Hello and welcome to another edition of Seanomaniac Wrestling Reviews, the only wrestling review series on the internet that is more of a rip-off than that Vanilla Midget Ricky Starks! It’s time for WWE No Way Out 2009! The big feuds on this one include JBL vs Shawn Michaels, HBK’s freedom is on the line as Shawn Michaels must win and if HBK does not win, JBL will own Shawn Michaels for the rest of his career. We also have Shane Mcmahon vs Randy Orton, Shane Mcmahon returned to avenge his father who was put in the hospital by The Viper. We also have two massive Elimination Chamber matches with both brand’s championships being defended with John Cena and Edge having terrible odds heading into this night. A small card for sure but some big names up and down the card, looking forward to seeing how this one plays out!
(WWE World Championship Match) Edge © vs Triple H vs The Undertaker vs Jeff Hardy vs The Big Show vs Vladimir Kozlov
Big match here to kick us off, thought they would not have Jeff Hardy in here to protect the former champion from another big loss especially with Big Show, Taker and Triple H in there, all people who we could see beaten Jeff Hardy. Edge comes in to start with Hardy, Hardy lands neckbreakers and clotheslines. Edge is rattled before a reversal leads to a big boot, loud Hardy chants in the arena. Two off the boot, Edge crossbodies the back of Hardy for another two. Measured right hands by Edge, whip to the opposite buckle but Hardy answers with a head-scissors, inverted atomic drop followed by a leg drop and a low dropkick. Twist of Fate and Edgecution are countered before Hardy lands the Twist of Fate. Edge dodges the Swanton Bomb, Edge measures for The Spear. Hardy counters for a small package, 1…2…3! Edge is irate, Edge cannot believe it. We are going to have a new champion again, Edge’s return has gone from bad to worse. Unthinkable considering how Edge was protected constantly in the main event scene, Edge is in pure shock and has to leave the chamber.
Kozlov is the first out of the chamber, not good for Hardy. Big boot by Kozlov, shoulder thrusts in the corner, clubbing forearms. Hardy lands a knee to the head, dropkick to the knee. Hardy tries a middle rope crossbody but Kozlov lands a massive headbutt, Hardy is tossed into the cage wall. Hardy eats headbutts and knees by The Moscow Mauler. Huge kick to the ribs, fallaway slam by Kozlov for two. Back-breaker by Kozlov for two, Hardy fights back and lands a jaw-breaker followed by a massive slingshot dropkick. Kozlov eats a Whisper In The Wind, we will have a new entrant. Big Show is our next entrant, not looking good for Hardy.
Show lands a gut punch and tosses Hardy across the ring, Show steps on Hardy. Headbutt from Show, Kozlov headbutts Hardy. Knees by Kozlov, little bit of friendly competition between Kozlov & Show, Show is going to show his power with a big slam on Hardy. Kozlov is game to answer, Hardy begins fighting both men before a headbutt by Show brings down Hardy. Kozlov headbutts down Show, the two monsters are brawling now. These intervals between wrestlers is super long I feel, Show wants a suplex on Kozlov. Show misses a corner splash, Kozlov lands shoulder thrusts before Show lands a clothesline on Kozlov. Triple H comes out next, face-buster on Show. High knee on Kozlov, Show is whipped to the buckle but reverses, Show misses a splash. Triple H spine-busters Show, Hardy is clotheslined down by Triple H.
Kozlov is low-bridged to the steel floor, Show lands a sidewalk slam on Triple H. Kozlov is going after Hardy, Taker wants to punch the head off of Show but Taker must wait until the buzzer goes off to enter the ring. Triple H escapes a Chokeslam but eats a gorilla press slam, Hardy and Triple H begin working together. Show is on the steel floor, Kozlov eats a double suplex. Whisper In The Wind on Triple H, Taker is coming into the ring. Taker explodes on Show, rights and lefts. Same treatment for Kozlov, Snake-Eyes and a big boot. Corner clotheslines, flying clothesline on Show.
Taker is going Old School on Triple H, Taker dives off onto Show. Show wants a Chokeslam counter but Show eats a DDT on the steel floor. Taker nails Old School on Triple H this time, big boot on Hardy. Out of nowhere, Kozlov lands a massive headbutt and shoulder thrusts on Taker, ten punches in the corner by Kozlov. Taker counters for The Last Ride, goodbye Kozlov!
Show is staggering to his feet, Chokeslam on Taker. Triple H wants a pedigree on Show but Show back-drops Triple H onto the steel floor, Hardy is up now. Show military slams Hardy onto Triple H, Triple H does a terrible job of catching Hardy. Show tries shoving Hardy into the cage, Hardy climbs the cage but gets crotched on top of the pod. Show is climbing to the top, Taker is hammering away at Show. Huge battle on the top rope, superplex from Taker. Triple H staggers to his feet and Pedigrees Show, Hardy shows signs of life and decides it's time for a Swanton Bomb. Big Show has been Eliminated!
Three heavy-hitters left in this match, Hardy misses a Whisper In The Wind. Triple H lands right hands on Taker, Taker reverses that and pummels Triple H. Whip to the buckle with Triple H tumbling to the steel, Old School on Hardy doesn’t connect as Triple H crotched Taker on the top rope. Hardy lands Poetry in Motion using Taker as a base but Taker picks up Hardy through the ropes and lands a Tombstone for the elimination, Jeff Hardy’s dream will not be fulfilled again on this night.
Taker vs Triple H, this could go either way. Taker is looking a little worse than Triple H, big boot by Taker. Taker lands a headbutt and a measured straight before missing a big boot in the corner, Taker tastes the steel. In the ring, Triple H tries a double axe handle but Taker lands a Chokeslam for a close two, Irish whip to the buckle. Triple H boots Taker, Taker lands Snake-Eyes but Triple H answers with a spine-buster. Two for Triple H, we are on the floor again. Taker catapults Triple H into the chain wall, Taker wants a tombstone, both men tease tombstones before Taker lands a massive tombstone. Triple H places his foot on the rope to survive, Taker walks into a Pedigree. 1….2…. Taker kicks out of The Pedigree!
Both men are trading punches in the corner, Taker naturally wins that war but Triple H gives back to some huge right hands. Taker is whipped to the buckle, Triple H goes for ten punches. Taker looks for the Last Ride but Triple H learns from Wrestlemania X7 and slips out for a Pedigree! Game Over!
I will acknowledge the finish as a callback to Wrestlemania X7, it’s just a very interesting choice heading into Mania, the WWE Championship is going to switch shows, I have no idea when but I have no memory of Cena wrestling extensively on Smackdown so I can’t imagine it lasted long but to have Triple H as the face of Smackdown for many months and then go back to Triple H so soon after Edge coming back and Hardy winning the championship feels strange to me, did Triple H need the championship to justify fighting Orton? Considering Orton would take out Triple H’s father-in-law and brother-in-law, I don’t think it was necessary but then again, where would they have gone with Edge? Would they be bold enough to do Matt Hardy vs Jeff Hardy for the championship? Never so it is really interesting to see how things are working out, I still don’t think Jeff should have been in the match but as far as the action goes, it’s really strong once Taker hits the ring. Big shots, awesome sequences and finisher-reversals galore.
Winner: Triple H via Pedigree!
(No Holds Barred Match) Shane Mcmahon vs Randy Orton
Orton kicked the head off of Vince Mcmahon, Orton had backed WWE in the corner by claiming that he had a mental illness and WWE would be sued into oblivion for this mistake. Shane wants to avenge his father and is promising to make sure Orton does not make it to Wrestlemania.
Shane pops Orton in the mouth, I imagine Shane didn’t pull his punches so Orton will be honestly kicking Shane as hard as he can when the time comes, Shane uses his jabs to frustrate Orton. These jabs got worse over the years, Orton kicks low and punches the shit out of Shane. Shane lands right and lefts, Orton is being knocked around the ring, Shane sends Orton to the floor. Baseball slide, Shane brings out the toys. A table and a trash can, Orton lands his back-breaker and sends Shane back first into the ring-apron. Kicks to the ribs, belly to back suplex by Orton. Orton exposes the turnbuckle, Shane meets it hard. Boot to the chest by Orton, Shane rolls to the floor and comes back with a kendo stick, Shane beats Orton all across the back. Orton is waffled in the head with the announce monitor, Orton is bleeding from his head. Orton is limp and placed on the table, Shane is thinking of diving through the table. However, here comes Legacy! Shane is beaten in the corner, Cody has grabbed a steel chair. Cody cracks Dibiase by mistake and Shane DDTs Cody on the chair, of course nobody would help Shane because its not necessary. Shane can beat everyone by himself, Orton is a proper bloody mess. Cody Rhodes is in the corner with a trash can in his face, Shane is going Coast to Coast! Cody Rhodes is taken out! Shane is thinking of diving to the announcer table too, Shane‘s back is destroyed but here comes Shane, Shane crashes and burns as Orton moves out of the way.
Shane is in horrible pain, Shane has somehow made it to the apron. Orton walks over to Shane, Orton grabs Shane and snaps him with a DDT across the ropes. Shane kicks out of the DDT, Orton grabs the table. Orton wants a superplex from the top rope, beautifully executed from The Viper. Shane kicks out at two, Orton decides to smash Shane’s head into the table-frame, Garvin Stomp time, massive knee-drop to the throat. Two for Orton, Orton measures for The Punt Kick. Shane counters with a spear, Shane grabs a chair and cracks Orton across the back, a second shot to the ankle. Third shot to the ankle, fourth shot to the other foot. Orton is begging for mercy, Shane measures and measures. Final shot to the head, Shane wants to punt Orton but Orton suckered Shane in for an RKO and it’s over!
Typical Mcmahon Affair here, you get wildly entertaining moments that make up for the lack of athleticism or co-ordination that they possess but the match also goes too long and the mcmahons always coming out a little too strong. This is on full display here with Shane as you get table bumps, two actually a Coast To Coast and multiple weapon shots to cover up Shane’s lack of attack. This was very good, very entertaining but once Shane hit The Coast To Coast and missed the table elbow, Orton should have annihilated him. Orton should have hit the DDT and punted Shane’s head off or nailed an RKO. Instead we have Shane surviving a table suplex, a DDT and more and even countering the punt, overkill on here to keep Shane strong with a mistake leading to his pin-fall. But they run the company so what are you going to do right?
Winner: Randy Orton over Shane Mcmahon via RKO!
(ECW World Heavyweight Championship Match) Jack Swagger © vs Finlay W/ Hornswoggle
Oh I do not have a good feeling about that, Swagger looked exposed against Matt Hardy and Finlay is a veteran, rough old bastard and I just do not know if this will work out. They also have the issue of trying to have a match when Christian has returned and everyone wants to see Christian. Things start out with Finlay beating the piss out of Swagger’s leg, leg-locks and stomps etc before Swagger kicks Finlay into the ring-post. Hammerlock with knees by Swagger, Swagger continues working the arm with a variation of the cross-arm-breaker. Finlay breaks free of the arm-work before Swagger sends Finlay to the corner, Finlay is down in the corner. What is going on here? I think they messed up the spot big time, referee is out of position on a pin which fucks up their false-finish spot. Swagger clubs Finlay in the corner, Finlay shoves off Swagger. Boot to the head, uppercut by the challenger. Short-arm clothesline, middle rope crossbody for two. Clotheslines by Finlay and a hip drop for two, shoulder in the corner. Hornswoggle distracts Finlay, Finlay is shoved into Hornswoggle. Swagger latches on and lands his Gut-Wrench Powerbomb for the win!
Oh boy this died an awful death in front of the fans, they didn’t give a damn about this match. Not even Finlay’s stiffest shots to the face of Swagger could generate any reaction from the crowd. Seems they are teasing something between Finlay & Hornswoggle too, guess that would soon lead to the death of Hornswoggle’s career but yeah, I didn’t give a damn about this match and neither did the fans.
Winner: Jack Swagger over Finlay via Gut-Wrench Powerbomb!
JBL vs Shawn Michaels
Shawn Michaels went broke and needed money, JBL offered his money. The deal was Michaels would make JBL World Champion, it would not happen as HBK sunk to depths that he never wanted to sink to in his career. HBK would risk it all in this match, his career could be owned by JBL if JBL wins this match.
Lock-up with JBL showing his strength, JBL talks shit to HBK’s face. One mistake is all I need says JBL, lock-up again with same result before Michaels clubs the shite out of JBL who scrambles to the floor. Michaels tries quick covers but JBL is too strong, shoulder block by JBL and a massive elbow drop for two, HBK slips out of a scoop slam and chops block the leg. Figure Four Leg-Lock by HBK, crossface by HBK. JBL slips out and uses his power to crush HBK, elbow drops over and over. HBK kicks out at two, HBK cannot gain momentum as JBL applies a bearhug. Michaels is throwing bombs, JBL cannot hold onto the submission. Chops by Michaels, JBL reverses the Irish whip but lowers his head and pays for it with a neck-breaker.
Inverted atomic drop and chops, chops in the corner. JBL whips Michaels to the corner, Michaels does his flip from the buckle. JBL places Michaels on the top rope, Michaels is fighting back. Michaels is fighting back, elbow floors JBL. Michaels wants his Elbow Drop, it misses as JBL dodges it at the last second. Clothesline From Hell, 1…..2… HBK kicks out! JBL lands a second Clothesline From Hell, JBL stares directly at Rebecca, Michael’s wife after this move. JBL is going to try and win by count-out, Rebecca has her head in her hands. Michaels survives the count, making it into the ring at nine. Michaels is tossed to the floor, JBL is talking trash to Rebecca.
Rebecca slaps JBL, Michaels fires up after seeing this. JBL reverses an Irish whip but eats a flying forearm, Lou Thesz Press by HBK. Scoop slam, HBK is climbing high! HBK Elbow Drop finds the mark, Michaels is going nuts. Tuning up the band, Sweet Chin Music and its over!
An emotional angle for sure but I thought it was not what I am use to when it comes to my HBK, Michaels always delivers in the ring but I thought this was more on the average side from a man who always delivers in the ring. Maybe HBK thought JBL wasn’t worth his best efforts or could it be that HBK was declining in that ring? Not something I want to think about but yeah considering the time invested, it just felt flat to me.
Winner: Shawn Michaels over JBL via Sweet Chin Music!
(WWE World Heavyweight Championship Elimination Chamber Match) John Cena © vs Chris Jericho vs Mike Knox vs Kane vs Rey Mysterio vs Edge
Mike Knox the main-eventer? Unbelievable how could it go wrong from here? The other big shock here is that poor Kofi Kingston never makes it to the match as Edge assaults Kofi on the way to the ring and takes his spot in the chamber. I don’t think this was ever followed up on sadly, this also robs us of potentially great high-spots from Kofi who sure as shit would have dived off everything. Jericho and Mysterio to start, great way to kick us off. Side headlock by Jericho, Mysterio uses knees to break out. Shoulder block by Jericho, Mysterio monkey-flips Jericho. Jericho reverses an Irish whip, head-scissors by Mysterio but Jericho rolls to the steel floor to avoid the 619. Tope con hilo by Mysterio, Mysterio clotheslines Jericho into the ring. Jericho tweaks his knee and sells it well, Mysterio is landing ten punches in the corner.
Mysterio is sent head-first into the pod as Jericho dodges a corner spear, big reaction from the crowd on that one. Jericho lands a beautiful suplex, two for Jericho. Jericho slaps on a reverse chin-lock, Mysterio fights out but Jericho elevates Mysterio to the floor. Jericho wants a catapult, Mysterio lands on the cage and drops down for a great hurricanrana. Seated springboard senton for two, bulldog from Mysterio and we are going to have our next entrant and it is Kane! Big boot by Kane to Mysterio, throat thrust for Jericho and Kane stares down Edge. Sidewlak slam on Mysterio for two, throat thrust and right hands on Jericho. Snap-mare into a low dropkick by Kane for two, Jericho goes for the leg of Kane. Shoulder thrusts by Jericho, Kane lands his vicious rights once more. Clothesline to the steel floor, Jericho’s knee is smashed into the steel. Mysterio attacks Kane, clubbing blows again and again. Mysterio lands a baseball slide, Kane clotheslines Mysterio down and re-enters the ring. Mysterio dodges a corner boot, titl-a-whirl neck-breaker by Mysterio.
Kane dodges a Lionsault from Jericho and lands a right hand, Mysterio drop toe-holds both men, Kane wants a Chokeslam on Mysterio but Mysterio counters with a hurricanrana and lands a 619. Codebreaker on Kane, Mysterio hurricanranas Jericho to the floor. Mysterio is on top of the pod and a massive seated senton takes out The Big Red Machine! Kane is the first eliminated by a huge move from Mysterio, great spot!
Mysterio is struggling to stand though, this was a huge spot and maybe it was too much of a risk. Knox is the next man in the ring, Knox is up against it in this match. The only man who feels like he does not belong, Knox clubs Mysterio and lands a big boot on Jericho. Corner clothesline on Mysterio, scoop slam on Jericho. Brody-like knee-drop on Jericho for two, Knox chokes Mysterio under the bottom rope. Jericho is beaten down by Knox, Jericho elevates Knox on the steel floor. Knox catches Jericho who tried a springboard crossbody and Knox launches Jericho into the chain wall. Mysterio jumps onto Knox, Knox slams Mysterio into the chain wall. Crushing Mysterio against the wall, Mysterio is caught in the tree of woe using the chain wall. Mysterio is looking like an MVP of this one already, Knox smashes Jericho off of Cena’s pod.
Knox clubs down on Mysterio in the ring, Mysterio dodges through the legs and looks for big leg-kicks. Knox lands a back-breaker and is ready for his finish but Jericho comes out of nowhere with a Codebreaker and that’s it for Knox, not an ideal showing for the big man. Guessing that experiment is very much over, the clock ticks down once more. Will it be Edge or Cena? It’s Edge, Mysterio attacks Edge the second the pod opens, Mysterio is showing huge fire. Edge is tossed in the ring, springboard crossbody and a kick to the ribs. Mysterio is on fire, Jericho saves Edge with a clothesline. Belly to back suplex by Jericho, Edge goes after Jericho. These two are brawling now, face-buster by Jericho. Lionsault misses as Mysterio blocks with the knees and Edge goes for the Edge O Matic on Jericho for a close two. Edge whips Mysterio to the buckle hard, Cena watches on as Edge plans a spear. Mysterio leaps over Edge, Edge uses the ropes to block a Codebreaker, Mysterio trips Edge for the 619 but Jericho spears Mysterio to stop the 619.
Jericho is climbing high, Mysterio is on the top rope with Jericho. Edge clubs Mysterio, tower of doom sunset flip powerbomb by Jericho. Edge is up first and Jericho is tossed to the floor, hard on the steel. Edge knows who is next, Cena wants Edge badly. Cena comes in and lands shoulder blocks and clotheslines, belly to belly suplex on Edge. Fisherman suplex and face-buster, Jericho is on the floor. Cena lands a belly to back suplex on Edge, Five-Knuckle-Shuffle time! FU is blocked as Jericho lands a Codebreaker, Mysterio lands a 619 and Edge lands a Spear and Cena has been eliminated! The fans are in shock, Jericho and Edge are in shock and the fans too. There will be another new champion tonight!
Mysterio is an underdog here with the two Canadians looking to destroy the high-flyer, Jericho and Edge are in position for a 619. Jericho is waffled in the face, Edge dodges but meets the ring-post courtesy of Mysterio. Jericho counters a springboard senton for the walls but Mysterio reverses the hold for a roll-up, Mysterio has eliminated Jericho! Edge measures Mysterio, Mysterio does not know Edge is waiting for him. Edge has a sadistic look on his face, Mysterio dodges and rolls-up Edge for a close two. Springboard crossbody for two, sunset flip by Edge goes wrong as Mysterio rolls through and kicks Edge square in the head. Forearms by Mysterio, springboard moonsault is stopped by Edge but Mysterio counters again for a DDT. Edge boots Mysterio down hard, massive big boot to the head. Edge wants a powerbomb on the floor but Mysterio counters with a face-buster, Edge is placed on the rope. 619 to the back of the head, Edge reverses and cracks Mysterio’s head off the pod! Mysterio can barely stand and Edge measures, a massive Spear and Edge is your new WWE World Heavyweight Champion!
Got to love that WWE Logic of Edge just joining the Chamber match but this was great, Mysterio is the MVP of this one. Crazy spots from Mysterio who showed incredible fire and creativity. From the senton off the top of the pod, the dropping hurricanrana, the various false-finishes with Edge it was just magic. Mysterio showing that if they want to go that route, it is 100% viable as Mysterio is still one of the most popular babyfaces on the roster. Cena’s elimination was treated like a big deal and rightly so, not a soul thought Cena would be eliminated and definitely nobody thought that Cena would be taken out so early into the match. Great drama here and a great end to the night!
Winner: Edge via Spear!
That was WWE’s No Way Out 2008, a solid PPV from WWE. It’s very hard to knock a show with two Chamber matches and I can’t really find a way to bring them down on that. We kick things off with the Smackdown Elimination Chamber match, very interesting start with Edge being eliminated, big names galore in this one but I still feel that a Hardy loss in a big match like this was not the right call. Taker and Triple H have a very exciting preview of their match that will take place at WM27, good false-finishes that keep the fans on the edge of their seat and a possible callback to Wrestlemania X7 in the finish leaves me very satisfied when it comes to this Chamber Match.
Mcmahon vs Orton is interesting but goes on for a little too long, Shane gives you entertainment and all the bells and whistles to make sure you aren’t thinking this is boring but after a Coast to Coast and an announcer table bump, I didn’t need to see a Shane comeback, would have been find with Orton punting him into oblivion and calling it a day. Entertaining brawl for sure with big enough spots to keep you engaged but gets tedious towards the end. The ECW Championship was not horrible but it was out there to die a horrible death and it certainly achieved just that, not buying into Swagger as a face of the brand. I think it is clearly a case of too much too soon and I believe that they must be hoping that Christian can help Swagger grow into a fully-fleshed out top heel because I haven’t seen it in two PPVs.
JBL vs Michaels is a great angle, the match cannot hold a candle to it. HBK steals every show that he is on, you can see me raving plenty of times about his selling and timing, the way he can carry a mediocre show but this was not the HBK I know and love, not even close. Never really got going, JBL was going to get his head taken off and that was it, not worth paying to see. Finally, the second Chamber match is very entertaining, the only real low point being Knox’s run in the Chamber, Knox was slow and looked out of his league in there and the Codebreaker finish tells you everything you need to know about him. Mysterio shines the brightest here, huge reactions throughout for various spots and an ending that pulls on your heart and makes you so furious that they didn’t put the championship on Mysterio. An amazing start and finish to the show with some boring parts in between, seek out the two Chamber matches. Thanks for reading and remember: there’s always another night!