Hello and welcome to another edition of Seanomaniac Wrestling Reviews, the only wrestling review series on the internet that causes more controversy than Minoru Suzuki vs Orange Cassidy! It is all about Kurt Angle, it is TNA Hard Justice 2007! Kurt Angle and Karen Angle are having marital troubles, Karen ended the relationship on a recent Impact. Kurt Angle is a broken man and he has to face the greatest threat to his world championship in The Samoan Submission Machine. Samoa Joe is the hottest star in TNA and has been mistreated constantly along with Angle in many ways but finally, they have a chance to rectify the situation and place the championship on Samoa Joe. Test is here as Andrew Martin in a big six-man tag match, should be something special. Pacman Jones too and this pay per view is coming back to me, this might be awful.
Jay Lethal & Sonjay Dutt vs Motor-City Machine Guns vs Triple X
Ok so Lethal and Dutt have reconciled despite their feuding while Alex Shelley has finally escaped Bob Backlund while Triple X are back because reasons. Dutt & Lethal punish Daniels with right hands, jaw-breaker and clothesline. In comes Shelley, Shelley & Dutt trade kicks. Spinning heel kick by Shelley, Dutt nails a dropkick and head-scissors in response. Daniels clotheslines Dutt down, Senshi does the same. Elix Skipper is in ring gear and in the ring, Hebnar tells Skipper to piss off. Lethal & Dutt dropkick Triple X down, rolling leg snap by Dutt & Lethal. Scoop slam by Lethal on Daniels, they repeat the spot and tag Shelley & Sabin on the apron with right hands.
Daniels cuts off Dutt and tags Shelley, standing moonsault from Dutt off a sweep for two. Dutt tags Lethal, Shelley knees Lethal. Blind-tag from Sabin, Lethal nails an arm-drag. Daniels distracts Lethal, Sabin knees Lethal to the floor. Senshi slams Lethal on the floor, Daniels stomps Lethal as Sabin reassumes control. Sabin rams Lethal into the boots of Shelley, double elbow and suplex by Shelley and Sabin. Shelley steps on the hair of Lethal, Lethal fires up before an elbow from Shelley. Senshi blind-tags into the match off Shelley, whip to the ropes and dropkick to Lethal for two. Scoop slam and tag to Daniels, assisted leg drop for two.
Lethal fires up again but an eye poke takes out Lethal. Daniels cheap shots Dutt and drags Lethal to the corner, tag to Senshi. Flashing Elbow for two, reverse chinlock from Senshi. Another comeback is cut off by the elbow of Senshi, Lethal is in the middle rope. Daniels steps all over Lethal, reverse chin-lock from Daniels. Lethal leapfrogs Daniels, elbow out of the corner. Diving leg lariat from Lethal, here comes Dutt. Head-scissors for Daniels, springboard moonsault on Sabin & Shelley, rope-walking hurricanrana for two on Daniels. O Connor roll into a camel clutch, superkick from Shelley wipes out Dutt. Dutt rolls through a schwein, roll-up into an enzuigiri takes down Shelley. Senshi wipes out Dutt, Lethal dropkicks Senshi. Daniels and Lethal now, Sabin joins in and everyone is down from a clothesline.
Shelley applies the abdominal stretch on the floor on Dutt, Lethal suicide dives onto both men. Daniels nails his split-legged moonsault to the floor, Sabin and Senshi trade blows in the ring. Synchronised planchas to the floor, Dutt nails a springboard moonsault onto everyone. Loud TNA Chants, Daniels is to his feet. Daniels and Sabin in the ring, Yakuza kick in the corner by Sabin. Hesitation Dropkick time but Skipper interferes and crotches Sabin on the top rope, tight-rope hurricanrana by Skipper. Daniels covers for two, Shelley nails Daniels with a diving thrust-kick. Senshi springboards onto Shelley with an elbow, Lethal does the same to Senshi. Sabin springboards onto Lethal, Dutt springboards onto Sabin.
Daniels misses his springboard , enzuigiris and tornado DDTs from Dutt and Lethal. Sabin and Shelley assume control, double clothesline to Lethal. Face-breaker and a cutter, spinning sole butt by Sabin but Dutt makes the save. Shelley eye rakes Dutt, Sabin & Shelley combine for a springboard dropkick/complete shot manoeuvre on Dutt & Lethal. Sabin covers, Senshi nails a Warrior’s Way on Sabin. Senshi smacks Shelley down with a slam, Dutt has Senshi on the top rope. Daniels saves Senshi, Daniels places Dutt on his shoulders, Shelley is on the mat.
Senshi dives off Dutt onto Shelley for a Warrior’s Way, Daniels Burning Hammers Dutt onto Shelley! 1…2… Sabin & Lethal break up the pin, Senshi throws Sabin to the floor. Daniels lifts Lethal into a springboard enzuigiri from Senshi, Daniels looks for a uranage. Senshi is on the top rope, Daniels is shoved off by Lethal into Senshi, Senshi crashes to the floor and Lethal small packages Daniels for the win.
That was a pleasant surprise as there was a semblance of an angle in this match, I never doubted the wrestlers inside of the ring. They put all their spots in there, did your typical X-Division opening match. I am not a fan of three-way tag matches, they tend to be awkward and sometimes, they insist on having 3 guys in there at once. Thankfully, they avoided that here but there was no real hot-tag despite the beating that Lethal took for a few minutes, things went bonkers as everyone dived to the floor. Springboards, near-falls. False-finishes galore with each move ramping up the audience, things come to a finish with Lethal outsmarting the number one contender for the X-Division Championship. These two will cross paths once more and it will be interesting to see if Lethal can upset Daniels.
Winners: Jay Lethal & Sonjay Dutt over Everyone Else via Small Package!
Raven W/ Serotonin vs Kazarian
Kaz left Serotonin and was an absolute beast at Victory Road, Raven wants Kaz to rejoin. Kaz declines and smacks Raven with a kendo stick, Kazarian dives onto members of Serotonin. Raven dropkicks Kaz to the floor, double Russian legsweep into the guard-rail. In the ring, Raven knees Kaz Twice. Victory roll by Raven for two, massive kick to the head. Raven chokes Kaz with a kendo stick, Kaz fires up before Raven cuts Kaz off with a knee-lift to the floor. Matt Bentley and Johnny Devine batter Kaz and roll him in the ring. Whip to the buckle and clothesline by Raven, Raven slaps Kaz and elbows his opponent hard. More slaps, Raven talks trash. Kaz tees off on Raven, multiple elbows. Leaping leg lariat, Raven has the referee.
Bentley superkicks Johnny Devine by mistake, Kaz clotheslines Raven and Bentley to the floor. Devine is on the apron, Kaz springboards from the apron for a hurricanrana to the floor. Raven waffles Kaz with a kendo stick, Kaz avoids the even flow DDT. Kaz knocks Bentley to the floor and dropkicks Raven for the win.
Sadly, I think the TNA fans as completely washed up as this time which leaves you with a very flat match. The finish does not help that narrative, I mean a dropkick for the win? Raven could have taken a wave to the future, that’s a save bump but one dropkick for the win, not good stuff. Bentley and Devine could find their place in that opening match slot but Kaz does have a future and looks to have escaped this feud.
Winner: Kazarian over Raven via Dropkick!
(Barroom Brawl) Rhino vs James Storm W/ Jackie Moore
This angle is intense, Rhino lost everything due to alcohol. Storm tied Rhino to the ropes and poured alcohol all over him, humiliating Rhino in the process. It was gritty and rough, difficult to watch which made all the sense in the world for Storm. His evolution from AMW to now is a wonder to watch, Storm kicks all sorts of ass. So, the bell rings and we have crowd brawling from the get-go, makes sense given the sensitive nature of the angle. Rhino ends up goring the wall but it does not lead to Storm taking control, Rhino eyes up the bar. Rhino has a drink, dowses Storm and Jackie Moore. Rhino is gone wild, crutch to the back of Storm. Rhino has a keg, Jackie is covered and Rhino is drinking the beer.
Storm manages to cut off Rhino with a low shot, crutch to the back. Snap suplex on the ramp, Storm takes in the scene before charging The War Machine. Rhino back drops Storm onto the table, Rhino keeps drinking. Storm has his head stuck in the toilet, Rhino sits and looks at Storm. Rhino grabs a ladder, Storm whips Rhino to the buckle. Rhino elevates Storm to the apron, Storm is knocked into the guard-rail. The ladder is placed as a bridge between ring-apron and guard-rail. Rhino brings out a table, trash can too. Trash can lid to the head, Jackie is in the ring. Storm saves Jackie, trash can to the head by Storm.
Rhino tees off on Storm, Storm side-steps Rhino and Rhino crashes through the ladder at ringside. Storm batters Rhino in the ring, Rhino recovers with a belly to belly suplex. Rhino sets up the table in the corner, eye rake by Storm. Spinebuster by Rhino, Rhino misses The Gore through the table. Storm covers for two, trash cans to the head by Storm. Storm grabs a chair, right to the head. Conchairto from Storm, Superkick from Storm. Storm has a beer bottle, Rhino is waffled to the back of the head and Storm wins.
I thought that was an odd match for sure, Rhino is an alcoholic and they were trying to sell the travesty of Rhino drinking again but Rhino never looked like he was in danger due to the drinking. Are you telling me that Rhino was so drunk, he missed his Gore. The Gore that he usually misses nine times out of ten. Storm is never in control of this match until the finish, Rhino gets cut off and regains control a number of times, it is bizarre. Finish is pretty definitive, Storm smashes the bottle over the head and Rhino looks once more like a big dumb babyface!
Winner: James Storm over Rhino via Beer Bottle!
The VKM W/ Roxxi vs LAX
Woah woah hold on, you are telling me that VKM are done with Christy Hemme? I mean the feud went way too long but you have Lance Hoyt backstabbing VKM and we get no pay-off, we finally turn VKM heel and LAX are babyfaces. Homicide and BG start, Homicide is quicker before BG drags Homicide to The VKM corner. Kip comes in, hard Irish whips and powerslams from Kip. Tag to BG, kicks and elbows to the back. Snap-mare into an arm-bar, tag to Kip. Jackhammer for two, bear-hug from Kip. Homicide smacks his way out before Kip re-applies the hold. Homicide bites the head of Kip before eating a belly to belly suplex, Kip tags in BG.
Homicide manages to tag in Hernandez, slingshot clothesline. Cracker-jack, clotheslines. Senton and knees combination, border toss on BG is stopped as Roxxi throws in powder. FameAsser on Hernandez who is blinded and BG smashes Homicide off the apron. Hector Guerrero is not happy with this finish, Hector says it cannot end like this. Hernandez clotheslines BG to the floor, Homicide rolls up Kip with a victory roll.
Well, I was going to say there was no way VKM beat LAX, things were fixed fairly quickly. Anyways, same old shit is a fair chant from the fans. What more could you want to see of VKM at this point? Awful angles and not much going on in the ring beyond a hot-tag to Kip who kicks ass for a few seconds. VKM just does not fit in with the current TNA vision, it will be interesting to see how much longer they last in the company.
Winners: LAX over VKM via Victory-Roll!
Ultimate Humiliation Match Robert Roode W/ Ms Brooks vs Eric Young
Fuck sake, this feud is still going? No I do not care, far too long. This is the end but both men need to move on, Roode jumps Young. Roode rams Young into the buckle, big right hand. Whip to the buckle, Young leapfrogs Roode. Slide through the legs, Thesz Press into a clothesline to the floor. Massive rights from Young, Ms. Brooks distracts Young. Roode forearms Young into the guard-rail, Brooks berates and attacks Young. Roode drops Young on the guard-rail, short-arm clothesline. Roode stomps on Young over and over, Roode chokes the life out of Young. Back-drop from Roode, corner clothesline. Reverse chin-lock, Young mule kicks his way out of the hold.
Alabama Slam from Roode to cut off Young’s attacks, scoop slam. Roode rolls down the kneepad, middle rope knee drop connects. Two for Roode, Young fights back and both men are down after right hands. Roode elbows Young hard, Young back-drops Roode. Clothesline, crucifix pin for two. Flair flip from Young, slide through the legs. Belly to belly suplex from Young for two, eye pokes from Roode. Roode is on the top rope, Young crotches Roode. Ms. Brooks is in the ring, catapult into Roode’s crotch. Double Death Valley Driver is stopped, Roode escapes. No pay-off, Young rolls up Roode for two. Roode knees Young away, block-buster from Roode for two.
Ms. Brooks has brass-knuckles, Young stops Roode grabbing the knuckles. Young punches Roode down, elbow drop time. Young kicks away Brooks, Roode kicks Young in the dick behind the referee’s back. Roode is thrown the brass-knuckles, Roode waffles Young and is it tar and feather time. Gail Kim looks to make the save, Brooks attacks Gail from behind. Roode punches Brooks by mistake, Gail attacks Roode. Roode grabs Kail but Young makes the save with a kick to the balls. Ms. Brooks is covered in tar and feathers, Roode walks away.
Oh lord, please make this feud go away. A finish like that makes me think they will keep doing this feud and I really do not want to see it. This match is like all their other matches, bit of comedy here with Young, Roode tries to be serious. Roode wins which makes Young look like a geek again, do not care.
Winner: Robert Roode over Eric Young via Brass-Knuckles!
Wildcat Chris Harris vs Black Reign
Black Reign is here because Harris was stealing the spot that Dustin Rhodes earned, Black Reign is here and behind Harris. Handcuffs to the face, stomps and slaps by Black Reign. Harris is bleeding and sent into the guard-rail, repeated punches to the face of Harris. Reign shoves down the referee, the turnbuckle is exposed and Harris meets the buckle. Rope-assisted neck-breaker, a new referee is here. Referee is ignored before eating a clothesline, where is the DQ? Right hands over and over, running cutter. Reign bites the head of Harris, Hebnar finally rings the bell.
Awkward enough, I have no problem with a new star being put over in dominating fashion and Harris does a great job of making Reign look like one nasty monster but it is uncomfortably long. Like the Storm/Rhino beatdown, it was good but far too long, they make Reign look awesome though with security going flying and Harris battered in the corner, blood pouring down his face.
Winner: Chris Harris over Black Reign via DQ!
Team 3D vs The Steiner Brothers
No tag teams to work with? No problem, Team 3D are the biggest douchebags in wrestling now. They mocked Steiner for nearly dying and whooped Rick and Animal at Victory Road. Rick is distracted, Devon goes to work. Right hands stagger Rick, choke against the ropes. Rick escapes and powerslams Devon, Rick bites Ray. Back-drops from Scott to Team 3D, Steiners pose in the middle of the ring. Team 3D attempt leaving, Steiners chase and beat down Team 3D. Rick and Ray are legal, eye rake by Ray. Ray shoves Scott in the face, Rick tags in Scott. Lock-up, Ray misses a right hand. Scott chops away, clothesline and flexing elbow. Push-ups, Ray chops back and nails a sidewalk slam.
Two for Ray, tag to Devon. Scott nails a double clothesline, Devon whips Scott to the buckle. Scott counters with a boot, belly to belly suplex. Tag to Rick, cross-face from Rick. Tag to Scott, whip to the buckle. Scott boots Devon, Ray grabs Scott’s arm from the apron. Devon stomps the scar of Scott, elbows to the ribs. Abdominal stretch from Devon, Ray gets in a cheap shot as Rick argues with the referee. Rick’s anger costs The Steiners as Team 3D continue to waffle Scott on his scar. Tag to Devon, Scott dodges the splash and clotheslines Ray. Hot-tag to Rick, clotheslines all around. Back-drops for both, t-bone suplexes too.
Ray rolls to the floor, Rick places Devon on the top rope. Tag to Scott, belly to belly suplex from the middle rope for two. Rick and Ray brawl on the floor, Scott punches Devon in the corner. Ray smacks Scott from behind, Doomsday Device connects. Scott kicks out at two, Ray scoop slams Rick. Wassup Headbutt is blocked as Scott clocks both members of Team 3D. Frankensteiner! Steiner Recliner, Ray makes the save. Neck-breaker by Team 3D on Scott, Rick avoids 3D. Suplex to Ray, Devon is with Rick. Scott makes the save, Steiner Bulldog. Steiners win!
Ok, so you know when I saw VKM and thought man, they are too old to be rehashing their shit. Imagine my thoughts on this, Team 3D’s goal was to make these old dudes look like their peak in the 90s for a couple of minutes in that ring. That does not happen so you have a match that is alright but nothing special and nothing to write home about in the slightest. If they were smart, they would stop the feud here and now, be done with this garbage.
Winners: Steiner Brothers over Team 3D via Steiner Bulldog!
(Doomsday Chamber of Blood Match) Christian Coalition vs Sting/Abyss/Punisher Andrew Martin
You cannot win unless someone is bleeding, it is inside of a cage with barbed wire around the ring. Match starts right away with Abyss being taken out during his entrance, here comes Martin for the save. Tomko and Martin face-off, Sting comes down eventually. Sting is in the ring, chair-shot to Tomko. Tomko is bleeding, Abyss and Styles are in the ring. Flapjack and clothesline by Abyss, eye rake by Styles. Pele Kick sends Abyss to the floor, tope con hilo from Styles. Martin snake eyes Christian, Big Boot floors The Instant Classic. Pump-handle slam by Martin, Tomko saves Christian from Martin. Abyss enters the ring last, the door is closed. Nowhere to go now, Christian meets the cage.
Tomko batters Abyss & Martin with a chair, Sting is actually outside the cage my mistake. Tomko boots Sting off the apron, locking the cage. Sting cannot get in the door, Christian has glass and rips in on Abyss’ head. Abyss bleeding again? No way never seen that before! Cover for two, Tomko smashes Martin with a chair, Styles lands multiple right hands. Cannot see Sting, Tomko pumphandle slams Martin. Martin attempts to fight back but it is three on one, Sting is back with wire cutters. Sting can enter over the top, Styles and Tomko are trying to stop Sting. Sting climbs in, Tomko is crotched and Sting lands a bulldog on Styles from the top rope.
Sting is stopped by Christian, Abyss eats two frog splashes but kicks out at two. Christian pours out a bag of glass, Abyss eats a forearm from Tomko. Tomko grabs a chair, Martin Big Boots the chair into Tomko’s face. Christian is trying to run away, Styles is trying to leave with Christian. Styles is thrown into a steel chair, Abyss Black Hole Slams Styles onto the glass for the win, Abyss is going to face the champion at No Surrender.
You know, this was meant to be Abyss’ revenge after all the assaults from Christian and Christian did not even eat the pin. Abyss is set up to be the next challenger for the championship and Abyss did not even finish out this feud making him look the strongest in the process. Abyss beats Styles, they were limited by the small ring and the cage. There was no real memorable spots, was Styles even bleeding when they pinned him? Maybe a little on his arm, just disappointing. Odd to see how far away Christian is slipping away from the world championship picture, it is starting to become a lot clearer why Christian does not speak fondly on his time in TNA.
Winners: Abyss/Sting/Andre Martin over The Christian Coalition via Black Hole Slam!
(Winner Takes All Match) Kurt Angle © vs Samoa Joe ©
9 months Kurt Angle has been in TNA, Angle’s TNA journey has been intertwined with Samoa Joe since day one. Angle flip-flopped between face and heel during his initial months, things would take more bizarre turns as TNA’s biggest star became a heel and a chicken-shit one at that. Now, Angle has to face his greatest rival in TNA and the big angle is that Kurt’s marriage is falling apart. We start off, side headlock by Angle. Joe shoulder blocks Angle, Angle is not in the zone at all. Shoving contest, Karen Angle is here with her date. Joe laughs it up, Angle is a wreck. Marriages falling apart are not fun, this is so strange.
Angle nails an arm-bar before dragging down Joe by the hair, Angle powders as Joe is angry, We reset, top wrist-lock from Joe. Angle pulls Joe down by the hair again, Joe pulls down Angle by his singlet. Angle pulls down his straps, Joe tries a sunset flip exposing the ass of Angle. This match has a comedic edge to it with all of the championships on the line? Karen shoves champagne in the face of Angle, Joe takes control. Snap-mare and chop/kick/knee drop combination, jabs from Joe. Angle reverses a whip to the buckle, Angle runs shoulder-first into the ring-post. Running face-wash from Joe for one, Joe misses a short-arm clothesline as Angle delivers a massive German suplex. Angle tees off with right hands and boots from Angle, choke from The Olympic Hero.
Suplex for two, Angle drives a knee into the back with a reverse chin-lock. Series of German suplexes, Joe lands a massive release German suplex. Both men are trading blows, elbows and clotheslines by Joe. Uppercut by Angle, Joe reverses an Irish whip for a powerslam. Joe nails Angle with an enuzigiri, close two for The Samoan Submission Machine. Eye rake and German suplex by Angle, Angle Slam is avoided. Slaps by Joe, whip to the buckle by Angle. Uranage Slam by Joe, Joe wants a muscle buster.
Angle rolls through for an Ankle Lock, tremendous stuff. Joe shakes off Angle, Coquina Clutch but Angle slips out for an Ankle Lock, Joe kicks off Angle into a small package for two. Angle ducks a clothesline, Angle Slam for two. Joe is on the top rope, Angle wants a belly to belly. Joe headbutts his way out, Angle is down. Joe takes too long, super belly to belly suplex from Angle for two. Angle misses the moonsault, chop from Joe. Muscle Buster, 1….2… Angle kicks out! Coquina Clutch in the middle of the ring, Angle bites Joe’s hand. Ankle Lock, Joe rolls Angle into The Coquina Clutch. Angle reaches the ropes with his boot, rights and lefts by Joe.
Angle clotheslines the referee by accident, Joe applies The Coquina Clutch. Angle taps but there was no referee, low blow from Angle. Karen Angle has a chair, Joe tries to use the chair but Karen pulls the chair away. Chop-block by Angle, Angle waffles Joe with the chair and Angle walks away with all the gold.
I thought the first few minutes were slow, I get they were establishing the angle ad that Angle was mentally not in the game but as the match progressed, Angle was not affected by Karen at all. Angle would talk trash and shoot glances at Karen but Angle was never off his game so establishing it for so long in the beginning, was it really worth it? Also a referee bump in the main event? I mean, can we not just have a normal match with a clean finish. Again, Samoa Joe comes up short against Angle. Is there any way back for Samoa Joe at this stage? I know what eventually happens but will I care by that point? Is Samoa Joe entering Rhino levels of getting his ass handed to him as a babyface? Once the two guys were wrestling it was fun, they use their counters and all their big moves. Some very close near-falls in the end, credit to Angle for not looking at the referee watching his hand. It helps the illusion of you know, this being an actual sporting contest.
Winner: Kurt Angle over Samoa Joe via Chair Shot!
That was TNA’s Hard Justice 2007, a pay per view where my interest in TNA is fading fast. Let’s recap: You begin with an exciting fast-paced match with X-Division wrestlers, balls to the wall. Getting noticed doing their thing to steal the show. Can turn my brain off and enjoy it with ease, we have an angle here though which makes this match ten times more important in my eyes as we are building to Daniels vs Lethal for the X-Division Championship at some point. Kaz vs Raven was bleh, fans did not care which made the match a tough sell. Finish was weak, let’s see what Kaz can do because Kaz was great at last month’s Victory Road. Storm vs Rhino had some nice brawling but I did not get the angle, they made it sound like Rhino was giving into his demons drinking beer and losing his mind/rational in the process. That does not really work for me, Rhino drank a bit and Gored himself through a table, a fairly regular occurrence for The Man Beast. What did this accomplish? Rhino still lost and Storm is a dickhead, no revenge or retribution so Rhino continues to be my candidate for consistent worst babyface of all-time.
LAX vs VKM went six minutes, that is four minutes too long. I do not want to see VKM after the awful Christy Hemme angle and LAX as babyfaces needing a restart to beat VKM is a bad look in my book. Roode vs Young should have ended months ago, Young loses but ends up winning in the end I guess. Looks like this will keep going, please God no, I have had enough of it. Black Reign goes over strong, Harris is decimated but it drags and loses the value in my eyes because of how prolonged the beatdown is, looking to see where they go from here. Steiners vs Team 3D is built around the Frankensteiner, the rest is slow and ugly. Cage match is a disappointment, I do not think Styles was even bleeding meaning they could not even follow their own complicated rules. Angle vs Joe was good, finish is meh and I wish they would have pulled the trigger on Samoa Joe months ago but sadly, we have this instead. Not a good pay per view from TNA, the opening match is worth but the rest is questionable. Very WCW like in that regard, thanks for reading and remember: there’s always another night!
Karen's date is none other than John Cena's cousin Tha Trademarc.ReplyDelete