Hello and welcome to another funk-tastic edition of Seanomaniac Wrestling Reviews, the only wrestling review series on the internet that buries wrestler more than Triple H! Starting off 2018 by finishing 2006, it’s WWE’s Armageddon 2006 which features three huge matches. We have Cena and Batista, the two brand champions taking on King Booker and Finlay, we also have a Last Ride match between Mr. Kennedy and The Undertaker while MVP has his first program with Kane in an Inferno Match. Looks like they are trying to end the year in a big way although I must question why there is no championship and we have a tag team match as the main event? Well, the time is now so let’s start reviewing in 2018!
(Inferno Match) MVP vs Kane
Simple rules for a simple match, light your opponent on fire. MVP was introduced at No Mercy making a big impact by costing The Undertaker his match against Kennedy at Survivor Series which was lame if I am honest with you, Kennedy continuing to look like a joke with The Undertaker. However, that is for later, right now MVP faces Kane. Kane was sent to Smackdown after losing a loser leaves the brand match against Umaga. Kane boots and uppercuts MVP, MVP tries running away but Kane uppercuts and back drops MVP. Clothesline to the back of the head, Kane tries pushing MVP towards the fire. Kane slams MVP to the mat, Kane places MVP on the top rope. Kane is shoved off, crossbody by MVP. Player’s Boot by MVP, clothesline floors Kane.
Kane sits up, MVP kicks at Kane’s leg. Big boot by Kane, Chokeslam connects for Kane. Kane exposes a turnbuckle, Kane grabs the pad and sets it on fire. MVP low blows Kane and tosses the pad away, knees to the face and a neckbreaker by MVP. MVP dropkicks Kane towards the fire, Kane dodges a dropkick. Clothesline by Kane, rights and lefts by Kane. Corner clothesline by Kane, make it two.
Sidewalk slam by Kane, the flames shoot up once more. Kane stands over MVP, right hand by Kane. MVP tries jumping to the floor, Kane shoves MVP into the announce table. Kane nails a massive diving clothesline to the floor, MVP almost shoves Kane into the flames. Both men tease winning, big boot by Kane. Kane grabs MVP, more right hands. Kane sends MVP back first into the fire and Kane is the winner of the match.
Well, it was alright. There was not a lot going on, MVP tried to run away while Kane did not want his toy to escape his hell. A lot of punching followed, nothing special at the end of the day. At least the fans enjoyed MVP burning, it was justified in their minds.
Winner: Kane over MVP via Burning!
(WWE Tag Team Championship Match) Paul London & Brian Kendrick © vs MNM vs Dave Taylor & William Regal vs The Hardy Boyz (Ladder Match)
Talk about milking the shit out of The Hardy Boyz, here they are again on another brand pay per view, we have four teams competing for the championships. London and Kendrick were tag team champions for a lengthy period of time but the division was weak on both brands so this match serves of a way of extending their credibility. The faces clear the ring before battling it out, it’s The Hardys vs London & Kendrick. Wheelbarrow suplex on Kendrick, the heels come in to wipe out The Hardys. Hardys and MNM are on the floor, Regal & Taylor suplex around the champions.
Hardys have ladders, Regal and Taylor kick away the ladders. Matt batters Regal & Taylor with the ladder, Poetry in Motion on Taylor. Snapshot by MNM, double superkick to Regal. Kendrick takes a ladder to the face, a ladder stands in the middle of the ring. London knocks off Jeff, Jeff returns the favour. Nitro misses a dropkick on London, Mercury kicks down the champions and whacks them with a ladder. Mercury is stopped on the ladder by team babyface, Mercury falls onto Nitro. Matt planchas onto Taylor, Matt yanks Kendrick off the ladder. Kendrick is whipped into the ladder, London meets the same treatment. Jeff misses Poetry in Motion, Matt stops Kendrick from winning. Matt is dropkicked onto a ladder leaning against the middle rope, Kendrick double stomps Matt.
MNM take down the champions, double gutbuster for London. Nitro makes a ladder see-saw thing, MNM want a double suplex to Jeff. Matt saves Jeff, Jeff leg drops the ladder into MNM’s face. Unfortunately for Mercury, this would men a shattered face. Regal & Taylor control the ring, Taylor drops Kendrick on the ladder. Taylor holds the ladder for Regal, Regal is afraid of heights. Taylor is climbing now, Kendrick attacks the two but is thrown to the floor. Matt and Jeff are back in the ring, Jeff is on a giant ladder at ringside. Nitro dropkicks the ladder and Jeff falls to the floor. Nitro smacks Regal & Taylor with the ladder, Nitro drops the ladder on Regal’s ribs. London takes Nitro off the ladder with a springboard dropkick, Kendrick and Matt race for the championship.
Matt hiptosses off Kendrick, Matt back drops London off the ladder. Both men fall to the mat, Jeff is climbing the ladder. Here comes Nitro, sunset flip powerbomb by Jeff. Matt pinballs Regal & Taylor before the number’s game catches up to Matt, Knee Trembler by Regal takes down Matt. Regal & Taylor climb ladders, Kendrick pummels Regal. London clotheslines Taylor to the floor, Kendrick drops Regal with a botched Sliced Bread off the ladder. London and Matt reach at the top of the ladder, London knocks off Matt and that’s all she wrote.
Underwhelming in a lot of ways, some of you may find that harsh but I felt it did not get going until the very end with the sunset flip powerbomb etc. The extra teams added more for sure but I thought I would get more out of the athletic freak Nitro and of course, how could you not expect crazy bumps when The Hardys are involved but this was very tame with an ending that seemed tame for these teams. It was good just not as good as I thought it could have been.
Winners: London & Kendrick over Everyone Else via Retrieval Of The Belts!
Mike The Miz Mizanin vs The Boogeyman
The Miz is undefeated bitches, The Miz as a goofball seems like gold from what little I have seen so far, clothesline by Boogeyman. Miz rolls to the floor, Boogeyman pulls Miz in by the hair. Powerslam by Boogeyman, Miz elbows Boogeyman. Boogeyman meets the ringpost, shoulder thrusts by Miz. Clothesline by Miz for two, single arm DDT for two. Boogeyman yanks Miz down, back drop by Boogeyman. Miz dives into a two-handed slam. DUD!
Winner: The Boogeyman over The Miz via Two-Handed Slam!
(WWE United States Championship Match) Chris Benoit © vs Chavo Guerrero W/ Vickie Guerrero
Chavo attacks Benoit from behind, uppercuts in the corner. Chops by Benoit, clothesline and snap suplex for two. Mounted punches by Benoit for two, chops by Benoit. Back drop by Benoit, scoop slam and sharpshooter attempt. Chavo kicks off Benoit, Benoit catapults Chavo to the floor. More rights from Benoit, knees in the corner. German suplex for Chavo, make it three. Chavo crotches Benoit on the top rope, top rope superplex by Chavo. Chavo uses the ringpost to hurt Benoit’s ribs, dropkick into the ringpost by Chavo. Benoit fires back but Chavo has it scouted with a drop toehold, Chavo uses a variation of the camel clutch to choke Benoit. Benoit tries a back suplex but Chavo floats over for a crossbody, two for Chavo.
Chavo chokes Benoit with the bottom rope, Chavo tries a right hand but Benoit counters for a crossface, Chavo reaches the ropes which ends that action. Kick to the ribs by Chavo, uppercuts to the spine by Chavo. Huge back suplex, make it two. Chavo places Benoit in the tree of woe, kicks to the chest and choke from Chavo. Chavo misses a low dropkick and smacks groin first into the ringpost. Benoit is on his feet, chops by Benoit. Chavo eye rakes Benoit and nails a suplex, Benoit counters for a German suplex. Make it eight by Benoit, Benoit covers but Chavo reaches the bottom rope with his foot. Sharpshooter by Benoit, Vickie has the championship. Benoit scares off Vickie, Chavo rolls up Benoit but Benoit rolls through for a Sharpshooter in the middle of the ring for the win.
Good stuff, solid work from two great wrestlers when they want to be, that is rather unfair. Benoit always delivers on pay per view, I would find it hard to come across a match from Benoit that I was not invested in, this was no different. Loved the way Chavo worked the back, loved the way the two battled for the win and the tease of Chavo trying to win with the tights again but Benoit had it scouted, Benoit makes Chavo tap in the best match of the night so far. Disappointed for Chavo though, the excellent feud with Mysterio and all steam from it seems to have been lost.
Winner: Chris Benoit over Chavo Guerrero via Sharpshooter!
(WWE Cruiserweight Championship Match) Gregory Helms © vs Jimmy Wang Yang
After a feud with Matt Hardy, Helms is back defending his championship. I cannot recall the last time Helms had a championship defence, I thought the division was on life support. There may be some truth to what I said considering that Yang has come out of nowhere. They lock-up, clean break from Yang in the corner. Side headlock takedown by Helms, Yang has the counter as does Helms. Stand-off, Helms is rammed into the turnbuckle. Yang tries for the moonsault, Helms rolls to the floor. Helms tricks Yang and begins stomping Yang, Yang nails a headscissors, dropkick by Yang. Suplex for two, keylock from Yang. Knees to the ribs by Yang, Yang misses a corner crossbody which leads to Helms dropkicking Yang.
Neckbreaker on the floor by Helms, Yang is hung up in the ropes and Helms nails a hotshot. Snapmare into a leg drop, crossface from Helms. Helms steps all over Yang’s face, neckbreaker for two. Yang chops back at Helms, Yang elevates Helms to the floor. Crossbody to the floor, Helms regains control in the ring with a stungun. Choke by Helms, another crossface by Helms. Yang escapes, roll-up for two. Yang clotheslines Helms, back drops and dropkicks follow. Mule kick with Yang nailing a missile dropkick for two, Yang misses a corner spear hitting the ringpost with his shoulder. Top Rope Neckbreaker by Helms, Helms misses a diving clothesline as Yang nails a spinning heel kick for two. Helms looks for a back superplex, Yang shakes off Helms. Corkscrew Moonsault misses, Single Leg Knee Facebreaker by Helms for the win.
Solid with a lot of good heel work from Helms, Helms showed a lot to me in his series with Matt Hardy. Helms could be relied on to be a cheating little shit-stirrer, a feud with Benoit would be certainly something I would enjoy but with Yang, Helms has an antagonist within his own weight division and based on this match, they could stretch out the feud between the two.
Winner: Gregory Helms over Jimmy Wang Yang via Facebreaker!
(Last Ride Match) Mr. Kennedy vs The Undertaker
Fair to say I am not a big fan of this feud in the slightest, there has always been feuds between people and The Undertaker where the other party is made to look like a fool, that I have no issue with. Kennedy messed with the wrong motherfucker, this will be his undoing but Kennedy’s two victories over Undertaker were just awful. The first loss was by DQ as Taker snapped for no real reason and bludgeoned Kennedy, laying him out like a punk. The second match had Kennedy beat Taker thanks to MVP busting Taker open with the chair. Not even Kennedy himself got the win, Taker laid out Kennedy again at the end of this one. So, Kennedy feels no bigger a star in the eyes of the fans and this match is Taker’s revenge.
Taker corners Kennedy, Kennedy slips out to the floor. Kennedy gets caught and Taker goes in for the kill, Kennedy is bounced off the steel steps. Kennedy is hiptossed onto the Spanish announce table, Taker chokes Kennedy in the ring. Taker misses a big boot, crashing to the floor. Kennedy pounces with punches, Taker is too strong though. Taker smacks Kennedy off the ringpost, Taker drags Kennedy to the hearse. The two do battle by the hearse, Kennedy sends Taker into the back of the hearse. Taker almost loses, Taker boots his way out of the hearse. Kennedy is battered off the barricades and steel steps, boot to the head by Taker. Leg drop across the apron by The Deadman, Kennedy is placed on the top rope.
Top rope superplex, Taker carries Kennedy powerslam style to the hearse but Kennedy slips out for a rear-naked choke. Taker passes out to the hold, Kennedy closes the hearse. However, to win you must drive your opponent out of the arena. Kennedy opens the door and surprise, Taker is in the front seat. Kennedy meets the steel steps again, Taker clears the announce table. Kennedy uses a chair to damage Taker, chair to the skull. Taker stands for another chair shot, Taker sits up. Kennedy decides to run, Kennedy climbs the stage structure. They trade blows on the structure, Kennedy blocks the chokeslam and tosses Taker to the floor. Taker falls 15 feet off the stage, Kennedy puts Taker in the hearse.
Taker sits up, Kennedy is dragged to the back of the hearse. Taker pummels Kennedy against the hearse, Kennedy dodges a chair to the head. Taker has a lead pipe, Kennedy ducks that too. Chair to the head does not miss the second time, Kennedy is bleeding. Chokeslam on the hearse, Tombstone on the hearse and Taker drives away the winner.
Thus, ends the feud between Taker and Kennedy, they tried very hard I will not take that away from them with Taker showing a regenerating ability that would make a Saiyan blush but we love you Taker so we shall allow you to do as you wish. A definitive end with Taker vanquishing Kennedy, that was a fine conclusion to their feud, I just wished that the matches which led up to this blow-off would not have ended in such silly fashion.
Winner: The Undertaker over Kennedy via Last Ride!
Santa’s Lingerie Contest
Krystal, Layla, Jillian and Ashley take part in this lingerie contest. Big Dick Johnson is Santa, we are all winners as they dance and strip.
John Cena & Batista vs King Booker W/ Sharmell & Finlay
It’s not a real main event and the fans should feel cheated even though they get to see Cena, Booker and Cena start the match. Booker backs Cena into the corner, knees and right hands by Booker. Cena fires back, armdrag into an arm-wringer. Batista and Finlay are in, side headlock by Batista. Finlay escapes but eats a slap, Finlay is tripped for a catapult. Finlay is placed on the top rope, Muscle Buster by Batista for two. Finlay tags Booker, Booker chops and punches Batista. Clothesline by Batista for two, tag to Cena. Booker kicks Cena in the face for two, Cena reverses a corner whip for a bulldog. Spinning side slam, Cena calls for the five knuckle shuffle. Cena connects, Cena calls for the finish.
Booker escapes, STFU by Cena but Finlay clubs Cena in the back. Batista shoulder thrusts Finlay, Booker uses the sceptre to take down Cena. Tag to Finlay who clotheslines Cena, reverse chinlock. Cena escapes but eats a clothesline, small package by Cena gets a one count. Little Bastard misses a kick on Cena, Booker chokes Cena before Cena escapes with a DDT. Tag to Batista, spears to both. Booker kicks Finlay by mistake, spinning slam by Batista. Finlay clotheslines Batista, Cena belly to belly suplexes Finlay. Finlay clotheslines Cena on the floor, Batista is hit in the ankle with a chair by Finlay. Batista kicks off Finlay, spinebuster on Booker. Batista Bomb and this match is over.
Well, could you really call that a main event? I would be let down if that was a Smackdown main event? Hardly a thing happened, you could have done a triple threat instead of that garbage. That was just a waste of time, the fans are sent home happy but me, I am not so happy.
Winners: Cena & Batista over The King’s Court via Batista Bomb!
That was WWE’s Armageddon 2006, a pay per view which felt more like an end of the year treat than a serious pay per view to boost the numbers of the blue brand Smackdown. You had flashes of great things like Benoit vs Chavo, the last ride match and the ladder match but it all somehow ended feeling flat. The lingerie contest adds to the feel that this was a card just to make people happy and not really excite the fans. At the end of the day, if that was the goal of this pay per view, they achieved it ten-fold. If you are looking for something serious from Smackdown to end the year, do not come here as you will be let down. That’s it for 2006, a bizarre year when you think about it with all The Vince vs DX nonsense and RVD’s reign being cut short. Cena and Edge made the latter part of the year their own with their chemistry and rivalry while on Smackdown, we had a new top star in Mysterio, the return of Batista which was a welcome addition and the miracle that was King Booker’s gimmick. Thanks for reading and remember: There’s always another night!