Taker's injured ribs but nothing ever came together, it felt half-assed from A-Train, Sable was pointless to have at ringside except for the last spot, if you bring out a valet and she is a heel, there should be a safe bet that she will get involved but nope, she was just there for The Stephanie spot at the end of everything, they might call it a huge win for Taker but A-Train never looked like a threat to The Undertaker.
Winner: The Undertaker over A-Train via Chokeslam!
Eric Bischoff vs Shane Mcmahon
Ok, Kane had unmasked and attacked Linda Mcmahon, Shane returned and promised to beat the crap out of Kane, Shane nailed Kane with a chair and knocked him off the Raw stage. Now, for whatever reason, there is no match between the two at Summerslam as RVD is being fed to Kane to end their feud which is completely overshadowed by this point and Shane Mcmahon is facing Eric Bischoff because Austin said you might as well fight someone, this sounds lame and it is, it feels thrown together and it does not have to be this way, you could have had Shane vs Kane and not this piece of shit storyline.
Bischoff claims to have had sex with Linda Mcmahon multiple times, nice image for everyone reading this review (Sorry I apologize). Shane stomps and elbows Bischoff in the corner, forearms to the face by Shane, Bischoff is thrown to the floor and Bischoff tries leaving, clothesline by Shane. Shots to the back of the head by Shane, kick to the ribs by Shane. Bischoff is hurled into the barricade, and rammed into the ring apron and into the barriacde again. Bischoff is floored by a left jab, Bischoff is pounced off the announce table, The Coach cracks Shane with a chair, this is beginning of The Coach as a heel, I love Coach.
Bischoff makes the match a no DQ and falls count anywhere match, Shane kicks out after being thrown into the steel steps, Coach flings Shane into the ring, Coach grabs Shane. Bischoff cuts off JR & Jerry Lawler, Coach calls the moves while Bischoff kicks Shane. Coach is great, Bischoff kicks Shane in the head multiple times. Shane fights back, DDT to Bischoff, elbows to Coach. Low blow by Coach, Austin's music hits and The Coach wets himself. Coach stands up to Austin, Coach does not touch Austin but Shane shoves Coach into Austin. Cue Austin killing Coach, just beautiful, Shane joins in stomping Coach.
Austin leaves after Stunnering Bischoff as Bischoff laid a hand on Austin thanks to Shane's help, Shane pulls up Bischoff up after The Stunner, Shane wants to put Bischoff through the announce table, Bischoff is placed on the table and Shane dives through the table with His Elbow Drop. The Match comes to and end with Shane gaining revenge.
Way too long, it really did not need to happen. Like I said above, they should have gone right to Shane vs Kane even though that did derail the push Kane was receiving at the time. I did love Coach's heel turn, the guy seemed to be loving every second of his time and I like to see that but this match was pointless and went too long, a waste of Shane in my eyes.
Winner: Shane Mcmahon over Eric Bischoff via Elbow Drop!
Randy Orton/Ric Flair
Flair is telling Orton to protect Triple H, Orton says all is good. Orton talks about what-ifs, Triple H appears and warns Orton there is not waht-ifs, looks like they were planting the seeds a whole year before Orton would win the championship.
(WWE United States Championship Match) Eddie Guerrero (C) vs Chris Benoit vs Rhyno vs Tajiri
Eddie Guerrero won the championship at Vengeance thanks to Rhyno. Rhyno was Benoit's tag partner and screwed The Rabid Wolverine out of the championship. Tajiri had been a former partner of Eddie Guerrero and maybe because Heyman is booking Smackdown, Tajiri is in this match. Everyone wants to kill Eddie, Tajiri is on the floor. Benoit and Rhyno start the match, clothesline by Rhyno, Benoit applies The Crossface, Eddie takes out Benoit before staying on the floor. Tajiri kicks the head off Rhyno and Benoit, Rhyno comes back with a clothesline on Tajiri.
The three challengers take turns hammering Eddie, Rhyno powerslams Eddie. Benoit goes after Rhyno, snap suplex by Benoit for two. Tajiri attacks Benoit, chop by Benoit. Back suplex by Benoit, Eddie makes the save. Rhyno is tossed to the floor as is Benoit by Eddie, monkey flip and tilt-a-whirl backbreaker by Tajiri on Eddie, Rhyno breaks up the pin. Benoit and Rhyno brawl, Rhyno drills Benoit into the turnbuckle, Eddie tries stealing the pin but Rhyno is not happy, superplex by Rhyno on Eddie. Tajiri breaks up the pin, kicks by Tajiri. Handspring elbow by Tajiri on Benoit, Eddie makes the save. Rhyno back suplexes Eddie for two, headscissors takedown by Eddie on Rhyno.
Hurricanrana by Eddie on Benoit for two, Rhyno and Benoit brawl some more until Rhyno clotheslines Benoit, Eddie tosses Rhyno to the floor. Eddie and Tajiri are in the ring, Lasso from El Paso by Eddie, Benoit has Rhyno in The Crippler Crossface. Tajiri makes it to the ropes and Eddie dropkicks Benoit. Eddie poses and Benoit locks in The Crossface, Rhyno saves the championship. Tajiri blocks a powerbomb but eats a spinebuster from Rhyno, dropkick by Benoit. Benoit grabs Tajiri for German suplexes, Tajiri blocks the third for his own German suplex for two. Tajiri grabs Benoit for The Tarantula, Eddie has the championship.
Rhyno Gores Eddie but Eddie uses the championship as a shield, Tajiri kicks Eddie off the top rope, Benoit has Tajiri in the tree of woe, Benoit lands a Diving Headbutt on Rhyno and Tajiri saves the match at the last second. Benoit ducks the Buzzsaw kick, Tajiri hurricanranas Benoit to the floor and Eddie Frog Splashes Rhyno for the win.
That was a good match, good workes can never go wrong. What is super clear from this match is Eddie is gaining some serious momentum, the chants were all throughout for Eddie, bigger things must be in the future for Latino Heat. Anyways, this was a fun match with plenty of hard-hitting action, false-finishes and a good finish that builds the character of Latino Heat as an opportunist who will do whatever it takes to retain his championship.
Winner: Eddie Guerrero over Everyone Else via Frog Splash!
(WWE Championship Match) Kurt Angle (C) vs Brock Lesnar
Kurt Angle returned and won The WWE Championship, Kurt and Brock were friends but Brock would turn his back on Kurt and align himself with Vince Mcmahon. Vince challenged Brock to a steel cage match, Kurt Angle was the special referee, Brock was assaulted earlier in the night, swerve! Brock was not injured, Vince has Brock in his pocket and now they fight to see who is the best, Brock was a monster babyface but his best work is as a heel so I am looking forward to seeing this match.
We have a nice stare-down with Mike Chioda laying down the rules, no handshake between the two. Lock-up, Lesnar shoves back Angle. Angle takes the back of Lesnar, Lesnar has Angle in a hammerlock, Angle counters for a side headlock. Lock-up, Angle trips Lesnar, we have another stand-off. Lock-up and Lesnar shoves down Angle, another lock-up with the same result. Angle shoves Lesnar into the corner by the back of his head, arm drags by Angle. Lesnar powders, Lesnar grabs the championship and walks out of the arena. Angle decks Lesnar, right hands by Angle but Lesnar clubs his way back into the match.
Angle goes for the leg, knes by Lesnar. Belly to belly suplex by Angle for two, Lesnar military presses Angle to the floor. Lesnar sends Angle into the steel steps, Lesnar back drops Angle for two. Angle counters a military press for an O Connor roll, two for Angle and Lesnar regains control with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two. Rear-naked choke by Lesnar, Angle fires up but Lesnar cuts off Angle with a knee to the ribs. Backbreakers by Lesnar, stomps and foot choke by Lesnar. Angle battles back with right hands and a schoolboy for two, clothesline by Lesnar. Standing version of The Muscle Buster by Lesnar for two, shoulder thrusts by the challenger.
Vince appears with a chair, Angle is cracked with the chair. F-5, 1......2........ Angle kicks out! Vince tells Lesnar to kill Angle, Angle counters and trips Lesnar for The Ankle Lock, Lesnar makes it to the ropes but Angle pulls Lesnar to the middle of the ring, Lesnar taps to The Ankle Lock and Angle for good measure, Angle Slams Vince Mcmahon through a chair.
Good but not great, the beginning I like a lot with both men feeling one another out and wrestling on the mat. Lesnar's power and Angle's brains show great sides of each character, the beginning of Lesnar's heat segment was great, the military press slam to the floor looked and sounded nasty, maybe it was because Lesnar was no longer use to working heel but I felt the heat was not as strong as it should have been. Not a fan of The Vince stuff, I felt it should have been just the two very best battling it out like Wrestlemania but that is the way it is sometimes, you do not get what you want (Remember that, it is important for later).
Winner: Kurt Angle over Brock Lesnar via Ankle Lock!
Kane vs Rob Van Dam
Kane had problems with RVD? Kane was not The Big Red Machine we all knew and loved, Kane would lose his mask and a lot of the story of Kane's career was retconned. Not a fan of this in movies and I do not know how to feel about when it comes to Kane. Anyways, Kane's scars from the fire were more psychological than anything else, Kane would set JR on fire and Kane would Tombstone Linda Mcmahon. They should have saved that for next month as Shane vs Kane is what is truly brewing while it looks like creative just went Oh yeah, we have RVD, let's have him face Kane in the meantime.
Howard Finkel informs us that this match is No Holds Barred, RVD takes the fight right to Kane, clothesline by Kane. RVD is dropped across the top rope and stumbles to the floor, uppercut by Kane on the floor. RVD moonsaults off the apron onto Kane, right hands by RVD but Kane overpowers RVD. RVD eats the ringpost, Kane pulls out a ladder. Kane tries pulling the ladder into the ring, RVD see-saws the ladder into Kane's face. Diving thrustkick by RVD, Rolling Thunder is blocked as Kane grabs the throat of RVD for a Chokeslam, Kane eats a kick to the head and RVD crossbodies Kane to the floor. Kane sends RVD into the ringpost and steel steps.
Step-through kick to the head by RVD, shoulder thrust by RVD. Diving thrustkick and a spinning leg drop for two, right hands by RVD. RVD tries another dive but Kane shoves RVD to the floor before RVD can leap, Kane has the ladder once more. RVD is rammed with the ladder for two, right hands by Kane. Blatant choke by Kane, corner clothesline by Kane. Foot choke by Kane, RVD dodges a corner clothesline and wallops Kane with an enzuigiri. Kane elevates RVD to the apron, Kane uppercuts RVD to the floor, Kane tries his diving clothesline and RVD dodges the clothesline. Ladder to the face of Kane, Kane recovers to DDT RVD on the floor.
Kane has the steel steps, RVD counters with a drop toehold and Kane smacks off the steel steps, RVD dropkicks Kane into the crowd. Kane is crotched on the barricade, RVD scores with a leg drop onto the barricade. RVD has a chair, spinning heel kick by RVD. A chair is on Kane, Rolling Thunder on Kane and the chair. Kane sits up, RVD dropkicks the chair into Kane's face. RVD signals for The Van Terminator, Kane moves out of the way at the last second, Kane catches RVD who tries a crossbody. Tombstone on the steel steps, Kane picks up the win.
Not a big fan of this match, I do not know what it was about the match but it did not come all together for me. RVD was almost torched by Kane, RVD was Kane's best friend and Kane turned his back on him so, it should be like a war in that ring. They had the violence element but I was not blown away by it and it is hard to think that Kane after destroying RVD is going to face Shane Mcmahon, Kane who is like an absolute monster is going to have to make Shane Mcmahon look like a threat. Thank god for RVD being super over despite his booking because this match should have been right up his alley but it was just there as a match, maybe that's why it was the match between the two big championship matches.
Winner: Kane over RVD via Tombstone on The Steel Steps!
Linda Mcmahon/Eric Bischoff
Bischoff shits himself as Linda enters his room and smacks the shit out of him, yay? Who cares really?
(WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match) Triple H (C) vs Shawn Michaels vs Goldberg vs Kevin Nash vs Chris Jericho vs Randy Orton (Elimination Chamber Match)
The second-ever Elimination Chamber match, all the top superstars on RAW collide in this massive, evil structure. Two men start, four men are locked in pods, one pod opens at timed intervals, eliminations can occur an anytime and they can occur by pin-fall or submission. What you need to know about this match is Triple H is nursing a groin injury, he is wearing biker length tights and cannot move around in any realy shape or form, remember that as you watch this match unfold.
Chris Jericho and Shawn Michaels kick us off, side headlock by Jericho. Hammerlock by Michaels, shoulder block and a springboard crossbody by Michaels. Backslide by Michaels for two, knee by Jericho. Sunset flip by Michaels for two, slap by Jericho. Slap by Michaels, right hands by Michaels. Back body drop, Jericho goes for The Walls of Jericho but Michaels counters for a small package for two. Modified bulldog by Jericho, Lionsault is avoided but clothesline by Jericho helps Y2J maintain control. Randy Orton is released from his pod, crossbody on Michaels for two. Dropkick and clothesline to Michaels, Jericho attacks Orton.
Orton backbreaker for two, Michaels decks Orton & Jericho. Enzuigiri by Jericho to Michaels for two, dropkick by Orton to Jericho. Orton is back dropped to the floor, ouch. Scoop slam on the floor by Jericho, Michaels tried a hurricanrana but Jericho has The Walls of Jericho on Michaels. In comes Nash out of his pod, Orton is manhandled. Jericho is clotheslined to the floor, Jericho is rammed into the chamber wall. Jericho is scrapped off the chamber wall, sidewalk slam to Orton for two. Nash clotheslines Michaels for two, big boot to Jericho. Jacknife Powerbomb on Jericho does not go to plan as Michaels Sweet Chin Musics Nash and Jericho pins Big Sexy.
Kevin Nash has been eliminated by Chris Jericho!
Triple H is out of the pod and Michaels Sweet Chin Musics Triple H back into his pod. Nash Powerbombs Jericho & Orton, Michaels is bleeding as Orton cracked heads with Michaels thanks to Nash. Michaels tries pinning Jericho & Orton but both places their feet on the ropes. Orton, Jericho & Michaels slug it out until in comes Goldberg. Right hands to everyone, military press into a spinebuster on Orton, Michaels & Jericho eat a double clothesline. Spear for Orton and Orton is a goner.
Randy Orton has been eliminated by Goldberg via Spear!
Jericho missile dropkicks Goldberg, one count for Jericho. Goldberg presses Jericho to the floor, Michaels is whipped hard by Goldberg into the corner. Jericho is Speared through the chamber pod by Goldberg, Michaels elbows Goldberg. Sweet Chin Music, Goldberg ducks and Spears Michaels. Jackhammer and Michaels is gone, Spear to Jericho and a Jackhammer, Jericho is gone too.
Chris Jericho & Shawn Michaels have been eliminated by Goldberg via Spear & Jackhammer!
Triple H wets himself at the thought of facing Goldberg all alone, Flair blocks Goldberg's entrance to the pod, Goldberg punches through the glass. Triple H is pummeled by Goldberg, Triple H is scrapped off the chamber wall. Clothesline by Goldberg, Goldberg calls for The Spear, Flair hands Triple H the sledgehammer through the wall. Goldberg is decked in the head and Triple H retains the championship.
You fucking company, you have the audacity to put that as the ending for your main event. Trash, absolute trash for The RAW main event scene. Triple H is injured, Triple H cannot do the main event matches for a month or two, there is no reason to have Triple H as champion. Goldberg destroys everyone, they build up the ending perfectly for Goldberg to dethrone Triple H as the new champion and yet, Triple H beats Goldberg. Of course, Triple H uses the sledgehammer, you know the way he does it right? He covers the hard part with his hand so in reality, Goldberg was knocked out by Triple H's big fist. Yeah... this match was going great up until the finish.
Winner: Triple H over Goldberg via Sledgehammer To The Head!
That was WWE's Summerslam 2003, a more disappointing show that I could have hoped for, a lot of the matches just did not deliver. Shane's match was a waste as was Kane vs RVD, Lesnar vs Angle was good but not great, Eddie was entertaining and the fatal four way was good. Taker's match felt like it was just there, The Dudleys match was just there and that main event, that took me down so many levels. I cannot understand that decision, it was the dumbest thing I have seen, it was like a WCW show featuring Hogan or a TNA show with Jarrett in the main event. Well done RAW main event scene, you continually annoy me with boring matches and politics that would make The White House blush. Overall, do not see the show, it is not worth your time. Thanks for reading and remember: There's always another night!