Hello and welcome to another edition
of Seanomaniac Wrestling Reviews, the only wrestling review series that always
gives credit when reposting content! It’s WWF in Your House: A Cold Day In
Hell! Stone Cold Steve Austin challenges for the WWF Championship against The
Phenom, what a match that will be while we also see Ken Shamrock vs Vader,
Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs Flash Funk and Rocky Maivia vs Mankind. A debuting
Ken Shamrock and Stone Cold’s first main event in the WWF on PPV are too
interesting things to watch for sure, let’s see how they do. Not expecting much
based on the card but I could be wrong you never know!
Flash Funk vs
Hunter Hearst Helmsley W/ Chyna
Here comes Flash Funk back on WWF PPV
for the first time in a few months, Scorpio is a tremendous athlete that would
be mishandled by the American companies like WCW & WWF while getting a good
run in ECW and later in Pro Wrestling Noah. Meanwhile, Hunter Hearst Helmsley
is turning things around with Chyna by his side. Helmsley is hiding behind Chyna
and mocking Scorpio, I love it. Commentary puts over Chyna’s power and presence
at ringside, no Funkettes at ringside for Flash. Flash grabs a side headlock, shoulder
block and a big hip-toss with a dropkick. Ring sounds like trash, Flash works
the arm of The Blue Blood. Helmsley drops some elbows as Funk dodges and whips
Helmsley using his feet. Dropkick to the floor, springboard clothesline from
Flash.
Chyna takes out Flash with a
clothesline as Hunter is with the referee, Flash fights back with massive
rights, Flash lowers his head off an Irish whip and eats a face-buster and a
running high knee. Big chops in the corner, right hands and stomps from
Helmsley. Chyna decks Flash with a right hand for a close two, suplex and a
knee drop from Helmsley. Reverse chin-lock but Flash escapes with a kick to the
head, Helmsley regains control with a knee. Another running knee from Helmsley,
Funk is getting clubbed across the apron and Helmsley knees Funk who lands hard
on the ramp. Helmsley throws Funk back into the ring, Chyna stares on
menacingly. Helmsley tries a double axe handle with Flash blocking with a boot,
Flash is firing up oh they are coming alive for Flash with Helmsley being swept
off his feet.
Chops from Flash, back body drop and a
big clothesline from Flash. Flash starts calling for a springboard, sling-shot
leg drop with Chyna staring at Flash. Diving crossbody from Flash, Helmsley is
begging off for mercy. Rights and lefts from Flash, Helmsley eats a spinning
heel kick from Flash. Flash goes high, Helmsley crotches Flash on the top rope.
Massive belly to back suplex from Helmsley, Pedigree in the middle of the ring
and we have a winner!
Wow that was anti-climatic for sure, it
looked like a devastating belly to back suplex for sure but I didn’t think the
finish was coming at that point. Flash never has been given much in the WWF so
an opening match on an In Your House PPV is as good as its going to get for 2
Cold Scorpio. Chyna adds a new dynamic to Helmsley’s matches but hopefully with
the Mankind feud coming up soon, Hunter can become a more complete performer
who can capture my attention throughout his matches. Glad to see Helsmley back
on track but we still need more from Hunter!
Winner: Hunter
Hearst Helmsley over Flash Funk via Pedigree!
Mankind vs Rocky
Maivia
The deranged and demented Mankind
takes on the high-flying rookie Rocky Maivia with the crowd continuing to voice
their disapproval of the rising superstar. Wonder what will happen to this
struggling babyface eh? Mankind rocks back and forth as Rocky wants to start
this match, the referee holds back Rocky as Mankind continues to stall before
Rocky turns his back. Rocky lures Mankind in, back body drop and dropkick by
The Rock. Clothesline to the floor, Mankind drags out Rocky and begins smashing
Rocky. Back rake from Mankind, Rocky is slammed into the ring apron, Mankind
boots Rocky. Rocky reverses and Irish whip and lands a powerslam before missing
an elbow drop. Mankind gets caught in a hammerlock from Rocky, Rocky drives
knees into the back and arm of Mankind.
Big rights from Mankind, Rocky sweeps
the legs of Mankind. Mankind tosses Rocky to the floor, apron diving senton
from Mankind. Mankind tees off on Rocky with big rights, running corner knee
from Mankind. Mankind continues to dish out the punishment with big right
hands, Rocky dodges a corner splash but both men go down off a clothesline.
Rocky lands a Rock Bottom on the ramp
for a reaction from fans as this match continues to spill out over the arena.
Rocky throws Mankind in the ring for a close two, Mankind cannot stand when
whipped across the ring as Rocky continues to land right hands and scores big
with the belly to belly suplex for a close two. Mankind tries a kick before
nailing a discuss clothesline on Rocky. Small package from Rocky for two,
clothesline to the back of the head by Rocky. Rocky lands his shoulder-breaker
and calls for the end of the match, Rocky lands the crossbody or so we think as
Mankind rolls through with The Mandible Claw and Rocky passes out to the
devastating hold.
Again an almost lifeless match based
on the fans’ reaction who seem to be sick of Rocky Maivia but still not
reacting huge to Mankind either, they work hard inside of the ring but when
Rocky does not have the support of the fans and Mankind’s last resort is destroying
his body, we get a brutal looking Rock Bottom on the ramp but you are not
missing anything with this match either.
Winner: Mankind
over Rocky Maivia via Manidble Claw!
Ahmed Johnson vs
The Nation of Domination
This feud continues with Ahmed looking
to bury his feud with The Nation of Domination, Ahmed Johnson accepted this
challenge at last month’s PPV with Ahmed agreeing to take on the three main
members of The Nation of Domination. Now the crowd actually come alive for
Ahmed Johnson, this might be a lot of fun if Ahmed is allowed to just throw people
around left, right and centre. So, it shall be Crush vs Ahmed first as Gorilla
Monsoon has ordered the rest of The Nation to leave.
Right hands by Ahmed, Crush is down.
Scissors Kick from Ahmed, scoop slam from Ahmed. Crush dodges an elbow from
Ahmed, superkick from Crush. Clothesline from Crush for two, nerve-hold from
Crush. Ahmed lands a sit-out suplex for a close two, Crush manages to turn the
tide with a big sleeper. Ahmed fights out but eats a big knee to the ribs, The
Nation continue to watch from the ramp as Ahmed almost rolls up Crush with a
schoolboy for two. Crush lands a massive piledriver before deciding it’s Heart
Punch time. Ahmed counters for a spinning heel kick to the face, Crush has been
defeated.
Savio is up next who is limping to the
ring, Ahmed decks Savio with right hands, back body drop from Ahmed. Two for
Ahmed, clotheslines from Ahmed. Savio sends Ahmed to the buckle and lands his
spinning heel kick in the corner, Savio continues to club Ahmed with big right
hands to the ribs. Savio continues to stomp Ahmed and talking trash, big right
from Savio and kicks from The Nation member. Corner choke from Savio, snap-mare
into a nerve-hold. Ahmed fights back landing a big hip-toss, Ahmed goes to the
middle rope. Savio dodges the splash, Savio slaps the head of Ahmed. Ahmed
starts slugging it out though, big right hands with Savio missing a corner
splash. Belly to back suplex for two, massive powerslam for two. Ahmed calls
for the end, Savio rolls out of the ring.
Ahmed is in pursuit, Savio is running
away before nailing a massive superkick. Savio pushes down the time-keeper and
grabs a steel chair and Ahmed is nailed in the throat and head with a steel-chair.
Savio has been disqualified but the damage has been done as Savio waffles Ahmed
with the chair over and over in the ribs. Faarooq comes into the ring and paint-brushes
Ahmed over and over, small package by Ahmed for two. Right hand by Faarooq,
spinebuster from Ahmed who calls for the end. Pearl River Plunge from Ahmed,
Faarooq manages to kick out of the Plunge, Ahmed gets chop-blocked by Faarooq
and Faarooq delivers The Dominator for the win.
Well I get what they were going for,
Ahmed was exhausted and gave everything and Faarooq was too fresh to be put
down by The Pearl River Plunge but for Faarooq to pop right back up and
chop-block Ahmed and then nail his finish for the win, does that not show that
Ahmed’s Pearl River Plunge is useless? How could Faarooq pop up just like that?
How could the agent not see that this did no favours for Ahmed Johnson or
anybody involved in the match? I just can’t believe they let that happen to poor
Ahmed, I guess this feud is going to continue? How can I believe in Ahmed after
being utterly squashed like that by Faarooq and his finish being brushed off
like a slap to the head?
Winner: Faarooq
over Ahmed Johnson via Dominator!
(No Holds Barred
Match) Vader vs Ken Shamrock
Big reaction for the World’s Most
Dangerous Man, this match can only end by submission or knockout. We have Ken Shamrock
who worked in Pancrase and The UFC, building his legacy while Vader is no
stranger to this style of match wrestling in the UWFI against the likes of
Nobuhiko Takada and Gary Albright. Shamrock lands massive leg kicks to Vader,
Vader shoves off Shamrock. They square off again, Vader takes the back with
Shamrock blocking looking for the kimura. More leg kicks before Vader ties up
Shamrock in the corner, Shamrock is too quick for Vader though and escapes the
corner.
Shamrock takes the back, Vader is in
the ropes. More leg kicks and Shamrock takes the back, Vader is suplexed but
rolls to the floor. Vader comes back to the ring, landing a few shots before a
massive German from Shamrock. Elbows from Shamrock, forearms rock Vader who
rolls out a second time. Vader grabs Shamrock and headbutts Shamrock, rights
and lefts from Vader. Rolling heel hook from Shamrock but Vader scrambles to
the ropes as quick as lightning. Leg kicks and forearm shots from Shamrock,
front chancery from Shamrock but Vader shoves Shamrock back. Short-arm clothesline,
Fujiwara arm-bar from Vader. Shamrock counters looking for a cross arm-breaker
and transitions to a triangle hold. Vader struggles before throwing off Shamrock,
Vader suplexes Shamrock to the floor. Vader steps out to the floor and hurls Shamrock
into the steel steps, Shamrock tries fighting back before Vader ends that
flurry. Vader clubs Shamrock in the corner, hard Irish whip from Vader who
looks for an ankle-lock. Rear-naked choke from Vader but Shamrock rolls
through, Vader clubs Shamrock over and over again in the corner.
Vader Splash in the corner, scoop slam
from Vader. Vader wants a moonsault, Shamrock rolls out of the way, big kicks and
forearms from Shamrock. Knees and a powerslam, heel-hook from Shamrock but
Vader grabs the ropes. Kicks to the thigh, single leg Boston-crab from Shamrock
and Vader survives thanks to the ropes once more. Forearms and knees from
Shamrock, Vader answers with a massive forearm of his own, Vader stands over
Shamrock but Shamrock rolls into The Ankle Lock and Vader taps!
A positive debut for Shamrock, many
people know of Shamrock working stiff in this one and Vader clobbering Shamrock
in retaliation but this is a lot of fun, solid performance from Shamrock, it
looks as Shamrock will be a positive addition to the roster who the fans can
get behind if he continues to develop hi skills inside of the ring. Vader’s
inconsistent push continues in the WWF, cannot wait to enjoy Vader’s run in WCW
which will be viewed very soon on the site because I need to see Vader just destroy
bitches again.
Winner: Ken
Shamrock over Vader via Ankle-Lock!
(WWF Championship
Match) Stone Cold Steve Austin vs The Undertaker ©
The anti-hero Stone Cold Steve Austin
continues his rise to the top of the WWF, Austin defeated Bret Hart via DQ at
the last PPV when The British Bulldog smashed Austin with a steel chair in the
back of the head. The Undertaker has continued his reign of dominance since
defeating Sid by defeating old foe Mankind. The shadow of The Hart Foundation
looms large over this match as The Hart Foundation have purchased seats at
ringside for this special occasion. Can The Rattlesnake focus on The Phenom
with his nemesis Bret Hart at ringside?
Austin and Undertaker are staring one
another down when we see The Hart Foundation come down to ringside, Bret Hart
is in a wheelchair due to the attacks of Austin who damaged the knee of The Hitman.
Austin goes after Taker, right hands to the back and stomps in the corner.
Taker is being bounced around the ring before Taker decides it’s time to start
pummelling Austin. Austin grabs Owen Hart and starts hammering The Rocket while
Taker throws Austin into the steel steps. Taker nails Owen Hart and Davey Boy
for sitting at ringside, Austin attacks Taker upon re-entering the ring but
Taker lands his flying clothesline on Austin. Taker lands shoulder thrusts and
Old School for two, Austin eye-pokes Taker and grabs a side-headlock takedown.
They sit in the headlock before Austin
lands big right hands, shoulder block does not knock Taker so Austin goes back
to the side headlock takedown. Taker tries a belly to back suplex but Austin
flips out and chop-blocks Taker and goes after the leg with stomps before Taker
counters and pummels Austin with rights and lefts. Austin pulls down Taker and
wraps the knee around the ring-post, Taker pulls Austin into the ring-post but
Austin recovers first and drops all his weight on that leg. Knee to the face
from Austin, Austin continues working the leg with Taker struggling to free
himself from Austin’s control. Taker kicks off Austin and decides when
re-entering the ring, Taker is going to cripple Austin’s knee.
Austin fights his way out but Taker
takes down Austin again, single leg Boston crab from Taker. Austin escapes,
ducks a big boot and hammers the leg of Taker. Taker goes after Old School
again, Austin trips up Taker. Taker blocks the suplex sending Austin to the
mat, Austin dodges an elbow drop for two. Sleeper from Taker, jaw-breaker from
Austin to counter. Taker fires back with right hands, low blow from The Rattlesnake.
Taker answers with a low blow of his own, Chokeslam from The Phenom. Austin
rolls to the ropes, resourceful from Austin. Austin hot-shots Taker, Stone Cold
Stunner from Austin. Brian Pillman rings the bell distracting Austin and the referee,
Taker whips Austin and both men trade counters to The Tombstone before
Undertaker plants Austin for the win. The Hart Foundation destroy Taker, Bret
Hart is all alone as Austin attacks Bret and battles off The Foundation with The
Deadman. Austin nails Taker with a Stunner before walking off into the sunset.
The first big match between Austin and
Undertaker, it leaves me with the same feeling I have for all their encounters:
something is just missing. No matter when these two mixed it up, it was never a
top match with Austin admitting so when looking back on their matches. The
knee-work from both never really goes anywhere and while Austin may not be your
typical babyface, the crowd is split only truly happy when Austin & Taker
batter The Hart Foundation. The whole match you are left wondering how The Hart
Foundation are going to interfere and to their credit I thought having Pillman
ring the bell throwing everything into chaos was a good way to go about it, the
finish was also nice with the drama of the Tombstone. Fittingly, Austin’s loss
is pretty much an afterthought as Austin clears out The Hart Foundation with Taker
and stuns The Deadman.
Winner: The
Undertaker over Stone Cold Steve Austin via Tombstone!
That was WWF’s In Your House: Cold Day
In Hell, a largely disappointing PPV from the WWF. With the rise of Austin and
the likes of Helmsley and Mankind continuing to grow their characters, the
roster is looking in better shape but the action is still dragging for me in
the year of 1997. I think interesting things are happening but the matches are
not hitting the spot, I think some of the matches on this card could have been
right at home on RAW or Shotgun Saturday Night. I don’t think Helmsley and Funk
was very good, same with Rocky vs Mankind. There was no tag team matches on the
card, no use of Owen or Davey Boy and Taker vs Austin just never does it for
me. The product is getting better, they are in a better position than they were
in 95 or 96 but it’s just not hitting that sweet spot, it’s not delivering or
firing on all cylinders. I’ve covered at least half of 97’s PPVs at this point
and I am curious to see how things will change with HBK’s return and the
mid-card acts like Shamrock, Rock, Mankind and HHH finding their groove plus
the debut of Kane but right now, I need more from the WWF. Thanks for reading and
remember: there’s always another night!
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